Promt: River is pregnant and called the Doctor for help. Twelve arrives there, only to find that his not-dead-wife is in labor in the middle of a battlefield. BONUS: Sonic glasses and electric guitar to the rescue!

He wasn't really sure which side he was suppose to be on, or which side didn't want to instantly kill him, but he Doctor suspected he'd landed with the not-so-nice people when he had a spear or twelve pointed right at his nose the second he stepped out of the TARDIS. He pushed up the sunglasses on his nose, glancing at the battle-weary faces glaring at him. "You wouldn't happen to have seen a curly haired, sassy woman around, would you?" He asked, trying to look intimidating. The soldiers around him took a step back and at first he thought his eyebrows had done their job.

"What do you want with the chief?" One of them asked him. He appeared to be second in command, or maybe he was just braver than the rest.

"Chief?" The Doctor coughed the word out. Of course River would have become the leader in a war zone. It was so like her, especially if she was as young as the Doctor expected. "She sent me a message for help. Obviously not the kind of help I expected to be giving, since I brought this." He gestured to the 21st century electric guitar around his neck. "And no, it's not a weapon. But if you try to take it, I'll smack you with it." He added, placing a protective hand over the instrument.

Just then, something -was that a grenade? A cannon ball maybe?- exploded next to the TARDIS and caused the people encircling the Doctor to scatter. Bullets started to rain on them so they ran in the opposite direction. The Doctor swung his guitar over his shoulder and followed, hoping he'd be lead to their base, and taking the opportunity to scrutinize the scene he was sprinting through.

They were in a flat land that stretched for miles between the shadows of two mountain ranges. The sky was red with approaching night and any buildings that used to be standing were now just piles of pale grey, broken stones. It was an era of kings and castles, he figured out from the stone and garbs the soldiers had, but there were too many planets with too many eras with kings and castles. Kings and castles and grenades. He corrected himself as another explosion occurred, too close for comfort. That was definitely a grenade.

He wasn't sure how long they'd been running, but he was out of breath by the time they arrived at the base. "You, pudding brain." He pointed to the presumed second in command, defaulting to the nick name. "Do you have any information about the woman leading you?" He didn't just run all that way for someone who wasn't River. And it if was River, he'd need to pinpoint when she was.

These days, he only saw her young. He did try not to complain too much. He knew that this was inevitable and River did -will -is going through the same thing. But it hurt none the less that Darillium was moving closer and River saw him as more of a stranger each time they met. Still, she'd known to call for help so this River would at least be one who trusted him.

It still left many unanswered questions, such as how she ended up in a place like this and what was so bad that she couldn't handle on her own. Maybe she was just ready to leave. Warzones were never her slice of cake for very long.

"She never says much about herself, but she's been here for months. She came saying she needed to hide. When the war broke out, she proved herself the best fighter this side of the mountain." The soldier explained, leading him through the base.

"Hide from what?" The Doctor questioned, eyeing the place. It looked more like a camp: fabric tents set up against still standing building parts and small fires everywhere. The people looked as worn as the packed ground.

"Some days she claims the whole of the universe." The man shrugged.

The Doctor frowned. River wasn't old enough to have the universe as her enemy yet, was she? "Did she mention a husband?"

"I never suspected her to be the kind who was into lads, but I suppose there must have been one for her to conceive." They stopped outside a largely built tent, nestled between two half standing stone walls, probably belonging to the chief.

The Doctor choked on air. "What?"

"I said I never expected her to-"

"No, no, the other thing." He demanded, feet suddenly frozen to the spot.

"She… had one to conceive?" The man tried again.

"Conceive what?!"

"A-a baby." The other man shrunk and the Doctor snapped his mouth shut, realizing he'd shouted.

The bloke must be lying. River wasn't pregnant or he'd have known about it. Though… it wasn't impossible for it to slip by him -No. Absolutely not. She wasn't as good at hiding things this young. The Doctor came to the conclusion that the woman must not be River. There were plenty of curly haired, sassy women in the universe, the TARDIS must have gone wrong. "You're mistaken." Despite his words, his feet suddenly betrayed him and he marched right into the tent without so much as knocking.

To his surprise, there were actually five people inside. Four of them were sitting on the floor around a map of the terrain, probably talking about a battle plan. He couldn't care less about them. The Doctor's eyes were drawn straight to the fifth person: a woman lying on a bed on the other side of the room, her back too him. She certainly looked like River from the back, but before the Doctor could even start denying it, the swords of the other four were drawn and pointed right at him. His nose seemed to be attracting a lot of sharp objects today. Or maybe it was the eyebrows.

Before he realized what was happening, the woman previously on the bed was suddenly in front of him, grabbing his guitar from his back, and using it to smack away the swords pointed at him.

"Hey, you're going to scratch it!" The Doctor blurted out.

"I thought I told you not to bring it." The woman growled at him.

"River, you've never even seen my guitar before-" He fell silent as it clicked in his mind who exactly he was talking to. "River."

This most definitely was his wife, and she most definitely was pregnant.

River signalled for the others to leave the tent. "Of course I've seen your guitar before. You never stop flaunting it around." She countered, then fell silent as well, realizing that her husband didn't know that yet. "Well, you're a bit young."

"And you're not." He swallowed, staring at her like she had a second head.

"Have you done Darillium?" She asked, lowering the now scratched guitar and handing it back to him.

"Only heard about it." He shook his head, frowning at the new scratches. "Have you?"

She nodded, moving to sit back down on the bed with a wince. "A while ago."

His eyebrows shot up to the tarp ceiling and he dropped his instrument. "You have?" She nodded again and before she could get another word in he started sputtering. "No, hang on. Not dead. You. Not dead... Alive?"

"Yes, sweetie." She murmured, amused at his expression. She suddenly took a sharp breath, leaning forwards and moaning quietly.

The sound shocked him and he scurried over to her, kneeling in front of her. "Why did you call me here."

"Why do you think? I wasn't planning on having this baby in a battlefield, but it seems to have other ideas." She gritted.

"Is it mine?" He asked before he could stop himself.

"No, it's a Sontaran's." She rolled her eyes at him, sarcasm enough to hit him over the head with. He glared and she relaxed as the pain passed. "Of course it's yours, you daft man."

"When?"

"Call it a coming home present." She teased.

He didn't bother asking why she'd come here. She had strange reasons for plenty of things, or maybe he would convince her to be here in the future so time lines stayed straight. It wouldn't really matter since she and the baby seemed to be in good health. "Are you okay? With a baby, I mean. We haven't talked about this."

"You haven't talked about this. I… well, I think this baby will be the best thing I've created in my life." She rubbed her bump with a proud smile. "Are you alright with this.?"

"I will be, I supose. It's a lot of news for one day." He murmured, not so much objecting to having a child, but more concerned with how having a family with River could possibly work. Hoping his future self had a better idea about it, he placed his hand next to his wife's, feeling the child's movements.

He felt the muscles tighten and looked up to see River's face contorted again, though she still refused to make much noise. "How long have you been in labour?"

"All day." She hissed. "But you told me that labor with Gallifreyans last a long time."

"Future me is probably right."

"Well all day is long enough for me. Where's the TARDIS?" She breathed.

"Em…" He guiltily scratched the back of his neck. "Not here."

"What?!" She stared at him, wide eyed. "What do you mean not here?"

"I mean inaccessible. I sort of left it in a hot zone and it's nowhere safe for you to go. Besides, the wee thing will probably be out of you before you even make it there."

She gave him a hard glare. "The 'wee thing' will do what I tell it to. No one is coming out of anyone until I'm in the TARDIS."

"I don't think it's up to you. You'll be pushing soon weather you'd like to or not. Is there a doctor here?" He asked, much calmer than he'd expected.

River, however, was growing more agitated as they spoke. "You're the Doctor."

"I was hoping you wouldn't say that." He murmured, then stood and went over to the door flap, poking his head out. "You, with the stupid nose. Come here."

One of the people who had making plans in the tent before came over to him with crossed arms.

"Do you have any medical supplies in this scrap of a camp?" He demanded.

"No." The other one said. "We don't do village raids."

"Of course you don't." The Doctor huffed. "What about towels? Blankets would also work. And clean water?"

Other one's head shook. "All supplies are spread thin as they are. What is in your tent is all you have."

The Doctor practically growled. His wife was about to give birth and all he had was guns and his guitar. "Your chief is having a baby and you can't spare anything for her?" Screw being calm, River deserved more than this.

"Women in our platoon have bore healthy children with less than what the chief has now. She can handle this." The other assured, though immediately there was a loud, pained groan from the tent and River calling the Doctor back to her.

He could tell by her tone that things were speeding up and the baby was getting impatient to be born. "The first Gallifreyan in centuries is about to be born and all you can offer is a scrap of a bed in a scrap of a tent. This is rubbish. I'm getting the TAR-" The Doctor cut himself off as he heard a scream. It wasn't from River, though.

People in the tents near the entrance of the camp started panicking as grenades and bullets started to rain down on them. Comotion all of a sudden buzzed up around him as everyone went into fight mode. The enemy was attacking and soon things were blowing up in all directions. The already weak walls of the ruined city were crumbing and fires followed.

"River." The Doctor all at once remembered why he was in the middle of a battlefield and started back in her direction, but almost as soon as he did, a grenade hit the ground in front of him. He hardly managed to start running before the explosion threw him backwards.

His last thought before he passed out was of panic as he saw the walls supporting River's tent collapse in in themselves, and then darkness.

"Doctor, I changed my mind."

"Changed your mind… about the pudding?"

"No." River put her dessert menu down and the Doctor did the same. "About Darillium." The Doctor blinked at her, his stomach twisting for the nth time that evening. "I don't want to go tonight."

"You've been wanting to go for ages." He managed, though was more relieved than anything to hear those words. "I've got reservation in an hour."

"Yes, I know, but I changed my mind." She looked at the tablecloth, feeling a bit guilty. "I'm just not up for it tonight."

The Doctor reached his hand across the table, offering a smile. "It's alright, Riv. There's plenty other things in the universe just waiting for us. Besides, our future selves might be using that reservation as we speak."

She visibly relaxed. "A night in?"

He nodded. "Whatever you want, love."

It was the quiet that woke him. He could never sleep if it was too quiet. He needed something: The hum of the TARDIS, River's breathing, a baby crying. No, that's not right.

He sat bolt upright, stones tumbling off him with the movement. He winced at the bruises and the silence, listening. No TARDIS, no River, no baby crying… not yet at least.

The camp was silent and broken. No screams or gun fire, just bodies. River, River, River.

The Doctor stumbled to his feet as quickly as he could, wiping out his sonic glasses. He scanned the rubble that used to be River's tent, hearts on double time. No heat signatures.

She could've been dead under there. Or she might've not been under there at all.

He took his chances and started running through the camp. "River!" There was hardly a sound around him as he rushed passed bodies and dying fires. If River was anywhere, she would be defending this camp until her arms gave out.

He ran and ran, moving back the way he came. The walls seemed a bit more intact the closer to enemy lines he became and soon enough he could hear where the battle had gone to.

Following the sound of blasts, he ran until it became more clear that there were people shouting in the mix of noise. He paused when he could make out River's shouts, both relieved and afraid of what that meant. He raced even faster towards the source.

The Doctor finally stumbled across whom he assumed where the last people alive in from the camp: Stupid Nose, Pudding Brain, and River. His eyes went straight to her, hardly bothering with the other two or their surroundings. It was obvious that she was injured, bruised and cut on most of her exposed skin. There was a large gash on her shoulder blade and a makeshift splint on one of her ankles.

By that point, is was hard for him to ignore everything else as he observed how they were fighting. The three were using the largest wall they could find as cover, each wielding guns. (River with the largest of course.) The wall was probably once part of a church based on the windows they were shooting out of and ducking under. Though, River was doing most of the shooting.

It was no surprise to the Doctor that she was the best shooter out of them, him included, but Pudding Brain and Stupid Nose where hardly even touching their guns. They seemed to be in a pattern of trade off, where one would shoot with River and reload her weapon while the other supported her body so she could shoot. He realized she was having trouble holding herself up as she was half trying to concentrate on her labour and needed them to act as her backbone.

Enough with the bloody guns.

The Doctor ran to her. "River!"

She didn't break her concentration, but Stupid Nose turned his head to acknowledge him since it was his turn to hold River up. "I thought you died."

"Shut up and move." The Doctor pushed him over and took over supporting River. "River you've got to stop."

She shook her head. "I can't." Her words were strained through a clenched jaw. He looked over the battlefield, seeing that they were rather at a stalemate with whoever the hell they were fighting, and that was only because of River. Her skill was keeping the four and a half of them alive and stopping would mean certain death.

"To hell you can't. You can't give birth and shoot at the same time. Why are you even in this stupid battle in the first place?" He was angry at the situation and scared that she might not make it out of this.

"Augh!" Was her only response as she fired out another round, every bullet ending up in someone's chest or head. The Doctor tried to ignore the killing, instead putting his mind on deciding whether the noise had been from River's aggressiveness to the enemy or from the pain she was in.

"How close are you?" He asked since she refused to answer his first question. Pudding Brain reloaded her gun for her and she only whimpered. The noise surprised the Timelord, but the other two seemed unfazed by it.

"Very, I take it." He murmured. She nodded. "I'm going to take a look." He waited for her to nod again before crouching next to her and lifting her dress. Stupid Nose and Pudding Brain focused on firing, trying to give the chief some privacy.

The Doctor had to rely mostly on his hands since he couldn't get a very good view. He discovered that he didn't need one, feeling the baby's head between River's folds. "It's crowning already…!" He looked up at her in shock. River didn't have any visible reaction to his words, going on panting and shooting. He wasn't sure if she even heard him, but then again, she probably didn't need to. This baby was coming now and not even he could argue with that. He could even argue for her to stop shooting. "Push."

She woke with wires and tubes attached to her, threading under a crisp white hospital gown. It took no time at all for adrenaline to flood her and Melody to take over. She ripped out IVs and heart monitors, scrabbling to get away from the setting.

Somehow it was getting harder to get to the door. She thought maybe her body was too weak to do so, but then registered a pair of arms holding her back.

Melody tensed, turning and flipping the person over so they were laying flat on the ground. Melody raised her hand to strike, but River stopped her. "...Doctor?"

He looked up at her, obviously trying to hide the fact that everything now hurt. "Hello, River."

"You're Scottish." She managed, the only thought of a million to actually make it's way from her mouth.

"Glad you noticed." He replied, strained due to her knee pressing against his airway.

She quickly removed it, hesitantly moving off of him. "You changed."

He nodded. "So did you."

She frowned at the words, looking down at her body as if something might be different. It felt like her own body, no new additions or parts missing.

"I meant that this isn't the body you went into the LIbrary with. It's a copy." He said at her confusion.

It all suddenly came back to her: where she'd been for what felt like centuries; Young Doctor, killer shadows, the bones of her teammates, her own death still overwhelmingly present.

The Doctor's arms wrapped around her and she realized she'd curled herself into a ball, trying to ignore the wetness on her cheeks. "You're safe now, River. You're home, you're safe.

Home.

The word rang in her mind and she finally let herself give into his warm touch.

It didn't take River long to give into loud cries of pain as she pushed. Sometimes the Doctor mistook the noise for a battle cry, though in a way it was one. Two battles at once was hard not to shout at.

The Doctor had given up trying to control the situation and get River to sit or stop fighting, instead focusing on supporting her. At this point, the other three people with her where the only things keeping her standing. He body trembled under the strain, no one having any guess as to how she could endure so much.

Pudding Brian handed River a more explosive weapon since it could affect larger areas, constantly feeding ammunition to her. She was starting to miss the more her hands trembled, each contraction practically blinding her to anything but pushing. Her body had been telling her to stop from the moment they'd fled from the camp, but River's stubbornness could go head to head with mountain and win. Apparently, labour was bigger than a mountain.

"Head's almost out." The Doctor said, balancing holding up his wife with supporting the baby's head.

River fired an explosive, the force from the gun knocking back into her good shoulder. She squeezed her eyes shut, groaning as her body forced to her to push. Her joints all felt like jelly and her muscles burned in protest to the strain she put on them.

The Doctor quickly checked to make sure the cord wasn't around the baby's neck, nodding to himself as an all clear. He looked up at River who was leaning heavily against their barricade, outwardly struggling to keep up this multitasking. He'd much rather her focus be on the birthing, but he also was a fan of not dying. "Just a few more pushes, you're almost there."

Just then a wave of bullets from the other side came flying at the window. He heard River scream, her knees finally giving out from beneath her. She fell back against the Doctor, gun clattering on the ground.

Stupid Nose took over the Doctor's previous place supporting the baby, telling River to keep pushing. Pudding Brain checked River over to find where she'd been shot.

There was a new stain of red a few inches below her collar bone on her left side, the blood quickly spreading out over her chest as she bled more. She was wheezing, the bullet having torn into her lung.

The Doctor squeezed her hands in a panic, not knowing what to do. Surely his future self wouldn't let River come here to die if he knew this was going to happen.

"Push!" Stupid Nose demanded again as Pudding Brain put pressure on River's new wound. To the Doctor's surprise, River listened, her whole body tensing as she tried to bare down. She squeezed his hands hard, face contorted as she shouted in pain.

The ground shook as grenades were sent their way and the used-to-be church wall threatened to collapse.

"One more." The Doctor said, holding her close to him, afraid that if his grip loosened, he'd lose it all.

Pudding Brain's hands were red with River's blood, trying desperately to stop the flow. River coughed up some of it, invoking more worry in them all. She screamed again, back arching as she forced herself to push as hard as she could.

The Doctor took off his coat as he watched Stupid Nose's expression. He lift his arms up, holding the little pink and cranky infant that was trying out its lungs for the very first time. The Doctor handed over the coat so the child had something warm besides the heat of the battle.

"Is he okay?" River breathed, energy drained from her.

Stupid Nose and The Doctor nodded. "Are you?"

She didn't answer, eyes fluttering shut. The baby started crying louder as the Doctor shook River's shoulders in attempt to wake her.

Another crack of a bomb alarmingly close to them and the wall began to collapse.

River woke in a very familiar bed with a very familiar sent around her. It took no time at all for adrenaline to flood her, though she'd chained Melody a long time ago. She sat up slowly, effortlessly concealing both her urge to lash out and the soreness of her bones.

She scrutinized her surroundings, relaxing as she realized this was the bedroom that she and her husband shared on the TARDIS. It looked completely untouched, as this Doctor rarely came here.

She paused, also taking time to discover that the sent around her was the lingering aftertaste of regeneration energy. "You sentimental idiot!" She hissed, glaring at nothing in particular.

"How did I know you were going to say that?"

River's gaze shot over to the arm chair where she saw the gray haired Timelord sitting contently, a swaddle of blankets nestled in his arms. "Stupid Nose and Budding Brain got home safe, by the way."

"That's not their names you know." She crossed her arms, this time having trouble hiding her grin. "Are you going to tell me what happened?"

"I wouldn't want to bore you with the details." He teased and stood, going over to sit next to her on the bed. "But it did end with this little lad coming into the universe." He showed her the content of the blankets: a sleeping infant, no more than a few hours old.

Any scolding RIver had about the regeneration energy was caught in her throat as she took the baby in her arms, gazing down at her son. "A war isn't exactly the best start to a life."

"We have plenty of time to make up for that." He shrugged. "I think it turned out just fine. He has quite the mother looking after him."

River nodded in agreement. "And quite the father."

He looked towards the door. "I suppose you'll be wanting a more current me. I still have a you to save and a baby to make."

"Doctor?"

"Hmm?"

River shook her head. "Shut up and stay."

The Doctor relaxed, moving to lie next to his wife. "I don't suppose we've already picked a name?"

"Spoilers, darling." She chuckled.

"That's a rubbish name." He murmured, cuddling close to his family.