Chapter 9: More Deep Thoughts

Sorry about the late update. School and work is not going to make updating go quickly. I'll be sporadically updating from now on. Please R&R.

"I was interrupted before I could finish injecting my father with the nano machines." I leaned back in my chair with a scowl. The fact that I had been taken by surprise irritated me beyond words. I had planned that scenario over and over in my head, expecting each one of Kyle's possible responses. If he continued to deny me as his son then I would still turn him, but our time together as partners would be different. I would have had made him change his allegiance by first eliminating that false family he cared so much about. First my mother would be eliminated. There would be no second chances for her, she would never come to accept me. I would never receive the love I once knew from her. Then those children would be next. My younger self would certainly need to be killed. I don't need to be reminded of what could have been for me. After my father was completely broken then he would willingly turn to me. Yet, I found myself abandoning that plan after he continued to try and reach out to the human in me. His time in this peaceful era had softened him in more ways than one. The amount of unconditional love he possessed touched me enough to make me hesitate.

"Who could have possibly stopped you or even have known where you were?" Adam's calculating gaze was on me. The idea of failure didn't register with him. This plan was supposed to have gone smoothly. The location was only privy to Adam and myself.

"There was a woman I didn't recognize with them."

"As if a mere female could pose such threat." Adam scoffed. Olivia in return glared at Adam for the obvious slight on her gender. Adam simply waved her off.

"Don't confuse brilliance with arrogance, Adam. I've explained the story of Daedalus and Icarus to you haven't I. Reach too close to the sun and you'll burn." Adam rolled his eyes at her.

"As if a T-5000 could fly to the sun. What a ridiculous story you chose to tell me. I don't see why you're getting offended Olivia Howard. You have your uses in the field of science, otherwise I wouldn't even bother with you…Now tell me about this woman." Olivia was pacified by Adam's acknowledgement of her skills. It was strange to see the dynamic of their relationship sometimes. More often than not Adam would bring an observation of humans as he called it to Olivia and she would patiently answer him as she would a child. If her answer didn't satisfy him then he would bring the matter to me. The idea that Olivia and I were playing mother and father to him was ironic. My past life was absorbed in the goal of destroying him while my new life consisted of protecting and nurturing him. Other times it would seem that Adam was parent and we the children. He would issue out orders for us to complete and we would carry them out to the best of our abilities. A failure would result in a severe reprimand and a success would result in gratuitous praise.

"Adam, This woman was just like you." I thought back on the woman. She appeared familiar in a way, but I couldn't place her.

"What do you mean she was like me? That is impossible." Adam was angered at the suggestion that there could possibly be another being like himself. Adam saw himself as perfection, a perfection that could not be copied. Another being with the same qualities as him would diminish his value.

"My scans read her a T-5000 and she was…" It pained me to continue my sentence. "More advanced and intelligent. She fought me as if she was toying with me and worse she knew me. She could predict everything I was going to do and countered it. I had a minimal chance of defeating her." The reminder of my defeat stung. I hadn't been so obviously overpowered since I was a human fighting off terminators. I didn't like feeling weak or vulnerable, the machine in me was supposed to negate those feelings.

"A machine that can best John Connor that isn't me. This is an unforeseen complication and I do not like complications. As I said before it is impossible for a T-5000 other than myself to exist in this time so I can only deduce that she is from the future. Which brings the question of who sent her back and why." The earlier rage he displayed had calmed and been replaced with his normal cold tranquility. Adam had left the window and came back to pace around Olivia and I, a habit he picked up from Olivia after she told him it helps her process her thoughts. To Olivia Adam seemed harmless right now, but I knew for fact he was circling us like a predator getting ready to pounce. He was suspicious of the two of us.

"Is there anything else you were able to gather from this mysterious terminator?" Adam's cold blue eyes locked on mine while his hand landed on Olivia's chair. Unconsciously I let out a snarl at his actions. Threatening Olivia just based on a theory he had to get to me was a low blow for him. At this point Olivia was the only person who knew who and what I am and still accepted me. Acceptance from another person was a difficult thing to obtain. My entire childhood was spent desperately trying to get my mother's acceptance, early adulthood was spent earning my soldier's acceptance, then during the war I had to earn Kyle's acceptance only to lose to lose everything I had worked for. I would not lose Olivia too, not when she had become a balm in my empty life.

"The woman addressed herself as Eve which is why I had brought Olivia with me since I have no files on a program like her. She even gave me a message to deliver to you. You are wrong about humans Adam and I will prove it to you." Olivia could see how hostile I had become and was glancing between the two of us wondering what the problem was. Adam then turned her chair so that he could look down at her to get her full reaction.

"Doctor Howard what have you been doing in your spare time that I don't know about? Project Eve was a failure and you told me you had no way of bringing it online. And yet there is another AI that has appeared and is interfering with my plans." Adam's grip on the chair increased and his eyes began to shine the typical shade of red associated with terminators.

"Adam, I don't know how she's here. The Eve I created alongside Danny and John never showed any results like you did. I could never get her programing to work. As far as I know Eve will never be launched." Olivia appeared visibly shaken by Adam, but she didn't let him intimidate her into silence.

"Enough! Instead focusing on what hasn't happened yet we need to focus on what is happening. Out there my parents have access to a T-5000 with knowledge of the future. Right now they are making plans to undermine everything we are working towards. Now is the time to go on the offensive and take them out before they become a problem." I stood up from my chair. Adam looked at me with his red eyes. My body was filled with rage. I wanted to reach across the table and claw off Adam's head. I could deal with physical threats to myself. My life had always been threatened by machines, but this was different. Adam knew I was protective of Olivia and right now he was dangling her life in my face. I should have never involved her.

"Very well, I will let the matter go for now. You two are free to go until I call for you again." Adam walked away from Olivia towards the door. His earlier ire was completely gone as if it never existed. It was unsettling how quickly Adam could shift through emotions now. He grew at an exponential rate just from observing humans in his new form. If I was still human I'd be scared by this version of Skynet. Military warfare is one thing to deal with. Physiological warfare was a completely different matter all together. Any man would fall apart having what he cared about most threatened.

"What are you going to do Adam?" I had to know what he's planning. While a machine, when things didn't go his way Adam could be a wildcard just like a petulant child. I had to watch him more throughly now, he'd never threatened Olivia before, he thought too highly of her.

"I would think that's obvious. I'm going to begin researching Eve to see if I can come to an understanding of her. Don't worry Connor, I won't be making any moves against your family just yet. But I do expect you to be able to eliminate them when the time comes."

"That won't be an issue with me as long as I get to keep Kyle." Adam shook his head at my insistence on keeping my father alive, but he agreed to it none the less. As he exited the conference room I allowed my body to relax.

"I don't understand the hostility you two have with one another sometimes. You've said that Adam's survival is your priority but I could tell you wanted to harm him earlier." Olivia's tired brown eyes were staring at me hoping for answers. There was no way for me to explain the hold that Adam ultimately held over me. While I could control my body and what I thought and felt, Adam could essentially send an order to me and I would have to obey it. His word was law in my programming. It was the achilles heel of being both a machine and a man. Knowing that I could be forced to kill those who still mattered to me made me resent Adam. To think I had even considered doing the same thing to Kyle as well. A part of me hated what I had become. I've become pathetic.

"That's a conversation for another time. How about I take you out like I promised instead?" I held out my arm hopefully. I needed a distraction from the mess I was getting into again. It seemed my life would never be simple, I would always be involved with violence, bloodshed, and death. I had only ever seen the darker side of humanity. It was time I started looking at the brighter side I had fought and bled for. It was time the world gave me something to believe in again.

"I guess I could go for a steak and wine, but should a married man be taking another woman out on a date." Olivia stood up and took my arm. Together we walked out of Cyberdyne to look for a suitable steakhouse for her. I remember Olivia used to be on edge with me when we first met. My chivalrous actions were ignored in the beginning. She simply couldn't believe that men were still capable of being gentlemen. Danny was the closest she'd get, but he was her cousin so that was to be expected.

"It'll only be a problem if I get caught. Besides you seem to have thing for dangerous unattainable men." I could feel my worries slipping away as I fell in step with Olivia's morbidly dry humor. I hadn't been on a date since I was in my twenties in college after my mother died. Or at least I think that was it. I hadn't had time for such normal things, I was too busy living my life on the run and trying to stay alive to be concerned with things like companionship. Even in my long years with Kate, I'd never had a chance to actually date her and see if we truly loved each other. We had just been thrown together and stayed together in a time of chaos. I did love her, but I wonder if given the chance would I have fallen in love with her. I could feel things stirring and bubbling strongly in my chest around Olivia and I allowed those feelings to continue rather than smother them. Was this the feeling of falling in love.

"No, John. I just like complex layers of emotions in a person. It reminds me of the jigsaw puzzles my father gave me."

"Addy what do you think about John? Mom and Dad have told you about him right?" My sister and I were sitting in the spare room that had been allocated for the two of us. There were three bedrooms in this abandoned house. Mom and Dad were going to share one, Addy and I got one, and the last one was for grandpa O'Brien who had gotten here around an hour ago and was being updated on everything that happened. The two of us got sent upstairs after Mom and Dad started arguing over what Eve said about me. I was more than happy to leave the tense room after what Eve told me. I needed time to think. I was picking at one of the tears in my jeans right now. Somehow they had gotten messed up in all the craziness today.

"You mean our other bother?" Addy untied her shoelaces and threw them at the wall. I told her not to do that because its bad manners and she rolled her eyes at me. No wonder Mom hated it when I did that to her, it's an annoying thing to watch.

"What do you mean other brother? He's not related to us technically. He's from another Mom and Dad so can't really be our brother. Maybe a half brother or something." The science behind the theory gave me a headache to think about. John and I weren't the same person we were parallels of each other. He existed in another timeline that was never supposed to intersect with mine. The hole in my pants was big enough for me to fit my fist in now.

"Don't start with science. It's sooo confusing. I never understand when Pops tries to explain it." Addy frowned and started whining when I tried to overwhelm her with technicalities beyond a six year old. She hadn't started school like me, but she liked to take my books and have Pops try and teach her since Mom and Dad didn't exactly have any educational experience. Dad was completely stumped when anyone tried to explain the concept of school to him since it sounded completely useless. Mom just never had the opportunity to go after she met Pops. They both agreed though that they wanted us to try normal lives and enjoy what they fought for. I enjoyed school and learning about everything. Whenever Dad picked me up from school I'd tell him about what I learned that day. He was always interested but never could really understand anything I told him. It felt cool to be like a teacher for him.

"Do you think John misses Dad? Is he capable of still feeling things like that." I got up and rested back on the makeshift pillows on the bed. I could just imagine I was back in my room looking at a sky painted ceiling. I felt small when I looked at the stars. So small that problems felt even more insignificant.

"Of course he misses Daddy. Who wouldn't miss him? I was scared he was never going to come back after he went missing. But we found him again. But now John must be lonely again." Addy climbed into the bed next to me. I'm not sure she fully understands what John is. I know Mom and Dad told Addy he's like Pops and she just rolled with that. I don't want her to know that John could possibly kill us all without batting an eye.

"Yeah, he must be tired of being lonely huh. I know I was tired of feeling like nobody noticed me. It can drive a person crazy."

"I noticed you Johnny. I still play with you and Cain always licks your face when he sees you." The simple logic of children. I used to be like that too, before the dreams started coming. I used to think I was really special whenever Mom told me I was going to become someone great. I wanted to make her proud of me so I didn't think anything when she put a gun in my hand and told me to shoot. I only thought about seeing my mom's pretty smile in place of her usual stern frown. That smile was hard to earn when I had such terrible skills with guns. I missed more times than I can count. I was and am still a disappointment to her. I can tell whenever she sighs when she asks me to do something and I fail, that she wishes I was the son she was expecting. I'm not the son that she was fated to have.

"I can always count on you Addy. Maybe I'll even make you my second in command in the army." At least I had the unbiased love of my sweet baby sister. I'd never be anything other Johnny to her and I'd never have to compete with another person for her attention.

"You better. You need someone who can shoot since you're really sucky at it." I playfully pulled on some of her wavy hair in retaliation for the insult. It was humiliating that my younger sister could shoot better than me. I had better practicing for years and only just started improving, when Addy just shows up and becomes a natural. Mom just told me to keep practicing until I became a great shot. She and Addy got along whenever they didn't talk, but the minute Addy said something, her and mom would be at it for hours.

"Well if you're going to be my second then I won't tolerate lip or insubordination from you." She swatted my hand away and tried to fix her hair. She may act like a little tomboy, but she could have her moments of vanity. Looking at Eve I could see that she'd grow up to be as beautiful as Mom. I wonder if I had to keep boys away from her in the future.

"Johnny you're going to help our brother aren't you?" The serious expression on her face didn't suit her.

"I don't know." I really didn't know how to feel about this new responsibility. It was like I had to be responsible for everyone. I'm only thirteen. I shouldn't have to go round saving everybody, but that's not how I was raised to think. I know what Dad would want me to do. He'd want me to save John. Not only because that was his father figure and best friend growing up, but because it's the right thing to do. Dad had told me in his time there were so few people left in the world that they all had to look out for each other. That each life mattered and deserved to be saved. There was a genuine kindness in Dad that Mom lacked. Mom had grown up alone and isolated, always being taught that mission came first. Mom wouldn't want me to get involved with John at all. She truly believed that he was lost, that John could never overcome the machine that had taken him over. She'd rather destroy him than let him live and hurt one of us. John threatened her mission of keeping us alive and thus couldn't be allowed to exist.

"I think you should help him Johnny. He's a Connor isn't he and Mom and Daddy are both always saying that we look out for our family. We can't leave him behind." That simple logic again. Hearing it like that makes it sound so easy and straightforward. Maybe that's what I need though. I've been thinking about this like an adult. I'm still a kid so I should approach it like a kid. Eve said only I could help him. Since I can't fight or wire a computer or anything else amazing, I'll just do the only thing I know how to do. I'll become his friend and show him everything he never got got to experience. I'll teach him how to be human again.

"I think I will help him Addy. He's just lonely and needs a friend. Do you think we'll be able to be friends?" Addy punched my arm and told me it was a great idea. She was picking up bad habits from Mom. No guy likes to be hit by a girl.

"We're family, so I think you'll get along. If he doesn't like you then he's stupid cause everybody loves you. I mean, I love you, Mom loves you, Daddy loves you, Pops loves you, and Grandpa O'Brien loves you. Now you just have to add John onto that list." Addy rested her head on my chest and closed her eyes.

"Thanks Addy. You really know how to make your brother feel better." I hugged Addy to me and started humming. I at least could hold a tune unlike Mom.