L. A. Miz
By: The Lark
Disclaimer: The usual--I don't own Les Miserables or anything else you recognize. Now you can't sue me. Heh heh heh…
It was a typical day in LA, in a calm, harmless-looking alley, when without warning…
Les Amis: AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
…a band of nineteenth-century French revolutionaries fell out of the sky
Les Amis: *thunk*
Enjolras: *pushes Grantaire off of himself* GET OFF OF ME, YOU IMBECILE!
Joly: *pulls his head from a trash can* Owwwww…*notices contents of said trash can* Gah! Disinfectant! I need disinfectant!
Bousset: *pulls his head from his own trash can* Ooh--there's part of a sandwich in this one! *pulls out half a sandwich* I haven't eaten since those pigeons ate my grocery money.
Feuilly: *scratches his head* What is that awful noise?
*
They curse and cover their ears as an SUV drives by. Its stereo is turned up so high that the ground is vibrating*Grantaire: *knocked out from the fall, now begins to wake up* Is there an earthquake?
Jehan: *rubs the sides of his head* My ears feel funny. And what kind of wagon was that?
Bahorel: It was very brightly colored. Maybe they were gypsies?
Enjolras: Sitting around here guessing isn't going to do us any good! If we don't get back to the café by tomorrow, we'll be late for the revolution!
Grantaire: *rolls his eyes from his seat in the gutter* How are we going to find out where it is? We don't even know where we are
Enjolras: *kicks Grantaire* This is obviously a plot by the government. Someone must have blabbed about the revolution, and they dumped us here to keep us quiet. Well, we'll outsmart them yet! *bangs on a trash can lid to get their attention* Alright, everyone, we're going to split up and see what we can find. We'll go in pairs. Joly, you go west with Laigle. Combeferre, you go east with Jehan. Feuilly, you go north with Bahorel, and Courfeyrac, you go south with…*trails off, scowling* Where's Pontmercy?
Marius: *voice echoing from a large blue dumpster* You know, this- *pauses to read the label* …Dump-ster is a lot more roomy than my current apartment. I wonder if the proprietor would be willing to sell?
Enjolras: Pontmercy, get out of there.
Marius: *tumbles out with a banana peel on his head and some unidentifiable stringy stuff on his shoes* Hey, you're here too? *clutches dumpster wall possessively* I saw it first: it's mine!
Courfeyrac: *pleadingly* Couldn't I just go alone?
Enjolras: Don't blame me, Courfeyrac, he's your friend
Bousset: *starts west* Come on, Joly. Joly?
Joly: *being licked by a very large and grungy dog* Get it off! Help!
Marius: *pets dog* Hi! My name's Marius, what's yours?
Dog: *barks*
Marius: Walter? Well, that's a fine name. Do you know which way the Rue de la Verrerie is?
Walter: *bark, bark*
Marius: What do you mean? *leans in closer*
Walter: *ruff*
Marius: *gasp* No! *to Courfeyrac* Walter here tells me that we've somehow ended up in twenty-first century America!
Courfeyrac: *grabs Marius by the collar and drags him off* You are embarrassing me!
Walter: *scampers along behind them*
Combeferre: Jehan, are you coming?
Jehan: Yeah, yeah…
Enjolras: Well, I guess now that everyone's all partnered up, that leaves me with…*glances around, finally realizing that he and Grantaire are the only ones left* Oh man!
Grantaire: *sniffs the air* I'd love to stay here and make some kind of withering retort, but I smell hard liquor *follows the scent*
Enjolras: Thank God--I'll go on by myself *marches around the corner, bumping right into a gentleman in an archaic-type robe* Oh, excuse me, Father…*trails off* Hey, wait a minute. You're not a priest.
The Priest: *smiles* In the traditional sense, no.
Enjolras: *scratches his head* I beg your pardon?
The Priest: Ah, inquisitive. Well, my dear…what was your name?
Enjolras: Enjolras.
The Priest: Pleased to meet you, Brother Enjolras. My name is Brother Zaurak Triangulum. Tell me, have you ever wondered what the purpose of life is?
Enjolras: Of course not! The purpose of life is to bring liberty, equality and fraternity to all mankind. And maybe to get myself a solo number while I'm at it. Everyone knows that!
Triangulum: *eagerly* Liberty, equality, and fraternity? Well, in that case, I think you'd make a perfect recruit for the Ancient Mystic Society of Olgorgolia.
Enjolras: Olgo-who?
Triangulum: It's a new cult--er, religion--founded by a couple of college kids in need of beer money. All you have to do to join is say a quick oath and give us all your worldly possessions. You'd fit right in. Liberty, Equality, and Fraternity is our motto.
Enjolras: *annoyed* Is not. It's the motto for the French Revolution!
Triangulum: *shrugs* So we plagiarized a little. Big deal. Who's gonna notice--a bunch of dead Frenchies? *snigger* What are they gonna do? Come back from the dead and throw their berets at us?
Enjolras: *getting that old obsessive look in his eye* How dare you? Nobody steals our slogan and gets away with it!
Triangulum: *backs away* Uh…uh…
Enjolras: *raises his carbine* Get back over here and fight, you infamous coward!
Triangulum: *runs for his life* Heeeeeeeeeeelp!
Enjolras: Oh no, you don't! *chases him*
Meanwhile, someplace nearby…
Gavroche: *falls from the sky, landing on the roof of an apartment complex* Ugh. Lemme guess. I've been tossed into another fanfic.
The Lark: 'Fraid so
Gavroche: *gingerly rubs his head* Well, can you at least find a more comfortable way of sending me to different dimensions? Why not just use a portal or some kind of magical beam of light? *glances around* Where am I, anyway? Last thing I remember, I was running down the street with that idiot inspector chasing me.
Javert: *comes crashing down next to him* Gamin? Gamin? *spots Gavroche* There you are! *seizes him by the shoulder* Cut off my ponytail, will you?! *removes his hat, revealing an unusually short haircut* I'm going to lock you up and throw away the--!
His threat is interrupted by the arrival of a SWAT team
Police Officer Number One: Alright, freeze! *turns his gun on Javert*
Police Officer Number Two: Put the kid down!
Police Officer Number Three: We got a call from a lady in the building across the street saying that there was an incident of child abuse occurring on this roof. Looks like we got here just in time.
Javert: Child abuse? What?
Police Officer Number One: *leads Gavroche down the stairs to a squad car* There, there, son, don't worry. We're going to take you where he can't hurt you anymore.
Gavroche: *insulted* I'm not scared of any star-gazing, snuff-sniffing old fool!
Police Officer Number One: Of course not, kiddo *pats his head* Aw, isn't that cute? Such a resilient little fellow!
Gavroche: *tugs at the handle of the car door* Let me out of here!
To be continued…