A/N

Life is tough. I am tougher. But it does take a toll on me, so I haven't really had the energy to write seriously. This however… is not serious. :P

My apologies to anyone with actual arachnophobia. I'm not making fun of you, trust me. You should see me with silverfish. I scream so shrilly only animals can hear the noise.

"Jesus Christ! God damnit!" David Rossi burst out. Alex Blake's head turned in his direction as she reached for her gun.

"Talk to me, Rossi," she said.

"It's nothing," he said, adjusting his jacket and trying to play it cool. Blake didn't buy this change of demeanour for one second.

"Okay? So 'nothing' gets you jumping up and down, yelling like a maniac. Doesn't sound likely."

She moved forward, crossing her arms as she tilted her head to the side. Rossi sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Spider."

"Spider?" Blake said. "Wha- oh. You're…" Her lips twitched involuntarily as she struggled to hold back laughter. "You're scared of spiders?"

"I'm not scared. It's a phobia. It's not the same thing."

"It's the same thing."

"It's not the same thing!"

"It's the same thing!"

He tried to glare at her and keep an eye on the spider at the same time. It didn't work too well, so he decided to dare let the spider out of sight for a moment to deliver a retort to the female agent.

"Don't give me that attitude, Alex. You're acting just like this with m-"

Blake shook her head almost aggressively, causing her hair to whip around her face in a way that almost distracted him from the horror next to the car.

"Don't say it, Dave, I'm warning you!" she snapped.

"Maggots," he finished and she shuddered.

"Thank you very much for that."

"You're welcome. Will you come over here and kill that bastard for me now, if you're done gloating?"

"My hero," she said sarcastically and walked around the car. "Where is the little… oh Jesus CHRIST!"

"Did I forget to mention it's huge?" Rossi chuckled as Blake jumped back with a disgusted look upon her face.

"You kind of forgot to mention that detail, yes."

"What's the matter? You're not scared of spiders, are you?" Rossi teased from his spot several steps away from the arachnid.

"Of course not," Blake scoffed. "I just…"

She retreated one step, and then yet another one.

"… don't think it's fair to kill an innocent creature."

"Ah," Rossi said, nodding slowly. "Of course. Your Buddhist side."

"Exactly," Blake replied in an equally solemn tone. "Besides, I am very sure I saw a better parking spot further down the road."

"Good call. We should save all the energy we can in this humid heat."

"Let's go then."

Neither of them would later admit to actually running back to the car, but both decidedly thought the other one did, and both knew the teasing would be endless. For the moment, however, they were just relieved to be back in the car.

"Not a word about this to Hotch," Rossi muttered.

"Oh boy, no need to tell me that," Blake replied. "Come on, drive."

"I can't."

"You can't, why?"

"Because the guy outside has a pal, and that pal is sitting on the steering wheel."

"Oh. Well. Maybe that parking spot down the road wasn't so good after all."

"You're probably right. You should make do with what you have and not become greedy."

"I totally agree."

Both agents yanked the doors open and stepped out of the car in perfect and very hurried synchronise while the spider calmly went ahead and built his web. The freaky two-legged creatures did not scare him one bit, weird as they were.