Vera: Yes people, I'm alive!! ^^;; I have some author's notes at the bottom
so chuck um out when they're done! As I'm sure you know this is the sequel
to Wilted Rose that I promised! Behold, Black Bouquet! And Seto....well, read
to find out!
WARNING: Angst. Lotsa Angst. References to attempted suicide. A tiny bit gory.
DISCLAIMER: Don't own it! Never will!
~This chapter is dedicated to Onee-chan, Mystery-chan, Zoe-chan and Sky- chan. 3!! Thank you guys so much for always being there for me!!~
*** ***
Beep... Beep...Beep...
No...
No no no!
What's going on?!
Tell me that noise isn't one of those blasted hospital machines... that the white surrounding me is heaven, not the sterile walls of a medical facility..
Ha. Well that proves I'm not dead. I never would have made it to heaven, after all.
I should be dead. I should be rotting somewhere, not laying half conscious on a hospital bed.
A slight tip of my head shows a bag of thick red liquid hanging on a stand, the life sustaining substance dripping into a tube and into my arm. Despite the blur to my vision, I can make out the letter A printed upon the bag.
My blood type.
I want to rip the needle out of my arm and use it to finish what I started. I really do. But I can't. I'm too tired to move more than my head and eyelids sluggishly.
There's also a mask over my nose and mouth. Judging by the gray color I can make out behind the window curtains across the room, it's early.
I vaguely wonder how long I've been here.
And who the fuck didn't let me die.
I remember it clearly. I remember watching the knife slicing through my wrists and being stained with ruby. I remember the blade sliding from my fingers after getting them both cut. I remember watching the blood slide down my forearms in a graceful trickle until the world began to spin. I remember lowering myself to the floor so I wouldn't fall over and lying down to sleep. Forever.
I was not supposed to wake up.
But I did.
I shouldn't have, damnit!!
I don't want to be here! I want to be lying beneath the earth in a dusty coffin. I want to be free of this god-forsaken reality...
Why won't they let me die?
Oh god..
I'm not crying! I can't be! I don't cry!
...But I am. For the first time in... so many years.
I can't stop the damn tears either.
There's sound outside the door and I just manage to turn my head into the flimsy hospital pillow before it opens. That doesn't do much, though. My face is only half covered after all.
I can hear a little shout from the doorway. I guess my shaking is what gave me away. Shit.
I don't want to see anyone.
I don't want to hear anyone.
I don't anyone to see me.
Not like this... Not now...
Not ever.
I think it's a nurse that opened the door. I'm not sure. But the next sound is a rush of pounding footsteps.
And I cry harder.
Why, I don't fucking know, but I do. I wish I could stop before anyone gets here but.. that doesn't happen of course.
The best I can do is squeeze my eyes shut and try to block out the shouts suddenly ringing through the room. It's a jumble and I can't understand them. Nor do I want to. I want them to go away and I want to sink back into nothingness.
The least I could hope for would be to fall unconscious again.
That doesn't happen either, though. As a matter of fact, I'm feeling more awake by the second.
See? Hope doesn't do anything. Pointless.
It's quiet suddenly... a hush over the room.
I can hear somebody crying in the distance and I wish they would shut up...
Oh yeah, that's me.
The mess of words is gone and I can make out the next word but not the speaker.
"Seto?"
I want to scream! Seto is dead! Seto Kaiba is dead!
But I can't.
So I whimper.
Gods.. I sound so fucking weak. And I hate it.
There's a light weight upon my shoulder suddenly and I stiffen. I think it's a hand. It feels like it's going to pull back when I tense but instead it's squeezing gently.
So I jerk violently away.
Guess my strength's coming back somewhat too.
The hand is gone. Good. I don't want to be touched.
"Seto... N-niisama... please look at me at least.."
Ah. So it's Mokuba.
I don't comply. Only squeeze my eyes tighter shut.
My tears have been falling silently now for a bit but there's a sob behind me.
Guess I upset him.
Was he the one that found me? Did he see the letter? Did he read it and "save" me anyway?!
Probably.
Who else could it have been? Honda's the only other one who could get in, after all.
The staff was all off duty.
There's another voice. I think it's Honda... I can't really tell.
"Jesus, Kaiba! You've had him worried sick and now you won't look at him?!"
Yes. Honda. Pissed I upset Mokuba no doubt.
But I don't answer him either. Another soft sound does leave me though. That blasted name... I am no Kaiba.
Just molded by one.
There's some murmuring behind me and I don't hear Honda anymore.
Good.
He's the last person I want to hear right now.
"Kaiba-kun..."
I stand corrected.
That little bastard is here. Stupid, over-caring little fucker. I wonder if he saw the letter...
Doubt it. Can't have precious, innocent little Yuugi tainted with the big bad Kaiba's words, now can we?
Innocent my ass.
"Kaiba-kun please sa-"
"Get out."
He shuts up.
It takes me a minute to realize I had forced my hand up to remove the mask over my nose and mouth to speak. It takes me longer to recognize my voice.
It sounds...
Broken.
Hmph. Suiting I suppose.
"Kaiba-kun I know you-"
I don't let him finish. That statement.. if even unfinished...
The tears have stopped and a glare has replaced them. I turn my head to him so fast I'm surprised I don't get whiplash. The other faces look tired and blurred but Yuugi's is clear. Tired, but...
Pleased. That I wasn't allowed to die as I wanted so badly to, I guess.
Bastard.
"You don't know anything you ignorant little brat! GET OUT!"
Screaming.. Yes. I'm screaming. My throat hurts for doing so but it feels...
So good.
He looks like he's going to cry. I hope he does.
But instead he opens his mouth again to say something. I beat him to it.
"GET THE FUCK OUT!! LEAVE ME BE, DAMNIT!"
I think I might be coughing up blood soon. My throat's so dry. The screams are quite literally tearing their way up my throat.
But it doesn't matter.
What do are the tears spilling from those oh-so-despised amethyst eyes before he turns and bolts from the room.
And a warm feeling masks the pain of my screaming.
Sadistic, yes. But by this point I don't care.
It's a moment before my eyes focus right again and I can make out shocked faces. Mokuba and Honda to the side, a nurse and Mazaki near the door and... Katsuya.
My eyes linger on the stunned blonde longer than the others but I turn away quickly even so. Shouting follows.
It makes my ears ring. I wish they'd all shut up. My head's starting to hurt.
I close my eyes tightly again. I try to block them out. I try to ignore the insults and verbal abuse. I try, I really do.
I don't think I'm in a condition to handle this. So I sit up. The nurse shouts too at that.
...
They're quiet now. But there's still screaming.
My screaming.
It drowned them out and they shut up.
I don't even know what I'm saying. But I'm crying again. They all looked shocked again. And my throat hurts even worse.
I stop screaming and start coughing. A shaky hand moves to my mouth. Tears are wetting the side of it but blood wets the palm.
The nurse is trying to make my lay down. She's saying something about water.
I don't want water.
I shrug her off and start screaming again. It doesn't matter that I keep stopping to cough or that pain is burning through me with the exertion. It feels quite nice actually. Numbing, even.
The nurse yells something and Mokuba runs from the room.
I just barely notice. I rip the needle from my arm, a tiny trickle of red escaping the puncture. I manage to slice my arm before it's ripped from my hands. I didn't get to my wrists. They're all taped up, anyway.
I want the needle back, though. So I reach blindly for it. A hand grabs my forearm, holding the spot I cut. To stop the blood flow I suppose. It's a strong grip, though, and it's forcing me back.
So I struggle. I scream and thrash and try to hit the other with my free hand. I think it's Honda. I never manage to hit him more than once, though. Another hand grabs my other arm and forces me all the way back with Honda's help.
Still I struggle. The other person... Katsuya. I think I'm crying still but I can't tell. I just want them to let me go. Let me finish what I started in the kitchen. The nurse is trying to shush me and the other two trying to still me.
I don't comply with any of them.
I'm getting tired with all the fighting but I don't stop. Not until a doctor comes in with a teary eyed Mokuba and twitches my blood bag with something else. That's not what makes me stop, though. No... it takes the new doctor, another one, Honda and Katsuya to get my arm straightened and still while they put a new needle in.
I keep screaming and coughing.
I only just notice the nurse putting something in the stuff dripping into my arm.
That's what starts to make me stop.
Maybe they're going to kill me now... let me have the long sleep I want so badly..
I can't stop fighting them, though.
At least, not until I'm too weak to do so.
I feel so tired...
Mokuba's next to my head, now, stroking sweat soaked bangs from my forehead.
"It'll be okay, Niisama..."
No it won't.
"Just get some rest now.."
Rest?
Oh.
...They're not killing me. They're drugging me.
I think I whimper. Mokuba smiles sadly, kissing my forehead softly.
I want him to go away.
I don't want him to see me like this... but...
Finally I'm getting my wish.
Sort of.
It's not death but I don't have to be awake anymore.
Things are getting dark... I'm very tired now so I think I'll get some sleep...
A hazy glance shows a number of worried faces watching me.
Or is that anger? Agitation? Annoyance? Fear?
I can't really tell.
Everything's very blurry again. I like it better blurry than clear. It's getting darker, too. I like the dark. Maybe... if I pray hard enough... It'll stay dark this time.
Maybe...
TBC
*** ***
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
Vera: oo;;.... Yup! You see it people! I just went from making Wilted Rose a one shot to a one shot with a sequel! And a sequel that promises more chapters, no less! ^^; Yeesh! I actually quite liked writing this though – was quick to do, too! – so I promise updates should be fairly frequent if I can make them. Moving and all is gonna stall things again.
Yami Vera: Not bad, aibou. Now face them.
Vera: .... *inches out behind Yami Vera* ^^;; Um...
Yami Vera: ;; You have to face them, not me.
Vera: *gulps* Oookies..! Well... I'm alive!! Hehe.. I KNOW it's been FOREVER since I updated, I really do, but I'm trying to get around to it! I swear the next chapter of MLS is ALMOST finished! I have like... one more little bit to add to it before I can put it out! Really! That and I will be getting around to Sundial soon, honest. I've just finished with the ever- evil experience that was drama though and things have been pretty tough lately. I promise I'm trying but... ^^; Hey, I finally got this out, ne?
Yami Vera: Only so they won't kill you.
Vera: ^^ Truuuue... Hehehe... Okies! Well, I'm gonna be trying to et all my stuff updated ASAP because at the end of March I'm getting all my stuff shipped out which means I'm not going to have a computer until I get to our new house. (Moving in May!) I'll have to use the Library and Sarah's comp whenever I get the chance. But like I said, I'm tryin' guys! And thank you all for your wonderful reviews!! Keep an eye on my livejournal! I'm gonna be putting some review replies in there soon! Plus there's the first half of the next MLS chapter if ya care to check it out somewhere in there!
Yami Vera: *taps foot* Are we going to be leaving anytime soon?
Vera: Hai hai! ^^; Ja, ya'll! ~3
WARNING: Angst. Lotsa Angst. References to attempted suicide. A tiny bit gory.
DISCLAIMER: Don't own it! Never will!
~This chapter is dedicated to Onee-chan, Mystery-chan, Zoe-chan and Sky- chan. 3!! Thank you guys so much for always being there for me!!~
*** ***
Beep... Beep...Beep...
No...
No no no!
What's going on?!
Tell me that noise isn't one of those blasted hospital machines... that the white surrounding me is heaven, not the sterile walls of a medical facility..
Ha. Well that proves I'm not dead. I never would have made it to heaven, after all.
I should be dead. I should be rotting somewhere, not laying half conscious on a hospital bed.
A slight tip of my head shows a bag of thick red liquid hanging on a stand, the life sustaining substance dripping into a tube and into my arm. Despite the blur to my vision, I can make out the letter A printed upon the bag.
My blood type.
I want to rip the needle out of my arm and use it to finish what I started. I really do. But I can't. I'm too tired to move more than my head and eyelids sluggishly.
There's also a mask over my nose and mouth. Judging by the gray color I can make out behind the window curtains across the room, it's early.
I vaguely wonder how long I've been here.
And who the fuck didn't let me die.
I remember it clearly. I remember watching the knife slicing through my wrists and being stained with ruby. I remember the blade sliding from my fingers after getting them both cut. I remember watching the blood slide down my forearms in a graceful trickle until the world began to spin. I remember lowering myself to the floor so I wouldn't fall over and lying down to sleep. Forever.
I was not supposed to wake up.
But I did.
I shouldn't have, damnit!!
I don't want to be here! I want to be lying beneath the earth in a dusty coffin. I want to be free of this god-forsaken reality...
Why won't they let me die?
Oh god..
I'm not crying! I can't be! I don't cry!
...But I am. For the first time in... so many years.
I can't stop the damn tears either.
There's sound outside the door and I just manage to turn my head into the flimsy hospital pillow before it opens. That doesn't do much, though. My face is only half covered after all.
I can hear a little shout from the doorway. I guess my shaking is what gave me away. Shit.
I don't want to see anyone.
I don't want to hear anyone.
I don't anyone to see me.
Not like this... Not now...
Not ever.
I think it's a nurse that opened the door. I'm not sure. But the next sound is a rush of pounding footsteps.
And I cry harder.
Why, I don't fucking know, but I do. I wish I could stop before anyone gets here but.. that doesn't happen of course.
The best I can do is squeeze my eyes shut and try to block out the shouts suddenly ringing through the room. It's a jumble and I can't understand them. Nor do I want to. I want them to go away and I want to sink back into nothingness.
The least I could hope for would be to fall unconscious again.
That doesn't happen either, though. As a matter of fact, I'm feeling more awake by the second.
See? Hope doesn't do anything. Pointless.
It's quiet suddenly... a hush over the room.
I can hear somebody crying in the distance and I wish they would shut up...
Oh yeah, that's me.
The mess of words is gone and I can make out the next word but not the speaker.
"Seto?"
I want to scream! Seto is dead! Seto Kaiba is dead!
But I can't.
So I whimper.
Gods.. I sound so fucking weak. And I hate it.
There's a light weight upon my shoulder suddenly and I stiffen. I think it's a hand. It feels like it's going to pull back when I tense but instead it's squeezing gently.
So I jerk violently away.
Guess my strength's coming back somewhat too.
The hand is gone. Good. I don't want to be touched.
"Seto... N-niisama... please look at me at least.."
Ah. So it's Mokuba.
I don't comply. Only squeeze my eyes tighter shut.
My tears have been falling silently now for a bit but there's a sob behind me.
Guess I upset him.
Was he the one that found me? Did he see the letter? Did he read it and "save" me anyway?!
Probably.
Who else could it have been? Honda's the only other one who could get in, after all.
The staff was all off duty.
There's another voice. I think it's Honda... I can't really tell.
"Jesus, Kaiba! You've had him worried sick and now you won't look at him?!"
Yes. Honda. Pissed I upset Mokuba no doubt.
But I don't answer him either. Another soft sound does leave me though. That blasted name... I am no Kaiba.
Just molded by one.
There's some murmuring behind me and I don't hear Honda anymore.
Good.
He's the last person I want to hear right now.
"Kaiba-kun..."
I stand corrected.
That little bastard is here. Stupid, over-caring little fucker. I wonder if he saw the letter...
Doubt it. Can't have precious, innocent little Yuugi tainted with the big bad Kaiba's words, now can we?
Innocent my ass.
"Kaiba-kun please sa-"
"Get out."
He shuts up.
It takes me a minute to realize I had forced my hand up to remove the mask over my nose and mouth to speak. It takes me longer to recognize my voice.
It sounds...
Broken.
Hmph. Suiting I suppose.
"Kaiba-kun I know you-"
I don't let him finish. That statement.. if even unfinished...
The tears have stopped and a glare has replaced them. I turn my head to him so fast I'm surprised I don't get whiplash. The other faces look tired and blurred but Yuugi's is clear. Tired, but...
Pleased. That I wasn't allowed to die as I wanted so badly to, I guess.
Bastard.
"You don't know anything you ignorant little brat! GET OUT!"
Screaming.. Yes. I'm screaming. My throat hurts for doing so but it feels...
So good.
He looks like he's going to cry. I hope he does.
But instead he opens his mouth again to say something. I beat him to it.
"GET THE FUCK OUT!! LEAVE ME BE, DAMNIT!"
I think I might be coughing up blood soon. My throat's so dry. The screams are quite literally tearing their way up my throat.
But it doesn't matter.
What do are the tears spilling from those oh-so-despised amethyst eyes before he turns and bolts from the room.
And a warm feeling masks the pain of my screaming.
Sadistic, yes. But by this point I don't care.
It's a moment before my eyes focus right again and I can make out shocked faces. Mokuba and Honda to the side, a nurse and Mazaki near the door and... Katsuya.
My eyes linger on the stunned blonde longer than the others but I turn away quickly even so. Shouting follows.
It makes my ears ring. I wish they'd all shut up. My head's starting to hurt.
I close my eyes tightly again. I try to block them out. I try to ignore the insults and verbal abuse. I try, I really do.
I don't think I'm in a condition to handle this. So I sit up. The nurse shouts too at that.
...
They're quiet now. But there's still screaming.
My screaming.
It drowned them out and they shut up.
I don't even know what I'm saying. But I'm crying again. They all looked shocked again. And my throat hurts even worse.
I stop screaming and start coughing. A shaky hand moves to my mouth. Tears are wetting the side of it but blood wets the palm.
The nurse is trying to make my lay down. She's saying something about water.
I don't want water.
I shrug her off and start screaming again. It doesn't matter that I keep stopping to cough or that pain is burning through me with the exertion. It feels quite nice actually. Numbing, even.
The nurse yells something and Mokuba runs from the room.
I just barely notice. I rip the needle from my arm, a tiny trickle of red escaping the puncture. I manage to slice my arm before it's ripped from my hands. I didn't get to my wrists. They're all taped up, anyway.
I want the needle back, though. So I reach blindly for it. A hand grabs my forearm, holding the spot I cut. To stop the blood flow I suppose. It's a strong grip, though, and it's forcing me back.
So I struggle. I scream and thrash and try to hit the other with my free hand. I think it's Honda. I never manage to hit him more than once, though. Another hand grabs my other arm and forces me all the way back with Honda's help.
Still I struggle. The other person... Katsuya. I think I'm crying still but I can't tell. I just want them to let me go. Let me finish what I started in the kitchen. The nurse is trying to shush me and the other two trying to still me.
I don't comply with any of them.
I'm getting tired with all the fighting but I don't stop. Not until a doctor comes in with a teary eyed Mokuba and twitches my blood bag with something else. That's not what makes me stop, though. No... it takes the new doctor, another one, Honda and Katsuya to get my arm straightened and still while they put a new needle in.
I keep screaming and coughing.
I only just notice the nurse putting something in the stuff dripping into my arm.
That's what starts to make me stop.
Maybe they're going to kill me now... let me have the long sleep I want so badly..
I can't stop fighting them, though.
At least, not until I'm too weak to do so.
I feel so tired...
Mokuba's next to my head, now, stroking sweat soaked bangs from my forehead.
"It'll be okay, Niisama..."
No it won't.
"Just get some rest now.."
Rest?
Oh.
...They're not killing me. They're drugging me.
I think I whimper. Mokuba smiles sadly, kissing my forehead softly.
I want him to go away.
I don't want him to see me like this... but...
Finally I'm getting my wish.
Sort of.
It's not death but I don't have to be awake anymore.
Things are getting dark... I'm very tired now so I think I'll get some sleep...
A hazy glance shows a number of worried faces watching me.
Or is that anger? Agitation? Annoyance? Fear?
I can't really tell.
Everything's very blurry again. I like it better blurry than clear. It's getting darker, too. I like the dark. Maybe... if I pray hard enough... It'll stay dark this time.
Maybe...
TBC
*** ***
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
Vera: oo;;.... Yup! You see it people! I just went from making Wilted Rose a one shot to a one shot with a sequel! And a sequel that promises more chapters, no less! ^^; Yeesh! I actually quite liked writing this though – was quick to do, too! – so I promise updates should be fairly frequent if I can make them. Moving and all is gonna stall things again.
Yami Vera: Not bad, aibou. Now face them.
Vera: .... *inches out behind Yami Vera* ^^;; Um...
Yami Vera: ;; You have to face them, not me.
Vera: *gulps* Oookies..! Well... I'm alive!! Hehe.. I KNOW it's been FOREVER since I updated, I really do, but I'm trying to get around to it! I swear the next chapter of MLS is ALMOST finished! I have like... one more little bit to add to it before I can put it out! Really! That and I will be getting around to Sundial soon, honest. I've just finished with the ever- evil experience that was drama though and things have been pretty tough lately. I promise I'm trying but... ^^; Hey, I finally got this out, ne?
Yami Vera: Only so they won't kill you.
Vera: ^^ Truuuue... Hehehe... Okies! Well, I'm gonna be trying to et all my stuff updated ASAP because at the end of March I'm getting all my stuff shipped out which means I'm not going to have a computer until I get to our new house. (Moving in May!) I'll have to use the Library and Sarah's comp whenever I get the chance. But like I said, I'm tryin' guys! And thank you all for your wonderful reviews!! Keep an eye on my livejournal! I'm gonna be putting some review replies in there soon! Plus there's the first half of the next MLS chapter if ya care to check it out somewhere in there!
Yami Vera: *taps foot* Are we going to be leaving anytime soon?
Vera: Hai hai! ^^; Ja, ya'll! ~3