A/N: It took like over a year to update this, holy shit. But to be fair, I never promised anything. . . I'm so sorry if there any grammatical errors, I'm so tired, omg.

(Spoilers?) Anyway, I saw that Hitsugaya was brought back from the dead, and I flipped out. I'm sooo happy - but also very sad, because shortening his lifespan is a bit harsh there, Kubo.

Anyway, if you're reading this 2K15, you're hella dedicated or you are very desperate for this ship, and I thank you for that. I don't know where I was going with this, but it's the last chapter unless some miracle happens. Thanks guys! Your reviews, favorites, and follows have meant so much to me, and I apologize once again for not updating this until now.

What It Means To Heal

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Karin thinks back to when she had asked if he was afraid of dying.

(are you scared?) - - (who isn't?)

She looks at him through her peripherals, lips pursed and eyes staring blankly at the grass. There are dewdrops there, and she tries counting them, but loses interest by the time she reaches eight.

It's the afternoon, and their little place on the hill isn't as beautiful as it was the last time they had been here. The sky is a grayish shade of blue, with wispy, grayish clouds spread around haphazardly, and a grayish filter of light from behind the place where the grayish clouds have hidden the grayish sun. It's late afternoon and there's a weak breeze toying heartlessly with her clothing. It's chilly out, and she rubs her arms a bit, watching her breath as it disperses into the air.

(i'll come home)

"I came back," he says. His voice is quiet, hoarse, and it's been like that ever since she first saw him after the war. "I came home."

Karin smiles a sad smile that doesn't reach her eyes. "I know. I said you would."

She glances at him, and Toushirou looks like he wants to give her a small chuckle, but the sound never leaves his mouth. She sighs. "I'm sorry. No one deserves what you and Rangiku-san went through. I'm so sorry."

Toushirou shakes his head. "Don't be." She frowns deeper at the softness in that tone. He had once been a sharp, authoritative talker. Nothing like this. "What Captain Kurotsuchi did was for the sake of Seireitei."

Karin winces.

She can feel the guilt rolling off of him in waves. The shame of attacking his own people, the horror of learning that he'd cut them, tried to kill them. Feeling responsible for Rangiku-san, for all that she, too, had endured. Knowing that Giselle had called his name and he had answered.

She wants to take his hand, hold it, hold his entire body and keep him close to her, make it all go away. But the last time she had tried to touch him, he had shied away. It was subtle. But nevertheless, he'd moved just out of her tentative reach, facial features tightening slightly, and since then, she has kept her respective distance. She may not have the connection with him anymore, but she can see it, sense it - he feels violated, dirty, sickened by the fact that someone had stripped away at his identity, one brain cell at a time, piece by piece, until his haori was replaced by Quincy white, manipulating him into a marionette. Every inch of him had been stained by Giselle's blood.

(are you scared? of dying again?)

God, he's going to die. It may be years, decades, a fucking century; but it could also be months, weeks, days. Of course, he was always going to die, eventually, every is, she is, he is, that's a given. But knowing that his time is limited by half of a lifespan now makes the thought so real. Karin is scared out of her mind and she can only imagine how terrified Toushirou must be.

"Are you scared?" she whispers.

Toushirou tilts his head a little, thinking about that. ". . .Yeah. I guess. But it's not like I wasn't going to die anyway, one day." He looks at her, shrugging, expression remaining impassive. "I suppose I'll just have to make the time I have left matter."

Karin smiles again, murmuring, "I hope I can be there to help with that."

Toushirou honest to God smiles back. It's not very wide and it doesn't last very long, but it's there, and Karin thinks that maybe he's going to get through this.

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Karin doesn't see him for about two weeks after that.

She leaves school on Friday, is the last one out of the door when the bell rings, and she wanders into the courtyard, listening more so than talking to her friends as they head toward the gate.

One of the boys stops abruptly and Karin nearly slams into him. The rest of the group pauses, asking if something is wrong.

The boy points just ahead of them. "Is that. . .Toushirou?"

Karin blinks. Then she pushes her friend out of the way to see. And behold, in all his white-haired, short-statured, scowling glory, is Hitsugaya Toushirou. He makes eye contact with her, and they size each other up, staring for a moment while her team mumbles among themselves.

She rolls her eyes, marching straight up to him while the others carefully tag along. She crosses her arms and leans her weight to one hip, raising an eyebrow expectantly. "And where have you been, Captain?"

He's wearing a long-sleeved, black shirt underneath a grey t-shirt, faded jeans, white sneakers, and a dark, beanie hat with a jacket tied around his waist. His hands are shoved halfway into his pockets. The red stamp on his shirt is some stupid logo Urahara-san had added to his shop recently, wanting to appeal to 'normal humans'. He must have gotten the gigai from that old man, or he wouldn't be wearing his propaganda.

Toushirou is the one to blink this time, and for a second, he seems ready to scold her for bringing up his day job in front of the living. But then he realizes that the boys are only confused because Isn't Kurosaki their captain? Not Toushirou? They haven't even seen him in forever.

Instead, he motions lazily at the soccer ball that she has tucked under her arm. "It's practice day, isn't it?"

Karin hesitates, taken off guard. Last she had seen him, he had seemed very subdued, kind of tired. Now he's acting like he's perfectly fine. But she nods slowly. "Yeah."

The boy who had first seen him was grinning from ear to ear. "Are. . .are you gonna help us get ready for the season next year? Are you going to play with us?"

Toushirou folds his arms over his chest in a mimicry of Karin. "That'll be up to your captain."

Within seconds, everyone is up in Karin's business, begging her to let him play. During their brief distraction, Karin gazes at the Reaper in front of her, searching his face for something. He obviously understands the silent question, because he mouths, "I'm fine."

Karin gives a quick, almost invisible nod, and says aloud, "Well, as long as he's offering. . ."

The team erupts into cheers. They clearly haven't forgotten their one-time teammate's skills, their favorite being the time he kicked the ball into one of their faces whilst doing a backwards flip. Show off.

They walk to the park, Toushirou getting many compliments concerning the new hairstyle and being pestered over whether or not he bleaches it, to which he never gives them a straight answer. He and Karin fall back behind the entourage of soccer players, and Karin peers over at him. "You're in good enough shape to play, then?"

"Are you doubting me, Kurosaki?"

"Yes."

Toushirou glares at her momentarily before turning his attention to the ground. "Matsumoto, a few others, and I have been taking it easy. Under the orders of the Soutaichou. If I'd sat in that office another minute, I'd have gone insane."

Karin laughs. "It's good to have you back."

Toushirou smiles and her very being swells with happiness.

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They're lying on her bed. Practice had carried on into the late evening before anyone had decided to head home.

"There's no way I'm going back to that office," Toushirou had grumbled, head low and eyes hooded. Karin had grinned and shook her head. "I'll make you dinner. Keep you busy a bit longer before your Division starts missing you."

Of course, Yuzu made dinner, not Karin. Karin can't cook for absolute shit.

Yuzu beams at Toushirou, hugging him without a second thought because she's excited to see "Karin-chan's boyfriend" again. Karin clenches her fist when she sees Toushirou stiffen at the sudden presence of her sister's arms around him, but he graciously doesn't push her away and pats her back awkwardly. "Good to see you again, Yuzu," he says as gently as Toushirou can.

The three of them have dinner together, and when Yuzu whips out dessert, the front door opens. Toushirou doesn't even turn around - he knows who it is and Karin bites her lip.

Isshin embraces Yuzu enthusiastically, tries to do the same to Karin, who accepts begrudgingly, and without so much as a double-take to his presence, ruffles Toushirou's hair. Toushirou mutters something about how "he never changes" and appears to be overwhelmingly relieved when Isshin leaves the kitchen to change out of his work clothes. Karin wonders what he's dreading most: the lecture about making a connection with Karin, the lecture about practically dying, or the lecture about "when a shinigami and a human love each other very much. . .".

They finish Yuzu's cake, thank her, and Karin brings Toushirou to her room before her father and his former Captain can return, locking the door and flicking off the light.

They're lying on her bed.

They're weary from hours of soccer, full from dinner, and unsure of where to go in the world. Karin flops down on the mattress first, and Toushirou follows after a terse mental debate with himself.

[ - - Toushirou is still screaming. ]

Neither of them speak for a long time while they lay there. Karin listens to his breathing, clinging pathetically to that reassuring sound.

She still hasn't touched him since the war. She's scared to at this point. She's okay with waiting for him to give her a sign that he's ready to be intimate again - that's what she's there for, after all. To do what he's comfortable with. And after being destroyed psychologically by a crazy woman with a corpse fetish, she really can't blame him for having a broad personal space.

Which is why she's surprised when he rolls onto his side, wrapping an arm around her waist.

Karin peeks down at him, eyes wide and heart fluttering. His forehead is pressed against her shoulder, breath warm against the pale freckles. His grip tightens in a tender squeeze and she simpers affectionately, running her fingers through his fluffy hair after pulling off his hat. She feels the smile against her skin.

Karin can't see his eyes, but she shows him her index finger, kisses it with an audible smooching noise, and touches it to his nose. He's like a dog - his nose is cold, like the rest of him. Toushirou chuckles and moves even closer to her.

They're going to be okay. Toushirou is going to be okay.

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Karin is calling his name.

It's ten AM in the next morning when Toushirou notices the clock on her nightstand. They had fallen asleep there, hadn't moved at all - his arm is still slung over her stomach and her fingers are still in his hair. Sunlight washes through her blinds and falls over the blankets beneath them. There are some rustling noises outside of the room, maybe from the kitchen, and Karin slurs sleepily, "Sounds like breakfast is about ready."

"Mmm," he hums. "Five more minutes. Then I'll get up." Pry himself off, more like.

She lets out a drowsy laugh, leaning down to kiss the top of his head. "Toushirou."

Karin is calling his name, and God does he love the sound of it when it's her voice.

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- - They kiss at the breakfast table, and it's the best thing that's happened to Toushirou in a long time.