-Splish. Splash.-

Here I am, sitting out in the middle of the ocean, on an impromptu raft. It certainly would be an odd sight, seeing a completely normal Yamato girl lost at sea.

But I'm not normal. I look to my legs and frown. I frown because there are no legs, only an emerald fish tail. I sigh.

I'm not used to this. Mother taught me the spell which lets me shift between mermaid and human. She taught me every spell I know. But that still doesn't mean I understand how it's really supposed to work.

Oh well. It's not like knowing will make a difference. Besides, I hadn't really made use of it until recently.

-Splish. Splash.-

I wonder if I could ever get used to this in-between form. I'd get to keep the pretty dress- I like the colors- and I'd also keep the tail. I'm more used to the tail. Hmm…

I have a good feeling about this, I was even able to find this piece of driftwood. That has to be a sign. I look to the sky.

I'll find him. … I just hope he'll be like she was. She was the only one who didn't resent me. I haven't met many humans. I wonder if they'll be the same. The same as them…

-Splish. Splash.-

The merfolk. They all shunned me for being only half-mermaid. As though that were my fault. But it doesn't matter anymore. I'm far away from them now, and I'm sure they're just as happy about it as I am. Without her, I have no reason to return.

Wait, what's that over there? Could it be?

While I was distracted, a ship came near! I knew it! This will work! Unless… I don't see anyone onboard… I really hope it's not one of those ghost ships that the other girls would talk about, just so they could scare me. I'm losing my nerve…

"I hope this isn't a mistake…" No. I can't think like that. I've already come this far.

Time to start, just as planned.

"HELP!" I cry. It doesn't look like anybody noticed. Could it really be a ghost ship? "Oh… I really hope it's not a ghost ship." Better try again. "HEEEELP!"

I focus, squinting to make sure I can tell what's going on. Aha! I smile, my tail splashes a little more quickly. It worked, there are people onboard! And they're not skeletons, they're actual people!

… Though I guess they're still skeletons, they just have their skin still. I look down at my tail. Oh! I'd better fix that before they notice!

"Focus… Focus… Imagine that you have legs…"

It worked, my tail shifted into a pair of human legs. I get the feeling that even if I did do this more often, I still wouldn't be used to it. I hope the people on that boat didn't see. I should make sure I still have their attention.

"HEEEEEEELP!"

It's getting closer! It looks like there are two people onboard. Can a ship that big be operated by only two people? I really should've taken the time to learn more about ships, I see them all the time. Oh who cares, the plan is working!

Oww… That whole effort of swimming toward the net to get onto the ship took a lot out of me, more than I'd expected. It doesn't help that I have to deal with these legs. Maybe I should've practiced swimming with them, and not only walking.

I am now sitting on the deck- if that's the term- of their ship. I'm tired, so I'm leaning back against the… the wall-thing. I really should learn more about ships. It just now occurs to me, this is the first act of kindness anyone's shown me apart from Mother.

I… I feel happy. Or at least, I would feel happy if I weren't so tired. Stupid legs.

The two humans are done putting the net away, they're walking over to me. They must've decided to give me some breathing room before asking about me. One is a child. He looks close to my age. The other one is much older, so he's probably the other one's father. I think he's talking to me. I'd better pay attention, I can't mess this up.

But I'm still exhausted. At least I'll be more convincing.

"Wh-what did you say?"

"I asked if you were all right. You're a long way out to sea. What happened?" he asks. I don't know what a father sounds like, but I can tell he's speaking the same way Mother would whenever she felt concerned. I think I can trust him.

Okay, as practiced. "I'm… okay…" Sounding this tired isn't going to convince them, I don't think. Stupid legs. "Th-the ship crashed, and… and it sank."

Both of the humans are wincing. The older one has a solemn look in his eye and shakes his head. I hope that story isn't too grim for them.

"Would you happen to know if there were any other survivors?" the father asks me.

Wait, what? I never thought about that! Did the driftwood look like it could have come off a big ship? Does he want to try to rescue a bunch of people that don't exist?

"I… I don't know." I answer. And now, it seems to be the son's turn to ask questions.

"It's a good thing I saw you out there! What's your name?"

I smile. So far, humans aren't half as bad as all the merfolk said. But then again, these two still don't know…

"I'm Yumei." No reason to lie about that.

It means 'dream', I recall Mother telling me. But I think she wanted to be creative with the spelling. I wonder if these humans would know what 'yume' means. Merfolk don't have a separate language, so they should.

"Well I'm Fuyuki!" the boy greets. "Nice to meet you, Yumei!"

I nod. "It's nice to meet you, too. Both of you." I turn down and smile. "And… thank you for helping me."

-Sniffle-

None of this is insincere. I had made up the story of how I got out to sea, but I really am tearing up. These two would go through all this trouble for a stranger. For me. After so long of being shunned or being alone… it's nice.

"Of course!" the father replies. He redirects his gaze to his son, to Fuyuki. "Son, I don't think we're going to catch anything today. I think it's time we head back. What I need you to do is-"

Okay, so they are father and son. Though, there weren't a lot of other possibilities, I admit.

Fuyuki nods in response to his instructions. "Yes sir."

Now the father looks back at me. "Yumei, if I may ask, where were you headed? We can likely take you to its nearest port."

I've rested enough. I can stand now.

"Hmm…" Aaah! Balancing is hard! Just… take it slowly. "Could… could you drop me off at a place called 'Hai-Lan'?"

Please?

"Well it's your lucky day, that's the port Fuyuki and I are returning to!"

Ah! Wonderful! This joyful feeling! I don't think I can smile any wider! This is really happening! I'm going to find him!

"That certainly cheered you up, haha! Does your family live there?" Fuyuki's father asks. I nod.

".. Yes." Once again, I'm not lying.

The wind feels nice. The sea sure is different when you're sailing on a ship instead of underwater. Not nearly as tiring, either.

I look over the edge of the ship and see land in the distance. Is that Hai-Lan? "Um… Hey, can I ask you something?"

"I can't promise I'll have the answer…" Fuyuki's father starts. "But sure. You may, Yumei. … Heh."

Was that… Was that supposed to be a joke? I'm not going to dignify that.

"Have you heard of this stone called a 'Cerulean Lapis'?"

"Ahhh." He's responding with this knowing look. Has he heard of it after all? "The one that grants wishes. That old wives tale." Now he has this sobered look. "You… You weren't looking for it out here, were you?"

Not for that, no. "No, I just wondered was all." This is awkward. Change the subject. "Uh… wind. We're… fast. We're moving fast."

-FWOOOSH-

"Aaah! What was that?" That sounded kind of like a whirlpool!

"Oh that?" Fuyuki asks, "That's just an oouzu. The ship's changing course."

"Oh-ooh-zoo?" Is that a human word that merfolk haven't picked up for some reason? What is he even saying right now?

"It's a whirlpool."

Why didn't he just say that- OH NO. The ship's turning! I'm falli-

"I got ya!" Fuyuki just now saved my face from meeting the deck.

"Thank you." This is a little embarrassing, and I think he can tell.

"You just don't have your sea legs yet, that's all."

Stupid legs! "Yeah… Something like that…"

Finally, we're at Hai-Lan. It can't be much longer now. I'm just glad I didn't get sick on the ship, I was starting to feel a little nauseous.

But now that I'm at Hai-Lan, how am I going to find him? I know his name, I could just ask Fuyuki if he knows. Wait, where are Fuyuki and I headed again? We're walking through town because Fuyuki's father said something to Fuyuki.

I'm not used to seeing so many buildings at once.

"So I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I overheard you asking my father about the lapis."

Oh yeah… Fuyuki's father said it was a wives tale, but I know all too well how real they are. They come from a mermaid's tears, on rare occasions. I heard that some sailors would try to force them out of mermaids. Some of the other girls would tell me that I should just be tied up somewhere so that the sailors could take me and leave the rest of them alone.

But how could a supposed human know that? I have to act natural. "You did? Oh. I'm sure between that and those times I almost fell over, I look like a fool."

"What? No!" Fuyuki says. Whether he's ignoring or unaware of the fact that I'm still having trouble walking is unclear. "Father thinks that just because he's an adult, that magic doesn't exist anymore."

That can't be right. Magic definitely exists. Maybe he hasn't met any mermaid sorceresses, I've heard that even humans were capable of magic. The twelve Great Magic Spells, even.

"I think it's real, I believe in it. And I'm going to find it!" Fuyuki announces. He's so cheerful, it's infectious. I like it. I smile too.

"Yes. I believe too." We take a few more steps. "What would you wish for, Fuyuki?"

Fuyuki suddenly has this gleam in his eye. He's obviously had his heart set on this wish for a while. "I'd wish for the best fishing boat in all of Hai-Lan! In all of Yamato, maybe!"

I'm the last person who should be judging others. But I find that wish curious. His ship's already impressive, and I've seen plenty. I just… don't know the finer points of ships.

"What about you, Yumei?"

"Hmm? Oh, I haven't the first clue." I wonder if he believes that.

We're in one of the buildings now. In, I think Fuyuki's father might have called it. I wonder what kind of building an 'In' is. Is there another building called an 'Out'?

At least this window has a nice view of the sea. They can call this building a… a grommet or something, for all I care. I'll just be happy to look out at the sea.

I think I hear Fuyuki's father in the room now. He's telling Fuyuki to do something, but I'm still captured by this view. Do the humans around here not realize how beautiful this is? If I were one of them, I'd never get anything done, I'd be too busy staring at this-

"Yumei."

Huh? Oh, he's talking to me. I turn around. "Er, yes?"

"I was simply wondering who exactly might've been waiting for you here. You said that your family lives here."

Of course! This is it, maybe he can help me! "I'd been meaning to ask you myself…" He looks confused. "You see, I came here to look for my father."

"Hmm… Go on…"

I don't trust the way he said that. But I'm not letting that stop me. "My father's name… it's Koh. That's… that's all I have to go by."

"Oh… I see…" Fuyuki's father is acting strange. Like he's just solved a riddle and didn't like the answer. "You wouldn't be talking about Shogun Koh, would you?"

Fuyuki's father gets down on one knee and puts a hand on my shoulder. "Did… How do I say this…? Well, Shogun Koh had these mistresses. It's sounding like your mother was among them…"

What? What is he talking about? I'm not even sure what 'show gun' means, but is he saying… is he saying he loved more women than Mother? That can't be!

"What are you saying?" I ask, apprehensive. What kind of person does he think Father is? And now Fuyuki's father has that same look again. Stop it! Stop giving me that look! What other horrible thing could you tell me?

"You see… Well, how much do you know about him?"

Mother told me that she and Father met and fell in love with each other, but then after six years, he left. I vaguely remember him teaching me how to walk sometimes, but that's all.

"I… I don't know…"

So now Fuyuki's father is giving me the whole story. Shogun Koh was a war hero from Hai-Lan. He led a war against the merfolk. I remember hearing about humans who used to attack. Koh ended up getting lost at sea, and disappeared about sixteen years ago, and didn't return until ten years ago.

… Only I know where he was, then! That was when I was born!

But… then what? He's still talking. Koh came back a changed man. He'd decided to make peace with the merfolk, and spent the next eight years living a peaceful, healthy life.

Without Mother. Without me.

Did… did Father truly care about us? He wouldn't stay for six years if he didn't, but… Why didn't he ever come back? He had plenty of time, didn't he?

I'm going to find him. There's still something he needs to know!

"W-where is he now, though?" I ask. Fuyuki's father sighs. Please, oh please, let this be a sigh of agitation, and not one of sympathy. I can't bear any more bad news!

"Shogun Koh… passed away two years ago from illness. I'm sorry."

N-no. No that… that can't be. He's lying! He has to be! This is all a way to make me cry, just like what the other girls would like to do! It… it has to be…

… No. It wouldn't be. It makes too much sense. He has no reason to lie to me.

I feel lightheaded. Something in my chest is hurting.

"I… I understand." I tell him.

This was a mistake after all.

I can't sleep at all. Not after what I'd heard. Not even the view outside this window can comfort me now.

It's morning now, but the skies are too cloudy for most to tell. How appropriate. There's a noise. I think I hear Fuyuki walking in.

"Yumei! I asked people all over town about the lapis, and I think-"

"What's the point? He's gone! He's gone and I never even got to see him again!" I'm crying now, I don't care anymore. I don't care what Fuyuki thinks of me, I don't care about the lapis, I don't care about anything at all.

I have to leave. I can't be in this place any longer, it hurts.

Everything hurts.

I've finally made it to the shore. I'm going to go far away. I don't know where. But it doesn't matter. I'm going someplace where no one will ever find me.

"Focus…" –sniff- "i-i-imagine… imagine you have…" It's hard to concentrate when you're crying. –sniff- "Imagine a t-tail…"

It feels strange being a mermaid again. This was the longest I've spent as a human. The one person I could be a human for doesn't exist. There's no reason to look like a human anymore.

I can't be a mermaid for all the merfolk, and Father isn't around for me to be a human.

I'm worthless.

"Yumei?" Is that Fuyuki? I manage to stop crying long enough to look. There he is, on the shore. "Is that you?"

He seems… worried about me. He's not disgusted or scared, he's worried about me. Fuyuki…

"Yes. It's me." I feel like the sight of myself speaks for itself, but I'll tell you anyway, Fuyuki. "I'm not human. Not entirely."

Fuyuki is ignoring what I said. "So you wanted the lapis so that you could find your father. I… I overheard last night." His words are somber, and he doesn't care that I'm different from him. But he's wrong.

"No… The reason I wanted to find the lapis… was so I could make him cry."

That stunned Fuyuki. I wince. Worthless Yumei, not bothering to put it into context! He probably thinks I'm a fool!

"What do you mean?" he asks.

I sigh. Maybe I should just go. But Fuyuki deserves to know the truth. I'll tell him. "Not long ago, my mother died. And as you might have guessed, hearing about my father, she fell in love with a human."

Fuyuki's nodding. He's listening to me. "I wasn't able to cry when she passed. The other merfolk would look at me with disgust. Like I wasn't worthy of mourning the loss of one of their own. Like I was some kind of hideous monster."

I'm tearing up again. It hurts to remember. "And… it wasn't only when she died… They would… they would always resent me, because… I wasn't a mermaid, I was still… I was still half-human."

It's hard to talk, and keep myself from crying. "After she… she died, I left. I left home, and I never looked back."

Not even once. They were probably relieved, as though a burden was lifted from their shoulders.

"So that's why I came here, Fuyuki." Deep breaths… "I came here to find Father, and maybe we could both cry… But he already had a family here, and they've already cried for him."

Fuyuki's trying to get near. No, Fuyuki. I've had enough. I'm sorry. I swim further out.

"The worst of it…" –sniff- "is that now Mother and Father get to be together… together without me…"

I can't hold back anymore. It hurts.

I'm crying. I'm crying for Mother, for Father, for all the times the others would shun me, for all the times I've felt alone, for how pointless everything I've ever done in my entire life was.

Everything hurts.

"I… I know how it feels to lose your mother, Yumei." I can still hear Fuyuki. He'd lost his mother too? "But it's okay! You can stay here! If we just tell Father the whole story-"

"Shh!"

I shush him. I cease my sobbing, to shush him. I can hear a loud noise. It must be the whirlpool.

"Fuyuki, I can hear the whirlpool. You'd better get away from the shore in case it gets close."

"B-but Yumei!"

I hang my head. "Goodbye, Fuyuki. Thank you… thank you for everything."

I swim away. I can hear him shouting after me, so I dive.

I'm sorry, Fuyuki. I'd like to stay with you and your father. Really, I would. But I can't… It would hurt too much.

I've been swimming for a few minutes now. In the water, I can't tell if I'm still crying or not. The whirlpool must be pretty close. I wonder if it'll grab me if I get close enough. I wonder what'll happen then.

I don't know. But I don't care. I've stopped caring about what happens to me. It hurts to care anymore.

-!-

My… heart…

What… happened… I'm sinking… eyes are heavy… body can't… move…

I can… hear a voice… in my head…

(I wish… for Yumei to be with her family again.)

Fuyuki…

I wonder… if he knew… this would happen…

My first friend… and he kills me… But it's… okay…

Maybe... I can be reborn... Mother, Father, and I... will get to live together... and be happy...

"I don't know if she's worthy of Valhalla. But they will be together. As promised."

I feel... warmth. I don't hurt anymore…

Mother, Father… I'll see you soon…

Fuyuki…

…thank you…

.

.

That was... very different from everything I'd written before. I mean, this was a lot heavier than what I'm used to doing. After I finished, I just had to leave the computer and sit back for a minute, reflect on this. It feels good to put out something like this for a change.

Of course, even then I can't not put in a small joke or two. I only hope that I didn't make her sound too whiny. I've, thankfully, never been in her position before. So writing from that perspective without being over the top is a challenge.

Valkyrie Profile is a nostalgic game for me, and I remember Yumei's introduction was fairly long. I got back into the game recently, and I remembered just how heartbreaking her story is. I mean, wow. Something about it was gnawing at the back of my skull, so I decided to write this. I'm surprised there aren't more fics of Yumei. I think I've found exactly two, between this place and AO3. And no one's written a "what if she did stay in Hai-Lan" fic, that's a little surprising.

Originally, this was going to be a multi-chapter piece, it would be the A Ending route from Yumei's perspective, demonstrating how the einherjar experience Lenneth's journey. But after this chapter, I feel like it'd just be too much of a tonal shift. I felt like adding any more would be almost disrespectful, even, to the chapter I just now wrote. But the idea is still too tempting to ignore. That's why I plan to do something like that as a separate, yet companion story, and leave this one as a oneshot. So if you want to just enjoy this without anything else, you can.

I took some liberties with how it went, though. I had Yumei recall different mean things that her merfolk would do to her, I reorganized a few events and wrote the script's gist without merely copying it. Also, I portrayed Yumei as being more in touch with her mermaid half, so she doesn't know as much about the surface world.

Some people give Fuyuki flak for basically killing Yumei. But I have to wonder if maybe he did know what he was doing. Even in the original game, Yumei told him how miserable her life was, and how her parents are dead. And people are reincarnated in this series. Maybe he thought she'd get a new start. I'm also not sure of Yumei's intentions at the end. Was she just leaving, or... worse? I really want to think she was just trying to leave, although with no regard for her safety. It is her lowest point, but I can't bring myself to even consider it.

By the way, here's a joke-reference I was thinking about when they started talking about "oouzu":

-Fuyuki: "Do you know what an oouzu is?"

-Yumei: "Uh, yeah! I used to say it all the time back home! They just couldn't stop me! I'm going all up on the rooftops! 'OOUZU' THIS! 'OOUZU' THAT!"