great work bruh 10/10 would read again!

James and Cortez's friendship has always been great!

Aww sweet beginning.

Finally! The Normandy crew, I was getting worried about them! Glad to hear most survived expect for EDI. I am always sad when she dies.

I'm sensing a Tali and Garrus romance. I always thought that seemed a little forced, but defiantly something fun you can progress post ME3. Like I've said before the dialog can be spiced up a bit, but their convo is cute. Don't forget Garrus is a techie, so when Tali talks tech he'll understand it.

Also, you might want to make a break where the different conversations are. It'll be easier to read, and it'll flow better.

It's nice that Liara comforts Joker. It seems pretty perfect. She's lost a lot and has grown so much since the first ME. I personally think out of all the characters in ME that she is the one that grows and changes the most.

It's great that you showed Treynor doing what she was hired to do. Her and Kelly always seem to be forgotten when it comes to fanfiction. I think they are great additions to stories.

Tali says 'I'm a quarian' twice, I know they have different meaning behind them, but it doesn't flow very well.

I love Jarvik and the way he talks to everyone. He's so damn funny. It's nice you added that shard bit with him.

There's a bit with James that doesn't sound like him 'you got no idea how quickly my heart was racing'. That really doesn't sound like anything he would say. Everything else about the convo is great and I love James and Cortez's relationship, it's gold!

I am really glad you bounce around and show what everyone is doing in the MEverse. It'll really expand your story and let you do a lot of fun things. Great job!

Your dream sequence is really interesting. The description is really vivid. I would have tried to split it up a little. Block paragraphs can be difficult to read. I would also say 'pitch black' instead of 'jet black'. 'Jet black' reads awkwardly. I know you have pitch black down in another sentence, but you can describe the scene then. Say something like 'it was dark, so much so I couldn't see my hand in front of my face'. Something like that. Just my option though, as always you don't have to do anything I suggest.

Also, I don't think you mean 'livid' when Shepard is describing the dream to Miranda. 'Vivid'? is that the word you were thinking of? Livid is either a way to describe a color, an angry feeling or discolored bruise. Hope that helps.

Interesting that you want them to open the Cerberus. I really like that idea. Turn the company into what it was really meant to be rather than what it was. However, there may be credibility problems with using the name. After years of being known as the bad guy company do you think that people would believe in it again? Are they still going to be a 'human only' group?

I enjoy the relationship between Oriana and Miranda, it's very sweet. It'll also be nice to see those old faces in the story too. Wonder where they are and what their doing...

Sorry it took me longer to get to these chapters than I thought, but I should have them all read and reviewed by the end of the week.

In the first paragraph you write 'I didn't get any visitors' the 'get' is awkward. I was say 'I didn't receive any visitors'. I enjoy how you describe the hospital, very well done.

I feel like the conversation between the doctor and the Commander is a little flat. Like I had said before describing what the characters are doing or feeling makes them jump out at ya, like their real and you can see them. However, I enjoy seeing the Minoir story on another character. Makes me believe that more than the Commander can survive that raid.

Personally I think you may have rushed the part between the Commander leaving the hospital and than ending up in Vancouver. I would think that he would be so happy to be in the sunshine and fresh air after being cooped for so long.

I think it's great that you let Shepard retire. He needs a break man! It'll be sweet to see Miranda, her sister and Shepard acting like a family.

I am curious as to what you plan on doing with the mess left behind on the Citadel. I have been wondering what would actually happen to it after it turned into a huge laser gun and everything on it was killed.

I have to ask you how do you think Shepard got back to Earth after being on the Citadel? I've heard a lot of different theorizes about this, some of the strange, haha.

Hope this helps you and I will continue with your story.

Trish

A great start to this fic. I love coming out of the woodwork with a bang like that! You could even go further if you wanted too. Really make the reader feel like they were in that fire with Shepard, like their flesh was being melted and ripped off from the bone. You could totally give someone a great mental picture if you just expanded that part (IMO).

At first glance I can't see any grammatical or punctuation errors, but I can be pretty bad about noticing them sometimes. I would have to look at this chapter in my Word doc if you want me to fix those.

There is one thing that I know many writers, including myself, have an issue with and that is the 'he said' 'she said' thing. I think (IMO) that they are used too often without description. And what I mean about that is when people are having a convo, they aren't just talking, they are moving their hands, bodies, scrunching their faces, shifting their eyes ect. So when you have people in convo sometimes its nice to read what you think the person is doing during the convo, it really sets the whole scene better.

I hope that is what you are looking for. Please let me know if you want me to continue with your story and if anything I've said helps you. I am really big on setting the scene if you can't tell. haha. Have a great day!

"Esteban... I mean this in the most platonic, friend-oriented way possible, but... I love you, man,"
That sounds exactly like how i handled it in game.

I thoroughly enjoy post ending stories, and yours is probably one of the best in this site. Please keep on with the great writing!

Very impressed, great flow, excited for the rest of it!

Very promising story, I like what I've read so far - so many possibilities are before you and it's good to see another Shep/Miri story especially a post ending one.

I like that your Shep is retiring from the service and starting a new chapter of his life with Miranda because after everything Shep has been through he deserves a life of peace with Miri and the fact that you're including the rest of the gang in your story too is a bonus and will provide some great moments.