Author's Note: Hi all! I know it's been a while since I've updated. Unfortunately I've been rather sick. Probably the worst stomach flu I've ever experienced, which has been passing back and forth between myself and my husband (who was nowhere near as sick as I was, the brat). It's been a bad couple of weeks. Between the flu and having writers block I have sadly neglected not just these stories, but my novel as well, which means I am incredibly behind schedule.

I really hope everyone is doing alright. I know Covid-19 has been spreading all over the world and that people are sick, or afraid of becoming sick, or just tired of being cooped up in the house. I am going to try and update all my stories, but I warn you, I still have the stomach flu and I am still struggling with writers block, which I think is being caused by all the worry, since my hubby works in the only grocery store for over twenty miles and people have been coming from al over to buy things at one of the few stores that seems to have relatively full shelves.

I know the world is a scary place right now, but I have faith that things will get better. Big virtual hugs to all of you! Stay safe and happy reading!

Readers Note: Usagi is fifteen and Mamoru seventeen in this story.

Dear Mamoru: How it Could Have Been
Chapter One
A Secret Letter

Motoki

"I hate this homework," Motoki grumbled, staring down at his book.

"It's easy," Mamoru argued, pulling his paper over. "Here, look at what I've done here," his friend continued. Motoki glared at him, but looked anyway. He was surprised to see that Mamoru's paper was nearly completed, the complex math problems had neat answers written beside them and a white sheet of paper held his work.

"This sucks," Motoki sighed, pulling the book closer. As he moved it, a can of soda on the table was knocked into Mamoru's lap, spilling all over his clothing. "Oops," he blushed.

"Toki!"

"I am so sorry. At least you can go change."

Mamoru sighed and hurried out of the room. Motoki grabbed a rag and cleaned up the mess before settling in front of his book again. Reaching out, he grabbed his pencil, then sighed when he realized he had broken it in half at some point.

"Can I grab a pencil?" he shouted to Mamoru, who was still in the bathroom.

"Sure," Mamoru called out, his voice muffled.

Motoki reached into the front pouch of Mamoru's school bag and pulled out several pens and pencils, as well as a handful of envelopes in every color of the rainbow. When he opened the larger pouch he found dozens more. Laughing, he searched through the love notes his friend had recieved. It was just too funny. He would have ammunition for weeks to come with the notes in his hand, Mamoru didn't exactly encourage the attention he recieved. Far from it.

A pink envelope with a bouncing bunny in one corner caught Motoki's eye. His snickers died off immediately and the image of a tiny blonde came to mind. He knew this stationary. Knew it well. Once, very long before, he had received a letter himself on the very same stationary. He picked up the envelope and slapped it against his palm. Mamoru still hadn't come back from the bathroom.

Very quickly he turned the envelope over in his hand. Should he open it? Maybe, just this once, Mamoru needed to read one of his letters. Maybe it was the most important one he would ever read. He still had the one he had received so long ago. He knew it almost by heart. It was a thank you, and a revelation. What would Mamoru's letter say?

Sometimes his friend needed a hard shove into what was best for him. Motoki was the only one willing to give him that shove. Hadn't he gotten Mamoru to make friends? Hadn't he urged him not to hide alone in his apartment all the time? What was the best thing for his friend right now? His friend, who had long had a crush on the tiny blonde Motoki was sure had written the letter.

He sighed. There was no good answer. He could open the letter, but it was probably very emotional and private. He had only ever shown his own to Reika and that was with Usagi's permission. Would Mamoru ever open it if given the choice?

Probably not.

But Motoki could force him to do it. He could force him to see the truth. Was it right? Would he only hurt Usagi, or could this be the start of something wonderful? When had she given Mamoru the letter?

Biting his lip, he set the envelope on top of Mamoru's book and picked the others up, putting them into a neat stack. Those he set on the table. His friend could decide what to do with them himself. He began packing up his things, put the pencils and pens he'd grabbed back into Mamoru's bag, and went to the kitchen to make coffee while he waited for Mamoru to return.

Mamoru

Changed into clean clothing, and having taken a shower to rid himself of the awful stickiness of the soda Motoki had spilled, Mamoru left the bathroom and made his way out to the living room. Motoki was in the kitchen making coffee and he turned and headed for his friend. He noticed all his things had been packed away and wondered why.

"Are you leaving?" Mamoru asked.

"Not quite yet," Motoki answered, not looking at him as he poured water into the coffee maker. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Shoot."

Motoki set the carafe onto the burner and flicked the coffee maker on before he turned. "Most of the letters are stacked on your coffee table," he started.

"Most?" Mamoru asked, slightly confused. He hadn't remembered they were in his bag when he'd told Motoki he could grab a new pencil. Why would Motoki go through them?

"One of them is sitting on your textbook." Motoki frowned and ran his hands through his slightly shaggy, overlong blond hair. "I think you should read it."

"Why?" Mamoru wasn't sure what his friend was thinking, but when Motoki's eyes met his, there was something shining out of them. Hope.

"Because I think it's important. I thought about opening it myself, thinking there was no way to convince you, but it wasn't right. I couldn't do it. Then I thought I would force you to open it, but I can't do that either. So I'm asking you, as my best friend on the planet, to trust me when I tell you this could be the most important decision you make for a long time."

"I don't understand," Mamoru said, frowning. "What's so important about a love letter from a girl who knows nothing about me and only cares about money and popularity?"

"This one isn't like that."

"How do you know?" Mamoru asked, irritated.

"Because the girl who wrote you that letter once wrote me one. I've never thrown it away, even though I was dating Reika when I received it. It's one of my most prized possessions."

"Really?" Mamoru asked, intrigued in spite of himself. "Who is it from?"

"You'll never know unless you read it." Motoki gave him a small grin, but sobered immediately. "If you have ever trusted me, trust me now. I'm telling you that letter is important." He moved into the living room and grabbed his bag. "I'm going to head out. Call me if you want to talk later."

Mamoru nodded as he walked to the genkan with Motoki and waited for him to remove his slippers and put on his shoes. "I'll call either way," he promised.

"Thanks," Motoki murmured, then slipped out the door without another word.

Intrigued in spite of himself, Mamoru went back into the living room and found the letter sitting on his book. Picking it up, he carried it with him into the kitchen, where he poured a cup of coffee and reached into his secret stash for some Kit-Kats. Then he sat on one of the stools at the counter and took a closer look at the envelope.

It was very pink. In one corner was a little hopping bunny. It made him smile. For just a moment he thought about Usagi. Then he shook his head. It wouldn't be fair to whoever wrote the letter if he was thinking about another girl. Slowly, hesitantly, he unsealed the missive and pulled out the folded pages. It was thicker than any of the other love notes he had recieved. He unfolded the pages and started to read.

Dear Mamoru,

I don't know if you will ever read this letter. If everything went according to plan then I was able to hide it in your bag while you were busy. If not… well, I don't even want to know what would happen. Probably something embarrassing. Either way, I still hope you read it.

I'm not going to sit here in a letter and declare my undying love for you. It's a cute idea, but to be honest I get as annoyed as you do when you get letters from girls who know nothing about you and don't seem to care to find out who you are. I would like to think I'm better than that, even though I don't know you as well as I would like to.

Anyways, that isn't what this letter is about. I've only ever written one other, and that was different than this one. Ugh! I sound pathetic, don't I? Go ahead and laugh at the silly girl with the crush. It's okay. I know I'm already rambling and I've barely started.

Mamoru, I like you. A lot. I don't ever show it. Not in public. I doubt anyone knows. I really hope they don't. I've tried to keep it hidden. I know public displays of affection make you a bit uncomfortable. Not to mention I have my reasons for keeping my crush a secret until now. I feel sort of silly writing this down, but when I try to talk to you it all gets so messed up in my head and I just start yelling at you.

So, I want to tell you that there is someone who cares about you for who you are. Not for your fancy car, which is a bit silly to have if you ask me, because it's a sports car. Who needs a sports car? The point of a car is to drive places and bring things you can't carry. That thing has almost no trunk space and you never even use it! And the motorcycle? Seriously? A sports car and a motorcycle. Basically, it says stay away from me, which those stupid girls don't seem to get.

See? Rambling.

I haven't known you for nearly as long as Motoki. And I think most of the time I drive you a bit crazy. Sometimes though, you can be so sweet and kind and my heart just melts, but one of us always messes it up with our stupid mouths. You can be a bit of a baka. Did you know that? I can too, but I won't admit it most of the time, so you better keep this letter as proof.

So, let me just blurt out all the things I can't seem to say to your face and then you can decide what to do about it. Maybe, if you don't like it you can just pretend you didn't see the letter. Then I can just imagine it got thrown out with all the others. Just, don't make fun of me, okay?

I think you are incredibly smart, about some things. You can be pretty dense when it comes to emotions, but really it makes a weird sort of sense when you think about it. You haven't had a lot of people you can depend on. But you are very smart. And I think you wanting to be a doctor is just amazing. I could never do that. Not that I'm dumb, even though most people think I am. It would just be too hard for me to not fix everything. That sounds selfish, I guess, but I'm trying to say I think you would be really good at it.

I like the way you are with Motoki. He could call you in the middle of the night and you would go running to save him. And speaking about saving people, you do that a lot. Whenever I see you and you don't know I'm there you are very nice to people, especially kids. You should be really proud of that. I just know you are a good friend and have a kind heart, which means your past hasn't destroyed you. That's a really good thing.

Now you're probably wondering how I know about your past. You can't get mad because I found out by accident. Motoki was talking to you about it one day and you were all growly with him so I knew it was something important. I didn't mean to overhear, but I did. I haven't told anyone, cause it seems like you enjoy your privacy, but I sort of filed it away in my head and everything started to make sense.

You aren't alone, you know. You have a family, in a different way. You have people who really care about you. Not just Motoki and Reika, who are both awesome, but a whole gaggle of little-sister types who keep an eye on you from a distance. All of us care. I don't think the other girls care the way I care, because it's different, but they really do care. You have a teacher who goes to bat for you and thinks you are the best student she ever had. I heard her talking to my teacher, who thinks I am the worst student she ever had.

So I want you to think about that the next time you are feeling really lonely. There are a bunch of us who care. And you know I have a little brother I could give you if I don't drop him in a volcano… Just kidding. Don't tell him I said this, but I adore the little squirt. But you can borrow him whenever you want.

I guess that's the thing I really wanted you to know. So maybe this turned out to be a love letter after all. Which brings me to the real reason I'm writing to you. This is really hard for me and if you tease me about it I will pull your hair out one piece at a time.

I love you Mamoru-baka. Not in the, 'I have a crush on him because he's handsome and rich,' sort of way the other girls do. I actually love you. It made me really mad when I figured it out. I mean, you're cute and all, but you've been really mean to me sometimes. Before I knew you, really knew you, I used to think about dropping YOU into a volcano.

It seems like everyone has a story about you now though, and you don't even see it yourself. You are an amazing guy. Maybe if you pulled your face out of your school books a little more and reached out you would find the world isn't quite as lonely as you imagined it would be. If you need something at two in the morning, you have people you can call. Like me. I'll be there for you.

I love you though. It scares me sometimes, especially when I think you could never love me back. I thought maybe I shouldn't tell you at all, because what if it hurt when you told me you didn't love me too… but then I realized that even if you can't love me back it was high time someone out there just said it. You are loved. You are wanted. You make a difference. So, I love you. I love you so much it hurts my chest and makes me afraid I'll get sick when I see you and makes butterflies dance in my stomach and drives me nearly insane wondering what you are doing and if you are all alone.

Basically, I'm here. You'd better not tease me!

Yours always,

Odango Atama.
Tsukino Usagi

Following the words was a hastily drawn bunny blowing a raspberry and wearing a cape and a tiara. Mamoru chuckled at the drawing and swiped at his cheeks, which itched. Surprise filtered through him when he encountered wetness and he realized he had been crying. It made no sense. Half her letter was yelling at him or telling him he was being foolish, but it meant more to him than any other letter he had recieved. In fact, other than his photos of his parents and his eternal rose it meant more to him than anything else he owned. He smoothed out the pages and stood.

In his study, Mamoru found his photo album. The sticky pages held the photos he had gathered from his parents house after he had been told of its existence. He'd only been there once, and the album was his most prized possession. It wasn't full however.

Flipping the massive book open he turned to the last page that held a photograph. It was from his childhood. He was holding a baseball bat. His father was standing behind him, grinning, as he showed him how to grip the bat. Mamoru wished he could remember that day, and all the others with his family.

Turning the page, Mamoru opened the clear sticky liner and carefully added the first page of the note. On the other side he added the second, then the third on the opposite page. With a sigh he carefully closed the book and set it back on his shelf next to the eternal rose. He smiled and reached out to touch the flower he'd had since he was six years old. It had been given to him by a little girl when he was in the hospital after his parent's death.

After a few minutes of silence, Mamoru sat at his desk, pulled out a sheet of paper and a pen, and began to write. The words poured out of him as though they had been waiting for months, and he found himself chuckling anew at his own opinions.