Please update

Great finish! It leaves a ton of threads and possibilities for the sequel to follow up on while also making a very natural end point and resolution to the main crisis.

Aside from the typographical and perspective errors already discussed in my two previous reviews, the only problem I found with these chapters is Emma's ability to tell exactly how many months pregnant she is; without an ultrasound or other medical resources I don't see how she might manage better than a rough guess.

The encounter with the jaguars was intense, particularly the scene where Emma and Diana find Dean lying on the ground. Of course Dean has fought jaguars before, both in the movie and in this fic, but the timing with Emma being eight months pregnant and their already having a baby to take care of makes this a dread-filled sequence. In fact I think you missed an opportunity for some good dramatic tension by skimming over Dean's recovery. You really played on my fears for Dean, Emma, and family's well-being.

The child-reading is well-done. I wish you had gone into more detail on this part of the story, but at least everything that's there is realistic and heartwarming in a completely understated way. The kids are always there with Emma and Dean, not just shoved into the background like they usually are in the-heroes-have-children fics. Heck, Diana even helped find Dean when he was hurt! Love it.

Having Dean and Emma's rescue told indirectly, through the phone call to the Robinson's is a great stroke. A magnificent and emotional closer.

It took me a while to get to these chapters, but not for lack of interest, I assure you. The pace of this fic continues to be strong and I'm liking the plot developments.

There seem to be even more errors in these chapters, most notably in the chapter 9 lemon, where the POV and tense keep switching between first-person and third-person, past and present. It reads very oddly and makes it sound like Dean and Emma are having a menage a trois with another guy (especially when it happens mid-sentence, e.g. "he gave one last lick to her clit and I positioned myself at her opening").

Your depiction of childbirth is very well done. Not overlong but you captured a fair amount of the difficulty and gore of an out-of-hospital childbirth. Dean and Emma got a bit lucky in how well it went, but they deserve to catch a break now and then.

There's no need to repeat the last couple of paragraphs from a preceding chapter in a current one. Readers can easily "flip back" to the previous chapter if the need arises. Also, it's redundant to keep saying "This is a really short chapter" at the beginning when all 17 chapters thus far have been short, and chapter length isn't that important anyway.

Dean's initially negative reaction to the naming of Diana is a great character stroke, a very Dean moment. The issue of his Mom is a sore when even when it's Emma he's talking to. That chapter all in all is beautifully moving without being excessively sentimental. You mostly leave the characters' feelings understated, so a chapter where feelings are explored in-depth makes a nice occasional change of pace. The marriage chapter served this purpose nicely as well.

The chapters back home are great too. They're emotionally intense but I didn't find them overwhelming. The characters all deal with their grief in their own unique way, and life moves on with or without them. It's good stuff, very much in keeping with the spirit of the film.

Emma's second pregnancy makes a compelling cliffhanger surprise. It really caught me off guard... though that's partly because earlier in the chapter you indicated that Emma had been resting up after childbirth, so the impression I got was that she hadn't even had sex. For that matter, it's a bit funny that this fic has had four lemons so far, all of them Dean/Emma, yet the reader isn't privy to either of the sexual encounters which made Emma pregnant.

Anyway, it's still a great plot idea, especially now that you've pointed out how much worse it is for Dean and Emma's children to be stranded on the island than it is for Dean and Emma themselves to be stranded. Even if nothing bad happens to them or their parents, they're going to grow up without any friends or normal social interaction. It's a tough situation for teenage parents to face, and tension like that is what makes good fiction.

This starts off very shaky but is shaping up to be one of the best Blue Lagoon fics out there. Possibly even **the** best, because I have yet to read a better one. Mixing the characters and backstory of The Awakening with the child rearing and long-term island stay of the original film is a natural idea which has thus far been played effectively and with a patient pace.

The main thing that put me off in the beginning was the revised scenes from the movie. Replacing Emma's dialogue which implied she was having her period with her saying she'd missed her period seems unnecessary given that you're going to keep them on the island for five years - why not just stick to the canon and have Emma get pregnant a little bit later on? More importantly, the fact that you didn't change the rest of the scene to account for Emma's statement makes the scene really bizarre. "I think I'm pregnant." "Well, I don't want kids right now." "Yeah, I understand. Man, I wish I had some toothpaste."

Another bizarre part is Dean claiming he and Emma have sex "four or five times a day". First of all, without getting into the gory details, the human body can't keep up that rate of sexual intercourse for more than a day or two. Even three times a day would be stretching the bounds of reality. Second, Dean's comment about not wanting to "take advantage of" Emma in the previous chapter becomes really odd if they're having sex multiple times a day as a matter of course.

As I said, though, things pick up from there. After the size of those missteps in the first couple chapters, I was very surprised at how consistently well you handle the affection between Emma and Dean. No sentimental speeches, no over-the-top romantic gestures, precious little lovey-dovey stuff... just the two of them comfortable with each other and caring about each other.

The lemons are exceptionally well-done. Some of the best I've read. They're genuinely sexy without cheapening the relationship between the characters, and despite the fact that all three are between the same two characters, at the same phase of their relationship, in more-or-less the same location, and do not use any unconventional positions, roleplay, etc., each one feels different. They also capture an important theme of the film, that while for Dean the sex is simply a matter of Emma being a sexy woman who he's in love with, for Emma it's also a release from the stresses of their life on the island.

Just to get one last criticism out of the way, every chapter so far is full of errors, and not common ones. Key words are supplanted by ones with similar spelling but unrelated meaning ("checks" instead of "cheek", "what" instead of "want"), or are even outright missing. If you read chapters aloud before posting them I believe you'll catch most of these errors.

You do a terrific job with the survival stuff, the repurposing of natural resources for tools, shelter, etc. Emma's plans for the house are both charming and practical, and it's all handled with a fair amount of realism and creativity. Little touches like Dean gradually waking up earlier in the morning also help make the whole story feel real.

Lots of great little scenes like the finding of the clothes suitcase. It adds a bit of color to the story, though part of me looks forward to Emma and Dean having to rely on loincloths. The chapter set back in civilization has some great emotionalism, and was well-timed.

The scene with the jaguar had me genuinely fearful for Emma's sake - well done there. The scene is intense and brutal. Emma's recovery from the sickness seemed a bit sudden but was satisfying nonetheless, and I really like how she got to do everything she had been wanting to upon getting better. Looking forward to where this goes from here!

good story!

cute!

girl maybe?

good start!

Please update

Emma is pregnant again

Diana McMullen

They have sex

They have sex again

They had sex

Dean and emma have diannas tein brothers