MEREDITH

He walks around the kitchen island and takes the seat next to me. Derek turns his knees towards me and I do the same. It's a little bit of contact, but it feels necessary. We've had a country between us for the last six months and for just a moment, it's good to know my husband is still beside me.

Derek tentatively reaches out to take my hand. I don't pull away and I lace my fingers through his. "We've never been good at communication, have we?"

"Not since day one," I agree.

He smiles a little into his lap. He runs his thumb across the back of my hand. "When I said DC was my dream—"

"Can we…not, for just a minute?" I ask him. I look up at Derek. "Can we just press pause? I-I need a second. I need to not be angry with you for a second."

Derek reaches forward and tucks my hair behind my ear. I love when it does that. It's a subtle way for him to take care of me, when I often don't allow him to do so. I've never been a fan of being care for, but with Derek, I know he does it because he loves me, not because he thinks I need it. When his fingers brush my cheek, I feel that familiar tugging in my stomach.

He nods. "Okay."

Everything gets really quiet for a moment. All I can hear is my heart in my chest. I'm nervous, which is ridiculous. I've been sleeping with this man for a decade, and still he makes me nervous sometimes. I turn my head slightly until my lips touch his palm. I look at him and his eyes grow heavy. He takes a deep breath.

"I thought we decided we shouldn't. We always try to fix our arguments with sex."

"We're not arguing right now." Derek raises an eyebrow. "If you ignore the argument we were having three minutes ago." I smile at him.

Derek runs one of his hands up my thigh. "I want you, but we can't fix this with sex."

I scooch forward on the bar stool until my knees are practically touching his groin. "We're not. We're going to talk about this, but," I glance at the clock, "the kids will be home at three and I don't want them around for this." I kiss him, softly at first, and then he reacts by sliding his tongue into my mouth. "We have a lot to discuss," I whisper as I pull away from him, standing, and holding my hand out, "but first I want to have sex with my husband."

Derek stands and sweeps his hand through my hair, gathering it in his fist at the back of my neck. He leans down to kiss me again and I grab tightly to his shirt. He reaches down and takes me by the back of the thighs, lifting me from the ground and into his arms. I wrap my legs tightly around him. He hasn't used this move on me in years. He carries me across the living room as I kiss him the entire way. At one point, he stops and presses my back against the wall outside our bedroom so he can kiss down my throat. He kisses across the front of my shirt, somehow finding my nipples and creating wet spots through the shirt with his tongue. "Take it off," he says against my throat and I remove my shirt.

I gasp as he lavishes one nipple and then the other, tugging gently, which shoots desire right through me. I grind my hips against him. "Derek," I say softly.

He continues our journey and once in the bedroom, he lays me onto the bed, following closely and holding himself above me while we kiss again. This time his hand finds my breast and he kneads one, rolling my nipple between his thumb and forefinger. It's crazy to think just his hands on me can drive me crazy.

I reach down between us and run my hand across the front of his sweatpants, feeling his hard cock. He groans against my neck and pulls back to look at me. He's panting and his eyes are barely open and I know I'm driving him just as crazy.

Derek kisses me urgently and grinds down into my hand. I eventually pull my hand away, so he's grinding between my legs. I roll with him, as if we're two teenagers in the back of his mom's minivan which he borrowed just to bed me. It feels good to not rush right into him inside me. It feels like it did in the beginning, when we had all this time to explore one another.

I sit up from the bed, holding onto the back of his neck while I kiss him. Derek moves with me until I'm straddling his lap. I roll my hips once against him and he reaches up with both of his hands to massage my breasts. I reach down and lift his shirt, trying to take it off at this difficult angle. Derek sits up, his mouth on my breasts again. I press the back of his head, gasping at the attention.

With a free hand, Derek reaches into my yoga pants, and runs a finger along me and then two. He slides them inside and I grind harder onto his hand. I'm the one panting now with my head thrown back. His lips lazily kiss my neck and when I open my eyes and look down at him, he's watching me. We lock eyes as he continues to finger me and I continue to roll against his hand. Every ounce of me feels good and I never want this moment to end. His thumb slides over my clit and I know in seconds I'm going to come.

"Derek…" I gasp.

"That's it," he whispers. "Come for me."

And I do. I let out a noise that I haven't heard myself make in a long while and I ride my orgasm for as long as possible. Derek doesn't remove his fingers, at least not right away, so I come for longer. He kisses my throat and across my collarbones until eventually I'm shaky and weightless.

I feel him smile against my throat. He kisses my pulse point. "Mmm," he moans against my skin.

I rest my forehead against the top of his head until eventually, he lifts his head to meet mine. I keep my eyes closed for a long time and when I open them, Derek is looking at me. "You're so beautiful," he says and then kisses me softly. I wrap my arms around him until we're hugging and I can feel his heart beating against my skin.

"You promise you won't leave again?"

Derek pulls back an holds my face with his hands. "I swear on my life."

I kiss him with the same urgency I had before. Derek rolls us both over until I'm back on the mattress and he's above me. He reaches down and removes my yoga pants. I lift my hips and move with him. The two of us have always moved as if we were doing a choreographed dance in bed. He kisses up my inner thighs until he's between my legs. He licks me and I shiver after my recent orgasm has made me tender. I pull him up by the back of his head until he's kissing me and I can taste myself on his lips. I reach for his sweatpants, pushing them from his hips and he does the rest of the work of removing them.

Derek is poised to enter me, when I push him backwards again, and kiss down his chest. I lick each of his nipples and then straight down across his belly button and even lower. I lick his head before taking him in my mouth. He groans in the most delicious way. His thighs flex beneath me and I can feel him tensing all over. I look up at him and his head is thrown back in complete pleasure. He reaches for me, his hands on my head. "I need you," he says.

I move back up, but I keep my hand on him, jerking him until I'm above him. I slide down slowly and both of us gasp at once. It's been a long, long time. Derek holds my hips as I get adjusted and then he moves with me as I begin to move. He looks up at me, completely open to me and I can't help but feel totally in love with him. I've never allowed any man to have so much of me. He's the only person I ever want again.

Derek lifts his hips with me and runs one hand up my chest, between my breasts. I lean down and suck on the tip of his middle finger. His other hand digs into my hip and I think I might get a bruise, but I don't care.

DEREK

I want to be nearer to her than ever before. It's as if I feel her from the top of my head down to my toes. I'm enveloped in her and I could die a happy man if this were how I was to go. I've never seen her look more beautiful, with her body speaking all the words the two of us have neglected to say over the last few months.

I sit up until we're facing each other. I move with her, keeping rhythm. She opens her eyes and I know she's it for me. Nothing could ever compare to this feeling. "I love you," I tell her.

She leans in closer. "I love you," she whispers before kissing me again. She slows as we kiss, just to enjoy a second. I run my hands up her back and down again, wrapping my arms tightly around her hips. "I love you so much," she says against my lips.

I flip us over until he's on her back. I thrust into her and she gasps. "So much," I agree. She presses her legs against her chest as I move in and out. I go deeper until my head is spinning. I've never wanted her more.

When the moment finally comes, I release with a groan and she pants beneath me. We're both puddles of liquid bones when we're done. I fall against her chest, breathing heavily and sweating all over. Meredith doesn't seem to mind. She runs her hand through my hair and I feel her breathe beneath me.

After some time, she says, "It's never been like that."

I tip my face to look at her. "No, it hasn't."

"Derek?"

"Mmm?"

"I have to pee."

I laugh and slide off her and onto my back. Meredith jumps from the bed and presses her hand between her legs before disappearing into the bathroom. I grab a tissue to clean myself up before she comes back. She flushes the toilet and then returns with a smile on her face. Her legs look shaky. She flops onto the bed and rolls over to me. I wrap my arm around her shoulder.

"I feel like I can't think straight. Is my brain leaking from my ears?" I ask her.

Meredith laughs a little before checking my right ear. "No brain matter," she says and then kisses my shoulder. "My legs are like Jell-o."

"Seriously, what was that?" I ask her.

She presses her nose against my chest and kisses me there. "Make up sex, I guess."

"We've had make up sex. That wasn't it."

"I don't know."

"You felt it, right?"

Meredith nods. "I felt it."

We doze for a while and when I wake, Meredith is curled beside me, her hand on my chest. She's peaceful and beautiful. I knew the moment I met her, she was different. Never mind the near 10-year age gap or the fact she was my student. I knew she was different and I knew, despite the past with Addison and the fact I was still married, I couldn't be away from her.

I run my fingers through her hair and Meredith sighs. I can tell she's just starting to wake up, but trying to put it off. I lean down and kiss her forehead and she makes a small noise. When she opens her eyes, I'm already looking at her.

"You watch women when they sleep?" she teases me.

"Nope, just you. Oh, and Zola sometimes."

She presses against my chest. "Maybe we shouldn't be talking about the kids right now."

"Maybe not," I agree and kiss her on the lips. "We should probably get up."

Meredith looks towards the window. She smiles. "Let's get dressed."

I run my hand along her bare hip. "Really? Why?"

MEREDITH

The sun is peeking from the storm clouds as they pass, as the wet morning has turned into a pretty beautiful early afternoon. It's lunchtime, but I'm not hungry. Derek walks beside me as we step off the porch and across the slightly damp grass. It feels better to not be inside. I felt like a caged bird earlier.

I glance over at Derek and he seems different from earlier. Lighter, maybe. He looks at me and smiles. "What are you thinking about?" I ask.

"The weather," he says.

I laugh to myself and look down at my shoes in the grass. "Not even an hour ago you were carrying me across the living room with your mouth on my boobs and you're thinking about the weather?"

Derek blushes a little, which is a rarity. "Yeah," he laughs. "It's been so wet back east. Haven't seen the sun for days. It's strange that I had to return to Seattle to see the sun."

"We've had a surprisingly sunny late winter," I tell him.

He reaches over and takes my hand. We walk quietly for a while towards the tree line. I remember back before the dream house, there were a few more trees out here. Derek wanted a few for the house, but he also wanted to preserve the woodlands. As we dip out of the sunlight, I feel a chill. The forest is cold and much damper than the field. I stick close to Derek, feeling his heat through his jacket.

On the other side of the woods, is one final sparse piece of land. It overlooks the valley below, including the southern most part of Seattle. With no cloud cover, you can just about make out the Space Needle. We pause a few feet from the edge. Our arms are touching and our hands are locked together, as if we're one unit facing the world.

"When I said DC was my dream job," Derek says, picking right back up to where we were before we pressed pause, "I didn't mean it's what I'd dreamt since I was a kid. You have to understand, Mer, there'll be a time in your career when you've done all the cool surgeries. Or at least the ones you can dream of. And then you're just doing the same three every day. Research, pioneering, that's where the passion goes. I know you know that with your mini livers trial. I didn't want to break my promise on you or take the time away from you getting to focus more on surgery, but these trials in DC would change the face of medicine. I wanted to be involved. I needed to be involved."

"I was angry when you told me. Obviously, I'm still angry with you. But what makes me most angry is the fact that you never really discussed it with me. You told me you had to do it because the President asked you and you can't say no to the President, but that was it. After ten years, it felt like you wouldn't even give me a second to consider you leaving for a year."

"I told you to come with me and you said no."

I drop his hand and I feel his eyes on me. I wrap my arms around myself. "I grew up here. I grew up at Seattle Grace. Richard is like a father to me. I fell in love here." She glances at me briefly. "I made a family with you here and found the best friends I've ever had in my life. I was never wanted, Derek. Not by my mother nor my father. And then you wanted me and my friends wanted me to be around. I've never had that. I've spent a decade building up my life here and not even for a year did I want to miss out on that."

"I didn't know you felt so strongly."

"Well now you do."

DEREK

She's protecting herself with her arms around her middle. I've seen her do this before. I step closer until I'm standing in front of her and she has to look at me. "Neither of us communicated well. I should've explained the importance of the job more and you should have explained exactly why DC wasn't an option. I'm sorry if I made you feel like you couldn't explain yourself."

Meredith looks up at me. "I need to know something."

"Okay."

"Should I be worried about you cheating on me?"

I reach for her, "Mer, no…"

"It isn't ridiculous for me to ask. You and I both cheated to be together. You lied about Addison. You hid Rose, even if we weren't officially together, we were sleeping together. You knew I loved you. And now you've been kissed by some woman when you're a country away from me. It's not ridiculous that I have to ask."

I step closer, but I don't touch her. I meet her eyes. "You don't need to worry. You are the only person in this world that I will ever be in love with. I don't want anyone else. You…the kids…you're it for me. You are my future, Meredith."

She takes a shaky breath. I see the emotion in her eyes. She reaches out for me and I take her hand. "I will push you off this cliff, Derek Shepherd, if you ever put me through that shit again. I love you, but I swear to god I will not put up with some woman answering your phone with no explanation. I am not a jealous person, and I do trust you, but you pushed my limits this time."

I tuck my fingers against her neck and into her hair. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything."

Meredith kisses me softly. When she pulls away, "You made me question our relationship. You made me question you. I don't want to feel that way."

"I know." I pause and then say, "I mean, I understand. I will do my very best to never make you feel that way ever again." I press my forehead to hers. "If I make a joke right now would that completely ruin the mood?"

She gives me a look.

"I was just going to say…for the first time ever, maybe sex was the answer to all our problems."

"Derek," she says with a disappointed tone, but a smile on her face. Meredith pushes my shoulder, not enough for me to go over, but enough for me to stumble. She walks back through the woods and I follow. I take her by the hips and kiss the side of her neck.

"I love you," I tell her again for good measure.

She sighs. "I love you, too."

MEREDITH

Derek decides we need to roast a chicken for dinner with all the fixings. Well, he needs to roast a chicken and I need to not because I've been cooking alone for months, which isn't really my strong suit.

"We need ingredients," he tells me.

"Well, go to the store."

"Come with me?"

I glance at him. "Okay."

We've never once grocery shopped together. Derek waves me in to walk ahead of him and he grabs a basket. I usually do the grocery shopping from a list he's written, so it's interesting watching him walking through the store confidently. He first chooses a chicken, spending more time than I do choosing all our groceries. He whistles through the produce section and looks for me while he makes his way to dairy. He holds out his hand and I take it.

In the checkout line, he looks at all the magazines like a little kid. At the very last second, he picks up a bunch of flowers by the conveyor belt. He hands them to me. "For you," he says and then kisses my cheek. He seems like a different person.

On the drive home, he chatters on about the things he's going to do now that he's back, including getting his job back. "Not as head of neuro, of course. That's Amelia's job now."

"Did she mention that to you earlier?"

"Not in so many words, but I know its something she's thinking about now that I'm back. I've run the department for years. If I'll be doing this research, for the next six months, I'll just stay out of everyone's hair. Once I'm done, I'll come back and work under her. I hear she's good."

"She is good."

Derek smiles and starts whistling again.

"You're whistling. You never whistle."

"I'm happy," he says simply.

Back home, Amelia's car is in the driveway, the kids running around the yard. I jump out the car and yell, "I'm sorry! I didn't even realize what time it is!"

Derek climbs out behind me and grabs the bags. "Daddy!" Zola yells and runs for him.

"Sorry, Amelia!" Derek yells.

She shrugs and comes closer, Bailey hot on her heels. Bailey has a connection with Amelia that is sort of unexplained, but I think she truly loves him being her shadow. "No worries," she says as she comes closer. "It was only for a few minutes and these two would rather be outside anyway."

Derek holds Zola in one arm and grabs a grocery bag with the other. "Can you grab the other one, Mer?" he nods toward the backseat.

"Got it."

He heads inside with Zola and Bailey chattering at him.

"So, you won't be sleep in the trailer tonight?" Amelia leans against the side of the car and I mirror her. "Not that I'm complaining because it means Owen will need somewhere to stay, which means," she points to herself, "Hotel Amelia is open for business."

"Open for business?" I ask.

She laughs. "I was trying it out. Didn't work?"

"Not really."

"So, what's the story," she nods towards the house. "Everything okay?"

"Mostly. It'll be okay, which is important."

"He seemed happy. Much happier than this morning."

I nod and glance towards the house, where the front door has been left open. I can hear Zola and Bailey screeching happily. "He's freakishly happy. He's like an alien."

"Maybe. Or maybe it's just the comforting knowledge that he's figured out what he truly wants."

"You think so?"

"Oh yeah, I've never seen him so happy in my life."

DEREK

I stand in the threshold of the front door with Bailey plastered to my leg and call, "Amy? Want to stay for dinner? I'm making roast chicken!"

"Thanks, but Owen and I have plans."

I wave to acknowledge her. "Do you have time tomorrow? Maybe we can grab a coffee?"

She nods. "I'll text you."

Back inside, Zola is showing me everything in her room, literally dragging in stuffed animals, books, shoes, and hair clips. "Look Daddy," she says before shoving one in my face. Bailey just keeps giggling and poking me in the stomach, like it's the best game ever invented. Eventually, Meredith comes in withou Amelia and Bailey forgets me. Meredith scoops him up. She says something quietly to him and he smiles.

"Amelia's concerned you're going to steal her job."

"I told you I won't."

"She doesn't believe me. Make sure you tell her over coffee tomorrow."

"That's the whole point of us having coffee."

"You know Amelia," she says, which is enough of an explanation.

Meredith sets Bailey down and he returns and jumps into my arms, cuddling against my chest. I glance at Meredith and she's watching with a smile on her lips. I once told her I wanted to have children with her and die when I'm 100-years old in her arms. I've never wanted anything more. She tilts her head and her eyes flit to mine. I hold her gaze for a long time, as long as she'll let me. She eventually sighs and joins us, sliding down to sit next to me on the floor.

I lean over and kiss her cheek. "You're okay?" I ask.

She pushes a curl from my forehead. "We'll be okay."

"No more DC. Not even to close down the lab."

"No more DC," she agrees.

Bailey and Zola find the Play-Doh and the two of them start swapping colors and creating things for Meredith and me to guess. Her hand finds mine and she laces her fingers through mine. It's one of those perfect moments, where only years later you look back with a sigh and say, The was perfect. Even now, I know there's magic in this room.

I can't imagine why I thought I needed to go anywhere else to find fulfillment.

Thank you for reading. I appreciate each and every one of you.