A very touching piece that taps into the darker side of Pokemon's competitive overtones.

Oh wow. This one-shot is quite deep.

I enjoyed this plenty! I enjoyed the use of language and the fact that you use it to your advantage to describe. An example would be right at the beginning. I love how you describe the counter as "enamelled surface" as opposed to "Silver grabbed the counter in disappointment." No, you show, not tell and that is very important. You show Silver's disappointment in himself through his actions. his hands shake and he quivers. Well done.

Also, the emotions you're able to convey and keep it in till the end is done nicely. This connects back to my earlier comment on how you show his emotions instead of telling it.

As for the characters, I enjoy how you keep Gold and Silver quite realistic (and keep them as guys, not have them act super girly). For example, in their fight scene, they both shared a good number of fists at each other. I read in a writer's advice journal that as guys, feeling the urge/actually fighting is something that should always be kept in mind while writing from a male's perspective because there is that aggression inside. Of course, not all male's have this but this is just the stereotypical story type male we're talking about and I notice how they both don't hesitate to revert to it.

There's not a whole lot I would say needs to be fixing since I usually focus more on character development/character traits and usage of language (with the whole show not tell thing). Plus, this is a one-shot. I guess the only thing I would say to add is perhaps establish a setting. For example, where are they fighting? Where do they meet? Small details, yes, but it helps to give readers a better visual of the place.

Other than that, this is definitely going to my favourites. Keep up the hard work! This is very enjoyable.

iiSarahJaxii
if you wish to contact me through , that's my account (shared with a friend.) It won't sign me in so I have to review like this. Sorry