Hi there! Well, you know from the summary what this thing is, haha. Just a silly little Gary shenanigan that is probably very weird and makes no sense. But eh, most of my stories are like that, so. XD This isn't my best story either, but I hope you enjoy it anyway.

Disclaimer: I do not own SpongeBob SquarePants or any of its characters.

Gary the Busybody

HONK! HONK! HONK!

The loud and obnoxious blare of sound could only have been coming from one place: The foghorn alarm clock.

Sigh. Every day, every day, that annoying noise invaded the air (or water). This had been going on for years, why couldn't the sponge just get a new alarm clock?! Didn't he know how much it irritated his intelligent pet to be so rudely woken up every single day from his beauty sleep? The answer to that question was most definitely a no. Why would he even notice? He was constantly waking up Squidward anyway, so, to him it was normal.

SpongeBob let out a peaceful sigh as he reached over to shut off the clock. Stretching out his arms, he smiled to himself. "Ah, another beautiful day! Huh, Gare?" he asked cheerily, staring down at his groggy pet, who had barely just opened his eyelids.

"Meow (Sure, if you say so.)"

The sponge bit his lip excitedly, knowing what was ahead of him that day. "I don't just say so, Gary, I know so. Today is Monday — the start of another week at the best job in the whole world!" he shouted enthusiastically.

He looked down at the bored-looking snail. "Well, the best job in the ocean, at least." He chuckled to himself and jumped down from bed, preparing to do his usual morning routine.

He landed in front of the snail. "Wanna do a little stretching, Gare? It's good for the ol' neck bones," he said, twisting his head from side to side, then bending in half to touch his toes.

Gary stared at him with an unamused expression. "Meow (I imagine that would be really good for you… if only you had any neck bones… or a neck, for that matter)"

"Dahahaha! Oh, Gare. You always were a little jokester," he said, smiling and patting his pet on the top of his eyestalks.

The snail glared at his owner as he walked towards the bathroom. "Meow (who said I was joking?)" he mumbled under his breath.

Sighing to himself, the snail then slithered his way out of the cozy chamber that was their bedroom and made his way downstairs.

He scoffed. "Meow (pssshh, another beautiful day, huh? More like another bore-fest)" he then paused as he reached the living room. "Meow (I gotta pull myself together, I'm starting to sound like Squidward.)"

~French Narrator~

"Fifteen boring minutes later."

"Twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty… four…" SpongeBob panted as he ran in circles around the living room couch. Gary sat in the middle of the couch, staring blankly as he attempted to see past his owner blocking his view of the television every few seconds. Jeez, what did a snail have to do to watch some morning talk shows?

"Twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty. PHEW, what a workout," said SpongeBob, wiping the sweat from his brow.

Gary rolled his eyes. "Meow (why all the exercise? You're not getting fat)"

The sponge chuckled. "I know that, Gary. I was a little slow last week at work, so Squidward gave me some very helpful advice: he said it was important to move around as much as possible to keep my blood pumping. That way I could stay alert and get even more work done!" he smiled.

Gary peered at his naïve owner. "Meow (Squidward? Giving helpful advice? To you?)"

The sponge nodded happily. "Yep!" he then noticed the snail's expression. "Is there anything wrong with that, Gary?"

"Meow (mmm… yep, I think so)"

SpongeBob furrowed his brows. "Why do you say that, Gary? Squidward is my friend, after all. What's so weird about him giving me advice?"

"Meow (everything is weird about that. I mean, telling you to run around so that you can get more work done?)"

SpongeBob nodded once again. "Sure! I think it's a great idea. He just wants to make sure I'm a good coworker," he smiled.

"Meow (sounds more like he's trying to tire you out to the point of you collapsing, which would be his all-time biggest dream)" he meowed quietly.

SpongeBob cocked an eyebrow. "What was that?"

"Meow (oh, nothing.)" The snail then looked past the sponge to stare at the television screen.

"That's right, Marina. Jett Fisherman was seen twice this week at the same restaurant… with two different girls!" said a female talk show host. She sat at a large, round table with three other women. The women at the table, as well as the women in the audience, all gasped in shock at the gossip that was being discussed.

"Meow! (that traitor!)"

SpongeBob stared at the snail, cocking a brow and tapping his foot impatiently on the ground.

Gary shifted his gaze up at him. "Meow? (what?)"

SpongeBob shook his head. "I can't believe you watch this nonsense. I mean, really, Gary. Do these ladies really have nothing better to do than spread celebrity gossip?"

"Meow, meow (no, I have nothing better to do than to listen to the juicy stories. It's always the same around here. That stupid alarm clock wakes me up every day. You spring out of bed like you're on some new medication and do the same boring routine. And then, you go to work. Meanwhile, I'm stuck here all day, nibbling at the couch and coughing up the dust bunnies that I inhale from my food bowl)" he ranted.

SpongeBob listened carefully and crossed his arms over his chest. "And just what are you trying to get across, Gary?"

"Meow (I'm. Bored. That's why I enjoy watching talk shows; the gossip excites me)" he grinned deviously.

SpongeBob gasped. "Gary! You sound worse than a greedy bank robber,"

Gary scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Meow (sheesh, dramatic much?)"

SpongeBob looked at his watch. "Jumping nematodes! I'm gonna be late," he rushed towards the door, only to turn around and look his pet in the eye.

"I'm sorry to hear about your boredom, Gare. But there's just got to be a better way to spend your time than watching a bunch of worthless gossip stories. There's a whole world full of people and things out there just waiting to be discovered. You could have so much fun!"

"Meow? (what do you suggest I do then?)"

"Take a walk-or I mean, slither, haha. Go where the road takes you, maybe talk to a few people, make some little friends. It's gotta be better than just lazing around here all day," he said, smiling reassuringly at him.

Gary sighed. "Meow (okay, okay. I'll try something new)"

"That's the spirit! Go out and explore the world, have an adventure! Have a-HEART ATTACK! YIKES! Only two minutes until work! Gotta go, Gary. See ya!" he exclaimed, staring down at the time on his watch. He then slammed the door shut and dashed for The Krusty Krab.

The snail sighed to himself. Using his eyestalk, he then pressed the power button on the remote control, turning off the television.

"Meow (go out, have an adventure… eh, it's worth a shot.)" He then slithered down from the couch and exited the pineapple, preparing to take his owner's advice and just go where the current took him. Papa-Bob sometimes did have some common sense. He had to be right about this, anything was better than just sitting around like a sack of potatoes, right?

~French Narrator~

"One terrible idea later."

The little troublemaker of a snail slithered down the sidewalk of downtown Bikini Bottom, staring up at all the fish-folk passing him by, all towering above him. He then took a pause and examined his surroundings.

Women pushing baby strollers and talking to their girlfriends over their shell-phones.

A group of meatheads heading for the gym.

An old lady crossing the street.

A homeless man asking for spare change. Ha! It reminded Gary of that time that his master took in that ungrateful coworker of his.

The snail sighed, realizing things in town were just as boring as things at home. Or were they?

Just then, Gary overheard what sounded like two people arguing. He turned his eyestalks in the direction of the voices, slithering over towards the open window of a house.

"Meow… (no, I shouldn't be doing this. I have to remember what Papa-Bob said, it's just worthless gossip… worthless, exciting, JUICY gossip…)" he purred from the rush he was beginning to feel.

"Meow… (well… maybe a little listen won't hurt)" he poked his eyes above the edge of the window and saw a man and woman standing in front of each other, shouting.

"All I ask is for a little help around here. Take out the garbage, straighten out the rugs, pick the lint off the dang couch for all I care! But no, you do nothing but sit on your lazy tailfin and watch those stupid reality TV shows!" the woman shouted.

"May I remind you who pays the bill for the stinking TV? I believe I have a right to watch it whenever I wish! Besides, at least the shows I watch are entertaining. You, on the other hand, get sucked into those radio medical shows with the hunky doctors. I mean, what do you see in those guys anyway?!" the man demanded to know.

"That's the thing, Jerry. I don't see anything in them because I can't SEE their faces!"

Gary bit his lip. This was wrong-he was invading people's privacy. He not only had an appetite for gossip but also for drama. Oh, brother.

Maybe Papa-Bob was right… he was worse than a greedy bank robber! He needed to just turn around and find something else to do with his time.

He then decided to do just that. He turned away from the window and slithered a few feet down the sidewalk. He didn't need this. He was a smart and strong little guy who could do anything he set his mind to. He didn't need to get involved in any old useless gossip or drama! He could be doing so many other things with his precious time. So many other important things. Because after all, gossip was just gossip; it wasn't important. Nor was listening in to people jumping down each other's throats important. At least, that's what he was trying to convince himself of at that moment.

"Meow (Papa-Bob is right. Who needs all that boring drama in their life anyway?)" he grinned smugly to himself. But he soon found his carefree mood diminishing and turning into one of great curiosity when he spotted Mr. Krabs' daughter, Pearl and her two friends, Judy and Orchid, heading for the juice bar.

The snail sat in the middle of the sidewalk, silently observing the three teenagers as they laughed their hearts out.

"I couldn't believe the look on her face when she realized her ponytail was missing!" said Pearl, barely being able to contain her giggles.

"Girl, I know! You'd think she'd just lost her favorite summer dress in a fire or something," replied Judy, rolling her eyes.

"It was pretty funny, but I still felt kinda bad for her," said Orchid.

"Oh, don't waste your time. She didn't feel bad when she 'accidentally' dumped that huge bowl of punch all over us at the school dance last year," argued Pearl.

The three young girls continued their conversation as they entered the juice bar. Gary sat there, torn between sneaking into that place and eavesdropping on their wild gossip or just simply turning in the other direction and going on with his business.

Oh, what to do, what to do. "Meow… (hmmm…)" Oh, the snail was tempted. Really tempted.

Just then, a thought bubble appeared above his head, SpongeBob himself standing inside of it. "Gary the Snail, do you really want to so criminally invade other people's business just for your own benefit? I thought I taught you better than that," his voice echoed.

Gary bit his lip once again. "Meow (oh, what's so 'criminal' about it? It's not like I'm gonna go to jail for doing this kind of stuff)" he looked back at the door of the juice bar that was practically calling his name.

"You'd be surprised what people go to jail for," his owner argued.

"Meow (pshhh, what's surprising to me is how you haven't gone to jail for how many boats you've totaled)"

The yellow sponge of the snails' imagination gasped, placing his hands on his hips. "That's no fair, Gary! You know I can't help but floor it,"

"Meow (you can't help a lot of things)"

"Enough with the sass. I'm warning you, Gary. Don't. Go. In. There. You'll just be wasting your time,"

Gary glanced back and forth between the bubble and the door. Wasting his time, eh? "Meow (well, we both know I've got nothing but time.)" The snail had made his decision.

"Gary. The. Snail. You listen to me. I don't have to take this! We both have roles to play here. I'm the adult, you are the helpless, misguided child-oooh! Free ice cream!" the sponge inside the bubble spotted a cart on the sidewalk.

"I wonder if they have the new Jelly Berry flavor?" he said, his eyes glistening with excitement.

Gary rolled his eyes. "Meow, meow (I don't know, but if you really want to find out, I think you should make like a banana and split.)" He took in a deep breath and blew at the bubble.

"Hey! That joke was never funny. And I don't even like bananas! You'll regret this, GARRRYYY…" his voice trailed off as the bubble disappeared. Well, that took care of that problem. Now, it was time to do a bit of sneaking around and get his fill for the day. It was just a little gossip from a bunch of young, hormonal teenage girls. What could possibly go wrong?

A/N: We shall see…