Helloes again, my dearest friends. I'm here with a random AU oneshot which you probably already skipped ahead to.

So whatever.

Warnings: Language, very, very mild innuendoes and that's it. Oh. Insanity. I forgot. But I consider that normal, so I figured... you know.

Enjoy.

Happily Ever After
By CM

My story began with a happily ever after. Oh, not mine, of course. I'm talking about Mr. and Mrs. Forester's happily ever after. Duh. Like a teen like me could ever know what happily ever after means anyway. I'm still getting over the horrifyingly badly written Beauty and the Beast play I had to do in sixth grade, so let me tell you, I'm not one to ever expect a happily ever after.

You wouldn't expect a happily ever after either, if your Beast/Prince Charming almost died of an allergic intoxication to the fake fur of his mask. I'm still friends with poor Billy, though, despite his wheezing cough attacks now and then. Poor guy.

Anyhow, my story began with an offer to baby-sit Mr. and Mrs. Forester's kids, my neighbours. So you see, if they hadn't had a happily ever after, I wouldn't have had an opportunity to make mad money.

Mr. and Mrs. Forester are, you see, not only generous employers, but also very, very rich. And they had many, many children. Six, to be exact, which sort of makes me wonder why, since clearly most of them have behavioural dysfunctions. You'd think after two or three they'd get the clue. But whatever. They're not bad, per se, but they are very, very peculiar.

In fact, at first didn't quite understand why the Foresters would ask for a babysitter, considering that the eldest of their kids is my age. Link, smart but a bit unorthodox, was seventeen, like me, and he knew his siblings far better than I did or ever could. I mean, it's not like I hung out with him at our local high school, or anything. He was part of the computer geeks' crowd, and I hung out with my best friend Malon, who unfortunately dealt with the hyper crowd, which made me wonder if sanity even existed.

In any case, Link had something that differentiated him from the geeks. He was cute as hell. Unfair, I know. But it did give me a reason to accept the offer. I mean, what could it hurt?

The thing is, I found out later on that the Foresters had a very good reason to hire a babysitter.

Their kids were INSANE!

Now, I don't mean by that that they ought to be sent to asylum. Like any kid deserves that. But the minute I showed up at the Forester's house (mansion, I'm sorry), I knew the evening wouldn't be an order-the-kids-around-put-them-to-bed-then-watch-movies-on-satellite-tv-while-snuggling-with-the-house-hunk-until-parents-come-home kind of thing.

I actually wanted to turn on my heel and run home when I heard the chaos beyond the door. I rang the doorbell.

It made a toad croak.

Okay, what sort of house (mansion, I'm sorry) has a doorbell with FROG SOUNDS?

Mrs. Forester answered the door. She was looking beautiful in her evening dress. She shot me a brilliant smile and ushered me in. I put on my responsible-young-adult face. She called her husband. Beyond the lobby, somewhere in the house, there was screaming, howling, crying, crashing sounds. I pretended not to hear them.

Mr. Forester came into the lobby, looking hassled, and seemed to melt with gratitude when he saw me.

"Oh, thank gods you're here," he breathed, and I thought I saw him cross himself.

Mrs. Forester waved him off and said to me, "Don't listen to him, dear. He was just afraid you wouldn't come. I remember the last time we hired a babysitter, she took a step inside the house, got a pie slice in the face, and then ran back out. We had to cancel our evening." Mrs. Forester looked stricken then perked up and clapped her hands. "Anyhow, I told my children to be nice to you this time." She took my shoulder and brought me into the kitchen. It looked clean enough. I hoped I wouldn't get a pie helping.

On the fridge, Mrs. Forester had put a post-it with a clean writing and some phone numbers. I noticed the fire department number. She shrugged with a weak smile.

"Better prevent than heal," she simply said. At that, I nodded, and tried to hide my rising sense of panic.

Then, the house fell quiet. I wondered if the kids had accidentally knocked each other out in their fight.

Apparently not. Mrs. Forester led me into the living room, where they were all lined up quietly. Mr. Forester had managed (by what miracle?) to calm them down long enough for Mrs. Forester to present them to me.

Link, I noticed instantly, was standing against the wall, watching me with an amused smile. He'd probably noticed my discomfort. He probably planned some sort of trick against me.

I couldn't see why he would, but I was feeling paranoid at that moment.

"I think," Mrs. Forester said politely, "that you've already met our eldest son, Link."

"We've met," Link acknowledged with a smirk (too handsome. He's planning something).

I nodded. She looked happy. It was probably a relief to her. She probably thought Link and I would manage to hold the house together while they were gone.

I hoped so too.

Then, she indicated a girl beside Link. Shockingly, she'd dyed her hair in bright green. I found I knew her.

The fourteen year-old. Saria Forester. She also went to our high school, though I'd never really spoken to her. She was one of those Save-the-whales people, and while I approved of ecological protection treatments, I wasn't an extremist. Like she was.

She outstretched a hand and clicked her tongue. "I'm Saria. I've seen you before."

I noticed, as I got my hand back from our handshake, that she'd stuck a pink chewing gum in it. I forced a smile, pried it from my hand, and wrapped it in a tissue. Mrs. Forester scolded her elder daughter, and I didn't hear the retort. Link showed me the garbage bin with a nod of his head. I smiled in thanks.

Next in line was Aryll Forester, age twelve, the sweetest of the family. I liked her immediately. She was standing slightly behind the others. Shy, blonde like her brother, with large, naïve blue eyes (unlike her brother, whose sharp eyes reminded me of those of a pouncing tiger), she was a picture of innocence.

"My middle daughter," Mrs. Forester said with deep fondness, "Aryll."

"Hi there, Aryll," I softly greeted her. She looked up and, after a second, shot me a gentle smile.

It seemed like the whole family relaxed after that. I found out later it was because Aryll was an amazing judge of character. If Aryll was on your side, you were safe.

At the time, though, I had no clue that I'd gotten accepted. I was still anxious.

"My middle son, Mido," Mrs. Forester said, with a note of exasperation. The ten year old's hair, unlike his older brother's, was a shocking red. He looked a lot more like his father, and he wore a constant scowl. He was the sort of haughty, arrogant kid that I completely hated babysitting. No matter. Aryll (and Link) completely made up for it.

"Hi," Mido said with a glare.

"My youngest two, the twins. Tatl and Tael," Mrs. Forester said, designating the cute, fair-haired demons. I say demons because that is what they are. At six years of age, they already ruled the house with their antics and vivid imagination.

I nodded at each of them, and expected the presentations to be over, but apparently, I still hadn't met two of the household's most important inhabitants. Or so the twins decided.

Tatl, the girl, took out a small parakeet of light blue, and presented him. Or her, actually.

"This is Mrs. Chickadee," she said.

The tiny parrot squawked. I nodded, and awkwardly waved at it.

"Hi there, Mrs. Chickadee," I said, which seemed to satisfy the little girl.

Tael, on his part, took out a crazy-haired hamster from his kangaroo pouch. "This is Mr. Fuzz," he said with a soft, frowning voice.

Tatl turned to him sharply and said, "It's Mrs. Fuzz!"

"No! It's a mister!"

"A missus!"

Before the twins could get into a fight, Mrs. Forester cut in.

"Enough now. We already discussed this."

The twins fell quiet after that. I saw Saria rolling her eyes and Aryll stifle a giggle.

Finally, the Forester parents turned to me. This was taken as a signal for the children to scurry off. I feared they were gone to finish their Zelda-trap. They'd probably wait for their parents' car to be out of sight before bounding down the stairs and spraying me with liquid cheese.

I was not happy to see the Forester adults shrug on their coats.

"Now listen, sweetie," Mrs. Forester was saying. "If anything goes wrong, you call Ray—my husband—on his mobile. The number is on the fridge, I showed you. We'll be gone until midnight, I'd wager. But we might be late."

I shook my head. No problem, I was telling them, I could handle it.

Hah. So not.

"And if you have any more questions, feel free to ask Link," she added, smiling at her elder son, whom I found had been standing behind me the whole time. Link smiled handsomely, leaned down to kiss his mother's soft cheek, then shot me a grin.

A grin that said, 'You'll see, this evening will be the most memorable of your life', in a not so nice way.

I was freaked.

Then, suddenly, I had a last question to ask them. I hurried out after them, and in the driveway, out of earshot of Link, I asked Mrs. Forester, even as she was about to climb in the passenger seat, "Mrs. Forester, why do you need a babysitter? Doesn't Link—…"

The woman sighed, and weakly smiled. "Well, Link is mature enough, but… well, let's just say your pay will be well-earned."

Which, you know, didn't exactly make me feel better.

I stayed in the driveway until the car was out of sight. After that, I turned to face the mansion, the gates to hell.

Link was leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed and a smirk on his face.

Okay, I really hoped I wouldn't mess up now.

"Actually," he said as I walked up the porch steps, "we need a babysitter because I'm as much of a handful as the rest of them." He was grinning again.

I shot him a brief glare, upset that he'd heard my question, and said, "That's not something you ought to go around advertising," which, in retrospect, I find was not a very nice thing to say to the son of your employers.

But Link just laughed and moved aside to let me step inside the house (mansion—I keep forgetting).

The house was deathly quiet. Not, I'd learned, a reassuring sign. Link closed the door behind me, and suddenly snaked an arm around my waist, pulling me close to his warm body.

I immediately struggled. Indignation made me want to slap him. But he held on tighter and whispered sharply in my ear.

"Look up."

I looked. On a stair railing, waiting only to fall on the next person to walk by, was a bucket of… well, gods-knew-what. Link's arm fell away, and I was left standing there, just off target, breathing, "Are you for real?" in shock.

He sighed, pushed me slightly to the side and went up the stairs, two steps at a time. There was a shuffle, some childish giggles, and I heard a stampede upstairs. Link shook his head, grabbed the bucket and looked inside, slowly making his way back down.

Finally coming back to me, he looked up from the bucket with a disgusted smirk, and waved the bucket in my face. I moved back, looked in.

"Is that…"

"Litter. Clean, apparently, but uncomfortable nonetheless," Link declared. "This reeks of twin mischief."

"Do they play tricks on you too?" I asked. Where had sibling connivance disappeared to?

"Oh, no, they don't. This was aimed at you."

My jaw fell. Link's matter-of-fact tone destroyed all my hopes that we could hold out against the odds together.

"Fantastic," I mumbled, pushing past him.

"It could have been worse," Link commented, following me. He'd left the bucket on the landing. He followed me into the living room, which had, in the short span of five minutes, turned into a chaotic fortress of insanity. From within the depths of the house, probably coming down by another hidden stairway, the twins burst in the room and shot me innocent smiles. "It could have been used litter."

Mrs. Chickadee was flying around the house unguarded. The bird hit the doorframe once, fell to the floor, and then took flight again, apparently unharmed.

"Is that bird blind?" I asked out loud, over the squeals of the twins and Mido's upset screams.

"We think so," Link answered, and I found he was just behind me again, speaking into my ear. Was he doing that on purpose? It felt marvellous. "But Tatl is certain that it's one of Mrs. Chickadee's tricks. She doesn't want us to laugh at it."

There was a squawk. Mrs. Chickadee had hit a wall and was rolling around on the floor. Then, with a hop, the parrot was back in the air, flapping happily. Link held back a chuckle in my ear. I had to refrain from smiling too.

Suddenly, there was a boom from upstairs. It felt like someone had dropped a dead body on the floor, somewhere above our heads.

I squeaked. Link sighed, and I swore I heard him mutter something like, "Not again…" before he disappeared upstairs, leaving me at the mercy of the youngest Foresters.

I felt a tug on my shirt. I looked down. Mido was smirking up at me.

Shit.

With a loud war cry, he slammed a melting fudge square onto my shirt front, and darted behind a couch before I even had the time to react. And had he screamed "For the Grey Daycare Tree"? I wasn't sure.

Tatl pushed past me and tried to catch Mrs. Chickadee, while Tael squealed happily. Where was Aryll? And Saria? Were they upstairs? What was that boom again?

"Mrs. Chickadee will smite you!" I heard Mido screaming over the chaos, and I decided he was really crazy, and then Tael was out of my sight, and Tatl and Tael had disappeared from the room.

Crap. Where were they?

"Mido," I called, "Mido, where are your brother and sister?"

But Mido didn't answer. He'd disappeared too. I was left standing inside a chaotic, empty living room.

Okay. Look for the oblivious twins, or tie the crazed maniacal kid to a chair?

In the end, I chose to look for the twins. They were more at risk of getting hurt than Mido was. At least, I hoped so, for Mido's sake.

I found the twins filling up a fish tank in the bathroom. I hadn't seen Mrs. Chickadee. I hoped they weren't drowning the poor thing.

But apparently not. Tatl was telling her brother he was doing it all wrong. He was going to drown the 'tadpoad', whatever that was.

I looked over their struggling hands, and saw the ugliest frog in the world. Covered in a brown, slimy, warty skin, the mother of all toads was inflating its throat in a shiny bubble regularly.

Tael noticed me first. He showed me the tank, and the toad in his hands. "Linkie gave it to us!" He exclaimed. "Said he found it in the garden!"

I'm not a toad specialist, but I think that toad preferred mud, if its skin colour was any indication.

I stopped Tatl, and kneeled in front of the confused twins. I had no clue how to tell them this, so I just went in the plain old biology book method.

"Hey, you know what?" I gently said, trying not to freak them out, "I think that toad doesn't really like water. Maybe he likes mud more."

"Mud?" Tatl scowled in disgust. "Why?"

"Well," I patiently said, "I once read that toads like mud."

Tael immediately adopted the idea. "Yeah! Let's find mud in the garden!"

I have no clue why they decided, though, that spilling all the water they'd put in their tank on the bathroom floor was a good way to dispose of it. I watched with despair as water covered the floor with a thin puddle. The twins had disappeared already.

Clean the water mess, or make sure the twins don't cover their pyjamas with a mud coat?

The choice was obvious. I ran outside.

They were padding through the humid garden, to the far end, by the flowerbeds. I heard the toad croak, and Tael was still carrying the tank. I ran.

"I'll do it for you," I offered breathlessly, and before they even got to their knees, I'd put a first handful of dirt into the tank. They watched me gleefully, and once there was enough dirt, they carefully placed 'Mr. Toad' inside.

"Okay," I sighed, now covered with chocolate fudge, water and dirt. I wiped myself uselessly, and suggested, "Let's go back inside."

I had a lot of cleaning to do.

The twins didn't object, thank gods.

As I came back inside, the twins disappeared somewhere upstairs, and I was left in the lobby, wondering if I ought to find Mido or mop the water up. The house was still sounding pretty bad, so I thought it wouldn't do any harm to find out what Mido was up to.

I returned to the living room. It was back in its original order. I wondered how it was possible. Aryll appeared in the doorway, and shot me a shy smile.

"It was all messy," she said. "So I cleaned up."

I shot her the most grateful smile I could muster. Then, I said, "Great, now I need a mop for the bathroom!"

"I don't know where Mommy and Daddy keep the mop…" Aryll said, apologetically. "I think Link knows."

"Okay," I said. "Well, then… I'll find him."

And I left Aryll to go about her business, which she didn't seem to mind too much. Last time I'd checked, Link had gone upstairs to check on the weird booming sound. And what had that been about in the first place?

I carefully made my way upstairs. Thankfully, their house wasn't a maze of hallways. All the rooms gave onto the same hall. Half the doors were closed. I quietly padded forward, trying to hear for any suspicious sounds. And I tried not to get ambushed by the crazy chocolate wielding maniac.

Then, I heard a muffled voice, coming from inside the rooms. There seemed to be an argument.

"Saria," Link's voice was saying, "we've talked about this. You're not supposed to run off in the middle of the night. You'll have to put that ladder back in the shed. You remember what happened last time, right? What if the parents found out? Dad'll have bars put into your window, for the gods' sake!"

"Link," Saria was crying, "I'm tired of this! I can't stand this madhouse! All I want is to be allowed to go take a bloody walk!"

"Not in the middle of the night," Link sighed with pent-up annoyance. "Saria, do you think I'm stupid? I've seen the guy. He's no good."

Saria suggested that Link do something that probably wouldn't be very comfortable—nor physically healthy.

He didn't seem fazed. I heard him pacing in what I supposed was Saria's room. "Saria, Ganondorf Dragmire is the worst drunkard/junkie/bully in the city. Not to mention, he's too old for you."

"Too old?" Saria burst. "Link, he's barely two years older than you!"

"And five years older than you!" Link exclaimed.

"Oh, please," she said, only it sounded like two syllables, like 'puh-lease'.

"Not puh-lease," Link mocked angrily. "Saria, if you don't quit your escapades, I'll be telling Dad."

I didn't want to listen anymore, but it's like I couldn't help it. I was standing against the wall, hearing a fight between two siblings about things I'd never discussed myself. And it sounded like they'd had the conversation many times before.

I don't have a brother or sister. I'd never heard something like this before.

"Yeah, like Dad can stop me."

"Saria, Ganon is no good. Why don't you give your time to good guys for once in your life? Geez, I could hook you up with anyone in school—just not Ganon, please, Saria. The guy's a fucking bastard."

Saria laughed mirthlessly. "Yeah, Link. You could. But see, I don't want you to hook me up. I can do this stuff myself."

"Saria…" There was a long silence. I heard Link sigh. "… Just…"

"Go on, Link. What are you going to say?"

Link seemed out of arguments.

There was a long, helpless silence.

Finally, he said, "Saria, I won't lie to you. You're my little sister and I care for you a lot. And I know that Ganon isn't a good guy for you. I'm not doing this to hurt you. I just don't want you to get hurt. And I don't know how to tell you that."

Unbidden, tears were coming to my eyes. I didn't give a care about the water mess downstairs anymore. Who gave a shit anyway?

And suddenly, Mido was tugging on my shirt again.

"Zelda?" He said, and loud enough for the people in the room to hear. Damn it. "Zelda, what's wrong?"

At first I thought he wanted to bust me, but I saw in his eyes genuine concern. Inside the room, there was a heavy silence. They'd heard Mido. I wasn't sure what to do. I took Mido's hand and was about to take him downstairs. I'd clean up the mess with paper towels. Whatever.

I felt so stupid.

"Zelda?" Link called after me as I was leading Mido away. I turned, my eyes still humid. He was standing at the door of Saria's room.

"What did you hear?" He asked. I was at a loss.

"Enough," I hoarsely said. Then, I added, when I saw his worried face, "But it's none of my business. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to—I won't say a word."

"It's okay," Saria mumbled as she came into view. Link glanced at her, swung a brotherly arm around her, face still concerned.

"I just—" I felt so lame. "I… The twins did a mess in the bathroom downstairs and Aryll told me that you knew where the… mop was. And…" I glanced down at Mido. "And maybe I ought to have looked myself—I just didn't want to… well…"

And then, suddenly, Link and Saria smiled at me.

"Zelda," Saria said, "I don't mind you knowing. You passed my chewing-gum test."

…

Um, what?

"What?" I asked.

"The chewing-gum test," Link explained, "is Saria's twisted way of deciding if someone is cool based on their reaction to an unknown."

"All the other babysitters tended to ask me what the heck was wrong with me. But you didn't!" Saria shot me a wide grin. It was like the argument she'd been having with Link had been put off to another day.

All I could find to say was, "Charming."

"That's also what I thought," Saria grinned.

"You need a mop?" Link said, coming over and picking up Mido by the wrists, so that the kid squealed and kicked. The big brother took Mido down the stairs, laughing all the way. I was about to follow them, but Saria stopped me.

"What happened to your clothes?"

I looked down. I had chocolate stains and grass and dirt stains and water splotches and I was a mess. Aw, man.

"I'm clumsy," I sighed, and she saw my face and giggled.

Then, she looked concerned, "You won't tell about me?"

I looked up at her. "No! Never!" Like I'd have the meanness required to do something so asshole-ish.

"Thanks!"

"But," I said, forcing the best babysitter stern look I could muster in the circumstances, "no running away tonight."

She shrugged. "Meh. Link doesn't know it, but I haven't been seeing Ganon Dragmire for two weeks now. I just don't want him to know about it."

I had to ask. I just had to. "Why not?"

Saria laughed. "Because pissing him off is so damned fun!"

My eyes widened. "Saria!"

"Don't worry, Zellie," she said, patting my shoulder. "I'm going to tell him soon. He won't be mad."

"Huh."

"Zelda!" I heard Link calling from the bottom of the stairs. "Didn't you want a mop?"

I wanted to say something to Saria, but she waved me off as she was locking herself into her room.

"Go on, lover girl."

I would not respond to that.

"What was that about?" Link asked as I came down. He handed me the mop, and I thanked him. "What'd she say?"

Um, well, I couldn't exactly lie to Link, but I couldn't break Saria's trust either. What to say?

Link sighed. "She told you it was all an act?"

WHAT?

"Uh?—Wha—how—why—what the—"

"Oh, come on," Link shook his head, dragging me along. I was beginning to feel like a puppet to be pulled around. "It's obvious."

"So," I asked, enjoying his warm hand around my wrist, "why do you continue to argue with her?"

He laughed. "Because being the bossy big brother is so damned fun!"

I was also beginning to think that this family was weirder than anticipated. And their ways of showing their love were very unusual. That is, I hoped it was all about love. Because if they just liked pissing each other off, I had better get out now.

I entered the washroom and gazed at the large puddle. Link was hovering behind me, looking over my shoulder. He whistled. "What the heck happened?"

"Don't ask," I breathed. These people would make me fall dead with exhaustion. "It's a long story."

Link just chuckled.

"Well, if you ever need anything else, I'll be standing right here."

"Gee, thanks."

"Don't mention it," he smirked, with another one of those double-edged looks. I wasn't sure what to make of them, so I ignored it.

I mopped it all up, and wrung the water into the toilet. Then, I left the mop there, so I knew where to fetch it again, in case, and turned to Link. He was standing against the wall, and he'd been watching me. I was not exactly comfortable with that. He opened his mouth to say something, gods know what, but was interrupted. Loudly.

"LINKIE! ZELLIE! Mr. Fuzz is gone!"

"It's missus!"

"Mister!"

Before they could get into a brawl, Link and I hurried to the living room, from whence the screams came. They were howling at the top of their lungs. I was going insane.

"Tatl, Tael," Link called with an impressive authority that called for their silence (and mine), "it's okay. Where did he go to?"

"The stove—"

"Dishwasher—"

"The kitchen," Link sighed, hurrying out of the room. The twins jogged after him, and I followed.

Mr. Fuzz, apparently, had chosen to find refuge behind the fridge—not the stove or the dishwasher. It seemed Link considered this a blessing. From what the twins were saying, I assumed the last times, Mr. Fuzz had been almost cooked alive or drowned in soapy water. Poor Mr. Fuzz.

"Zelda, could you help me move this thing out of the way?"

I spotted Mr. Fuzz, shaking behind the huge fridge, in a tiny corner. "Won't we squish him?"

Link pondered this. He rubbed his eyelid. "You'll pull on your side, and I'll push on mine so he has no other way but to come out. And then, we'll get him.

Mr. Fuzz, however, was a match for Link's logic. Instead of moving out, like any survival-wary hamster would have, he moved towards the end that Link was quickly narrowing. The twins' panicked screaming made Link stop just in time. Mr. Fuzz was moving in the narrow space on Link's side.

"Aw, crap," Link mumbled. Tael squealed.

"Linkie swore!"

"Okay," Link breathed, ignoring his younger brother's comment. "I'll grab a broom and push him out and then you'll catch him."

"Uh… Okay."

At long last, Mr. Fuzz came out from behind the fridge. I grabbed the terrified little thing and held it steadily. Link pushed the fridge back in its place, then said, to Tatl and Tael, "Okay. Now Mr. Fuzz is tired. He ought to go to bed."

Tael took Mr. Fuzz from my hands, hurrying, I assumed, to put him in his cage. Thank gods.

"And it'll be time for the two of you to go to bed too," Link continued. I listened and watched, awed by the authority he wielded, and the adoration the twins held for their elder brother.

"Aw," they whined, but I had the feeling they only whined for the heck of it, not because they disagreed. "But Linkie—"

"Off with you two," Link said loudly.

They giggled and left the kitchen.

"Zellie?"

Link and I turned to face Aryll, who was rubbing her eyes in the doorway. She was looking at me shyly.

"I'm going to bed now. Can you tell Mom and Daddy that I've been good?"

She was the only sane one around. I'd have done anything for the kid. "Yes, of course!"

"Goodnight kiss?" She asked. I gladly complied, and kissed her cheek. She waved weakly at her brother, who smiled kindly, and then left.

"Now," I breathed, "time for Mido's bedtime too, I suppose?"

"Yeah, but good luck with that."

"Aren't you going to help me?" I couldn't believe him. He was going to let me deal with the worst of his siblings without a word of help? The bastard.

Link shrugged. "I have to put stuff away in the shed for my dad. I'll join you once that's done. Maybe in fifteen minutes."

"It's nine at night. Can't it wait?"

He laughed. "Precisely, no."

I wanted to sulk him. "Fine. Whatever."

Link just laughed. The jerk.

I was left to roam the house to find Mido.

And then, miracles of miracles, the little devil was sitting in front of the TV, watching some insignificant show. I plopped down beside him. He hardly reacted.

"Let's say," I tried to bargain, "that I give you another ten minutes, and then you have to promise to go to bed. How does that sound?"

He turned to look at me in shock. "Huh… okay."

Heh. That's me. Miss Kid Psychology. Rule number one. Always strike agreements that warn the kids in advance of what they will have to do, without coming at them suddenly and surprising them.

Ten minutes passed between us in complete silence, then Mido glanced at me. I nodded. He sighed, turned the TV off, then mumbled a begrudging good night.

"And you don't even look like you had fun," he said as he was leaving. He sounded offended. I frowned.

"I'm sorry. What?"

Mido turned back to look at me quizzically. "Link said you'd like to be pushed around."

"He said that?" I'll be. The goddamned—

"Yeah. He said you liked being pranked." Mido's face turned concerned. "Did he lie?"

Hm. The temptation to destroy the brotherly affection kind of plagued me for a while, and then I brushed it off. It wasn't Mido's fault that his brother was an asshole. Might as well play the innocent.

And bust Link's pretty face.

"Oh. Sure. But not all the time."

Mido smiled. "Oh. Okay! Good night!"

"Good night, Mido."

I waited for him to leave. And then I stood. There was someone I needed to scream at.

Link was putting earth bags inside the shed. I saw him as I stepped out onto the porch. He was carrying one on each shoulder. Where did that geek get shoulders strong enough for that?

Oh. Now was not the time to fall in admiration.

I made my way across the lawn. He was bending over to pull a last bag on his shoulder. I crossed my arms. I was really pissed. Get me right. The guy had planned my hellish evening. On purpose. Scheduled it. Choreographed it. The chewing-gum. The litter bucket. The crazy chocolate stains. The toad. The water puddle. The argument with Saria. The Mr. Fuzz issue. All his idea.

The fucking freaky fuck-faced freak.

And why? I wanted to know.

"Good evening," I started, barely holding back my bad mood.

He turned, and shot me a brilliant smile. When he saw my peeved face, he furrowed a brow, and looked concerned. "Oh. Don't tell me. Mido mauled you."

"Mauled me?" I asked. "No." But… "I suppose you told him to?"

He shot me a curious glance, then ducked to enter the shed. He was stacking the earth bags in a corner, and now he was re-arranging them. I blocked the doorway. I could only see his vague shape in the dark.

"I'm not sure I know what you mean," he dared say.

"Oh, gods. Please. Did you really manage to make them believe I enjoyed being pranked?"

He paused in his movements. Then, he turned to me, and in the faint moonlight that came through the dirty window, I saw a faint smile on his lips.

"You planned it," I breathed, irate. "I can't believe the nerve of you."

He wiped his hands on the side of his jeans. "Fine," he smirked again. "Okay. You got me."

"Link," I squeaked, "do you realize what you did?"

He leaned against the wall of the shed, gazing at me. I had trouble to see him, and frankly, the space in the shed was cramped. "Tell me."

"You—" I wanted to slap him. Good looks or not, he was still a jerk. And screw if he was the son of my employers. He was a freaking asshole. "You had no right to do that. And why? Why did you—Do you realize how really mean what you did was?"

He frowned. "Mean? I'm sorry. I fail to understand how that applies to the evening you had."

"You—the pranks, the dirt, the stains, the hard work, the crazy pets—your crazy brothers and sisters! You planned it all out! Everything!"

"Not everything," he mumbled. "They can be crazy without my incitation."

"I don't care," I hissed, "what they do on their own. I really don't. You messed with me. You worried me. You scared me. You gave me extra work—and I don't know why, and right now, I'm really pissed at you."

Link was silent. I didn't see his face well enough. I couldn't guess his thoughts. Then, he said, "I scared you?"

"Link, you terrified me. Saria—and the twins' pets—and Mido's weird behaviour—it terrified me. And before I go home, I'd like to know why."

"I don't see what's so terrifying about a bunch of insane kids," Link continued, like he hadn't heard my inquiry. "They're just kids."

"Are you even listening to me?" I asked, maybe a bit louder than necessary. He put a warm hand to my shoulder, and pulled the shed door closed. "What are you doing?"

"You'll wake them up," he said. "Sound carries well over the yard."

"Well, screw this," I mumbled. "Just thought I might come by and tell you exactly how much I loathe you."

"Shoot," he said, and though he sounded annoyed, I could have sworn the moonlight outlined a faint smirk. The bastard.

He was leaning in towards me. Though maybe not. It was really dark now that he'd closed the door and that the only light source was behind him. I didn't see very well.

"One," I said, "You toyed with my authority. Two, you messed with the truth. You put up a whole play—"

"Just for you," he cut in. I ignored that.

"Three, you ruined my clothes and my dignity. You had your six year-old siblings make me work extra hours, for gods' sake. And that is why I hate you. I think you deserve to be hung by the feet and lowered into a boiling pit of lava so that your face burns first and you get a—"

"Did I ever mention," he had the nerve to interrupt me (I was getting to the best part of my speech—the one about live scorpions and venomous tarantulas), "that you're very, very pretty?"

"I don't see—what?"

"I want to kiss you right about now."

WHAT?

"What?"

"Like, now."

"Um—that's—let me—I'll just—" Well. So much for the elaborate speech.

"Allow me," he simply said, and then I felt his breath on my face, and then he was kissing me.

Oh gods.

Oh gods.

Oh my gods.

I should not be turned on. I really shouldn't. But there it was. I was covered in dirt and freezing in the night, and we were inside a garden shed, between earth bags and shovels, and all I managed to do, aside from interrupting what would have been an impressive speech, was get turned on by the one guy whom I hated the most at that very moment.

And oh gods. He was a good kisser. I loathed him. I loathed him.

Hm…

Anyway. My story began with a happily ever after. Not my happily ever after... I've established that already. And if you think that it ends with my happily ever after, come again. Like I'm old enough to know what happily ever after means. And to have a happily ever after, you need something that leads up to it. Like… a romance, or a wedding, or something.

So yeah. Link and I did not shag in the garden shed. I managed to regain my dignity, but not my heart, and that's just about it. I do think, however, that the incriminating tape Saria's been referring to ever since is complete invention. Right? I hope so, at least.

And I'm not counting on Link to help save my honour. He seems to find the idea of the whole world (including his parents, might I remind you all) knowing about our forbidden kisses in their garden shed isn't such a big deal.

Which it isn't, in way, since all I was doing then was kiss my boyfriend. But still. I don't want my first kiss to be publicly viewed.

Everything that happened in there is, after all, between me, Link, and a dirt stained shirt.

And go check out Hyrule Times, if you haven't already.

Love,
CM