Ch 163

They paced the room for over an hour. The Doctor held her through pain when it surged up and let her lean on him as he massaged her lower back. She gripped him tightly, knees giving out during a particularly bad contraction. He murmured sweet nothings to her as he made sure she didn't fall.

By that time, Vastra had returned to the room, helping out in any way she could.

River pressed her face into his shoulder, a low moan echoing from her throat. "Perhaps it's time to sit now." He suggested quietly.

"We need to check her dilation." Vastra moved to help her lie down.

"Alright. Here, come hold her hand." He moved to switch places with Vastra.

Vastra moved up to River's side, taking her hand and stroking back her hair. "Lift your knees." The direction was aimed towards River. River lifted her knees so he could examine her properly.

The Doctor spent a silent moment checking her dilatation. "Six and a half." He said, a bit relieved that things weren't progressing fast. River nodded, reaching for his hand again. "Does Jack know anything about Missy's whereabouts?" He asked Vastra, taking his wife's hand.

She nodded, "He ran into her in the hallway before getting in here, though he managed to escape without getting killed this time."

He slumped his shoulders. "So she could be close to us."

Vastra nodded once more, "It's possible."

He sighed, worriedly. "The TARDIS... she'll protect us. She has to."

River whimpered, leaning forward slightly. The Doctor moved closer to her. "I've got you."

"Talk to me." She breathed, "Talking helps."

He paused a moment for thought. "I'm going to take him to the zoo when he turns one."

"For his first birthday?" She smiled weakly.

"Yes." He confirmed. "The zoo on Doch'remi where it's just birds and they arrange them by color."

"I love that zoo." She squeezed his hand, "You- you took me there."

"I remember. For our 55th anniversary." He murmured nostalgically.

"Which one of our anniversaries was your favorite?" She asked, squeezing her eyes shut as the pain grew worse.

"I can't pick one, love. Does our wedding day count as one?" He smiled softly. "Here, lie on your side."

Vastra helped her onto her side and River replied, "Well, not really. Which one of our weddings was your favorite?"

"All the ones you were at, of course." He bopped her nose and nodded to Vastra who began to massage River's back.

River moaned, holding the Doctor tighter, "I-I'm not ready to have the baby."

"You have a few more hours, River." He tried to assure, but there really wasn't anything to make it better.

"I don't want to have the baby, not today." She shook her head.

"It's too late." He sat on next to her again, holding her close to him. "I'm so, so sorry."

She buried her face into him, "I don't want to die."

"I don't want you to die, either." He echoed, holding his breath. He needed her not to die. She whimpered in pain again, sweat trickling down her back.

He moved away for a moment, wetting a rag with cool water, then returning and running it over her forehead and neck. She leaned into the feeling of the cloth, the cool temperature feeling good against her fevered skin.

"Focus on what's happening now. Focus on breathing. Don't think about what's going to happen, just think about Arthur, alright?"

"You said he was in distress before, is he still in distress?" She asked.

"Not at the moment. I was able to regulate his circulation, that's what the device on your side is for." He explained, fingers ghosting over the side of her face.

"I just want him to be okay." She whispered, turning her head into his hand.

"He will be. I'll make sure of it." There was no way he was going to lose them both. A few tears rolled down her cheek, and she closed her eyes to keep the rest from coming.

He lay down properly next to her again. "Where do you think we should take him when he turns two, huh?"

She shook her head, unable to think of anything to say.

"Somewhere he and the girls can play, maybe. He'll be walking by then." He hoped he was doing an okay job as being her distraction.

She nodded, not saying anything.

"He'll probably tell me where he want's to go." He murmured. He talked on for a while, trying to ramble about anything to take her mind of things. It was mostly about Arthur. He gave her lots of opportunities to add a thought or say something, hoping it might help.

As the time passed, River's labor only grew harder. It was becoming quite obvious that she was struggling. After another dilation check, it was confirmed that she'd be pushing within the hour.

"Perhaps we should bring the girls in." Vastra suggested. It would be their last chance.

River nodded, wanting to see her daughters. Vastra left to get them. "I don't know what I'm going to say to them." River whispered, gripping the Doctor's hand tightly.

"...We could tell them." He suggested, not seeming to be behind the idea. "Or just talk to them."

"I don't want them to know." She whispered.

"Alright. Then we won't tell them yet." He rubbed her arm. She nodded, trying to hold back tears.

He squeezed her hand as the girls ran in, still bubbling with excitement. "Is he here yet? Is he here yet?"

"Not yet, my sweets. But he'll be here very, very soon." She gave them a smile. "What have you been doing?"

"We made cards and we played 'house' with my dolls and we played pretend and we drew lots and lots!" Freya replied, unable to stand still.

"Well that sounds like lots of fun." River smiled, holding her hand.

"Why is it taking so long?" Amelia pushed.

"Well, babies take quite a long time to come. Sometimes they take days." River pulled Amelia close enough so that she could kiss her forehead.

"Aw, but that's so long!" She complained.

"I know, but your baby brother is coming very soon. He'll probably be here in a few hours."

"Remember, he'll still be very little, so you can't play with him like you do with each other, but you'll be able to hold him." The Doctor reminded.

"Like we held the kitties, we know." Freya nodded. Toby trotted into the room, sitting beside River.

"Yes, but Arthur will make me... and Mummy very busy." He added.

"What do you mean?" She asked, tilting her head.

"Babies need a lot of taking care of. They have to be fed, bathed, changed... there's a lot of work to take care of them, so Mummy and I will be extra busy." He explained. "But since you two are big sisters now, you can help if you want."

Both girls nodded, "We can help!"

He smiled softly. "Good. I'll be counting on it. I know you'll be the best big sisters you can be."

"Toby came to see Mummy too. He was playing with us." Amelia pointed to the dog.

"Toby quite likes Mummy." He observed.

"Do you like Toby?" She asked River.

"Yes, I like him very much. I think he's a good dog." She nodded.

"I bet my baby brother with love him, too!" Amelia cheered.

River laughed weakly, "I'm sure he will."

"Can we bring them both to school for show and tell?" Freya asked.

"I don't think so, my love. I don't think your teacher will allow it." She whispered.

"Aw, why not? If we get her permission, can we? Pretty please?" She did puppy dog eyes, joined in by her sister.

"We'll see when he comes." She put the conversation off.

Freya nodded, deeming it a fair compromise. "Can I feel?"

"Of course, my love." She beckoned her over, adjusting her position on the bed so the girl could feel the baby.

She frowned. "Feels different."

"That's how it feels when it's time for the baby to co-augh!" River groaned, having been hiding her pain until this point.

Freya drew her hand away, startled. River's groan continued, pressing her head into the pillows of the bed. The girls retreated to Vastra's legs, holding her skirts. "What's wrong with Mummy?"

"When it's time to have a baby, it can hurt a bit. Don't worry, she'll be fine. The pain just means your brother is coming." She comforted them, though part of that statement was a lie.

"How do we make her feel better?"

"We just have to give her some space, she's okay." Vastra turned to lead the girls out of the room again. Toby stayed there, sitting on the floor and looking up at the pair in the bed.

River continued to groan, clutching onto the Doctor. "I'm sorry"

"Don't apologize." He held her.

"I love you." She whimpered, pressing her face into his neck.

He melted to her. "I love you more than I could hold in my hearts." Though the Axtelon wasn't in full effect to save her, it was still enough to make her contractions longer.

Her whimper continued for another few seconds before she was finally about to relax. "...If you look back on it, your time with me I mean, what was your favorite part?"

"I don't know." She shook her head, "There's too many to choose."

"I agree." He murmured, but thought about it. "...When you came home for the Library..."

"Really?" She asked softly, looking up at him.

He met her eyes. "For almost all the time I've known you, I knew you were going there. I knew what was going to happen there, and I knew I couldn't stop it. Every moment, no matter how joyous or how painful, there was a clock ticking away my time with you. I thought I was going to lose you for ever, that night on Darillium... but then you came home."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She felt horrible that after he was finally relieved, he was just going to lose her all over again.

"Not your fault. It's was never your fault." He said back.

"It is, it is my fault. I'm sorry."

"There's nothing you can do now." He breathed. "Every moment I've had with you since then has been a blessing to me."

She swallowed, closing her eyes to hide her tears. "Spending my life with you has been a blessing.

He didn't want to say it was over, or even think it for that matter. "I'm glad you think so."

She groaned again, "It's getting worse."

"Do you need to push?"

"Yes." She nodded.

"How badly?" He asked worriedly.

"Badly." She gripped his hand, trying to hide the fright in her eyes.

"Just hang in there a mo'." He tried to look assuring, or at least not like he was going to panic. "Vastra?" He called.

"What is it?" She called back, coming back towards the medbay.

"It might be time to push. I need to check her dilation again." Toby whimpered from the floor, turning in an anxious circle .

Vastra's face fell and she quickly hurried into the room, "I can do it, you stay by her side." He nodded in silent appreciation and navigated to sit behind River rather than next to her.

River leaned back against him as Vastra checked her. "I-I-I have to push."

"Not yet, River. Wait a moment." He took her hands.

She shook her head, squeezing his hands, "I can't wait, I can't."

Vastra looked up, "Doctor, I can feel his head."

"I have to push." River stated again, though it was evident by the tenseness of her body that she already had started.

Vastra gave the go ahead when the Doctor couldn't find the voice to. "Bear with the contraction."

"I'm am." She growled through clenched teeth, though the task of pushing was proving to be quite difficult due to her illness.

Vastra encouraged her through the bout of pain, keeping an eye on all of the monitors. River could hardly lean forward, her whole body already coated in sweat.

"Alright, stop." Vastra held her hand up. Her body went limp compared to the intensity it was just in. She leaned back against the Doctor, still holding his hands tightly.

Vastra patted her knee. "Save your strength for a few minutes."

The Doctor managed one hand to get free to wipe the cloth over her forehead again. "You're doing great."

"I don't know if I'll be able to do this. I don't know if I can finish." She shook her head.

"You can." The Doctor urged. "I know you can. Keep going."

"Will I get to hold him?" She asked quietly.

"I don't know yet." He said honestly.

"That's all I want. All I want is to hold him." She whispered.

He wanted so much more. "Try to stay strong then. Try to keep going."

She nodded, her back arching as the pain started again. "Push!" Both Vastra and the Doctor said together.

"Naughh!" She shouted, clenching the Doctor's hands as she struggled to lean forward, using all the strength to push.

He leaned forwards with her, helping to give her leverage. "That's it, you can do it." She nodded, her body trembling from the effort she was putting in.

This went on for hours with minimal progress. River was growing more and more tired and had begun to bleed, slowly for now.

Vastra announced any progress that was made and more than a few concerns about the blood. River would probably be bleeding more heavily if Arthur wasn't in the way. "A few more pushes, the head will be out."

It was only getting harder for River, but she fought on with the hope that she would get to hold her son. She bore down with the next few contractions, crying out and giving them her very best effort.

"He's almost here." The Doctor murmured, in all ways terrified.

"I know." She nodded, her eyes half close.

"Keep going, River."

"I'm trying." She breathed.

"Stop." Vastra spoke up, tone alarmed.

River immediately stopped, falling back into the Doctor's arms again. "Vastra... what's wrong?" The Doctor held River close. River pressed her forehead to the Doctor's jaw, looking at Vastra for an answer.

"It's the cord." She muttered.

River's hearts stuttered, "What? What do you mean?" She demanded, even though she already knew what her friend was going to say.

"It's around his neck." Vastra looked very focused on what she was doing.

"No, no no no. He has to be okay. He's going to be okay, right?" She looked up at her husband, eyes swimming in worry and fear.

"Just give me a moment. Don't push, don't move." Vastra instructed, reaching for the scissors and clamps. All the Doctor could do was squeeze his wife's hands.

"Okay." She whispered, squeezing back, her hearts pounding, praying that their child would be alright.

"Don't push, don't push." Vastra kept muttering as she worked on freeing Arthur from the cord.

Another long moment dragged out before the clank of the scissors being set down. "Push now, River." Vastra quickly said. "We've got to get him out, now."

River gathered up all the strength she had, pushing with as much force as possible. "Ungh!" She groaned as pain seared through her body.

The baby's shoulders began to surface. "Just a few more, don't stop."

Everyone in the room was tense, not exactly in the way River was forced into, but the anticipation of her death inching closer was deafening. River let out a strangled sob, falling back, "I can't do it anymore. I'm sorry I can't."

"You have to." Vastra urged. "One more."

"I can't do it." She shook her head.

"River, please." The Doctor murmured at the shell of her ear. "Arthur needs you now. You have to do it for him. One more, love, just one more."

She nodded, "Okay, okay." She resumed her pushing, giving it her all.

The Doctor held his breath, the moment playing out in slowed time before Arthur finally was forced from River's body and into Vastra's waiting arms. A very concerning amount of red followed Arthur out, no doubt all of it from River.

There was another tense few seconds of Vastra muttering something, her focus on the baby, until a wail was produced from the little boy as loud as his new lungs could make it.

Put me back! Put me back! Put me back!

River let out a sob and a smile spread across my face, "My baby's crying. That's my baby."

Vastra quickly wrapped him in a towel and placed him on River's chest, knowing that with the bleeding not slowing, she had only minutes. "Hello. Hello, my darling. I love you so much." She wrapped her arms around him.

Don't like it here. Don't like it! Put me back. He mewled, curling to his mother's warmth.

"It's okay, it's okay. Your Daddy is here too." She whispered, kissing his forehead.

The Doctor had wrapped his arms over River's, not realizing he was crying, too.

"Oh, my sweet baby boy. It's so nice to finally meet you." There were tears rolling down her cheeks, she never wanted to leave the little baby in her arms. "I love you so, so much." She looked up at the Doctor, crying quietly, "I'm not ready yet, I'm not ready to go."

He stared at her and held her tightly, clearly having the same thoughts. The monitors showed that her hearts were beginning to slow but maybe if he just held her tighter she'd stay with him longer. He choked on a sob, "H-he's got Amy's eyes."

She held the baby tighter, "I'm sorry. I love you. I'm so, so sorry."

The Doctor slipped out from behind River, moving to sit in front of her and be able to look at her face. Arthur whined, feeling the mental connection dissipating further.

"It's okay, sweetie. Everything will be okay." River whispered to Arthur, nuzzling his head, "You have a wonderful family that will love you so, so much. You won't even remember me, but I want you to know how much I love you."

He whimpered, big brown eyes staring up and her and little new hands that didn't quite know how to control themselves flailing out. Where are you going?

"Shhh, shhh. It's okay, my love. It's okay." She didn't answer his question, looking up at the Doctor.

He reached out and cupped her face, pulling her forehead against his. "I love you, River. So, so much."

"I love you too." She whispered, fading fast. "More than anything."

He tilted her head up and kissed her hard, holding her head in his hands and the salt of their tears mixing. She gave the kiss the last bit of energy and strength she would ever have, giving the last bit of herself to him.

He could feel her slumping in his arms. "Please, love. Don't leave me. You're not suppose to die here." She didn't respond, her eyes fluttering shut. He wrapped his arms around her, Arthur crying between them. "You're not suppose to die. I saw you. I saw you. Open your eyes... please, River. I love you. You can't leave me." He muttered, fighting against sobs and rocking her.

Her body went completely limp, her last breath leaving her lips. He pushed his face into her shoulder, his own shoulders shaking with his crying. His hearts seized as he heard the flat line, Toby barking in distress.

Arthur wailed louder now, his cries filling the room. Vastra moved beside the Doctor, putting a hand on his shoulder, her own tears trickling down her cheeks. He refused to pull away from River's body. She was still warm, but a dozen shades paler than she'd been moments ago.

"Doctor, you need to tend to the baby." Vastra pushed softly, "River would have wanted that."

He lifted his head enough to look at the other woman, scrubbing his hand over his face in attempt to get a hold of himself, though the action didn't have the desired effect. "I... I'm sorry." He swallowed, ignoring the tears that persisted. "You're right, I just..." He needed a moment with her, but a moment may as well been a millennium. He cleared his throat. "I saw River, Vastra. She wasn't dead. She was fine." He was basically throwing one of his promises out the window, but the River he'd promised not to tell only existed in his memory now.

She just stared at him for a minute, not really knowing what to say. "I… can take the baby and wash him up." She offered quietly, unable to come up with another response. She held out her arms, moving to take him.

He carefully shifted a distraught Arthur to Vastra. The boy cried and squirmed, wanting his mummy back. Vastra murmured comforting words to him, carrying him off to get cleaned.

Toby ran from the room to where the girls were and the Doctor sighed, holding his wife close again. He felt terrible that their other friends hadn't even gotten the chance to say goodbye. It was awfully strange, twisted how the universe toyed with him. The future he saw didn't feel gone like never-was-time often did. He could still see the color in her cheeks and the shine in her eyes. If he pretended, he could convince himself that the body in his arms was only sleeping. She'd been so happy, just for a moment, to hear Arthur cry. He stroked her cheek, willing his fingers to start glowing. Not even a spark emerged, of course. He had none left.

Vastra returned a few minutes later with Arthur all freshened up, but still crying. "Would you like me to take him to see the girls?" She asked softly.

He straightened himself up, face feeling stiff, and sniffled. "No. I ought to be the one to do that. They're about to get some bad news and I think they need to hear that from me."

She nodded, gently moving to pass the baby to the Doctor. He cradled Arthur softly. This was the first opportunity he'd had to really hold his son. "Hush now, Arthur. Sh... It's okay. Papa's here."

Arthur's fussing began to calm, though it didn't stop completely. He made a few whimpers, asking where River was.

"I'm sorry, love. She's gone."

[A/N VERY IMPORTANT PLEASE READ: This is not the last chapter, though the story will now be marked as complete. Because it's so long I've decided to split it into two fics. This is the end of part one and I will post the first chapter of part two immediately after I post this chapter. It will be titled When You Least Expect It.]