The alarm went off.

Sakura turned it off.

The alarm went off again.

Sakura threw it against the far wall.

Thanks to the generous helping of foam and bandages, it bounced off the wall and continued to beep. Naruto had suggested the shield after their bi-monthly budget meeting where Sasuke pointed out the rather large percentage of income spent on small electronics.

Alarm clock silenced, but not broken, Sakura stumbled to the bathroom and dunked her face in the basin of cold water. When Sasuke had an early morning, he was nice enough to leave a basin for her after she had accidently left the tap running when she jumped in the shower.

Reaching blindly for the towels to the left of the sink, she scrubbed at her face with the rough cotton. Today it felt particularly scratchy. What?

More awake, Sakura blinked down at the towel in her hands.

Huh.

0X0X0X

Back in her room, Sakura rescued her mummy of an alarm clock from the floor and replaced it next to the bed. Plenty of time for breakfast today. Stifling a yawn, Sakura slipped on her skirt and zipped up her vest.

But she paused, zipper half done, as she caught sight of her vest's back in the mirror.

Huh.

0X0X0X0

As she walked to the kitchen, Sakura knocked on Naruto's door.

It was a long established tradition. After knocking, she'd take whatever Sasuke had made for breakfast out of the fridge, knock on the door a second time, reheat everything, knock on the door with a threat to break down the door, set the table and then finally threaten to eat all of breakfast if he wasn't there in five, four…

He was at the table by two.

Oooh. Omelets for breakfast. Sasuke even remembered to write their names! Sakura hummed to herself as she pulled the small dishes from the fridge, then froze.

Was that?

She blinked, but the mark on the dishes remained the same.

Breakfast momentarily forgotten, Sakura opened the cupboard and pulled down one of the dinner plates. She frowned. She pulled out another bowl and her frown intensified.

Hmmm….

0X0X0X0

"Naruto! Get out here!"

Naruto's door rattled in its frame as Sakura slammed her palm against it. There was a muffled curse and a thud that sounded suspiciously like a Naruto sized body falling out of a bed. Then, the door was pulled open to reveal a sleepy eyed, rumpled Naruto.

"Ne, ne, Sakura-chan you didn't even threaten to eat breakfast." Naruto complained through a yawn. He was shirtless, like most mornings. But Sakura was too irritated to allow herself her sneaky morning ogle. (She wasn't being creepy. She was simply appreciating the hard work her team mate had put into his taijutsu training!)

"Catch." He snagged the shirt she threw at him easily, then sniffed it and wrinkled his nose, as she breezed past him. Early in their careers as roommates, Sasuke and Sakura had staged an intervention: Naruto was messy. The loved and accepted him as such. But his mess wasn't allowed to escape into the rest of the apartment. He, in turn, could keep his own room as messy as he wanted, but if Sakura couldn't see the floor, she wouldn't clean it.

"Ne- I said I'd do laundry- Sakura!" Naruto's voice jumped an octave as he saw her heading towards his closet. "You're not supposed to come in here! I'm not dressed!"

Suddenly, the room was filled with shirtless Narutos shoving magazines under beds and throwing blankets over stacks of books, weapons, and empty ramen cups. Sakura only rolled her eyes as she rummaged through his closet.

"Naruto, I've seen you naked." Sakura pulled out a shirt and frowned. How the hell….

"When we were kids!" Naruto protested.

"It was your fault for trying to sneak into the girl's bath house," Sakura was distracted enough from her investigation of the closet to smirk at the memory. Then added thinking of his most infamous jutsu, "And I've seen you plenty of times in just clouds."

"Yeah, but that's when I'm a girl!" Naruto said with utter serious. As if that mattered. Sakura frowned at the jacket then threw his clean clothes at him. He was clutching his dirty laundry to his chest as if that was going to preserve his modesty.

"Notice anything different about those?" She asked as he shrugged his shirt on with an injured expression.

"Wha- no. Wait." Naruto was silent for a minute as he stared at the back of his jacket. When he spoke again his voice was tight. "That bastard. Did he-"

"Yep," Sakura spun around and jerked a thumb towards the back of her vest. Emblazoned across the back was a very large and very distinctive Uchiha fan. The same fan that was emblazoned on the back of all of Naruto's shirts. "And he got the towels in the bathroom, all the dishware, and several throw pillows on the couch? I don't know how he did that even…"

"Right." Naruto, still hadn't put down his jacket, "I'm going to go get him. Then that teme's going to explain what the hell is going on."

"He's got a meeting." Sakura protested without any real concern.

"Fuck that!" Naruto snapped, heading for the front door. "Gather all the evidence so he can't just weasel out of this!"

The door slammed with such force it shook the house.

0X0X0X0

"Dobe, I'm repeating myself because you are clearly too stupid to understand my words. You. Can. Not-"

"Oh, don't you start, Teme. Don't you dare start listing the things that you can and cannot do."

People often gossiped that Naruto and Sasuke argued like an old married couple. That was, loudly, constantly and without any real force. Sakura had long ago learned to tune out their constant bickering, but they reached new levels of intensity as they approached the house. Sakura dumped the last armful of linens onto the amassed pile gathered from every corner of the house.

"Dobe- I. Was. In. A. Mee-" Sasuke's tone was stern, but he lost a lot of his influence to terrorize when draped over Naruto's shoulder. "Sakura- please explain to this idiot what having a real job entails."

"Save it, Teme." Naruto dumped their team mate on the couch and braced, as if expecting Sasuke to jump up and make a break for the door. Sasuke did nothing of the sort. He sat back, crossed his arms and glared at his team mates.

"What is this about?"

"That." Sakura pointed to the pile of pillows, stationary, clothing, and towels. Sasuke glanced at it, glanced back at Sakura, and raised an eyebrow clearly unimpressed.

"Yes?"

"Yes?!" Naruto shouted. "Is that all you have to say? You-" He glanced at the pile of things and lost his train of thought. "Wow. How did you even…"

"I know!" Sakura broke in eagerly, "I still don't think I found everything."

"You didn't." Sasuke cut in with a smug expression. His comment re-focused Naruto who turned on their teammate with a furious expression.

"What the hell is going on Sasuke!"

"We are getting married," Sasuke replied coolly, "I changed your clan symbols to reflect your new allegiance."

0X0X0X0

"What!" Sakura yelled. Her stomach dropped through the floor, leaving her head swimming in vertigo. Memories, which had stayed firmly, safely, completely repressed, escaped and images danced before her. The sake. So much sake. The drunken stories. The desolate Naruto. The casual proposal. The hours of drunken planning. It all came flooding back.

"The three of us will be rebuilding the Uchiha clan, as my role as the Last of the Uchiha dictates." Sasuke said slowly as though explaining basic mathematics to a slow child and not proclaiming the most ridiculous idea on the face of the earth.

"Like hell we are!" Naruto shouted and Sakura sighed with relief. Of her two teammates, she hadn't expected Naruto to be the sensible one, but at this point she was willing to take any glimmer of reason- "We're rebuilding the Uzumaki Nation!"

Sakura face palmed.

"My family was destroyed. We are rebuilding the Uchiha clan." Sasuke crossed his arms.

"My nation was obliterated. We are rebuilding the Uzumaki Nation." Naruto planted his fists on his hips, "Believe it!"

"There are other Uzumaki in the world." Sasuke was now on his feet.

"There's another Uchiha too, Teme!" Naruto took a step closer until they were nose to nose, "Get your damn brother to rebuild your damn clan!"

"Our damn clan- you're a member now." The barest smirk graced Sasuke's mouth.

"Like hell I am!" Naruto groped blindly, unwilling to break the staring contact, until he found a pen, which was cheerfully emblazoned with a small fan sticker. Then, he reached forward and drew a large spiral on Sasuke's forehead. "Ha! Take that, newest member of the Uzumaki nation!"

"What are you doing!" Sasuke leapt backwards, scrubbing at his forehead. In times of extreme stress, Sasuke's voice went high and thin. "Sakura, tell the dobe that we are Uchiha!"

"No! Sakura- tell the teme that we are Uzumaki." Naruto turned towards her with the pen held out threateningly. Clearly, disagreement would result in disfigurement. Sakura rubbed the bridge of her nose.

She shouldn't encourage them. She really shouldn't. The whole concept of marriage should be squashed as the unlikely, improbably, impossible thing it was. Some cups of tea and a quite discussion and-

Eh. There were a lot of should's in her life. Sakura liked to ignore them these days.

"Actually, you're going to join the Haruno clan." She grinned and raised two fingers in a victory sign. There was a stunned silence and then suddenly two sets of voices were yelling at her.

"What! Are you insane!"

"Sakura. You can't be serious."

"No, think about it." She insisted, reaching forward to pluck the pen from Naruto's nerveless hands. "We are a ninja clan of good standing. Stable. No weird family issues. Loyal. Plus doesn't Naruto and Sasuke Haruno sound good?" It apparently did not.

"Like hell!

"Sakura. Be serious.

"You have, like, fifteen cousins, Sakura-chan!"

"Exactly."

"Right," Sakura agreed pleasantly and wrapped an arm around Naruto's shoulders. "But that just means that you would have extended family. Wouldn't that be a nice experience, Naruto? Don't you miss that Sasuke?" She batted her eyelids at them with a smirk and drew a large circle on Naruto's cheek.

"But the clan!"

"But the nation!"

A/N: This chapter is based on a suggestion from advancegreen a month-ish ago "I have a burning need to know whether Sasuke starts pasting Uchiha fans over all their stuff, or there's a squabble over whose last name to take."

Clearly the answer is... yes.

So, this story is being written through bursts of spontaneity. Do you have silly scenes you'd like to see? Are there "problems" Team Seven would have to overcome? Let me know!

As always, reviews are welcomed and appreciated- let me know what you liked, what you didn't, and what you'd like to see more of. Cheers!