This is an extremely confusing story, and I am still not entirely certain what the *point* of it is. If this is supposed to be serious military science fiction readers are going to be put off by the frequent detours into non-consensual, fairly graphic human-and-Elite sex scenes; people coming to it to read about human-and-Elite noncon (not anywhere near 'my thing', but I try not to be judgemental and the summary *does* warn what the story contains) will find themselves wading through pages and pages of adequate but painfully uninteresting firefights.

If this is supposed to be a fetish-fic it needs to be *much* more compact (possibly shrunken down to just one chapter) and much less repetitive, and at the end of the day it would indeed still *be* a human/Elite dub-con fetish 'fic which very few people are going to want to read. And as much as I am trying to not be judgemental of that I still think the topic is not at all well-handled here, if it could ever be said to be handled well at all.

If this is supposed to be a serious military epic obviously the rape angle (still have a hard time typing that with a straight face, but whatever) needs to be dropped or heavily sidelined and there needs to be some sort of sense of forward motion or accomplishment of measurable objectives by the characters.

There are other somewhat nitpicky issues I could take with the story, but compared to the above they really aren't even worth discussing.

hey btw its ponder, not pounder

Don't know how i got here but this story was awesome!

I loved it
Good story
Thank you

I will not reduce my self to reading this chapter consider this my complete loss of respect for you.
there is a reason why marines become marines.
THERE THE BEST.
you insult every one of them with this story I hate flaming especially on writers who put so much effort into writing
this is wrong and I hope one day you see that

no offense but he wouldn't have given a FUCK what gender IT was unless you explain that the consensual raping REALLY fucked him up.
and also he was getting ready to kill himself so why would he care about anything.
AND ALSO
marines who are allowed to have these"death stashes" or fucking any one for that matter would have been trained to resist torture to an offensive degree. so that they could get another opportunity to kill them selves. so basically non of this is even realistic.
I don't give a fuck if it's a game you unconsciously relating this to real soldier pow and by having a militarily related name you are essentially representing the marines whatever your intentions maybe and I know eight marines would be offended by the idea of such a pussy shit faggot who would tell any foreign representative any thing more then his name number and for them to go fuck themselves.

this poor work.
just plane lazy writing
I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true you can't just expect someone to like a fiction based on what it's about you have to right a story like making a resume it's got to stand out from the pile of shit readers have to shift thorugh on a daily basis and if the first thing a reader see is lazty writing, then there is no reason to keep reading try harder 8 [

late or not these chapters need to be edited to remove the repetitive grammatical errors you continue to make.
don't you have spell check?
what ever the case prereading should definetly have been done and then read by a friend would have topped it off.

Lucky wee bastard xD

good job

Damn... Revenge is a dish best served cold, eh?

Nice epilogue,quite surprised that McKnight would allow Vilan to join the UNSC.
Look Forward to read his story,hope he also gets the same experience as Jones in and out of the battlefield.

Exceptional chapter,loved beginning part was good and light heart.
Fooled me in to thinking it would be a good end,but in the ending got off guard by the twist.
Bravo man,never thought you would do that to was your character and protagonist of this story.
Jones had a good overall character development,and was enjoyable to read.

Jones would stick out like a sore thumb in the Sangheili planet,never thought of Jones to be a farmer type.
Good Chapter,and the awkwardness which Jones showed while staying in Hanamee's place is nice touch.

Well that was quite unexpected,the action sequence was nice and i guess,expected more fights and battles and probably betrayal by the the victory is still good and never thought that Jones would tell his experience in sole 7 to the expected to take Hamanee's offer good chapter.