Hello all, this is my first fan fiction and I am extremely nervous. Really hoping it works out well and that someone out there enjoys reading it!

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

Chapter 1

Severus bolted upright in bed, a muffled gasp escaping his lips as his hands grasped at his throat. Frantically moving his fingers to find his pulse he found it hammering away harder than he ever thought possible.

"Just another nightmare" he thought to himself, desperately trying to calm his breathing as he reassured himself of his surroundings; Yes he was still in his bed. Yes he was still in the dungeon. Why did he expect to be somewhere else? With a heavy sigh he lay back down against the pillows, forcing himself to calm down.

Severus was no stranger to nightmares - his angry drunken father chasing him up the stairs in a rage; the Marauders hexing him again and putting in the Hospital Wing; his Slytherin dorm mates threatening him due to his friendship with Lily. But this nightmare had surpassed all of them.

Disturbing glimpses of himself begging on his knees before Dumbledore - while he was in Death Eater robes, - clutching Lily's lifeless body to himself, rocking back and forth as he sobbed helplessly; eye to eye with the Dark Lord desperately keeping his expression blank as he spoke of a wand. A slash of said wand and he was a heap on the floor, a snake sinking its fangs deep into his neck, his life bleeding away as familiar green eyes in an unfamiliar face looked down upon him.

This nightmare felt as real to him as the others - things that had happened before. And that disturbed him. He didn't know why, or what, but he knew it had to mean something.

He could still feel the pain of losing Lily, a constricting pain in his chest threatening to cripple him. He could still feel the lingering sharpness in his neck where the fangs has pierced his flesh.

He desperately tried to clear his thoughts but those sickening visions kept swirling to the forefront of his mind. He wanted to see Lily, to check she was alright. He'd spent most of the previous day with her, and would be studying with her again today. But the pain of loss still felt so real that he wanted to see her now, to reassure himself that it was just a nightmare. He didn't know what time it was, but he doubted the Fat Lady would appreciate being disturbed by a Slytherin in the middle of the night.

Severus grabbed his wand and cast a quick Tempus - 4.37am, 2nd May 1976. He shivered as he looked at the date, it made him uneasy though he couldn't say why. It was only a date. He knew there was no way he was going back to sleep now, so he swung his legs out of bed to head to the showers. Maybe that would help clear his head. It was only then that he saw the empty bottle of Dreamless Sleep potion on his bedside table - Why had he had such intense nightmares after taking that? He shouldn't have seen anything while he was sleeping,

"Something else that doesn't make sense," he muttered under his breath, frowning as he grabbed his robes and wand and headed out the dorm to the bathroom.

Safely in the bathroom he locked that door and switched on the shower. With another frustrated sigh he removed his nightclothes and stepped under the spray, letting the water wash over his face for a few seconds. The nightmares kept playing through his mind on a loop, and still no idea why it bothered him so much. He kept trying to ignore the terrifyingly calm figure in front of him, but he could still feel the anger and frustration that rolled off him in waves. Could still feel those malevolent red eyes piercing him, challenging him to - something.

Severus sank to the floor under the shower, hoping the water and steam would clear his mind. But it didn't. He could still see Lily, a heap on the floor, desperately hoping he was wrong, that she was still alive. He knew she wasn't, the touch of her cold skin, her dead weight in his arms was proof of that.

Severus shuddered at the image, his breathing becoming heavier again as he fought against the tears he knew were trying to force their way out. He didn't know how long he sat there, but now knowing this wasn't helping, perhaps the next best thing would be to just get outside. Maybe space would clear his head, help him rid himself at the terrifying images.

Quickly drying and dressing, he left the bathroom, the dorm, the dungeons and headed upstairs as quickly as possible. Once he'd convinced himself that he needed to get outside, he needed to get out as fast as possible.

His whole body wracked with anxiety and filled with adrenalin, he ran as quickly as he could, pausing at the Great Hall as he considered waiting for Lily; before another vision flooded his mind, desperately fighting with Professor McGonagall as she forced him to take flight from the castle, her cry of 'coward' ringing in his ears. That vision made his decision for him and he fled for the main doors, forcing them open and heading out into the early morning sun that was starting to lighten the sky. Without thinking he headed down towards the lake, finding a space beneath a willow tree, its branches forming a curtain that could shield him from the world.

Maybe Lily would find him there later. Maybe she wouldn't. Maybe she would be better off keeping away from him. If his nightmare was some sort of glimpse at what lay ahead for him, it really wasn't much to look forward to.

With that depressing thought he closed his eyes and wondered if the world would be better without him in it. Maybe his father was right and he was just a worthless freak. Maybe the Marauders were right and was slimy scumbag who didn't deserve Lily's friendship. Maybe the Slytherins were right, he was just a worthless half-blood. Maybe everyone except Lily was right. He shouldn't have been born, he didn't have anything worthwhile to offer to anyone. Why didn't he just do the world a favour now before he did anything really bad, before he could drag anyone else down into darkness right alongside him.

...

Lily dashed down the stairs towards the Great Hall, bag full of books slung over her shoulder ready to meet with Severus once breakfast was finished. She wasn't sure what he would want to study today, so she'd brought a fair amount with her.

Lily glanced over at the Slytherin table as she approached her own, searching for that familiar dark head. Severus was always there before her, but this morning there was no sign of him. Frowning, she sat on the bench, reaching to pour herself some tea. She glanced over her shoulder as she heard footsteps approaching to find Mary coming to take a seat beside her

"I don't suppose you saw Sev on your way in did you, Mary?" she asked her cautiously, she knew Mary did not approve of her keeping friends with him.

"No, but then I wasn't looking for him. Why?"

"He's supposed to meet me here, but there's no sign of him. We've got some studying to do," she tried to keep the worry out of her voice. She caught Mary rolling her eyes as she answered

"You were studying with him yesterday, and you're studying with him again today?" Mary snapped, sounding impatient

"What of it? I like studying with him" she snapped back

"Studying with who, Evans?" Lily looked up to see James Potter settling himself down opposite her along with Sirius Black

"Snape, obviously" Mary cut in before Lily could answer. James rolled his eyes

"Oh, Evans! When are you to drop him already? Come and study with us, it'll be way more fun" he grinned at her stupidly. Now it was Lily's turn to roll her eyes

"Fun? I'll stick to studying thanks, and I'll stick with Sev" she huffed, grabbing a slice of toast to eat and escape as quickly as possible, looking over at the door way again, hoping to see him come bustling in.

"I suppose you're going looking for him then?" Mary posed

"Of course she is," James stated "maybe we could help you look" he grinned again

"Thanks, but no thanks. I know exactly how you would want to help," Lily stood and grabbed her bag, making to leave the table "and don't go looking for either of us, Potter" she huffed as she finally left the hall.

Taking a deep breath, she headed for the library. Maybe he'd gone there early though she didn't know why he wouldn't have waited for her. At times like this, she really wondered what went through his head. Not that she ever knew completely what was going through his head. Despite years of friendship, he could still be a closed book to her.

Sighing, she pushed open the library doors and headed towards the back. Towards their regular table. As she approached she could see he wasn't there, and a quick check with Madam Pince confirmed that he hadn't been in the library today. Lily smiled and thanked her, heading back out again, perhaps checking the Hall again before figuring out where to check next.

As she made her way back she caught sight of Avery and Mulciber walking ahead of her. Warily, she followed, half of her wanting to turn and run in the opposite direction, half of her wanting to ask if they'd seen Severus this morning - they were his dorm-mates after all. But she knew precisely how bad that conversation would go

"So where's Snape this morning?" Avery's voice drew her from her musings, but hearing them mention Severus made her keep following at a distance.

"No idea, no sign of him. Wouldn't surprise me if he was holed up somewhere with that Mudblood again. 'Studying.' Yeah right" both of them snorted with barely suppressed laughter.

"Bloody idiots, the pair of them" Lily muttered to herself. So where was he? Hospital Wing? Maybe he'd taken ill in the night, it's not like she would know if he had.

Just as she decided to head up to the Hospital Wing she spotted Madam Pomfrey making her way to breakfast.

"Madam Pomfrey, I don't suppose Severus is in the Hospital Wing is he? No one has seen him since last night" she asked her quietly

"No, Miss Evans, he isn't. Maybe he went outside for some fresh air, especially if he's feeling under the weather"

"Maybe," Lily answered, though she wasn't convinced, "I'll go and see if I can find him"

"Shall I tell the Headmaster you think he's missing?" Madam Pomfrey asked her

"Oh no, he's probably fine, I'm probably over reacting. I'll talk to the Headmaster if I don't have any luck. Thank you, Madam Pomfrey" she nodded and carried on her way, silently praying that she wouldn't tell Dumbledore. Severus would not like it if he thought that teachers were looking for him.

As she stepped outside, she drew in a deep breath and looked around, trying to decide where to begin her search, "Where would I go if I were Sev?" she asked herself quietly. She headed over the grass towards the lake, no sign of any students along its shore, or on the boulders, or under trees - though it was still early in the day. Her feet carried he closer to the trees as she remembered the willow. The two of them had hidden there before, trying to keep away from the prying eyes of his tormentors. Mind made up, she headed there quickly, pausing as she reached the soft curtain of leaves, hoping she was right and she would see the familiar face of her best friend.

Gently, she pushed the leaves aside, and released a breath she hadn't realised she was holding and stepped through, letting the branches swish closed behind her. Severus was sat with his back against the tree, eyes closed, either asleep or deep in thought. She wasn't sure which. The last thing she wanted to do was startle him, so she placed her bag down gently and carefully moved towards him, crouching beside him

"Sev?" she whispered softly. Severus' eyes flew open and fixed on her own, he looked, well, afraid. His breath coming in shallow pants as he stared at her. Not moving. Not talking "What's wrong, Sev?" she asked him gently, reaching to touch his arm.

Severus carried on staring. Saying nothing. Until after what seemed like an eternity, he grabbed her and pulled her into a crushing hug, his arms wrapping around her back as tight as he could, his shoulders shaking as if he were trying to stop himself crying, his breath heavy in her ear. Lily didn't know what to say, or do. She'd never seen him like this before, and her concern was rising. Lily opted to say nothing, only let her own arms wrap around his waist to hold him in return.