I don't own Naruto

"Thanks for meeting me, I know it's late" stated a blue eyed blonde.

"No problem, gaki, but what is this about?" questioned a potential future Hokage.

Naruto let out a short sigh, "I know this is a thing, I'm a child and you're an adult but for the first seven years of my life I was referred to as demon brat so often I thought it was my name so if you aren't all that interested in saying my name then can you at least find something else to call me?"

"Sorry, Naruto" Tsunade said with a visible frown.

"So, is this round two in attempting me to come back to the village because I real…" before she could finish Naruto interrupts

"No, what you're doing is brave, even if no one is willing to admit it" Naruto said in almost a whisper. Tsunade, obviously surprised, does not know how to take this, she was not expecting this and seeing her utter shock Naruto continues,

"Yes, brave. You ever notice that no one ever labels an act cowardly when it's what they want you to do? How is that possible? Almost makes you think people label things in accordance with their own self interests" Seeing Tsunade's continued surprised, Naruto can't help poking a little fun, "what surprises you more, that I know a word like "accordance" or that I'm aware of the concept of self interest?" Naruto asks through a series of chuckles.

"What the hell, ga… Naruto. Where was this you, yesterday? You looked like you were ready to fight me when I trashed the Hokage's and the village, so why the turnaround?"

"It's simple, that was for Jiraiya. It's an adaptive strategy, if people don't show me the real them shortly after meeting them, I won't show them the real me. Jiraiya wanted to act the super pervert instead of the shinobi I knew him to be and when he trained me for the Chunin exam finals he was mostly interested in the fox instead of me. He made his choice so I gave him what I give everyone else, the hyperactive loudmouth"

"And what have I done to earn your true self? People can fake being bitter and jaded, too" Tsunade says as she finally takes a drink.

"True enough and who knows, maybe you're just trying to get a better deal before you agree to be Hokage but Jiraiya filled me in on your history and your sense of loss felt very real. If you can fake that then I'm impressed."

"Ok, I think we've gotten a little off track here, why is my self imposed exile brave?" Tsunade asks.

Before answer, Naruto takes several moments and stares down into his drink then states, "Because you're free. You served your village but when the cost was too high, when you had suffered enough you broke free of the system. It can't be easy for a Senju to leave the village started by their clan. It couldn't have been easy for the most powerful kunoichi in existence to walk away. The old man used to talk about The Will of Fire a lot and he may have believed it but it was also self serving. You walked away because you had enough when almost everything in your life would have told you to do otherwise. You didn't do the easy thing, I don't care what anyone says, getting out is brave. I wish I were that brave"

"Naruto, what happened to you? Why do you wish to leave the village so badly? Jiraiya made it seem like you wanted to be the Hokage and it isn't easy to fool seasoned shinobi so what gives?"

"Tsunade-san, how much do you know about me?" Naruto asks

"Not much, mostly just Jiraiya's impression of you but I also know about the fox which I'm guessing you assumed since you already mentioned it" Tsunade said with a smirk.

"Yea, I figured you did and even if you didn't, I'm just not sure I care to keep the worst kept secret in the elemental nations anymore. But yes, I house the fox and because of it I am not particularly popular in the village. That's actually putting it mildly, I'm actively hated. By the civilians, by shinobi. I was isolated from most everyone in the village and honestly that was preferable to the occasional bouts of physical abuse I'd experience" Naruto expressed, matter-of-factly.

"Surely there are some people who cared for you and you them. Jiraiya mentioned you and sensei were close" prodded Tsunade.

"Hahaha, Tsunade-san you may want to stop relying on Jiraiya's intel, it isn't quite accurate. I was, once, close to the old man. I truly saw him like a Grandfather and believed he saw me like a grandson until I noticed he'd continually lie to me.

There was also the fact that I've seen how he treated his actual grandson, what he showed me is pity and what he wanted was for me to ease his guilty conscience. That's not genuine affection, that's being used and he was entirely too comfortable with using me as long as he could dress it up in pretty words." Naruto said, barely holding back a sneer.

"Did you know I didn't know about my burden until the night I became a genin? Not only was this information provided to me by someone who wanted and attempted to kill me but the emotional shock could very well have, if not for the intervention of my academy sensei. The old man's justification for not telling me is he wanted me to have a normal childhood but that clearly had failed. I was kicked out of an orphanage and had to get my own apartment before I was old enough to join the academy how is that normal? The best I can come up with is the old man thought if I knew how unfair the villagers were being then maybe I wouldn't want to protect them, maybe I'd stay a civilian and eventually leave. But he couldn't have that, no. No matter how sincerely the old man felt for me, if it came down to it I was a weapon and property of the village"

"Sensei had his faults, Naruto but I think you may be drawing conclusions on thin evidence" Tsunade retorted.

"Really? Have you ever met someone who believed in the concept of the needs of the many outweighing the needs of a few than the old man? Because I haven't and that's the only way his inaction to stop my suffering makes any sense. I don't want to hear any bullshit about he was a tired old man, if that's the case he would have had Jiraiya track you down years ago but he didn't. He spoke so much about The Will of Fire and how everyone in the village is like family but you know what? Sometimes families sacrifice for one member of it, sometimes the good of the few does outweigh the good of the many. He never saw it that way but tellingly, the good of the many seemed to never require a sacrifice of him" said Naruto.

"Ok, I can see how you could come to that conclusion but what about this sensei that helped save you? Surely his intentions were pure, right?"

To this, Naruto laughs again and then replies, "My sensei, Iruka, believed he was doing me a favor by managing to overcome his initial hatred of the fox and thus me. He wanted a pat on the back for managing to treat me fairly and buying me ramen every once and awhile. However, said Sensei that cared oh so much never caught when the other instructors were teaching me improperly, if they taught me at all or screwed with my tests. He accepted that I was a dead last with "potential" I just didn't try hard enough to tap into and just like the old man and Jiraiya I decided to give them the fool they wanted. Besides, Tsunade-san, would you credit someone for managing to see past your gender to treat you fairly?"

"No, I wouldn't. You've got me there Naruto" Tsunade said as her frown deepened, which Naruto noticed.

"I'm sorry, Tsunade-san, I didn't ask you to meet me so I could depress you with my sad little life. I just wanted to point out that regardless of what you've done since you left the village, staying away wasn't some betrayal of higher principles. And while the village does need a new Hokage did Jiraiya ever ask if the village was deserving of you? I doubt it. I...I often wish I could leave, especially now. I have very few reasons to stay, most of them based around fear. Fear of the hunter nins, fear of the gang of S-class shinobi hunting me and just fear of the unknown. I feel like trapped and I couldn't try to convince you to come back to something I dream of escaping."

Tsunade takes several moments to digest what Naruto has just told her, having trouble organizing her thoughts but feeling the need to know the boy has some comfort she asks, "Naruto, is there anyone in the village who cares for you and you them? What about your classmates? Jirai… damnit"

Naruto chuckles before he responds, "Jiraiya mentioned how a class full of clan heirs is talented and close? They are close to each other, for the most part but none of them are my friends. As I said, the academy sought to make me look like an idiot and because there was no punishment for doing so, I became an easy target for bullying. Anytime you needed a self-esteem boost just go mock Naruto since that's what he's good for. So, they too, got the fool. Yes, I could have been closer to my actual personality but why would I? Most of them didn't actually want to know me and my being seen as an idiot was safer than being competent. A stupid demon gets to live."

With an unshed tear, Tsunade asks, "was there anyone you cared for?"

Naruto immediately looks away, debating whether to divulge this or not. Taking a deep breath he answers, "Yes, there is. And she cares for me but she finds herself in a similar situation so acknowledging her feelings could potentially result her being furthered harmed by her clan. If you don't mind, I'd rather not say anymore about it." To which Tsunade nods.

"That's a lot to take in, Naruto. I get why leaving seems so attractive to you but you are still a current shinbi of the Leaf, wasn't your mission to bring me in? Why are you trying to fail?"

"I truly meant what I said, Tsunade-san, about you being brave but that's not it, entirely. I may be wrong about the old man's intentions but I can't trust in his benevolence, not anymore. I guess I'm just not in a hurry to find the next person who will lie to me about my past or sacrifice me for people who hate me. Ultimately, the decision is yours and if you do come back I hope you can make some positive changes but I wouldn't bet on it".

After hearing this Tsunade lets out a mirthless chuckle as she sees Naruto take his leave. Right before he reaches the door, Tsunade calls out, "Naruto, you said you wanted to leave especially now? What happened to make your desire to leave greater than it was?"

Naruto looks genuinely shocked at the question, taking a moment to collect himself he asks, "So, Jiraiya didn't tell you? Seems like he left out something important. The reason I want to leave the village is because of what happened during the Chunin finals."

"War is hell on everyone, Naruto so I can imagine the invasion was tou…" before she could finish Naruto interrupts.

"No, not the invasion. I'm talking about the actual finals. I can't believe you don't know this already but during my match of the finals I did what many see as unforgivable"

"What's that?" Tsunade asks.

"I killed Sasuke Uchiha"

And there we have it. Please leave reviews as feedback is always welcomed.