Author's Note: The usual warnings. This is a side fic to "Minato Namikaze and the Destroyer of Worlds" and if you haven't read that you'll kind of wonder why this is even a thing. Because I know I would. The other is that this is not-canon to that and that nothing written here is guaranteed to happen. Ever.

It took Naruto until he got to the academy to realize that something about his family is a little off. Actually, it took that stupid asshole Sasuke's weird comment about Naruto's moms, or maybe it took Naruto punching Sasuke in the face, getting punched in the face in return, and Hari just giving him this eyebrows raised look like she wasn't quite sure what to say and that there was something obvious and important that Naruto just wasn't getting.

Or maybe, if he wanted to be really specific, it was when Hari sat down next to him during their lunch break, handing him the homemade bento he'd forgotten to bring with him, and said, in that casual voice that was way less casual than it pretended to be, "Naruto, you know that normal people don't have two moms, right?"

Naruto knew that he could be a little thick sometimes, that Hari was probably a billion times smarter than he was, but he liked to think that this didn't mean he was stupid. He just sometimes missed the clues, wasn't looking for them, and why should he?

Everything was fine, was great, was amazing! And if he didn't live like Shikamaru or that bastard Sasuke then it was because his dad was hokage or that one of his moms was the clan head of two different clans in another dimension.

Hari hesitated, those pale eyebrows still raised, and said a little more insistently this time, "No, Naruto, I mean it's really weird to have two different moms."

Hari didn't explain it further, seemed to give up, but none the less it kept bothering Naruto. There was a part of him that saw her point, saw that having two moms or something could easily be one of those plots in the orange ero-jiji books that Kakashi-nii always read but Naruto was never ever allowed to touch until he was eighteen and out of the house, but at the same time you could find just about anything in the orange books if you looked hard enough.

Plus, this was the way it had always been, so it couldn't be that weird. And besides, the stupid bastard Sasuke was stupid and had no idea what he was talking about. Naruto's family was amazing, believe it!

None the less, that night, he confronted his dad about it, "Hey, dad, do normal people have two moms?"

Dad usually got out of work super late, usually blaming paperwork or clan politics or the village council, and was usually pretty tired but willing to answer questions here and there. However, when Naruto asked the question Namikaze Minato froze in the doorway, glanced down at Naruto with this strange blank expression, and then disappeared before Naruto could even blink.

He didn't come back.

So, with his dad apparently vanishing into the night, Naruto decided to ask the first mom he found, which happened to be Lee-kaa. Lee was lounging on the couch in front of the television, head thrown back but watching the Princess Fuin movie with half-lidded and rather critical eyes, Lee-kaa took her television very seriously.

"Hey, mom?" Naruto asked, sitting on the couch next to her and glancing at the battle between Princess Fuin and the powers of darkness.

"I miss the Terminator." Lee said with a sigh, looking more like the worn out cynical advisor Princess Fuin traveled with than Princess Fuin herself, "This dimension's television just lacks time traveling robots, unmitigated violence, and Schwarzenegger Arnold."

Most of the movies from England, Naruto had learned pretty early on, were way more awesome than anything on television here. Course, Hari said that Lee cherry picked films over multiple decades, and that this far off land called America took their film industry way more seriously than anyone in the Elemental Nations did, but Naruto wasn't buying it.

"Mom, is having two moms weird?"

Lee glanced at him, eyebrows raised slightly (sort of what Hari did now and then if he thought about it), "Many things are weird, Naruto, I find it best not to think on it too closely."

"Huh?"

Lee sighed, turned her full attention to him, and proceeded to explain, "You see Naruto, reality doesn't actually exist, it is instead a passable illusion aimed to fool the masses into thinking their lives hold real weight. However, it doesn't try very hard, and if you look close enough you'll find gaping holes everywhere. So things like Kushina having a giant fox baby implant from Mito, Madara's evil alien plant zombie cult aimed to destroy the world via giant chakra monsters and aiming a sharingan at the moon, or you and Hari having two mothers are just clear signs of the universe's impending doom that you're going to have to learn to ignore because nobody else will ever take them seriously."

Lee paused for a moment, then amended, "Well, except for that Madara plant cult zombie one, we actually did take that pretty damn seriously. I think the alien invasion sort of helped with that one though. Obito still has traumatized plant filled nightmares about that whole fiasco."

Naruto blinked, not quite sure how to take that, or most of what Lee-kaa actually said when he thought about it.

So, with Lee out of the way there was only one parental figure left, and Naruto left the television to go find Kushina-kaa in the kitchen eating at least ten bowls of takeout ramen with Hari. After handing him a few bowls of ramen, asking him how school went and listening to the epic tale of his punching Sasuke the bastard in the face, Naruto finally asked the question.

"Mom, is having two moms weird?"

Hari spit out her ramen and gave Naruto that look again, like she couldn't believe he'd just come out and said it, and was staring at him like a gaping fish.

Kushina gave him a weird sort of look, a dissecting one, and said, "Sure, but that's not a bad thing. Being weird is awesome, believe it!"

Naruto did believe it, he always had, and he'd punch anyone in the face who said otherwise (as Sasuke had found out). That said, he couldn't help but feel like he couldn't just leave the explanation there. Like that was good enough.

"I mean, sure, but… No one else has two moms." Hari said, somewhat hesitantly, a flush starting to rise on her pale whisker-less cheeks.

"That's because no other man in Konoha is as delicious as your father is."

Naruto hadn't really wanted to hear that, judging by her expression Lee hadn't wanted to hear it either, Naruto would have to go and pretend that never happened. Ever.

However, it appeared that Uzumaki Kushina wasn't done, eyeing her two blonde children with a speculative expression, "Did I ever tell you how I singlehandedly made Namikaze Minato the luckiest man in Konoha?"

"You mean… how you met our other mother?" Hari translated, her face even redder than before, with a slightly panicked expression. Naruto wasn't fairing that much better, in fact, he was starting to wish he'd never brought the subject up in the first place.

Thanks to ero-jiji's orange books, and Kakashi-nii's obsession with them, Naruto had a bit of a better grasp of adult's gross habits than he would have liked.

"Sure, if you want to tell the tame version." Kushina said with a snort before leaning back and beginning, "It all started a while back, before you guys were even born…"

"Mikoto, I don't know what to do anymore!"

Girl's night, twenty-year-old Uzumaki Kushina, Konoha's jinchuuriki and resident kunoichi badass, twenty-year-old Uchiha Mikoto pregnant with her first born child by local grouch Uchiha Fugaku, and a shit ton of ice cream and sad romantic movies playing in the background.

In other words, not just a girl's night, an emergency girl's night the likes of which hadn't been seen since Mikoto had married that asshole Fugaku because 'clan politics'.

"You sure you aren't just… overreacting?" Mikoto said, her face scrunched up and eyebrows raised, and clearly not getting the problem.

"It's Lee, Mikoto, Eru Lee. There's no such thing as overreacting."

Of course, it wasn't just Lee, if it was just Lee then it might not even be a problem. Lee could be pretty damn oblivious when she wanted to and she'd never really made any overt moves, didn't seem to know how to, she just would putter along like she always did.

The problem was that it was Minato and Lee, just the same they'd always been, and even though Kushina was the one dating Minato (having sex with Minato on a regular basis) she had the alarming suspicion that it just wouldn't work.

Because even though Minato hadn't acted on anything, even though he pretended to have no idea what she was talking about, whenever Lee returned from any mission he was always right there.

And eventually Minato would stop being an idiot and realize, that however much he liked Kushina, even loved Kushina, he and Lee had been married since they were five!

Of course, she had been ignoring this for years, almost five years really when Minato had started trying (and failing) to ask her on dates. She wasn't really sure what had triggered it this time, that alarm bell in the back of her head, it wasn't anything overt, it wasn't like he'd screamed her name during sex or anything but… Maybe it was her absence, the way Minato would stare at the gates each morning and each afternoon, practically not aware of it himself, and when he looked out there…

It was like she didn't know him at all.

"I don't think Minato would…"

"No, he wouldn't, he probably won't even say that he wants to, but he does." Kushina said, digging into her ice cream with enthusiasm that she didn't really feel. Oh ice cream, food of comfort and break ups, always there when it was so desperately needed.

"So, what are you going to do then?" There was Mikoto, good old proactive Mikoto, no use complaining about it if you don't plan to do something about it Mikoto. Mikoto was good like that, probably why she could handle marrying Fugaku, because to Mikoto if she wasn't willing to shut up and deal then she'd better face the consequences.

Kushina wasn't like that, Kushina needed to talk, to vent, to scream, even if there wasn't really any solution.

And she wasn't sure there was one. The easy one, she guessed, was that she and Minato could break up. Of course, it would be her breaking up with him because no way in hell was he going to do it, gathering up her nerve and saying, "Sorry, old buddy old pal, but there just isn't room in this town for the three of us."

But she didn't want to, and he didn't want to either. She liked Minato, she would never have believed it when she was younger, but she really really liked Minato. Was dangerously close to loving him if she didn't already. He was, well, he was everything you pictured in a prince or a hero or someone out of a fairy tale; only dangerously real. Kushina couldn't remember the last time, before dating him, that she'd been as happy as she had been recently.

So then, she could wait for it to happen, just wait it out and wait and… Because it would happen, eventually, maybe even after she and Minato were married and had kids or something. It had that inevitable feeling to it, like he and Lee were two planets orbiting each other and drawing closer and closer until the big boom and they collided.

She didn't really want to do that either, who wanted to spend their life just waiting for something to happen?

"You know, the thing is, I like Lee a lot too. I mean that I get it." Kushina said through a mouthful of ice cream, and she did, because if she was a man or she leaned the other way just a little bit more she'd probably be trying to get in Lee's pants too. Actually, when she was younger, Lee was way more up her ally than Minato had been. Ten-year-old Kushina had respected Lee while Minato had been that flakey pretty bastard competing for her future title.

The point was that she couldn't dislike Lee, even knowing that she was this lure tempting Minato like a helpless moth away from Kushina.

"You get it?"

"Sure, I mean, if I was Minato I'd be thinking about tapping Lee too."

If Mikoto was disturbed by how easily Kushina admitted this she didn't say anything.

"You think Minato's…" Mikoto said rather dubiously, her face slightly flushed, probably thinking 'oh my' in the back of her head along with some naughty images of Kushina's pretty boyfriend and Eru Lee.

"Well, he might not know he's thinking about it but he totally is."

Kushina sighed, almost nearing the end of her ice cream, "I just wish… I wish there was a way to make it work with three of us. So that no one gets left behind or alone or…"

"What, like a threesome?" Mikoto asked, not seriously, a quirk to her lips showing all the world that Mikoto didn't think a threesome was going to happen.

But it hit Kushina like a lightning bolt, and she sat there, stunned silent, and the thought taking root in her brain and refusing to leave. Kushina could tap Lee, sure she'd never thought about having sex with a woman before but Lee wasn't unattractive, Lee actually could be considered quite beautiful if she wasn't also so terrifying and weird.

And Minato certainly wouldn't be opposed to it.

"Mikoto, you are brilliant." Kushina whispered almost reverently.

"I am?" Mikoto asked, and then her face paled and realization struck her to, "No, Kushina, you're not seriously thinking…"

"I can't believe I never thought of it before!" She really couldn't, that was a classic Icha Icha situation right there, and considering Jiraiya was Minato's sensei she'd had a decent amount of exposure to Konoha's resident super pervert.

"You want to have… Have a three some with Minato and Lee?" Mikoto asked, eyes bulging, practically falling off the couch (which could not be good for her in her pregnant state).

"Of course, don't you see, it's the only solution!" Kushina said, jumping to her feet, suddenly all her optimism and stubborn drive rushing back to her.

Minato gets Lee, Minato gets Kushina, Kushina gets Minato, Kushina gets Lee as a bonus, and Lee gets… well, an understanding of sex.

"That can't be the only solution!"

It was too late for second thoughts though, Kushina was already out the door, grin slapped on her face, scheming as she walked down the street and more than ready to start her personal matchmaking mission.

Minato, Kushina had learned, could be something of a stick in the mud sometimes. Well, not really a stick in the mud, but there were certain things he just got really stubborn about for no good reason. He was really more of a romantic than she was, the first time they went on a date it was to some fancy restaurant, he would bring her flowers, and having sex had been labeled 'a huge deal'.

Kushina was always a little less preoccupied with that sort of thing than him. She knew what she felt, he knew what he felt, why should they have to put themselves on ceremony all the time?

So when she told Minato that it would be a great idea for them, as a couple, to start also dating Lee, he didn't take it well.

By not taking it well he spewed ramen all over the counter and looked apologetically, and with extreme mortification, up at local ramen god Ichiraku, "I'm… I'm so sorry but… What?"

"I think we, you and I, as a team, should date Eru Lee." Kushina repeated, in what she felt was a completely reasonable tone, for a very reasonable offer.

"Are you insane?!" Minato asked, his face ridiculously red in that adorably embarrassed way that she was very familiar with. Poor Minato, such a prude, one wondered how his precious virginal state of mind had managed to survive with those adolescent years spent with Jiraiya and his ladies of the night on the road.

"Come on, Minato, I know you've had naughty thoughts about Lee." Kushina pointed out, leering, watching as Minato's face grew impossibly more red.

"I…Thoughts I have or haven't had are completely irrelevant!" But he wasn't denying it, which two days ago would have had Kushina in a pit of despair, but now meant that Operation Legendary Threesome was well underway with maximum signs of success.

"Well, I've sat here thinking about it, and I've decided that it would be best for everyone if you stopped being a flushing pansy virgin and got with the program. The program being you, me, and Lee all dating at the same time." Kushina said, ignoring the way that Minato seemed to be melting into his stool with mortification, looking like he had no idea how to respond to the situation.

"But… I… Kushina… I don't want to date Lee!" He flushed, stopped, added, "Lee and I are just friends, plus you and I are dating and…. Threesomes don't work…"

She cut him off before he could continue that strangled sentence, "You and Lee are only friends because Lee doesn't know what sex is. Plus, I'm fully on board, so I don't see what the problem is."

"The problem is that I don't want to!"

He did, he really did, but it looked like he was going to stay flailing in stubborn denial. Well, she couldn't say she thought this was going to be easy. After all, being difficult was part of Minato's undeniable pretty boy charm.

"Well I do, and I think that I have the best reason of anyone here to be not on board. I, at least, am not nearly as into the female anatomy as you are. But hey, here I am, willing to try out new exciting things. What's your excuse, flakey bastard?"

Minato had no excuse, just opening and closing his mouth, and finally shouting, "I don't need an excuse, Kushina!"

"I think you're just afraid."

"Afraid?!"

"Afraid you'll like it too much and that you'll turn into Jiraiya's harem protagonist muse." Kushina said, with what she felt was a pretty lecherous grin that would get on Minato's nerves like nothing else.

"I am not afraid of that because that is never, ever, going to happen!"

Never, ever, huh? Them's fighting words, Namikaze Minato, Kushina couldn't help but think. But now wasn't the time for goading, even if it was hilarious, now was the time to let it go and lie back waiting for the kill.

So Kushina just sighed, "Fine, Minato, no threesomes for you. Jiraiya would be ashamed if he knew you were turning down a harem."

Minato just stared back with his 'Namikaze not amused' pout; clearly having no arguments against this winning concluding point.

"Right, I have to go meet Kakashi-kun before he burns something down…" Minato stood, put down a few bills for lunch, then walked off muttering something about how he was proud that Jiraiya would be ashamed of him.

Kushina just watched him stiffly walk off with a slight smile, he was probably thinking naughty thoughts about Lee right then, desperately repressing them in a misguided attempt to stay loyal to Kushina.

He really was too cute.

She spared Ichiraku a glance, who was looking at her with raised eyebrows, she grinned back at him, "Well, looks like I have to go talk to Lee."

"You aren't going to try to convince him again?"

Kushina shook her head as she dug out the coins, "Nope, I've got a night filled with alcohol and terrible decisions to plan."

"Oh, well, good luck?"

Kushina slammed the coins down, grinned, and proclaimed, "Uzumaki Kushina doesn't need luck, believe it!"

Kushina found a rather haggard looking Lee walking out of the hokage tower looking like she was in desperate need of a shower and a nap. In other words, not functioning to her maximum capacity, which was good because Kushina needed both Minato and Lee as low functioning as they could possibly get for this to work.

"Hey, Lee, How'd the mission go?" Kushina asked, Lee blinked, gave her a somewhat blank look.

"Um, well, there are now lots of dead cloud ninja in Kusa." Lee said, looking like she wasn't quite sure how she felt about this, but was leaning towards somewhat alarmed.

The war had been hard on all of them, but Lee in particular, who had basically become a killing machine, had a rough time of it. Five years, it was starting to get to all of them, and it showed no sign of stopping anytime soon either.

"Well, I'm sure you did fine. Say, where are you headed?" Kushina fell into step with Lee, earning a curious sideways glance, but then nothing more than that as Lee decided that it just wasn't worth dealing with.

"Shishou's, he wanted to see me when I got back."

"Not Minato's?" Kushina questioned, because usually Lee did make an appearance pretty soon after she returned from any mission. And Minato somehow always knew when she had arrived, his head would lift, he'd stare ahead, and he'd be walking out the door to meet her before she even made it down the street.

(And there Kushina would stand, in his doorway, looking down at them and not quite feeling like an idiot but feeling…)

Lee shrugged stiffly, spared Kushina another glance, this one slightly more narrowed than the last, "Well, I assumed he'd be with you, and… I doubt he'd appreciate me interrupting."

Unspoken was that awkwardness that had been in the air ever since Kushina and Minato had really gotten serious about dating each other, the unspoken question of where Lee belonged in Minato's life now that Kushina was there to take her place.

She'd always wondered exactly how much Lee had noticed. Lee could be an oblivious idiot sometimes, but there were other times that Lee seemed to grasp more of a situation than anyone else could ever imagine. And sometimes, when Lee talked about how she felt about Minato, beyond hormones and attraction, sometimes Kushina wondered how deep the chasm of Lee's feelings would go.

And how many worlds Lee would willingly burn for Minato's wellbeing and happiness.

"No way, Minato's totally cool with you coming around even if we are on a little date or having sexy times." Kushina said casually, earning a doubtful look from Lee, which was probably warranted for the moment, Minato only enjoyed his sexy times privately, but would change rather quickly if Kushina had anything to say about it.

"Well, I'll still see shishou first, then probably check in with Jiraiya-sensei if he isn't out of the village…" Lee said, trailing off as she went through her mental to-do list.

Kushina slapped an arm around Lee's shoulders, drawing her closer and grinning, "That's the spirit, now, while we're walking to Hatake's you mind if I talk?"

"…Not particularly." Lee said after a moment of suspicious hesitation which Kushina conveniently ignored.

"Lee, how do you feel about dating Minato?"

Lee's expression went blank for a moment, her eyes unfocused, and if Kushina could read minds she bet Lee's would be flailing right about now trying to figure out what was going on. Kushina took this time to look, really look, at Lee. Take in her pale skin, green eyes, red hair, delicate features… Lee really was pretty, an exotic strange beauty that caused you to stare and linger, when you thought about it, most of the time you didn't because she was causing some sort of madness but Lee might even be beautiful.

Kushina could tap that, she could make it work, had to make it work.

"I'm not sure I have any feelings about dating Minato." Lee said, her face now scrunched in sheer confusion, which was almost as adorable as Minato's flailing embarrassment.

They really did belong together, Minato and Lee, and one without the other always seemed more than a little unbalanced; slightly out of tune.

"But you're not opposed to it, right?" Kushina asked, betting that deep down Lee was anything but opposed to dating Minato.

"No, I'm… I'm not opposed to it."

"Right, now, hypothetically if you were dating Minato and me at the same time, would you be opposed to it?" Kushina continued, watching as Lee appeared to get more alarmed as she had even less of an idea where this conversation was heading.

"Well, hypothetically, I imagine there are much larger things to worry about than me, you, and Minato all simultaneously dating… So I guess I wouldn't be opposed to it." Lee finally said with hesitance, looking like she really wanted to ask why Kushina was asking but wasn't sure she'd like the answer.

"Good, that's great!" Kushina exclaimed, and said, "I think you should come over to my place with Minato for dinner tonight. That way you can get all your sensei gossip out of the way with Hatake and Jiraiya before you come over."

Lee hesitated for a moment, then nodded, "Well, I suppose that's fine. I didn't really have any plans tonight anyways."

"Awesome! Also, Lee, can you bring a shit ton of sake with you when you come? I'm a bit low on alcohol funds myself after having to buy sealing parchment and ink."

Lee nodded slowly that yes, she could bring a colossal amount of alcohol with her when she came, and Kushina grinned in triumph. Because there was no possible way Operation Drunken Seduction could possibly fail.

"You're the best Lee, see you later tonight, with lots of alcohol!" Kushina slapped Lee on the back again and then raced off in the other direction, back into the village where she could start preparing the romantic scene necessary to bring two people as hopelessly oblivious as Minato and Lee crashing together, with Kushina, Kushina had to be involved too.

Operation Drunken Seduction was failing miserably.

Maybe telling Minato and Lee the plan wasn't such a great idea, or telling them that Kushina thought having a threesome was a great idea, because after dinner and the first few shots of sake they were all still staring uncomfortably at each other.

Well, Lee was just staring back at them, eyebrows raised looking like she had no idea at all what was going on, which was sort of par for the course when it came to Lee. The good thing about Lee was that, even though she usually didn't get something, she more or less would go along with it anyways because she never really understood anything anyways.

It was Minato, sitting there blushing, eyes going from Kushina to Lee and then back again, who was making things painful.

Still, it was going to work, it had to work, Kushina knew it would! Lee and Minato had been together forever, the only thing keeping them apart was Minato's weirdly traditional sexual preferences of only having sex with one person at a time. Any other man would be screaming to be in Minato's situation, seriously, what the hell was wrong with him?

"Minato, I think you need another drink." Kushina said, shoving a sake filled glass towards Minato.

"No, uh, Kushina, I'm… I think I'm good." No, he clearly wasn't, while flushed and speaking in a somewhat slurred tone he clearly wasn't drunk enough. If he wasn't thinking it was a great idea to have crazy sex with Kushina and Lee at the same time, then he needed more alcohol.

"Nope, time to chug Minato." Kushina said, leaning on top of him and shoving the glass in his face, forcing him to either be covered in sake or drink it. Minato, neat freak that he could sometimes be, chose to chug it down and then shudder slightly.

"Oh… Oh, I have had… had way too much." Minato slurred, leaning forward, staring straight down at the floor and looking a bit too incapacitated for sex.

Which was not good.

Clearly more alcohol was not the answer, anymore and he would probably vomit, as it was Kushina was feeling more than a little tipsy. Well, what to do then? Exhibitionism? She and Minato could have sex in front of Lee, maybe that would inspire something, of course then Lee would probably just leave and stumble to Hatake's saying she didn't understand anything anymore.

That was probably way more likely.

So, then, there was one other option that seemed perfectly reasonable to Kushina's drunken mind.

She turned her attention from the groaning Minato, hunched over himself, and staring at the floor to the rather dazed looking Eru Lee still looking at both of them with raised eyebrows. Moving to the other couch, grabbing Lee's glass abandoned on the table, she perched herself on Lee's lap and looked her in the eyes, "What about you, Lee? Still frighteningly sober?"

Lee eyed the glass warily, taking it delicately from Kushina, and quipped, "I've found that most people find my drunken bouts of destruction far more frightening than my sobriety."

If she could manage to get that sentence out, without lapsing into English or even slurring, then she was way too sober. Still, Lee tipped back her head and threw back the shot in one go, that flush becoming slightly stronger on her cheeks and then leveled another stare at Kushina.

And saw through everything that Kushina was doing, everything she'd ever done, and maybe everything she ever would do.

Kushina stopped for a moment, stalled, wondered if she'd ever looked this closely into Lee's eyes before. They were dark and light, a strange deep green, and they seemed endless and inhuman in a way that Mikoto's sharingan never was.

For a moment Kushina's nerve faltered, she stiffened, and thought it wasn't too late to turn back and walk back to Minato.

Kushina stopped herself, stared back. No, this was her trial, if she failed and faltered now then what was she? Minato could look Lee in the face, could somehow accept her for everything she was, everything she had yet to reveal, surely Kushina could do no less. If she did less, thought about doing less, then how could she even think this could work?

How could she even think she deserved to make it work?

So Kushina let her determination come back, moved in closer to Lee, pressed against her, and lightly kissed her against the lips. Lee stiffened, her hands twitched and rose to Kushina's waist, gripping too tightly for a moment and then forcibly relaxing, and for a moment Kushina felt as if she was baiting a dragon.

Kushina snuck a hand around to the back of Lee's head, the other to her waist, drew her gently closer so that she could feel almost every inch of her, and began to move her lips more insistently.

It was… different, not bad, but certainly different than she'd been thinking. It wasn't like kissing Minato, Minato was shy, but he also caught on sooner, and he also usually smiled in the first few seconds, unwillingly grinning as their lips met. With Lee it was like she was learning, like she didn't really know how to respond or had forgotten how to, but there was this taste to her that Minato didn't have. Something old, wild, powerful, and crackling ready to be released at a single moment.

Something golden, light, and profound in the same instant.

And Kushina found her getting more into this than she thought she would, maybe it was the lightheadedness, or the booze, or a combination. Or maybe Kushina was secretly gay this whole time, that could also be a thing.

Maybe she should be the one dating Lee and leave Minato all alone, ah, no she was just joking. She would never do that.

Kushina smiled against Lee's lips, breaking the kiss and drawing away, feeling herself chuckle and then throw her head back in full blown hysterics.

"…I am very confused." Lee looked, somehow, even more ruffled and frazzled than she had earlier that day, walking back from a mission filled with blood and terror and death. There was a stronger flush to her cheeks, her eyes were startlingly unfocused, and she breathed heavily still holding onto Kushina's waist with both hands.

"I think I am drunk." Lee concluded, licking her lips, looking beyond Kushina's shoulder to wherever Minato.

"I think you are hot." Kushina replied with a too large grin, not really meaning it lecherously, more like a joke than anything, but all the same Lee still managed to look adorably startled by it.

"I think I am exorbitantly drunk."

There was a sound of something falling to the floor behind them, probably Minato's sake cup, and Kushina decided to turn her attention to the other third of their awesome future threesome.

Kushina turned her head to watch as Minato was now openly gaping at them, the flush on his cheeks stronger than before, looking like he had no idea at all what was happening. Oh dear, Kushina might have just broken him.

"See something you like, Minato?" Kushina asked, eyelashes fluttering, pressing closer to Lee again with a sultry grin.

Minato swallowed, then stammered incoherently, "I… Uh… Oh, god… I am… I am very drunk."

Well, he and Lee could go be drunk together then, provided drunk Kushina was also involved.

Kushina turned her attention back to Lee, thread her fingers through that thick, more yellow-red hair than Kushina's, "Say, Lee, why don't we take this somewhere a little more amenable to this kind of activity?"

Behind her she heard that glass fall again, and possibly the bottle spill onto the table, and Minato drunken swearing and fumbling.

"What?" Lee asked, still looking dazed and a little confused.

"I've never made love to a woman before," cue more Minato swearing and flailing around in the background, "I don't think my first time should be on a couch."

Kushina stood, reached out a hand towards Lee, which Lee took somewhat hesitantly, stumbling to her feet and into Kushina.

"…I am still confused." Lee finally, said, as Kushina began shepherding her into the bedroom. It would be a tight squeeze with three people but sex sort of was about tight squeezes so it'd probably be fine.

"Well, are you having fun?" Kushina asked, actually serious about this, because while she thought Lee was enjoying herself if Lee didn't want to then Kushina would stop.

Minato stood, finally managing to put all the glasses and bottles back onto the table, "Kushina! Kushina, what the hell are you thinking?!"

Kushina spared him a sultry glance over her shoulder, mouthed the words, 'You know you want to' and then turned her attention back to Lee, who was still thinking on her answer.

"Surprisingly, yes. Although, to be fair, I had expected more talking and less lesbian couch make out sessions when you said I should come over for dinner."

Kushina smiled, opened the door to the bedroom for Lee, displaying Kushina's unmade sheets in all of their orange glory, "Well then, my friend, welcome to my parlor."

"Kushina, I swear to god, if you even think about…"

As soon as Lee was through the door, Kushina shut the door in Minato's face, if he wanted in he would have to man up and open the door himself. So while Minato was too busy drunkenly screaming at the door, pretending he wasn't in panicking arousal, Kushina quickly rolled her shirt up and off her shoulders, rolled down her shorts, took off her underwear and pushed the still clothed Lee back onto the bed.

Was this a little fast? Maybe. Considering that Kushina had been dating Minato forever, and therefore sort of dating Lee forever, Kushina didn't think so. Besides, Uzumaki went big or they went home.

"Oh, you are very naked." Lee noted, as Kushina began to move her lips and teeth along Lee's pale jawline.

"And you are not, you should fix that." Kushina murmured in Lee's ear, running her hands along the bottom hem of Lee's shirt, pushing it upwards, listening as Lee let out an involuntary gasp as Kushina's colder fingers pushed up towards her breasts and…

"GODDAMMIT KUSHINA!"

And there was Minato, the eternal mood-killer, or well trying to be the eternal mood-killer. Really, he could open the door if he wanted to, in fact, Kushina shouted that, "If you're so unhappy, Minato, you could always just open the door."

Minato stalled, hesitated, probably knowing that if he opened the door he'd find himself staring at ass naked Kushina straddling an about to be shirtless Eru Lee.

So instead he stayed outside like a coward and shouted, "Don't take advantage of Lee in her drunken state!"

Oh, pretending to be noble, that's how he was going to play it to himself. Well, Kushina could beat that flimsy excuse easily enough.

"I am perfectly drunk too; we are taking mutual advantage of each other! Plus, Minato, Lee is enjoying herself. Aren't you, Lee?" Kushina asked, as she pushed the shirt overhead and started working on the bra, fingers running under it at just the right moment to elicit a louder noise from Lee. Loud enough for Minato to hear outside.

"See, the only one here not having fun is you Minato, for no reason. Because there is plenty to go around, right Lee?"

Lee didn't respond, instead Minato continued his drunken and rather creative swearing and pounding of the wall from the other side. Meanwhile Lee, arched back and eyes closed, was actually starting to get a little more adventurous with her hands which was strangely exciting. In spite of Lee's lack of expertise there was something sort of thrilling about watching her learn how to react to this, to being the one to teach her about this, before even Minato could.

At Lee's latest cry of sexual anguish Minato appeared to break and he charged through the door, only to find himself staring at a shirtless, braless, Lee, naked Kushina straddling her, lips on one breast, hands on the other.

Kushina glanced at him, grinned slyly, and couldn't resist the famous, "Well, well, well, Minato, is that a kunai in your pants or are you just happy to see us?"

And Minato's flushing virgin act was done, washed away by sake and the sounds of Lee and his girlfriend making sweet love in the bedroom, and Minato flung his own shirt off over his head, was apparently drunkenly pissed enough to step out of his pants to, and rolled Kushina over onto her back and off of Lee so that he was straddling and staring down at both the half-naked Lee and the fully-naked Kushina

Kushina burst into laughter.

(Which was promptly cut off by Minato's lips and the drunkenly angry statement of, "You are enjoying this far too much, Uzumaki.")

Late morning, the next day, Kushina awoke to sunlight drifting through the blinds, a pounding headache, and two bodies entangled with hers. On her left was Minato, arm flung around her waist, face buried in her shoulder, looking more than a little worse for wear (if this was because of the ridiculous amounts of sex or the alcohol was anyone's guess). On her right was Lee, legs entwined with Kushina, back of her head resting on Kushina's shoulder, staring blankly at the ceiling looking as if she wasn't feeling the after effects of any of this.

It was a strangely quiet moment, one Kushina had shared before with Minato, but not with Lee. Somehow, so still and silent, Lee looked more alien than she did when wielding incomprehensible jutsus. There was that deep look in her eyes again as she stared at the ceiling, that one that seemed to see everything and more.

And without even looking at Kushina, realizing she was awake, Lee said calmly, "You don't have to share him."

"What?"

Lee turned her eyes from the ceiling to Kushina's, her expression flat and empty, and repeated, "You don't have to share Namikaze Minato with me, Uzumaki Kushina."

Lee's expression softened, and suddenly she looked older than twenty, older than anyone alive in the village, "Minato's always been more than flesh to me, more than sex, and I won't deny him his happiness in whatever form he chooses to take it. I don't need him to. He's yours, Kushina, in ways that he shouldn't be mine."

Kushina stared for a moment, contemplated that, what that might mean, and suddenly felt herself growing angry, "And who decides that?! Who decides that you just have to… What be Minato's weird shrine maiden? Do you even hear yourself?"

Because that's what Lee was planning on doing, she was just going to be alone, this weird satellite to Kushina's and Minato's relationship forever. And maybe Lee was fine with that, maybe Lee could live like that, but Kushina didn't want her to! Maybe Lee was an immortal alien goddess, but that didn't mean she had to live like she wasn't even a person, like she didn't deserve happiness!

Kushina reached out to Lee with her free hand, grabbed Lee's, and squeezed it maybe a bit too tightly.

"No, Lee, I'm sharing Minato because I want to, because he wants to! And if you care at all about what I want, what he wants even if he doesn't admit he wants it, then you'll admit you want it too!"

Lee hesitated, looked uncertain for a moment, her eyes glanced to Minato then back to Kushina, "It'll get weird."

"So, that's never bothered you before!"

"People will talk."

"Only the boring people and the jealous people." Kushina said before adding, "And I kind of hope they will, so that we can rub it in all of their jealous faces!"

Lee's lips unwillingly twitched upwards in the beginning of a smile, "Minato will probably panic."

"Pssh, he'll get over it." Kushina said, before adding her trademark and extremely necessary, "Believe it, Lee!"

"…You know, Kushina, I think I actually do."

"And that was it?" Hari asked, eyebrows raised, while Naruto was too busy staring at the wall trying not to think about what he'd just heard. He kind of regretted bringing it up at all, who knew that ignorance actually was better.

"Of course not," Kushina said, waving a hand and brushing away the comment, "Minato, of course, panicked. Disappeared with Kakashi on a training trip for like a month and a half, which probably would have lasted longer if it wasn't Kakashi he was stuck with. Then of course he was all pissed and panicked when Lee and I took advantage of his absence. But eventually he got over it, certainly by the time you guys were born."

Kushina continued, "Lee actually took it pretty well, but then she's always been good at rolling with things as they come. Sometimes I wonder if she knows how everything will turn out ahead of time. She was really more concerned about ninja things than she was her relationships. Which, actually, is pretty damn practical."

"What about you?" Hari asked, asked for both of them since Naruto was busy pretending he hadn't heard any of this ever.

"Me? Well, I took it the most awesomely of all. After all, it was my brilliant idea! And, it worked out perfectly! Just like I thought it would, and everyone thought it was crazy, that Minato was this hound dog, you wouldn't believe what ero-jiji said about him, but it still worked! Therefore, the moral of this story, is that your mom is an amazing badass and that Uzumaki's are the best matchmakers ever!"

Naruto looked at Hari, Hari looked at Naruto, they both offered their mother two awkward smiles and silently agreed that they would never, ever, think about this or discuss it again.

Author's Note: Not written for anything, but I blame you, reviewers. Namely the ones who, after my offhand comment of Kushina and Minato ending up dating Lee anyways, took it seriously. Then I started taking it seriously, AND THEN THIS HAPPENED. LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE, I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY. What is this, I'm getting into the rom-com genre, a very strange place for me to live in, I tell you.

Anyways, thank you for reading about Kushina's sexual exploits, reviews as always are much appreciated.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Naruto