This story starts during Season 8. Barry never ghosted Eddie, they started a relationship shortly after they met. This doesn't follow Season 8 as we know it. Thank you for reading, don't forget to review. Thanks, Jenn.

Chapter 1

The warm May spring evening weighed heavily on Jamie as he walked the streets of New York City not exactly knowing where he was heading. His head was spinning, the last four months he has found himself spending more time at home, drinking more heavily, and spiraling out of control. He was the only one to blame, he waited too long and Eddie was in a relationship with Barry, the Financial Planner she met out with friends right after Christmas. Eddie could sense something was wrong but he wouldn't tell her what it was. He knew she was hurt that he wouldn't open up to her. They've been best friends for over 4 years and usually told each other everything. When Eddie was shot 10 days ago, Jamie about lost it and as always Erin was the one to knock some sense into him. As he sat in McCafferty's bar earlier that night she told him that he needed to face his feelings and even if she turned him down, he would feel better getting it out there rather than internalizing it. He needed to move on with or without her and needed to do it soon before his judgment became affected on the job. He now found himself standing outside Eddie's building still feeling the buzz from the 5 beers he drank an hour ago.

"What the hell !" He said to himself. "If I'm going to lose her, I need to go down swinging and put all my cards on the table." He walked up to the door and buzzed her apartment.

"Hello?" her sweet voice came over the intercom.

"Hi, it's me."

"Jamie?"

"Yeah, can we talk?"

"Now ?" she asked.

"It's really important." Eddie could sense something was wrong and buzzed him up.

Eddie opened the door when she heard the uncharacteristic soft knock on the door.

"Hey."

"Hey, is everything OK, you don't sound yourself."

"No, I really need to talk to you about something."

"OK, let's sit down and talk."

"NO" he said, much louder than he meant to. "Sorry, I mean I can't, I need to get something off my chest."

"Does this have anything to do with what's been bothering you recently?"

"Actually, yes."

"OK."

Jamie paused and paced Eddie's living room trying to get the courage up to tell her everything on his mind.

"Jamie, are you alright? You're worrying me."

"No, I'm not alright." Jamie paced back and forth in her living room.

"What's wrong?"

"You." he spit out, distracted by the low cut shirt she was wearing.

"Me? What?"

"That came out wrong."

"I hope so !" Eddie said, slightly annoyed but still concerned. "Jamie, what is going on?"

Jamie closed his eyes and realized he needed to just say it. "I'm miserable, I'm lost, and I feel like I'm spinning out of control. I don't know if I can do this with you anymore."

"Do what?" Eddie asked, but as soon as she looked at Jamie, she knew immediately what he meant.

"You want to end our partnership ?" Eddie said, shocked. "Why?"

"Because I think it's the only way for me to move on." Jamie admitted.

"Move on ?"

"Yeah." he said quietly, looking at the floor

"Jamie, we've been partners for almost five years. We know each other's moves without thinking. Hell, we have the best arrest rate in the precinct and you just want to MOVE ON? DON'T I EVEN GET A SAY IN THIS?" Eddie yelled at him.

Jamie continued to pace her living room. "It's slowly killing me everyday to listen to you talk about Barry. You're so happy and I'm miserable and sinking deeper into a hole I'm afraid I'll never get out of."

"Jamie . . ."

"Eddie . . . The way I'm feeling, I'm afraid I'm going to do something that gets one of us hurt and after watching you get shot last week, I can't do that to you." Jamie stressed letting a tear fall. "I'd rather lose you as I partner, then do something that might get you, or me, killed." Jamie closed his eyes to keep from crying without any luck.

"Jamie, I know that you're upset, but I also know you'd never do anything that would get one of us hurt." Eddie smiled sweetly at him.

Jamie closed the distance between them and looked her in the eyes and put his hands on her arms, "I love you, and I have for years. I know I screwed up and waited too long to tell you I wanted a relationship with you, but now, since you were shot, I feel like I have nothing to lose. I feel like I'm going to lose you one way or the other so I might as well just lay it all out before I go completely crazy."

Eddie pulled away and walked away from him then stopped and turned around. , "Jamie, how dare you ! She walked straight towards him, putting two hands on his chest and pushing him. "I have been waiting for years for you to figure out what the hell you want. I finally get tired of waiting and move on and you have the nerve to do this to me now." Eddie yelled and shoved him again.

"I know, my timing, it sucks."

"You think?"

"Eddie, I . . I just felt I had nothing to lose. I don't want to lose you and I really don't want to stop riding with you but I don't know if I can anymore, knowing you're with someone else. I want to be the one that holds your hand and takes you out. I want to kiss you and love you for the rest of our lives." Jamie sobbed with tears streaming down his face.

"Damn you, Jamie Reagan." Eddie said with tears in her eyes plopping down on her couch. "I can not tell you how long I have waited for you to say those words to me. I wanted all those things with us too but now I'm with Barry. . ."

It's all or nothing now, he thinks

"Answer me this, is he really what you're looking for?" Jamie breathed sitting down next to her.

"I don't know, but he likes me and I like him." Eddie got up and walked to the kitchen. "We . . . have fun together and . . . enjoy being with each other." Jamie sensed hesitation in her voice so he decided to push. He got up and walked towards her

"But . . . do you love him ?" Jamie said with a soft raspy voice ?

"I don't know, I think I could."

"After five months, you only think you could ? I knew a month into our partnership that I could love you." Jamie admitted. "Hell, I probably did love you already."

"I did too, but you were so hung up on our partnership that you didn't want to take a chance on 'US' as a couple." Eddie steamed.

"I wanted you in my life, and I didn't want to take a chance on not being with you in some way. I really thought that one of us, you, would have been promoted by now and this wouldn't have been an issue." Jamie explained. "Why did you agree with me about our partnership ?

"Because I didn't want to lose you either, even though I was willing to take that chance with you." Eddie said, frowning. "I thought we were worth a shot"

"We were . . . we are worth it !" Jamie stated firmly placing his hands on her arms.

"You didn't seem to think so last year !" Eddie said, sadly. "I told myself I would give you another year and then I was going to move on."

"I wish you had told me." Jamie looked down.

"And force you to make a decision you weren't ready to make ?" Eddie questioned him. "I would never do that to you, I care about you too much."

"I care about you too. I love you, Eddie. I need you. Jamie sighed looking into her eyes. He saw something spark in her eyes when he told her how he felt.

"Jamie, I'm . . ." her voice trailed off.

"I know, with Barry." Jamie said sadly.

"Yeah."

"Answer me this,do you feel that need to be with him like I know you feel with me? Jamie breathed backing her up towards the kitchen island.

Eddie just looked down, her heart beating faster.

Jamie lifted her chin. "Do you?" He whispered, touching his lips to her ear. He sent shivers down her side.

"No . . . " Eddie said, barely audible, leaning into Jamie. She didn't think her heart could beat any faster, but the way he was making her feel right now was something she had dreamed of and so much more intense than she had ever felt the few times she had been with Barry.

Jamie put his hands on the island on either side of Eddie and leaned down and lingered with a kiss on her cheek to gage her response. Jamie felt her lean into him. He wrapped one arm around her and slowly trailed kisses from behind her ear down her neck. Jamie smiled listening to the little noises that escaped her, he couldn't believe how it excited him.

Eddie put her hands on Jamie's muscled chest and leaned her head towards him. "Jamie . . . we can't. . . we shouldn't . . ."

"Why not?" Jamie asked, placing his hands on top of hers, moving back to kiss her on the cheek.

"Because I'm with Barry."

"So." Jamie continued his trail of kisses towards her mouth.

"The Jamie Reagan I know would never try to kiss a woman who's dating someone else." Eddie smiled softly, tucking her arms under his and linking her hands behind him.

"But she's dating the wrong person." Jamie breathed, kissing her on the lips while sliding his hands around her back causing her shirt to slide up a little, and brushed the skin on her lower back.

"Hmmmm." Eddie murmured as Jamie's touch sent electricity throughout her body. "Jamie . . ."

"I love how you say my name."

"We should stop."

"OK." he paused, "Do you really want to stop ?" Jamie leaned back and waited for a response. When she leaned into him a little he slowly moved his hands up her back and down her sides brushing the sides of her breasts."

"Oh, Jamie." her breath hitched with each movement of his hand. Her head arched back while Jamie kissed down her neck. Eddie doesn't remember a time that she has been this turned on. She hates how Jamie is the only one who can do this to her - not even, what is his name ?. . .

"You didn't answer." he reminded her as he moved the fabric of her shirt to kiss the bare skin on the top of her breasts.

"No . . . please . . .no." Eddie expressed. "Please. . ." She barely had time to get anything else out before Jamie took her mouth in his. She opened her mouth to him and pulled him to her feeling how much he wanted her. They laughed sighing into each other at the same time.

"I want you, I need you." Eddie was shocked hearing herself say those words. It was true but she never expected to hear herself say this to her work partner.

Jamie was slightly shocked hearing Eddie say those words too. He was so happy. Eddie ran her hands up over his chest unbuttoning his shirt and pushing it off his shoulders, never breaking their heated kiss until she pulled off his T-shirt so she could feel his chiseled muscles under her hands. As Jamie grabbed the hem of her shirt she put her arms up allowing him to take it off of her.

Jamie just stared, finally getting to see what she looked like under her uniform. He was enamored at how much larger her breasts looked without clothes on.

"Like what you see, Officer?" Eddie asked in a low sultry voice.

"Mmmm hmmm" was all he could manage to get out feeling the pressure increase even more in his jeans. Jamie's light touch across her breasts caused her to shiver and sent shockwaves down to her core. Jamie loved her reaction to his touch. Eddie reached back and unhooked her bra, dropping it to the floor. She needed to be skin to skin with him.

"Better?" She asked, as she stood up on her toes and rubbed her breasts slowly and seductively against him. Her hard nipples teasing his bare chest.

"Oh my God." He growled as he turned her, massaging her breasts from behind. She pushed her chest further into his hands while grabbing him from behind and pulling him into her. The old, thin leggings she wore left little to the imagination. Before they knew it a trail of clothes led from the kitchen to the bedroom. They found themselves naked in her bed exploring each other's bodies. They spent the next several hours making love to each other. Neither of them had ever experienced anything like it before.

By 7 am the sunlight was streaming into Eddie's bedroom. Jamie woke with Eddie curled into him and the sunlight highlighting her naked flesh. He couldn't resist following the light down her side with his finger. This caused her to shiver and curl into him even more. Jamie wrapped his arms around her tighter and pulled up the covers.

An hour later Eddie's stomach woke her up. She felt arms wrapped around her and was almost afraid to open her eyes. She couldn't decide if that was because she was afraid to face Jamie or forget the rest of the world and stay like this, with him, forever. Jamie felt Eddie stir in his arms and pulled her in tight. Eddie loved this feeling and turned over in his arms and buried her head into his chest. Jamie nuzzled into her neck and gently rubbed her back. He loved the feeling of her bare skin under his fingers.

"Hmmmm" Eddie murmured into his chest. Jamie moved her hair away and kissed her cheek, he felt a smile form against his chest. He smiled and started kissing her neck and shoulder. Eddie put her hand on his chest pushing herself up and kissed him on the lips. Jamie rolled onto his back pulling Eddie with him without breaking the kiss. As their kiss intensified, a loud rumble caused them both to burst into laughter

"A little hungry, are we ?" Jamie teased.

"Yeah, just a little." Eddie admitted wrinkling her nose. "I didn't eat dinner last night."

"Say no more, one big stack of pancakes coming up."

"Mmmm, that sounds amazing."

Eddie joined him in the kitchen wearing just his button down shirt.

"You are going to make it really hard to make breakfast looking like that."

"I can go back to the bedroom if you want." Eddie said, smirking.

"OK, that doesn't help." Jamie laughed.

They ate in silence for the most part, the weight of what had happened between them starting to settle in.

"You're awfully quiet now." Eddie noted.

"Sorry, just thinking."

"Care to share ?" Eddie asked. Jamie just looked at her with that look of his.

"Yeah, we should talk about it." She agreed. "Let's finish eating and clean up first." Jamie shook his head.

After cleaning up they sat down on the couch facing each other. Neither said a word in what seemed like forever but finally Jamie took Eddie's hands in his.

"Ok, I'm going to lay this all out again. I love you and I don't regret last night. I do regret waiting so long to tell you how I feel, I know the timing was really bad and I understand if you tell me this is just a one time thing." Jamie started, "But, I get the feeling that you aren't that disappointed about what happened."

Eddie hesitated before speaking, "No, I admit, I've always wanted to be with you, but you're right about your timing, I've been with Barry for almost 5 months."

"Do you love him?"

"I do, but not the way I love you."

"You love me ?"

"Of course, I do

She began, "We've always had this undefined relationship . . . but after last night. . . I'm not sure if we are closer to defining it or farther away, but what I can say for sure is that it was the best night I've had in a long time."

"Oh really?" Jamie smirked.

"Don't get all cocky with me." Eddie smirked back.

Reaching for her hands, Jamie asked, "I know this is a lot right now, but I have to ask, where is he right now? I mean, he's not going to walk in on us or anything?"

"No, he won't. He doesn't have a key." Eddie laughed. "He's actually in Philly until Monday night for a friend's wedding."

"And he didn't ask you?"

"Not really. He said something about 'he'd ask me but I wouldn't know anyone.' I'm glad though, I just wasn't really ready to socialize like that after the shooting." Eddie admitted. "Can we not talk about him anymore, I will deal with that when he gets back.

"That's fine, I have a better idea. If you're up for it ?" Jamie teased unbuttoning the buttons on his shirt that she was wearing.

"Oh yeah ? What is it ?" She smiled meeting his kiss in the middle. His shirt was once again discarded on the living room floor.

The rest of their Saturday was spent in bed or on the couch curled up in each other's arms. They finally parted ways on Sunday morning after an enjoyable shower for two. Jamie needed to get home to change and head to church and family dinner. Eddie agreed to meet him at his apartment later.

Jamie tried not to arrive too early for church to avoid any questions about his attitude and demeanor today. All he wants to do is smile but knows he needs to try to be miserable to avoid suspicion.

"You're different today." Erin whispered to Jamie, helping him set the table.

"What are you talking about?"

"You - there's something different about you today." Jamie shook his head and laughed.

"There! You laughed. You haven't done that in weeks." Jamie continued setting the table just shaking his head at her.

"Where did you go after you left the bar Friday night ?

"Home"

"You left going the opposite way."

"Geez, I just needed to walk. I walked around for several hours before getting home, if you must know." Jamie said exasperated at her.

"What did you do yesterday?"

"What is this, the Spanish Inquisition?"

"Jamie, I'm worried about you, we're all worried about you lately. I'm sure I'm not the only one who knows what it's about."

"Erin, look, I'm dealing with things, I stayed in yesterday, worked out a little bit and just needed to unplug from everything." Jamie explained in a way that wasn't technically a lie. "I feel a little better, I made some decisions that I guess I should have made sooner."

"I still don't think you're telling me everything, but it will do for now."

"Please, just let me figure this out. You know I'll ask if I need anything." Erin put her hand on his shoulder and walked away.
-

Jamie had texted Eddie when he left his Dad's. He had to pick up some groceries. She agreed to meet him at his place in an hour. Eddie was waiting outside the door for 15 minutes before Jamie showed up.

"Glad you decided to show up." Eddie teased.

"Sorry, there was a long line and only one cashier."

"Well, hurry up and open the door or we're going to have soup and not ice cream."

"Cool your jets, Janko, I'm getting there."

Once inside, Eddie put the ice cream in the freezer and helped Jamie put the groceries away. All of the sudden Jamie pulled Eddie into a big bear hug.

"Do you want a beer?"

"Nah, still on meds, no alcohol yet." Eddie said. "Two more days of these painkillers."

Jamie took out two waters out for them.

"Here how's this ?"

"You can still have your beer."

"I've been drinking way too much lately, I really need to cut back." After handing Eddie the bottle of water, Jamie leaned in and gave Eddie a sweet kiss.

"Hey, can we talk ?" Eddie asked, nervously.

"Of course." Jamie replied, hesitantly. "Is everything alright or is this something I don't want to hear ?"

"I don't know, but it's something we need to talk about."

"Ok" Jamie responded, leading her to the couch. "What's on your mind?"

Eddie reached over and took Jamie's hands. "Everything I said this weekend is true. I do love you and I do want to figure this thing out, but it's going to take me a little while to be 100% all in." Eddie told him.

"I get it, this has been a whirlwind weekend."

"It really has." Eddie started. "Ok, so Barry called me this afternoon."

"OK"

"His friend's uncle, who is a CFO of a big company, is looking to hire a Senior Financial Advisor and asked him if he wanted to interview for the job." Eddie explained. "So he's going to stay an extra day in Philly."

"Isn't that good news ? We get an extra day together."

"It is, but I don't think you'll be happy about what I'm going to say now."

"Oh."

"Let's see what happens with this job interview that he has."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, that I'm not going to break it off just yet." Eddie decided

"But why?" Jamie asked confused.

"I really don't want to hurt him if I don't have to. If he gets this job, then I end it and we go our separate ways. Simple as that. Besides, he's helping me put together a financial plan for the future. I don't want to mess that up."

"OK, I respect that, but what happens if he doesn't get the job?" Jamie questioned.

"Well, then I'll really need to talk to him." Eddie conceded, "I just think this will be the easiest on all of us."

"I hope so." Jamie hesitated. "I'm really sorry that I put you in this situation. This is my fault, and I will do whatever you need me to do. I do want 'US' and I want 'US' to work."

"I was doing a lot of thinking this afternoon and this is what I want to do." Eddie reassured him. "There is one thing I want you to do, though."

"Anything" Jamie smiled, putting his arm around her.

"Kiss me." Eddie urged.

"I can do that." Jamie flirted. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her showing her how much he missed her that day.