Dealing with Anger and Jealousy

After William and Julia were wed, life for each of them was glorious. They loved stronger and more passionately than either of them ever expected was possible – and often. Children came, the first - a son of their own, the next two -adopted sisters. They admired the parenting skills each brought to the family. Of course, there were some arguments, and if not resolved by bedtime then one of them slept downstairs on the couch. They followed the famous advice to never go to bed mad. It worked well for them. Probably partially as a result of being able to afford a nanny and other servants, they were able to keep their romantic flames lit and raise relatively happy and healthy children at the same time.

Julia had stopped working after the birth of their son, planning to return to work once a year had passed. When the year was up, her position at the asylum was no longer available. A position for a pathologist at stationhouse 3 had opened up. Dr. Grace agreed to take that position (possibly to be closer to George?), leaving the position at stationhouse 4 open for Julia to take. Both she and William were delighted to be able to work together again. It seemed that everyone enjoyed the entertainment offered up by their teasing and obvious love for each other. It quickly became apparent, however, that spending their working days together would put them each in a more direct line of sight of the other, allowing for ample observation of encounters the other had with flirtatious individuals. Jealousy came up often.

William still remained somewhat obtuse about the situation, seeming not to be able to notice the myriad of times women were coming on to him. When he did notice, he tended to blush and try to redirect the conversation. Julia's observation of these patterns generally led her to tease him about them mercilessly, increasing her desire to touch and kiss him – to make it clear to all around that he was hers. William liked it.

But when the object of a man's flirtations was Julia, William's reaction was to get angry. He controlled his thoughts of violence towards the would-be suitor for the most part, and his desires for mad possession of Julia were able to be put off until they were alone – but when they were finally alone after William had witnessed such an encounter, his lovemaking would be rough, demanding, and overpowering. Part of the problem was that Julia liked it.

One day, after William and Julia had been spotted sharing an intimate kiss in the morgue while supposedly discussing an autopsy (a somewhat common occurrence) Julia came rushing into the stationhouse looking for William. Perhaps it was because of their romance that she had missed it, and so he didn't know what he needed to know. A constable informed her that Detective Murdoch was interrogating a suspect, and being distracted by the sense of urgency of informing her husband of her latest finding about the time of death, she did not even notice that the Inspector was trying to wave her into his office. She found William interrogating the suspect and knocked on the door to interrupt him even though she knew he hated when people did so.

Julia swallowed and hurried to explain, "I'm sorry William, I know how much you hate interruptions when you are doing an interrogation, but this is relevant and important to your line of questioning."

He put her at ease by reaching up to tuck a stray curl behind her ear, "What have you?" he asked.

"It's the time of death – he died longer ago than I previously told you. I believe both lividity and temperature were manipulated after death. Somehow William, the body must have been turned or rotated constantly so that the blood would not pool to any one part of the body. Further, I believe the body was kept some place hot, keeping the temperature higher than would otherwise be the case. There are strange marks on the chest, buttocks, and ankles – I think from where the body was attached to a machine used to rotate the body," she explained and then she finally took a breath, "I thought you'd want to know right away."

William was momentarily distracted by his admiration for his wife. Truly a better partner could never be – so bright, enthusiastic..., and beautiful! He had to pull his eyes away from hers to focus on the case. "Yes, this new information is indispensible. He had an alibi for the original time of death. What is your estimated time of death now, doctor?" he asked.

"At least 24 hours sooner," she responded.

Knowing the suspect no longer had an alibi he said, "Constable, please escort the suspect back to the cells for now. Thank you." William gestured for Julia to accompany him to his office.

Once they were in his office, William asked Julia to describe the marks she had found on the body. Julia used William's body to demonstrate the locations and expanses of the bruises and lacerations on the corpse. She never got to describe the marks on the ankles because as she slid her hands across her husband's upper chest and around behind him to his shoulder blades he pulled her in close and lightly kissed her. The Inspector, Chief Inspector, and Mr. Meyers watched from the Inspector's office as the doctor dropped her hands to the detective's derriere and he responded by wrapping his arms even more tightly around her and kissing her much more deeply. "Does that happen often?" Mr. Meyers queried.

The Inspector looked at the Chief Inspector with worry on his face, "It's not that uncommon, but I ensure you, they accomplish more, despite their distractions, than anyone else ever could."

Mr. Meyers shook his head sideways, sighed, and said, "Murdoch's not going to like this… We might as well get it over with. Call them in Inspector."

The Inspector opened his office door and bellowed, "Murdoch, Dr. Ogden, a word!"

Immediately removing her hands from William's behind, Julia whispered into his ear, "uh-oh."

They separated and William made that adorable face with the lifted right side of his mouth that said, "Oh well, can't deny it," and they turned and headed for the inspector's office. They both became more anxious when they noticed the office's occupants.

William softly said, "The Chief Inspector and Meyers, this can't be good."

William and Julia sat together on the Inspector's couch as Mr. Meyers explained why they were all there. In the interest of national security, the Prime Minister had sent him with a letter requesting the assistance of Dr. Ogden in obtaining essential data from a woman currently being held in a Russian prison. Ogden was to be acting as a spy – one that had to be a female of about 40 years old and one that could perform surgery. Hence, the need for Dr. Ogden. The plan was for Dr. Ogden to pretend to be Charlotte Perkins Gilman, an American feminist, sociologist and writer traveling to Russia with her second husband after a divorce, Houghton Gilman (played by Meyers) in order to interview female Russian prisoners for her latest book of poems. Once she got into the cell with "Angela Cranston" a Canadian spy who had a cartridge of data implanted in her abdomen, Dr. Ogden was to surgically remove the data cartridge and bring it to Meyers. The plan required Ogden and Meyers to be convincing as a married couple traveling from NYC to Moscow and back – a trip that would take about a month. According to the Chief Inspector, the constabulary intended to rise to the occasion and help Canada retrieve this much-needed information, and as Dr. Ogden was an employee of the Canadian government it was expected that she would play the part. He added that as Murdoch was also an employee of the Canadian government it was expected that he would allow for his wife to participate.

Murdoch's biggest concern was for Julia's safety. He argued that she should not go because she had a family – 3 children and a husband who needed her. Julia asked William if he would go if the situation were reversed. Admitting that he probably would, Murdoch conceded and Meyers and Dr. Ogden left for NYC to begin the ruse.

William would have to talk to their children when he got home that evening. He was most worried about the older of the two girls they had just adopted about six months ago, 4 year-old Katie. Katie and her little sister, Chelsea, had lost both of their parents, their mother dying only a year ago, before they were placed in the orphanage. Katie already struggled with nightmares and anxiety about being abandoned. He was sure this would not help. Further, he would miss her terribly. He was worried that he would lose her – that she would be captured, imprisoned, or killed. This worry was so prevalent that he hadn't dealt with the thought that Julia would be acting like she was Meyers' wife - yet. It turned out that he couldn't stop thinking about Meyers and his wife together. He became more and more jealous and more and more angry as the time slowly went by.

It was nearly midnight when the carriage pulled up to the Murdoch house. Meyers had insisted that he accompany Julia all the way to her house from the ship and then the train to ensure her safety, not to mention any future hope of a working relationship with her husband. He thanked her again for helping Canada and reminded her that she could never tell anyone about what had transpired in Russia under threat of being charged with treason and hung. It was assumed that this did not include her talking with her husband about it.

Julia was filled with worry as she entered their dark, peaceful home. She knew that there were two things that made her beloved husband angry – being jealous and being frightened of losing her. She had just spent the last month acting, for all of the world to see, as another man's wife and risking her life by sneaking into a dangerous Russian prison to obtain secret information. She knew William would be angry, she was not sure he would be able to be in control of that anger. She argued with herself in her head, "He should be proud of me for what I did, not angry at me. If anything he should be mad at the government, or maybe Meyers, for setting this up and asking me to take part… (finally) My God, I missed him so. Perhaps he will just be happy to see me back."

In the darkness she left her bag by the door, hung up her coat and hat, and as quietly as possible removed her shoes and headed up the stairs. All indications were that everyone, including William, was asleep. Although she knew it was not realistic, or even fair, she wished it would stay that way until morning. She tip-toed past their open bedroom door on the right (William had not closed it as they usually did - having taught their children not to barge in, allowing for the couple's privacy during their active and passionate love life, and now strongly drawing attention to the lack of such lovemaking in her absence). Julia continued past their son's bedroom (she would stop in there on her way back) and around the corner in the hall to the bedroom of their two daughters. She was most worried about Katie. Julia softly scooped the little four-year old girl up into her arms, covering her with kisses. "I'm back little one. All is well," she whispered to the partially-wakened child. She placed her back on her bed and kissed her goodnight. After reassuring herself that Chelsea was also well, Julia returned to their son's bedroom. He was a fairly sound sleeper, and slept right through Julia's soft kiss. Making an effort to stay quiet, she closed the boy's bedroom door behind her in the dark only to turn and find William standing behind her.

"Welcome back," he whispered, somehow managing to show no emotion. He then softly embraced Julia… gave her a light kiss on the lips. And then released her and walked into their bedroom.

She followed and closed the door. Although the room was dark, there was light coming in through the window from the moon. They could see each other relatively well. There was the smallest of pauses as they stood there staring at each other. Then William pulled her to him sharply. The whip of it made her gasp. He rested his head in her hair and took in a deep breath. He reached up and as he removed the pins to let her hair drop he said, again devoid of emotion, "I can smell him."

It evoked fear in her and she started to hear that one violin-string note slide in her ears. She felt her heart race and she found it hard to breathe. "Jealous and cool," she thought. She pleaded in her head for him to keep it enough under control to avoid regret while at the same time she knew he would have to get it out too. "Meyers does smoke the most disgusting-smelling cigars," she said in as apologetic of a tone as she could muster.

Her hair fell over her shoulders and William unbuttoned her blouse. She could hear his breathing – it was fast and deep. She was becoming aroused. She started to unbutton his pajama top, but he just reached down and pulled the whole thing over his head. She felt a pang of desire spread through her at the sight of his broad chest and wide shoulders. She placed her hands on his chest and explored passionately. William lightly moved his lips over hers as he asked just slightly above a whisper, "Did he kiss you?" He immediately kissed her, making it hard for her to answer, even though her state of arousal was high enough that she was having trouble formulating words as it was.

"Yes..," she slowly whispered, mouth open and waiting, "… but only publicly."

"Did you kiss him?" he asked as he switched the angle of the kiss and then pressed in to kiss her much harder. Julia's muscles were weakening, collapsing. She was fighting to stay tall and meet him.

"Yes," she replied as loudly as she could considering that her breath had been taken away.

"Did you put your tongue into him?" William's voice carried a bit more warning with it now.

"No. Never," she said holding her lips in place to tingle above his.

With this William drove his tongue into Julia's mouth and kissed her more deeply than she remembered ever being kissed before. She moaned in response. She felt the wall bang up against her back. William broke off the kiss and asked, "Did he put his tongue into you?"

She replied, "No, he didn't."

William abruptly turned her around so that her chest was pressed against the wall. He roughly unlaced her corset. "Good. He gets to live then," he said as she heard the laces slide and catch and jerk out of the corset before it was thrown to the floor.

He turned her back around to face him – still pressed up against the wall. "Did you sleep in the same bed?" he asked while he grabbed a handful of her hair and used it to press her head back into the wall harder.

It was impossible to separate her fear from her desire, thus she was not sure whether it was one of these or both that made her swallow and hesitate, before she said, "Yes, but sleep was all we did."

"Were either of you naked in each other's presence?" as he released her hair and placed his hands under her jaw and softly stroked her lips with his thumbs.

"No." She leaned in to nibble lightly on his lips. William moaned in response. She lit more on fire with the sound.

"Were you under the same covers with him?" William reached down for her knickers now.

"Yes," her voice scratchy and deep, her breathing shallow and quick.

"Did your bodies ever touch under those covers?" he sounded madder now and he pulled her knickers down with a jerk, causing her to gasp once again.

"Oh William," she said with a moan. "No, no. Our bodies never touched." She looked desperately into his eyes. They were so big and so dark.

There was a little twinkle for a moment as he said, "Good. He gets to live again."

Together they kicked away the clothing that had pooled at Julia's feet. Except for only a petticoat she was naked. He used his knee to push her legs further and further apart, and when he pressed his hips between them she could feel his erection strongly poking into her abdomen through his pajama bottoms.

"Did you dream, Julia?" followed by the feeling of his warm exhaled breath over her ear. Then sucking and licking while his hands swam around her belly, hips, and buttocks.

Her body reacted, it fell causing her insides to seem to flip up and over within her. He held her up with the pressure of his body against hers. "Yes William… I dreamt of you every night," her voice filled with desire for him, begging for him to make those dreams come true. To push himself inside of her - hard and deep, and over and over, again and again.

William left her there against the wall in the moonlit room and went over to the nightstand. He pulled off his pajama bottoms and put on a prophylactic and lubricant. Julia thought to herself that this was evidence that he was in control. She felt safe knowing he had the where-with-all and the care for her to do this (they both knew Julia would likely find a second pregnancy very hard to survive).

When William returned, he pressed his body firmly against hers once more and he asked, "Did Meyers observe you having any of these dreams about me?"

Her breathing jolted. She knew he was referring to dreams during which she clearly is having an orgasm. These were very arousing dreams, and though she commonly uses William's name, any man lying next to her when she moved and moaned this way would have been strongly affected. She also knew Meyers had noticed such dreams and had had the expected reaction. Her voice offered in an apologetic whisper, "Yes, I think so."

She saw what she thought looked like anger cover his face, but before she saw him even move she found herself chest plastered against the wall again with her petticoat pulled up over her head, being used to tie her hands together as William pinned them above her head into the wall. She remembered his erection. Her back arched in anticipation. She waited.

"When you snuck into the Russian cells, were you scared?" he said calmly, too calmly, into her ear.

"Yes," was all she could find, followed by a swallow.

"What were you afraid of, Julia?" he asked as she felt him line himself up to enter her.

Words started to pour out of her, "I was afraid they'd catch me – imprison me or kill me. I was afraid I'd never see you again. Never hear your voice or see your smile. Never feel you inside of me again."

He slammed into her hard and deep. She gasped. He wanted it to hurt. He thrust into her with all of his might. Julia moaned. She cried out his name.

"Give it to me William. All of it, as hard as you can," she pleaded.

He did just that. Quite quickly Julia's muscles rippled around him as she declared, "Oh yes. Oh yes." William's spasms followed right behind – the only sound he made was her name, "Julia!"

Finished, he pulled out of her and turned her around to face him, dropping the petticoat to the ground and freeing her for a brief moment before he leaned his body into hers again. Both with pounding hearts against their chests, lungs heaving up and down. He filled his hands with her hair and planted his face into her curls. "The smell of him on you infuriates me." He said and then pushed himself off of her.

Alone against the wall, she wanted him – close to her, loving her. She forced herself to move. She went into the water closet, turned on the shower, and stepped in. She hoped to wash away more than just the smell of Meyers. "Could William's anger be washed down the drain too?" she thought.

After cleaning himself up a bit, William sat, still and naked, on the edge of the bed. He felt regret. He fought with himself. He knew this wasn't Julia's fault. It was really nobody's fault. He had to let it go. "Julia is fine. She's safe. She's home. She still loves me and only me," he heard his own voice reasoning. "She walked in the door and made efforts to reassure our children … and me of her undying love. She faced the truth honestly and bravely. Oh, how I struggled to keep it under control. She loved me even as I showed her my darkest side… She has told me that she likes it when my feelings for her are so strong that they cause me to lose control. I only wish I hadn't wanted to hurt her. That part of it is disgusting. Oh, how I wish I could take it back."

Julia, naked, clean, - beautiful, came to sit next to William on the bed. The warmth he'd come to know in her presence re-blossomed through him. "Oh my God I love this woman so that it hurts," he thought to himself. Feeling the way he was, he knew that when he turned to look at her she would see – she would know, that his love for her had not been deterred. It would always burn inside of him.

No words. He inhaled and turned to face her. If anger was still in there, it was completely drowned out by the glowing love he felt for her. She took his cheek in her hand, held his chocolate eyes in hers. He wanted to make love to her just like this - gazing into each other's eyes, each watching their soul mate as their bodies felt the waves of passion and desire for each other being fulfilled. …But honesty pulled at him. He looked away. Julia waited. She knew he would work up the nerve to voice it. She just needed to be patient.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked.

"Yes, I guess a little. But honestly William, it felt really good too… I was very aroused. You know I've told you that sometimes I like our lovemaking to be rough," she turned him to her as she held him by his shoulders, even somewhat shaking him as she did so.

William's eyes lifted and tried to hold hers before shame overtook them and they dropped away again. "Julia, I am so ashamed," his voice began to crack a little. He was starting to fill with tears. "I wanted to hurt you. I'm so sorry. I can't believe that I would ever want to hurt you. I know it's not your fault that you were with Meyers, that you took on this assignment. But I felt so jealous and so scared. I don't think I could really tolerate it. I felt so helpless. The anger seemed to cure the helplessness. God, I feel sick."

Julia took needed time to think about what she could say to relieve his suffering. "William, please forgive yourself for this," she said. "You didn't hurt me, even if you wanted to. I know you love me and I trust you completely."

Her words lightened his burden. "Trust," he thought.

The kiss was soft at first, both of them tasting the salt from his tears, but it grew in intensity quickly. They made love. Then they went to sleep – together. Nobody was on the couch tonight.

The next morning, they made love again (morning was really William's favorite time). Fortunately they were finished before the little knocks at the door begged for invitations into the large bed for all the family to horse play and giggle and welcome their mommy, and his wife, home.