"Come on, babe, let me take you out," Bradley-from-Channel-9 says to Miss Ritchi cajolingly.

Megamind, handcuffed and leaning back against police car, rolls his eyes.

Of course, all other newscasters are inherently inferior to Rox—Miss Ritchi. That goes without saying. But Bradley-from-Channel-9 is in a special class all his own. A low class. He's got that smarmy grin and that perfect newscaster hair (Megamind hates the perfect newscaster hair) and that general air of I'm-so-much-cooler-than-everyone-else that makes Megamind's skin crawl and reminds him forcibly of shool-age Metro Man.

Metro Man is standing a little way off, talking to another group of fawning reporters. He should have ignored them long enough to make sure Megamind was being arrested properly. The idiot cop that handcuffed Megamind with his hands behind his back—surely everybody knows that you want Megamind's hands where you can see them?—has now abandoned Megamind beside the police car in favor of trying to get the attention of yet another inferior newscaster, a woman with blonde hair and a grin like a shark wearing lipstick.

Megamind slips the lock picks from his sleeve. He's totally going to escape before he even gets to jail; this is going to be great.

"No, thanks, Brad," Roxanne says (for the fifth time; Megamind's counting). "I'm good."

"After the time you just had, sweetheart, you gotta be in shock or something," Bradley-from-Channel-9 says, stepping closer to her—too close, to judge from the way Roxanne tenses up. Megamind narrows his eyes. "I'm gonna buy you a drink. Two drinks! All the drinks you want."

"Really, though, Brad," Roxanne says with a tight smile, "I don't need a drink. I'm just going to—"

She goes to step around Bradley-from-Channel-9, but he catches her wrist and blocks her path, crowding her up against the news van.

"Aw, come on!" he says, laughing, "don't be that way!"

"Let go of my arm, please," Roxanne says, looking—is that—?

Is that actual fear in her expression? Megamind has never seen Roxanne look afraid before. Deathtraps and giant robots and kidnappings and she's never once—

Okay, what the fuck is Metro Man doing, letting this dick scare Roxanne while he mugs for the goddamn cameras?

"I know you want me," Bradley-from-Channel-9 says smugly, thumb stroking Roxanne's wrist. "Why else would you tell me that you aren't really dating Metro Man, baby? Come on, let me show you a good time."

"Whether or not I am dating Metro Man has no bearing on the fact," Roxanne says through gritted teeth, "that I am not attracted to you, Brad. Please let go of my arm."

Brad's handsome face contracts into a frown.

"Don't be such a bitch, Roxy," he says.

Roxanne tries to yank her arm from his grasp but he doesn't let go and she looks more scared than before.

Roxanne's eyes meet Megamind's over Bradley-from-Channel-9's shoulder and—

Megamind gives one last vicious twist of the lock pick, freeing his hands.

Bradley-from-Channel-9 is on the ground clutching his bleeding nose before he even knows what's hit him.

"She said no!" Megamind snarls. "That means no!"

He looks up and sees Roxanne staring at him, wide-eyed and pressed back against the news van, and then Metro Man gets his head out of his ass, finally, swooping in and grabbing Megamind by the collar (wow, how helpful).

"You've got a visitor," the Warden tells him, eyeing Megamind with an expression that Megamind cannot read.

"Is it Santa Claus?" Megamind asks flippantly, to cover his confusion—who would be visiting him? Not Minion, not unless something's gone wrong; they only have Minion come into the prison during dire emergencies— "I've been very good this year, you know." He grins, even though it makes the bruise on his face twinge.

The Warden doesn't even snort sarcastically, just continues to look at Megamind with that inscrutable expression for a long moment.

Oh-kay, then—?

Megamind raises his eyebrows and finally the Warden presses the button to open the little hatch in the door. Megamind sticks his hands through so he can be handcuffed.

The mysterious visitor turns out to be Roxanne.

Megamind blinks in confusion when he sees her on the other side of the glass, and then takes a seat, resting the fingertips of his handcuffed hands together beneath his chin—a good effect, one he's practiced often during the endless hours in his cell.

"Miss Ritchi," he says, "I know I promised you we'd meet again, but I have to confess that I did not think it would be so soon. Have you finally succumbed to my villainous allure?"

(he's pretty proud of that line, especially since he's working entirely blind and off-the-cuff here; what in the world is Roxanne doing here—)

Roxanne rolls her eyes.

"'Villainous allure'" she repeats. "That sounds like a perfume."

"Really?" Megamind says, with his most wicked smirk, "How interesting you should say that. Would you like to try me on your skin, Miss Ritchi?"

Roxanne blushes vividly and opens her mouth to respond, then frowns.

"What happened to your face?" she asks.

"Wh—? Oh, um," Megamind says, fingertips of one hand going up to touch the bruise on his cheekbone, handcuffs clinking, and just like that, his evil composure is broken.

(What is it about Roxanne that perpetually throws him off his game? Just once, just one time, he'd like to get through an interaction with her without looking like a complete fucking idiot.)

What happened to his face, of course, was the cop who handcuffed him incorrectly the first time was pissed off and embarrassed that Megamind got loose and made sure that the second 'capture' was none-too-gentle. The bruise on his face isn't even the worst of it; Megamind's got three marks on his side from where the cop tasered him after he was already in handcuffs.

"It's nothing," Megamind says, hands going back down to rest on the tabletop. "It doesn't matter. Why are you here, Miss Ritchi?"

(Wow, he berates himself as her frown deepens, that wasn't an obvious subject change or anything! She's a reporter; she knows now that you don't want to talk about this. Complete fucking idiot.)

To his surprise, though, she doesn't press the issue.

"You punched him," Roxanne says, her answer almost as abrupt as Megamind's question.

"Who, Bradley-From-Channel-9?" Megamind asks. "Yes, I—"

"Why?"

"I—what?" Megamind says. "Why? What—what do you mean, why? You were—you were there; you know why!"

"Explain it to me anyway," Roxanne commands.

Megamind gestures, waving one hand, the full arc of the movement cut short by the chain connecting his wrists.

"He was—he kept—you told him no and he wasn't listening and—" he cuts himself off, feeling himself flush, heat flooding his cheeks and the tips of his ears.

"Go on, Megamind," Roxanne says, leaning forward in her chair. "I want to hear you say it out loud."

Megamind gestures again, two-handed this time, shoulders hunching defensively.

"You looked upset; you looked scared; you said no and he didn't listen! That's not—that is not okay!"

"So what you're saying," Roxanne says, "is that you wanted to save me, is that right?"

"Yes! No!"

(Fuck fuck fuck complete fucking idiot)

"I don't know!"

(Jesus, you just made it worse stop talking)

"Someone had to!"

"You do realize," Roxanne says gently, "that I can take care of myself."

(You looked scared, Megamind wants to scream. Nobody should have to be scared like that alone.)

"Yes," Megamind snaps, "but you could hardly have hauled off and punched the guy without—legal and professional repercussions, and punching is clearly what he needed!"

"So," Roxanne says, smirking, "nobody gets to bother me but you?"

Megamind freezes, feeling as though floor around his chair has opened up suddenly into a bottomless pit.

"Oh," he says softly. "Oh. I had. I had no idea that I made you uncomfortable like that."

(god, he wants to curl up into a ball and die—you piece of shit, you worthless—all this time, she's been feeling—)

"I apologize," he says, forcing the words out. "I will—you don't need to worry. About that. I will—"

(all this time she's been feeling—he wants to die.)

"—I will refrain from bothering you in the future," he says.

"…what?" says Roxanne—Miss Ritchi, he thinks cuttingly at himself, it's Miss Ritchi, you don't deserve to call her Roxanne, even in your own head.

She looks confused—(clarify it, you fucking moron; make her understand that she's safe from you now; come on, Megamind, I want to hear you say it out loud.)

"I would never have—" he swallows the rest of the words; that is not what she needs to hear. "I won't kidnap you any more."

"Because—because I'm not actually dating Metro Man?" Miss Ritchi asks uncertainly.

Megamind, who has fixed his eyes on his hands, glances up sharply at her.

"You're not—? But—"

(Irrelevent, irrelevent; she doesn't have to explain herself to you.)

"No, because—you said that I—you said that I make you feel—the way that Bradley-from-Channel-9—"

"Megamind," Miss Ritchi says slowly, eyes on his face. "That was a joke. I was joking."

"Oh," he says, and then presses his lips together.

"Why—" Miss Ritchi says after a long moment, "why do you still look just as freaked out as before?"

"I'm fine," Megamind says quickly.

"I told you it was a joke—maybe it wasn't very funny, but it was just a—"

"A joke, yes, I get it, but," Megamind says, fingers tapping rapidly together. "Well. I have. Noticed that humans tend to use humor to point out things that are uncomfortable but. True. Things they don't feel—able—to mention in a serious manner. It seems. Reasonable. To assume that, on some level, you do feel sexually threatened by me and that is not a thing that I ever wanted to inflict on—"

"I do not feel—! Okay, so maybe I was trying to do the pointing-out-a-thing-we-don't-usually-mention-outright thing that you—but—Megamind—I was talking about—I was talking about how you always flirt with me."

Megamind winces, his whole body flinching away from her.

"Yes," he admits. "And I am sorry. I should have noticed that you felt uncomfortable with—"

"Jesus, Megamind, no! Would you just—it doesn't make me feel uncomfortable! You don't make me feel uncomfortable! I wouldn't—I wouldn't flirt back with you," she says deliberately, blushing, "if you flirting with me made me feel uncomfortable."

Megamind stares at her in stunned silence for at least six seconds.

"I think we're making your guard uncomfortable," Roxanne says, looking over Megamind's shoulder with an embarrassed expression.

"Uncle Tracy will be fine," Megamind says, not looking away from her face.

"I feel like I'm chaperoning a sixth-grade dance," Uncle Tracy complains from his place against the wall.

Roxanne chokes on a laugh. Which is. Megamind's new favorite sound in the entire world.

"I just—I actually just came to say thank you," Roxanne says, laughter still at the edges of the words.

"It wasn't—I—it wasn't something that you—" Megamind stammers. "It wasn't something that you have to thank me for."

Roxanne rolls her eyes.

"Megamind," she says, "when someone says thank you, you say…?"

He hears Uncle Tracy snickering behind him.

"You're welcome," Megamind mutters.

"There you go," Roxanne says, grinning. "So. Thank you."

When he's silent, blushing furiously, she lifts her hand and taps on the glass.

Swiftly, he reaches up and presses his own hand to the glass, directly opposite her hand.

"You're welcome," he says.

Shit, he shouldn't have—he should take his hand away, he shouldn't have put it on the glass like that, like he's playing at needs-of-the-many-outweighing-the-needs-of-the-few, an alien and a human on either side of a glass wall, like there's a—connection, a love there—or, even worse, as if he thinks there's—if I profane with my unworthiest hand—this is weird, it's weird, he made it weird—

Roxanne, still smiling, puts her own hand flat against the glass.

So that their hands are—

"Palm to palm," Megamind murmurs, dazed, "holy palmers'—"

He cuts himself off—fuck, oh, fuck, he definitely shouldn't have said that; what the fuck is the matter with—

"—kiss—?" Roxanne finishes. "—holy palmers' kiss? Really? I was thinking Star Trek, but—Romeo and Juliet?"

Oh, god, and of course she caught the goddamn reference fuck fuck shit fuck there isn't any way to salvage this, is there? He is—

"Have—" Roxanne says hesitatingly, then repeats, more sure of herself, "have not saints lips, and holy palmers, too?"

Megamind stops breathing.

She.

Just.

She just quoted him the next line.

The next line of the play which is a request for a kiss.

There is no way.

There is no way that he is reading this correctly.

Except Roxanne is still looking at his face, her eyes wide and her lips parted, and she still hasn't taken her hand away from the glass—

And that's. The implication is—

(To hell with implications, he decides. Come on, Megamind, say it out loud.)

"Roxanne, I really like you," he says quickly, before he can lose his nerve. "I would very much like to date you."

Roxanne is silent for the space of six of Megamind's too-rapid heartbeats.

Oh fuck, he knew he couldn't be reading that—

"You can come pick me up at seven," Roxanne says, her voice a little too fast as well.

Megamind—

stops.

thinking.

entirely.

"Aaaaand visiting time's up!" Uncle Tracy says. "Holy shit."

"What are you grinning about, Blue?" Uncle Larry calls from his inside his cell as Megamind is being escorted down the hall.

"Who was it?" Uncle George calls from where he's sitting in his guard chair, playing chess with Uncle Larry. "Who was your visitor, kid?"

"It was Roxanne Ritchi," Uncle Tracy says, loud enough that the whole block can hear. "She came to thank him for defending her honor earlier today!"

There is a chorus of assorted cheers, whistles, and encouraging comments from his uncles on both sides of the bars. Megamind feels his face go hot but he just. He can't stop smiling.

"It was ridiculous," Uncle Tracy adds loudly, "They pressed their hands together on either side of the glass!"

"She did the Wrath of Khan thing with you!?" Uncle Ivan asks. "Things are serious!"

"Oh, fuck off, all of you!" Megamind says, covering his face with his cuffed hands.

"They did the Wrath of Khan thing!" Uncle Ivan hisses to Uncle George. "Things are serious! This is happening! Didn't I tell you!? Didn't I tell you it would happen?"

"Nothing is happening!" Megamind says loudly. "Nothing! Stop making a big deal out of it!"

"She said she's not really dating Metro Man!" Uncle Tracy yells. "She told him she likes it when he flirts with her! She told him she flirts back!"

The noise of the crowd increases.

"They quoted Romeo and Juliet at each other!" Uncle Tracy shouts over the noise.

"I fucking told you!" Uncle Ivan screeches, "I fucking told you all! It's happening! Oh, my god, it's finally happening!"

"I hate you all," Megamind groans, still unable to hold back his smile.

"They're—" Uncle Tracy stops and nudges Megamind. "Go on, kid," he says gently. "Tell the family the good news."

Megamind looks around at all of his uncles, all of them watching him eagerly.

"Roxanne said she'd go on a date with me!" Megamind shouts, grinning and blushing and saying it out loud. "A date! With me! She said that!"

Pandemonium erupts.

Uncle Ivan seems to be making a wordless, high-pitched shrieking noise of glee.

Megamind spins joyfully, raising his handcuffed hands above his head in triumph.

When he escapes thirty-seven minutes later, the Warden, tied up on the floor, laughs and calls after Megamind as he's going down the hall—

"Good luck on your date, son!"

Megamind grins as he turns the corner.

'needs of the many' - star trek, wrath of khan

'if I profane with my most unworthiest hand' / 'palm to palm' exchange - romeo and juliet