"Come on, Enma. Just agree to let it go."

"I can't after what they did to me!"

"They saved your summoner from death. If Sarutobi died, everyone would be even more devastated."

"They also made Orochimaru and his pawns spilling out their lunch! That kind of mental scar can only be removed by their blood!"

"Maa, at this rate they won't be able to follow Naruto and Jiraiya," I muttered while cooling down. The crazy monkey king may had a point over our actions, but he could do something else to get his revenge. Like kicking Yamato in the balls for whole week or something. He was looking to decimate some of our A-list ninja instead, and if he did that, it would be unforgivable.

Also, it seems I forgot something important...

"Kakashi-sempai! We need your help!"

"What is it, Yuugao?"

"We just spotted Itachi and one of The Seven Ninja Swordsmen of the Mist! Currently Anko, Asuma and Kurenai are holding them at the bridge near the south gate."

Dammit. Not only Itachi and his weird idea of destroying Sasuke's sanity was here, now Anko's in danger. "I'm going."

Just as I expected. All three of them were no match for Itachi and Kisame.

However, unlike before, I could see someone hurt Itachi's back. Perhaps his blindness started to affect him. Or, sharingan's not as invincible in this realm. Or Anko being there made them had a little chance. Hmm, that's my woman...

Uh-oh. Good thing that I readily countered that water vortex jutsu from Kisame with a water dragon. They could barely move away from the jutsu.

"Kakashi-kun! You're here! I'm so happy you can ask me to make love in front of all these people now!"

"Uh, thanks Anko. But I prefer some privacy before you can give me my prize."

"Hatake Kakashi. I knew it can only be you that have counters to my jutsu at such instant notice."

"Stay back! You maybe able to distract or even fool a sharingan user for some moments, but the only one who can truly counter their genjutsu is another sharingan user," I said as my sharingan started to turn into mangekyo, all the while hiding it by simply closed my eyes.

"Kakashi-senpai, you're right. Only sharingan could counter each others. But I have a jutsu that only truly few could counter it, such as my own family...if they had evolved eyes like mine."

Oh, then we'll get even, alright. I like you Itachi, but your plans truly sucks. What did destroying your brother's psyche could do to him but turned him into an unstable punk?

"TSUKOYOMI!" uh oh. Did not have time to complain more.

"TSUKOYOMI!"

Well this is weird.

Not only I was turned into Itachi's Tsukoyomi world, I also ended up with myself split into two.

And it wasn't something like Kisame's preferred method to carry his bounty. I meant I was split into two different bodies, with one of it just like what you knew about Kakashi. Tall and slender in a really handsome package.

And one of it...was fat. To be precise, I ended up with my actual body in Kakashi's uniform, and oh boy I forgot how overweight I was. At least it's the kind of stocky fat, so he would be just as strong as my real life body...I hope.

"Yo."

"Is it a real life or is it a fantasy, man? I truly turned into Kakashi?"

"Well, you're fat, but you're in my uniform, so you're Kakashi, alright. Look, can you release me? I mean, he tied you, but you're not being crucified at all."

"Hold a second, I want to see if I can do these ninja crap," he exclaimed before he somehow got off the ground with the stake still tied on his hands. "Sweet! I can't do any jutsu, but the chakra boost to my strength's still available."

"Good, now release me."

After he obliged, we went into a long drift in this barren land. Based on how Itachi prefered to torture his Tsukoyomi, we decided to search for the bleakest and darkest place. And oh boy did it was a torture just to walk alone; the wasteland felt like walking on coal, and often the atmosphere became almost unbreathable. But at the end we managed to find Itachi...and third Kakashi.

Both Itachi and me, being stabbed by our clones every single second. Each stabs were done slowly, in a deliberation to make everything even more painful. However, on some occasion, instead of a stab, one of the Kakashi kicked Itachi in the jewel. And on other occasion, the Kakashi poked one of the last Uchiha with the sword. Ouch.

"So there's three of Kakashi? Like a Freudian trio or something?"

"Yeah, I think it's our superego that being tortured now," I whispered before I noticed another thing: that Itachi looked exactly his age instead of looking three years older.

"How did you figure? It could've been the ego instead."

"I must be the ego because I'm the result between my original self and Kakashi considering my knowledge about both worlds, and since you are the primal desire that knew most of the situation beforehand, you should be the Id," I explained.

"Great analysis, dude. Anyway, you think Itachi ended up being like this as well?"

"Probably, but we need to find the other Itachi in the first place."

"Yeah, I could tell it will be really hard in this barren-Hey, isn't that's Itachi's crow?" the fat Kakashi pointed out to northeast of us, and indeed it was a summoned animal.

"It's flying into another direction. Perhaps the key of our current problem is not in our tortured self."

We followed the bird, hoped that we could find some actual answer.

And there he was, the other Itachi. Not much difference, except he looked...more hardened and tired? Perhaps it was a culmination of Itachi's actual peaceful self and false ax-crazy persona, just like myself.

"Calm down, Itachi," good thing I noticed him about to went on the offense before he could do it. "I already know of your actual role in the massacre and some of your spying in Akatsuki for Konoha. I also knew that someone helped you in this role and turned everything into even bigger mess. You might could've spared more people had you got a help from the trusted source, but at that time you didn't have a choice."

"You still attacked me with Tsukoyomi."

"Because I want to see how that event broke you. And it turned out I was right. You're willing to subdue your former captain with a jutsu that will shatter my psyche apart. You have turned into a ruthless person who willing to do anything to keep the traitor facade," I accused him, tried my best to keep my voice from breaking apart.

"It's not that, Kakashi-senpai. I am willing to lose some of our people if it means the biggest goal's still available. If that means incapacitating you until Konoha managed to hire a great medic, then so be it."

I decided to pull another topic instead of convincing him to drop it. He might be a good Uchiha, but he's still a loner who thought he could do most things by himself. And worst of all, he had the resource to make it true. "What's your plan with Sasuke? Pulling the same jutsu like this? You do realize how fucked up this is, to break people's mind right?"

"He needs every encouragement to clean our clan's name-"

"Just stop. You don't know everything that happened to Sasuke," Itachi squinted at me, but at least he didn't attack me. "Orochimaru gave him his cursed seal. The same thing that almost took Anko. If you use Tsukoyomi on him, he'll lose all the sanity he have."

For the first time, I saw my former comrade gritted his teeth. "Orochimaru. I thought I already scared him into not trying to capture our clan anymore."

"Seems he decided to go for the weaker clan members instead."

"Then you're right. I may still go after my brother to show how far our power is, but I won't use Tsukoyomi on him. I don't want Orochimaru to feast on the opportunity," Well, that's a start. At least now he knew he could fucked up everything if he didn't have all the information. "Senpai, we'll stop the torture on each others before the 24th hour mark. That way we'll be able to recover without a help from advanced ninja medic. I'm not looking to get patched up by Kabuto or Kakuzu."

"I can agree with that."

"Oh, and Kakashi-senpai?" He looked at me, the eyes almost looked like the Itachi I knew. "I managed to save some of my clan members. I think it's time for them to return. Especially since someone have been trying to attack them again. I should've know Zetsu and that orange-masked man are not to be trusted."

"Ah, so that's why Kaiza managed to retrieve some of their eyes for his own use," Itachi squinted his eyes on me, but he decided to not pursue the answer.

"With two of them killed by Zetsu three years ago, there's only a dozen of us left including Sasuke and me. And don't worry, they're pure like Shisui. I've commanded them to keep moving around, but they often use the road that's 2 miles north of Valley of the End. You may patrol around that area to find them."

"Is there any way to identify them?"

"I gave them notice to stay away from Konoha's ninja and communicate to no one but me. I'll tell them that if Jiraiya-sama and you to approach them, then they have to greet any of you two instead. That will be all, senpai. Now let's watch ourselves inflicting pain to each others for the next several hours," I could only nodded as we walk to the center of the torture. Soon we found that watching ourselves getting stabbed strangely relaxing.

"Senpai?"

"Yeah?" I answered, ignoring the bickering between my old self and Itachi's crow.

"Why's your Tsukoyomi have you stabbing me in the butt on 3 minute intervals?"

"Ah, that's just the advanced joke jutsu that I did to my genin team," I nonchalantly answered.

"I also would like to know why your other Freudian Trio is fat."

"Maa, that's because I took some of Obito's traits to respect him."

"Gah!"

"URGH!"

"No way! Hatake knew that jutsu too?"

"Kakashi-kun? What happened? You told us to close our eyes, and in one second both of you collapsed!" Anko shouted, worry evident in her tone..

"Don't worry...I'm going to be fine. That jutsu ended prematurely before he could truly harm me," I reassured my comrades before I turned to the Akatsuki. "Who're you looking for? Sasuke?"

"No...it's the Fourth's legacy."

"Naruto...so Akatsuki have started to make their move, right?" I spoke, gave Kisame another shock.

"He knew too much. Kisame. Kill them." Crap. Who's going to help us with Gai still nursing his groin? And fuck you for still not learning that much, Itachi.

"Eight Trigrams Sixty-Four Palms: double mode!"

Oh hell yeah! Hizashi and Hiashi's palm blast knocked the hell outta of the shark man. Great timing, both of you!

"The Hyuuga twin's ready to help Konoha."

"And with our Byakugan, we can simply monitor his chakra without having to see his eyes directly."

"Crap. I can't move..." Kisame whimpered after the dual attack from the leader of Hyuuga and his twin.

Well, since they're here I can take a sleep here...ouch.

Oooh, my head feel like an elephant stomped on it...

"He's awake! Thank you, Gai! And you can stop rapping, Hizashi."

"Hmph! No respect for the Omnipotent Guru and him dropping mad rhyme like dimes."

Huh? Gai managed to wake me up? Did he pulled something like opened my second gate from external stimulation or something?

Oh yeah, Itachi and I came to a mutual agreement to stop our Tsukoyomi before we're truly harmed. But still his gesture should be appreciated and-

"WHAT THE HELL AM I WEARING?" All of it's green! GREEN!

"Oh, the power of youth. Thank you for helping Kakashi awaken from his coma..."

"Hey, don't forget my relaxing rhyme, you ungrateful swines!"

"Yosh, Gai-sama! I will wear your leotard and embrace the youth-"

"Do that, and no unmasked Kakashi for you again, Anko," I threatened my girlfriend for her insane gesture of gratitude. Yes Anko in leotard'll be a sexy and hot sight to be feasted at, but I won't be able to handle her if she combined her sadism and the power of youth... "I said that I managed to counter his genjutsu with my own Mangekyo. I appreciate the effort, but there's no need for that, Gai," the man slumped in his chair, muttering about how it's too good to be true.

"To have you still collapsed for almost a day...what kind of genjutsu is that?" Asuma asked.

"It's Tsukoyomi, one of strongest genjutsu from Uchiha's sharingan. Made to break people's spirit so badly they won't be able to recover. I was stabbed non-stop for 20 hours. Good thing I did the same with Itachi so I could force him to break it before we truly went into decades of comatose."

"My god, that kind of depravity in a genjutsu..." Kurenai shook her head, obviously disgusted by Itachi's use of his power.

"Yup. It's unfortunate just how insane Itachi's now. What happened after I collapsed?"

"Kisame fused with his sword and regained his movement. Luckily, just before he attacked us again, Tobirama-sama approached him. He immediately ran away with Itachi in his shoulder."

"Great to know even a bloodthirsty fighter like Kisame feared our founders."

"You said they're with Akatsuki, right?" I nodded to Asuma. "Goddamn. To know they are group of monsters like Kisame and Itachi that'll give even Jiraiya-sama trouble. We're lucky Naruto's out of the village..."

"Itachi? Naruto?!"

I looked at the new voice that spoke to us, and I froze.

Sasuke had been there and listening to us for a while.

The boy ran out of the room, obviously his original intent had been replaced by blood lust for revenge.

"What the hell's Sasuke doing in my hospital room?"

"This is your apartment, Kakashi. But is that even matter? We have a loose cannon here!"

"We need to stop him before he lost a limb!" how's no one on Hyuuga clan lost their mind yet?

Sasuke had to find out what's going on. Why his brother's looking for his idiotic teammate? He had to admit, Naruto's stronger than his status suggested. He might even have much bigger chakra than sensei. But the blonde's

"Where are you going, Sasuke?" asked Haku who just about to arrive for his shift in Ichiraku-ramen. He would miss out Ayame bending on the counter to get the ramen ingredients while showing her nice behind, but Sasuke's frantic show of emotions was a much important business.

"To get my brother and end him."

"The same brother that ended your whole clan?"

"Yes," Sasuke tried to move faster, only to find himself in the mirror of Haku's ice crystal. He gritted his teeth at the trap his friend set up. "Get out of my way!"

"I don't think that's a wise move, Sasuke."

"And what make you think you can give me an advice?"

"I also lost my mother to my own closest relative. I think I can understand you better compared to even Naruto-kun. Trust me, even with the knowledge that your own blood's a monster you'll still unable to prepare with reality that you just ended their life. And did you forget your brother's listed as S-rank nukenin, which means he's even stronger than Zabuza-san? I won't advise you to fight him until you're able to beat your own sensei."

Sasuke's resolve started to crumble, but he still had his pride. "This is the first time I ever heard anything about him in years. I need to see him with my own eyes. So move out of my way, or Naruto will perish too."

Haku scrunched his face. "What does Naruto have to do with this?"

"That's something I want to know as well."

"Then I can tell you what else you need to know about Itachi," another voice approached them, the authority was enough to make Haku dropped his trap. It was Kakashi with Gai and Asuma towed him. "Haku's right. Going after him now is suicide, and not just because of his vast strength."

"Sensei, I-"

"Itachi's even stronger than he was before. And he's not alone as well. You mess with him, and his S-rank friends will become your enemy. Trust me, currently it's suicidal to go after him. And isn't that Jiraiya is with him? I think he could handle your brother for a while."

"Not to mention he's currently incapacitated as well," Asuma added.

"Won't that mean it's the best time to kill him now?" Sasuke retorted.

"Yeah. If you want to deal with his S-rank fellow criminals, then go ahead," Anko bluntly stated. This made Sasuke thinking about it for a while. He gave a second thought about it.

"Tsch. You're right, sensei. But what now?"

"The best way to beat Itachi, is by learning under people who have a good chance to beat him in the first place."

"Jiraiya-san will be busy with Naruto for a while. Are you implying Orochimaru-"

"No," I stopped his train of thoughts right away. I could even see the cursed mark subtly changed shape from my position, probably influenced him like The One Ring. Damn that snake. "Here you have several S-rank ninja and other near S-rank ninja. Jiraiya and Hokage-sama are S-rank. Me and Gai just need some more training to become S-rank. And if Jiraiya-sama succeed in his current mission, Tsunade, another S-rank ninja, will become our Hokage. Currently the only near S-rank ninja that Orochimaru had is one of his spy. The rest of them can be beaten by even Chouji or Naruto. Isn't that clear, Sasuke? You have the best shot to beat Itachi by staying here," I pointed out to Sasuke. I could see him struggling to make the right decision. Hopefully he'll-

"I apologize for ever thinking of ditching Konoha, sensei," Sasuke bowed to me as his seal faded again. Woah. I stopped the boy from going that dark path! "But I hope you keep your promise to teach me with everything you have. I also... beg you to ask the other S-rank ninja in Konoha to teach me."

"Very well then. But what are you doing in my apartment in the first place?"

"I was looking to get my own contract summon. Since Naruto managed to summon the Toad Chief, I can't stop to think about how it will help me in everything. You also promised me once."

Yeah, if Sasuke felt threatened by Naruto's growth of power, the first thing to do was to get him the summon contract. "I'll see about it, but first of all, would you like to be reverse summoned, or if we search for the animals instead?"

"I think I can wait for sensei to search the suitable candidates first, and if they don't meet my demands, then I have to reverse summon myself.

"See? When you're thinking clearly, you're a smart and good boy, Sasuke," I ruffled his hair. "Now, as for why Itachi's looking for Naruto, well...he's an Uzumaki, so it probably has to do with that. Granted I don't know much about their organization, but it can't be good."

"Maybe something like kidnapping a potential recruit? They may don't even need great talent, just someone who's really good at certain thing. They may think they need another Kisame, you know a guy with crazy amount of chakra," ah, great and quick thinking, Kurenai.

"If they succeed, I can only imagine how irritated my brother would be once he finds how dumb that Usuratonkachi could be," Sasuke smirked.

"Maa, maa, don't thinking like that, Sasuke. It might've mean they would just kill Naruto before we retrieved him."

Sometimes later...

Kisame had the worst two day stretch of his life.

The day before, Itachi was incapacitated by the copy-nin, who somehow with an eye that's almost as strong as Itachi's own sharingan. And while he awaken in 12 hours, the young man's still not in state to even walk in extended period. He ended up having to craddle the Uchiha all the time until they could find a suitable woman to distract Jiraiya, and even then Itachi passed out again after putting her in illusion. This made him have to work solo for a while, and he hoped karma would be helpful in the next day.

Today, he found his bad luck had been extended.

"You two, cranky old toads! Why you two couldn't just die of old age so I could chop that brat's legs?!"

"You're still two decades too young to do anything to us!" Fukasaku taunted the Tailed Beast without a tail. Both Great Toad Sage were grateful Jiraiya had gave them the location to the hotel first. "Ma! Let's give this shark man the beating he'll remember!"

Kisame wondered what the two old toads could do to him...and he found it the hardest way. Both of them gathered Senjutsu energy at instant and used the energy to kick the Swordsman so hard he went to the other side of the town. Never he got a kick harder than this.

To made it even worse, he found Jiraiya trailed him not too far away.

"Summoning: Toad's Mouth Bind!" was the words he heard. He noticed nothing however, and he tried to fight the Sannin himself. The shark-like man grinned; if there was one thing he liked about no Itachi around was that he could fight as much as he wanted. The Traitor was a great partner, but he sometimes found the Uchiha too pragmatic and disliked fighting for his liking.

Unfortunately, he found a very strong and slippery wall instead.

Kisame slashed, and slashed at the wall of the toad's inside, but it won't do. The thing's sturdier than any weapon he ever found. He considered to use his Water Shark Bullet's greater variant, but the jutsu wasn't complete yet. It won't be strong enough against the trap. The man was truly captured by the Sannin.

He then remembered: Itachi had the everlasting flame Jutsu that could burn the whole thing down with ease.

The Monster of the Mist slammed his head into the wall of the toad's mouth. It's easily his worst week by far.

"Are you going to give information about Akatsuki now?"

"Ha! Even after I found my commander sold all my info to our enemies, I still haven't said anything vital to oppositions. And I won't start with you, Jiraiya the Sannin!"

"Very well then. Go die in the Esophagus of a toad," said Jiraiya as he crushed the S-rank missing nin with the esophagus' contraction. He didn't want to risk anything, especially with his Godson in the center of the conflict. Once he was done, there was nothing left from the Tailed Beast without a Tail but Samehada and pool of blood. It protected itself by expanded all of its spikes toward every direction.

"Hmm. Samehada. Tales said it has enough conscience to pick its own user based on their chakra, which means only someone with very high chakra can wield it. It also sometimes pick someone with delicious chakra instead. Maybe..." Jiraiya ended up turning to his toad mentors. "Ma! Pa! I need to access the Sage state!"

Both of them obliged, and they jumped into the shoulder of their summoner. The Sage concentrated hard, and it didn't took long before he gained many toad characteristics. His nose got bigger, he gained warts, and he slouched like a toad.

"Whoa! That's cool!" Naruto commented. He then noticed the Samehada sword hugging the super pervert like he's its mother. "Eww..."

"Ha! I knew it would like the pure Senjutsu energy!"

"Does that means you will finish your Sage training?"

"Let me think about it first; Kirigakure might want this sword back, and they're our ally now," Jiraiya answered as he sealed the sword away so he could get out of the Sage mode.

"Oh, come on Jiraiya-kun! If you finish the Sage art training, you will get rid the toad looks and look almost like you are. In fact, the toad-eye will look cute on you!"

"Hmm...still not sold 100%."

"Oh, what's wrong with you, Super Lazy Pervert!"

"Sounds like a great Kakashi's nickname, Shima!

"Pa, this is not the time to talk about it!"

"Hey! Hey! I want to be Toad Man too!" the four started to bicker like crazy. Had they only knew that Kisame's connection with his sword was even closer than people knew.

Ugh, five minutes hiding in Samehada, and these stupid toads already getting on my nerves! Worst of all, if it went too long, Samehada may ended up liking the toad's chakra more than mine. Leader-sama, you truly owe me this...

A/N: sorry for the slightly shorter than usual chapter, but I just got a job. And oh boy it's really exhausting at times.

Also don't worry, Kisame's rivalry with Gai will be there.