Tags: Oliver Queen/Felicity Smoak, Oliver Queen, Felicity Smoak, John Diggle, Sara Lance, Malcolm Reynolds, Zoe Washburne, Kaylee Frye, River Tam, Jayne Cobb, warning: Jayne is sort of a prick, because he's Jayne, humor, fandom fusion, unbetaed, AU in so many ways, Arrow/Firefly crossover, because why not, there's a strong possibility I might play more in this 'verse, because there are so many possible fantastic character interactions I couldn't get to

"Felicity, a little faster, please?" Oliver's annoyed voice demands from right over her shoulder.

He's hovering. The anxiety is rolling off him in waves and it's more than a little suffocating. And, okay, she gets it. This is a horrible situation and it's incredibly time sensitive and he's counting on her and that's fair but it also makes her job like 75% harder, which is not a thing she needs right now.

She huffs in frustration, blowing a loose lock of blonde hair out of her face, but never looking away from the monitor in front of her as her fingers fly over the keys.

"Their system makes no sense," she counters, strain evident in her voice. "Hacking in was easy enough, but it's like someone pieced together the worst possible pieces of equipment and crossed their fingers really hard that it would work. And - boom - magically it did."

"Are you telling me you can't get that ship out of the sky?" Oliver asks.

"I'm telling you I can't understand how it's flying in the first place," Felicity responds pointedly. "But… if I override her primary power conduit and reroute it to-"

"You can get the it down?" Oliver interrupts.

"If you want to boil it down to basics."

"Felicity."

"So touchy today. Yes, I can get it down," she replies with a few sure keystrokes.

And, sure enough, the hunk of rusted metal masquerading as a ship that was somehow evading them so far over the unforgiving desert of rural Whitefall suddenly loses power. The ship drops, skidding through barren terrain and leaving a cloud of dust in her wake.

"Good work," Digg says as he maneuvers their ship to land next to the fallen one.

"Keep it on the ground, Felicity," Oliver orders over his shoulder as he pulls his hood up to obscure his face.

Obviously she's going to keep it on the ground. That's, like, the entire point of all of this. She doesn't need to be told that. But it's the Alpha-Omega they're hunting down and that has put Oliver in a mood. So, she lets it slide. After a few years doing this with Team Arrow, she's learned to pick her battles. Sometimes.

"Don't die of heat stroke!" She calls out cheerily instead, earning a raised eyebrow from Oliver as Digg, Roy and Sara fall into step beside him.

"It's… super hot out there," Felicity clarifies. "And with the hood and the leather. I can't even imagine how you're going to get all that off. Which, I mean… I'm not thinking about taking off your clothes. It's just with leather and sweat… I'm not actually thinking about you being all sweaty either. Just-"

"Felicity," Digg says mercifully, interrupting her verbal downward spiral.

"Right. Just… go get that bio-weapon away from the big bad mercenaries," Felicity says, regrouping. "I'll be right here in the lovely air conditioned ship, keeping their ship on the ground and not thinking about Oliver's pants."

The tight curl of Oliver's lips might not be classified by most people as a smile, but Felicity knows better. And earning anything other than a growl or a scowl from Oliver today is something she calls a personal victory.

Felicity hadn't been wrong. It's hot. And - yeah - he's going to be peeling the leather off of himself later. But that's a problem for later. Right now? Right now there's a crate full of the Alpha-Omega bio-weapon in the hull of a rusted out ship they've just downed and they're going to get it back and destroy it.

They have to.

But, he realizes instantly as the mercenaries from the other ship shoot at them from the relative safety of their cargo bay, it's not exactly going to be easy. He doubts these people even know what they have. He hopes they don't. But they're sure as hell going to fight to defend their payday.

"Three?" Roy asks, daring a glance out their own loading bay before pulling back.

"Two men and a woman that I see," Digg confirms. "And they're packing some serious weapons."

Oliver looks thoroughly unimpressed by Digg's estimation.

"We need them out in the open," Sara calls out. "Charging in is a death sentence and I can't do anything from here."

Roy nocks an explosive Arrow with a sharp nod, but Oliver stays the other man's hand immediately.

"Can't risk hitting the Alpha-Omega," he says. "I've got it."

It's not an explosive arrow that Oliver lets loose. It's a smoke bomb instead.

The crates in the cargo bay are totally undamaged. So are the people, for that matter, but three of them stumble out through the smoke, coughing and holding their weapons at the ready.

"Kaylee! Get the gorram engines runnin'!" A man in a brown leather coat calls back toward the ship as he edges his way toward the side of the ship, aiming to use it as cover.

"Ain't got no power goin' to the engines, Captain," an absurdly young sounding woman's voice calls back. "She's all revved up but she ain't goin' nowhere. It's like she's all dressed up but there ain't no party happenin'."

"Well fix it, then!" He counters. "Throw her a shindig or whatever. Just do the thing where you make it work!"

"I ain't the one who broke it!" Kaylee counters. "They did somethin'. It's more than just mechanics, Cap'n."

"Hand over the crate and no one gets hurt. We'll let you and your ship go," Oliver growls loudly toward the other man.

"Beg to differ," the man counters. "You broke my ship! I ain't a vengeful man on the regular, but for you I'm thinkin' I might have to make an exception."

"That would be a poor choice," Oliver counters back, bowstring pulled taut as he takes aim toward the other ship's captain.

"That's… is that an actual bow and arrow? That's a thing you're pointing at me right now?" The captain blinks. "While wearing a mask? And you think I'm the one makin' poor choices? That's one helluva fashion statement."

"Cap'n, you might be wantin' to be a bit more cautious," the well-armed woman a few feet away from him says.

"Now when've you ever known me to possess that particular quality, Zoe?" He asks her, glancing her direction with a wholly incredulous look.

"Might've been hopin' for some well-timed personal growth, Captain," she counters, eyeing Oliver and his teammates with apprehension. "These ain't just mercs or smugglers."

"No they ain't," the bulky man with a gun the size of Oliver's entire bow says as he blatantly ogles Sara.

She sneers in response, lip curling until she shows teeth as she twirls her staff with precision and barely contained malice. Proving he completely lacks any sense of self-preservation, the man grunts in approval and nods with a leer in Sara's direction.

"Probably best to keep your eyes to yourself, Jayne, if you intend to keep them," Zoe tells him.

"Lookin' ain't gonna do no harm," Jayne replies.

"Believe me. It will," Sara replies dryly, threat obvious in her words.

"You gonna smack me with your stick?" He asks tauntingly. "My gun's bigger."

"Size isn't everything," Sara replies.

"Ain't met a woman yet who held that opinion and really meant it," Jayne responds.

And… yeah, Sara might kill this idiot. She really might. Out of the corner of his eye, Oliver can see her muscles tense as she readies to advance. The captain of the other ship must see it too, though, because he reigns in his man.

"Luckily for you, I ain't thinkin' that's true," the captain tells Jayne.

"Hey!" Jayne protests in offense.

"Seriously, Jayne? Not the time," the captain tells him. "You're needin' either shore leave or manners. One of those I can't give you. The other one ain't sunk in despite your momma's best efforts."

"Mal!" Jayne protests hotly.

"Callin' it like I see it, Jayne," the captain - Mal - responds. "What would your momma do if she was here?"

"Prob'ly knit her a sweater," Jayne says, nodding toward Sara.

"They're stalling for time," Digg says quietly from Oliver's side.

"I know," Oliver confirms lowly.

"We got ourselves at a bit of an impasse, seems like," Mal says. "We ain't after any trouble. Just a payday. We stole those medical supplies from the Alliance fair 'n square and it seems real unsportsmanlike for you fine folks to go stealin' it back."

"News over the wires seems like you folks ain't the kinda people'd have a problem with stealin' from the Alliance anyhow," Zoe points out from next to Mal, earning a confused look from her companions. "These folks ain't just mercs and smugglers, like I said. They're anti-Alliance vigilantes."

"I got me a conundrum then," Mal says looking back and forth between the woman at his side and Oliver's hooded figure. "Why, precisely, are we pointin' weapons in each other's faces?"

"Because those aren't medical supplies," Oliver tells him. "They're biological weapons."

"They're penicillin," Mal counters warily after a beat.

"It's the Alpha-Omega. We've been tracking it for weeks," Sara speaks up.

"What's to say that's the truth of it?" Mal asks.

"Ever seen penicillin?" Digg asks.

"I surely have," the captain replies back.

"You might wanna open the crate then and take a look," Digg responds. "But be careful when you do."

"Jayne," Mal calls out, nodding toward the crate inside the cargo bay.

"Why do I gotta do it?" The larger man whines.

"Cause your captain said to," Zoe tells him.

"What she said," Mal agrees.

Jayne grumbles but complies, stalking over to a crate and prying the lid off. Still training her gun on Oliver, Zoe peers over Jayne's shoulder at the cargo before stepping back a few paces and shaking her head.

"Mei yong ma duh tse gu yong," Zoe snaps, gun dropping to her side. "Badger completely fang leng jian us."

"Badger's a lot of things," Mal says cautiously. "But, if you think he's a yu bun duh liar and a mass murderer… well, you'd be half right. No way's he callin' the shots."

"He's not," Oliver rumbles back. "The plot to wipe out the rim planets goes much higher than him. He's a pawn, just as you are."

"Can't say as I'm a fan of that notion," Mal winces. "Ain't never much liked chess. Not much a fan o' kings either. 'Specially those who aim to sacrifice me an' mine in a powerplay."

"We will hold them accountable for failing this 'verse," Oliver tells him.

"Yes… we will," replies the other captain.

"Cap'n…" Zoe says cautiously as Jayne looks his way in confusion.

"Ain't no profit to be found on worlds of dead folk," Mal points out. "I ain't out to save the 'verse, just to save a buck."

"Careful, sir," Zoe says back dryly. "You sound dangerously close to bein' a hero."

"Only a hero of capitalism and lawlessness," Mal replies.

"We don't need your help. And this isn't your fight," Oliver replies, his tone clipped and short.

"Seein' as we're the ones bein' duped into shuttling weapons of mass destruction, I'm gonna go out on a limb and it feels very much like our fight," Mal replies. "Besides, two ships are better than one."

Whatever Oliver is about to say in response, though, is drowned out by the sound of the other captain's ship's engines starting up.

"Turn her off, Kaylee!" Mal shouts.

"Felicity!" Oliver says at the same time. "Keep it on the ground!"

Kaylee responds with confusion but the engines power down. Felicity, however, gives no response and it sets Oliver on edge in a suddenly, very visible way.

"Felicity," he calls out again sharply with no response.

There's a moment of silent communication between Oliver and Digg, a series of loaded looks and nods and then Digg turns to head back into the ship with Roy at his side. They don't get more than a few steps, though, before stopped in their tracks, Mal letting out a long string of curses in Chinese.

"River…" Zoe says, her voice soft like she's trying to soothe a spooked animal. "Now ain't the time to be showin' initiative."

Oliver is, quite suddenly, wholly on alert, a cornered predator, dangerous and threatened. His bow is trained on the slip of a girl he can barely see over Felicity's shoulder. She's tiny. He doesn't have a clear shot. But she has a sword to Felicity's neck and Oliver is ready to empty his quiver into her the second he can.

"Let. Her. Go," he rumbles threateningly, his intent beyond clear.

He might be intensely protective of Felicity, for reasons he'd prefer not to analyze too closely, but he's not the only one. Their teammates are all on edge, too. Digg is all coiled muscle, ready to spring. Sara is sizing up the other woman, twirling her staff threateningly. Even Roy is pacing sideways, his aim trained on them even as he walks.

"D'un yi shia," Mal says insistently. "How w'rin bu lai, whai w'rin bu jwo."

"I'd answer, but the only Chinese I know is what he growls when he's angry and I'm suspecting that's not all that polite," Felicity says tightly, nodding her head toward Oliver even with River's sword pressed to her neck.

"You came back but you left yourself there," River says, peering past Felicity's shoulder toward Oliver. "Sad little princeling lost in the stream, drowning in the River Styx."

Oliver is visibly startled at this, his brow furrowing but his concentration not wavering even for a moment.

"The dead, they claw at you, pull off bits and pieces to call their own. But you aren't theirs. Not all the way," River continues, eyes piercing and too attuned. "You're strong enough to fight the current, with the right motivation.

"Don't eat the fruit," River says sagely, releasing Felicity and allowing the sword to fall to her side.

"Drop the weapon," Digg orders, closing in on River as Felicity hurries to the safety of Oliver's side.

"I can't," River says as her sword falls to the dust. "It lives inside me. Breathes my air. Can't drop it. I've tried."

"She's a bit crazy, but she's our crazy," Mal says casually, by way of explanation.

"For some damn reason," Jayne grumbles.

"And I thought my babbling was awkward," Felicity says with a nervous laugh.

"You okay? Really?" Oliver asks, dismissing River entirely to focus wholly on Felicity, the entirety of the 'verse shrinking back to the connection between the two of them.

"I'm fine. Really. Not even a scratch. But, she looks… disturbingly familiar," Felicity notes from Oliver's side as one of his hands brushes her hair away from her neck, looking for any sign that River's sword had left damage behind.

"You're Oliver Queen," Mal announces with clear realization and Oliver freezes, his focus pulling away from Felicity even if his hand does not.

"River's crazier than an overstuffed bag o' cats, but she's rarely wrong," Mal continues. "'Little princeling?' 'Washed away by the River Styx?' You spent five years lost in Reaver territory on Lian Yu… Purgatory. You're Oliver Queen."

There's no question in his voice.

"Who I am is immaterial. It's what I do that matters," Oliver counters.

"There's a notion I can get myself behind," Mal agrees. "Don't care much who you are. Or who you were. But we got ourselves some goals that align right abouts now and I'm thinkin' we can work to keep the planets on the rim alive and payin' for our fine services if we work together. We got an accord?"

He's holding out his hand, which Oliver watches warily for a moment before taking with a firm grip, shaking swiftly but cautiously.

"So, we're like a team now?" Roy asks, glancing back and forth between the other ship's crew and Oliver.

"Looks like," Oliver replies. "For now."

"Shiny," says Mal. "Let's go save the 'verse."

Author's Note:

I don't speak Mandarin or any other Chinese language. Per completely unreliable online resources, the Chinese phrases used in this fic are:

Mei yong ma duh tse gu yong - Motherless goat of all motherless goats

Fang leng jian - Blindside or conspire against someone secretly; literally 'shoot a cold arrow'

Yu bun duh - Stupid

D'un yi shia - Wait / hold on a second

How w'rin bu lai, whai w'rin bu jwo - Things never go smooth