Hot and steamy and they'll be bitten to death for it by Hibari. XD

Regards
Lunary

I wonder, what would happen if Hibari walked in when they do... that.

yeaiyei yeah this was a nice one-shot easy and fun to read, thank you for writing it please keep at it:)

I like it! **

cute story _

Prostate****

/Randomly discovers this at 11.42pm
I...need to stop my nightly reading.
I was looking for 1827 but I found this (I don't know how either-)
Welp.
Well.
It's still a job well done.
.w.
Oyasumi nee-chan

Haha this is cute

Hello,

This is pretty much a PWP, indeed. Not that I have any complains about it. Nyahahaha. I love the whole smex in the hot spring. It's very naisu. And I do think you portrayed the whole hot spring very well. So it's a good one. What I really love in this story is of course, the smexiness in it. A/w/A

My favorite part in the story is when Tsuna is rewarding Takeshi, saying something like, "Shush, Boss is rewarding you." Nyahahaha. I just love that! Love it so much! Dominative Uke TYL!Tsuna is so smexy. I love how you put them in deprivation. I can practically imagine their faces writhing in agony. It's like Tsuna is saying something like, "Just fck me now dammit!"

I love the smexy lines between them. The whole boss calling, Tsuna had a thing for dominance (Though I prefer if Yamamoto called him with Decimo instead of boss, somehow it sounds smexier for me) I love how they're battling for dominance. Just like this story. Nyahaha. I really like this feisty TYL!Tsuna. He's not the crying over nothing uke anymore. He's bolder and much more experienced in it. Haha. Oh, and also, the line when Tsuna said the water is coming inside him is also very naisu. A/w/A You did a really great job on that.

The last part is just so romantic too. Falling down after finishing smex, hugging and then saying I love you. Kyahahaha. I can totally imagine that happening!

About the way you write a lemon, hmm, I love the choice of words that you use to describe their lemony scene. It's versatile and it makes the story to be described perfectly. It feels like watching a video, you know. It's so good. Nyahahaha. Gah, I wonder how to make it versatile like that. Maybe experience-talking here? Though, at times, you can be rather repetitive. Example, the coll in his stomach. It gets repeated like two or three times. But it's okay. No big deal.

The only stuffs that I'm kind of regretting is the pace of the smut is rushed. And, the good climax part is also kind of hanging. Example, you put like only 5 sentences till Tsuna reached his climax. I think it's better and smexier if you lead it slowly, like for example, set the mood first. Like making dialogues like, "Ahh.. Takeshi.. I'm close..." And then Takeshi replied something like, "Mmm. Come for me, Tsuna" Something like that. It can make the story smexier. And give more impact rather than, simply telling us that Tsuna spurted his liquid. Also, at the climax part, you can also make them saying something like, "C-coming!" or "Aaah! Takeshi /Tsuna!" Because it's the major point of a lemony story.

Also, avoid putting brackets for further explanations. You never really see something like that in an actual novel, don't you? It makes the story less professional.

Lastly...

The usage of "prostrate". If you are referring to the male organ that has lots of nerve bundles on behind it, then you what you mean is "prostate". I'm not a grammar Nazi. I don't even care of it and I know I also make lots of mistakes. But yeah. This one is kind of _

But anyway! You did a very good job in this! I kind of see that it's a little bit rushed, but I'm very grateful that despite your business, you are still trying to write a story with 8027 pairing! Yey! Thank you very much dear author! As a huge hardcore 8027 fan, I'm really happy with this. Not to mention them smuts. A/w/A

Really hope you will write more and more 8027 stories! Hehehe!

Sincerely,

8027forever

"Well, he thought, whoever that is." I think you mean wherever. :D
"nice Lon soak in the..." I'm sure you can see the mistake here. :P
"... still dangling in the warmth water." Awkward phrasing.
... I hate the fact that we can't copy/paste from the fic anymore. So hard to type the lines

Anyways
O/O OwO Urm Urm Urm *blushes madly*
I c-can see all the improvement /w/ Thank you 3 (Though you still aren't going to catch me writing one any time soon :P)
3 8027! :D :D :D :D
Hibari... urm... Reborn is gonna tell him huh? (Wouldn't be surprised if he had taped them since it seemed that he was in on the plan).
(Ok I should stop spamming everywhere :P)

Ganbatte in all your writings and uni :D

Woohoo! Steam steam love, alright! XD
Damn this was hot lol. Really well done. :D

Awww this was sweet and smutty :) good job!

pretty cute little story. liked the dialogue and ending.

I love it Take-kun is such a bad boy ... Tsu-chan too

Ciao Ciao

Angie-chan-s out ... because of a massive nosebleed

That whole scene gave me heat stroke! I loved it!