(Six)

When we awoke, the body was in a cage. This was not like any other cage we'd been in. It was a two part container, one half was a shed like structure that was large and roomy with some small bits of furniture, a bed and a table with a stool. The second part was a generous outside patio with bars to keep us inside. It too had a table and a chair for comfort. This was more like an enclosure than a cage, but a prison none the less. Our body had been placed carefully on the small bed and covered with a blanket. The Command Override had shut us down temporarily, but we were now stirring, Krishnak still at the helm.

I took a minute to wander, these bars couldn't hold a vaporous being such as myself. It didn't take long before I had an idea why we had been placed outside. This was a magnificent place, the air warm and fresh, the garden around us lush and beautiful. It was the furthest place from Meckland's dingy old Lab or the Gladiator ring you could get. It inspired peace and serenity.

Krishnak sat up, rubbing his eyes, but then rose and stumbled out of the shed over to the metal bars of the patio, immediately starting to test their strength. They had to be made of Adamantium or better, they were unmovable and it was clear we weren't going to simply bust out of here. Krishnak grumbled and stepped back, looking at the table there. A large stone cup of water had been placed there with a bowl of assorted fruits. This was far better than the slops the Muzla fed us, and Meckland had given us no food at all. Krishnak wanted the fruit, but he held back, uncertain if it could be trusted.

"It's all right ta eats if ya wants it."

Krishnak turned to look as Asher came closer. He had come from one of the adjacent gardens and he held a grouping of colorful flowers in his hands. One thing he hadn't lied about was his Mark. It was indeed large and Grey, he was one of us. It looked huge on his adolescent body, he seemed like a child when he is the furthest thing from it, he would be the same age as all of us from this clutch. He wore a strange necklace, a heavy silver chain with an odd looking ornament hanging from it, glinting in the sunlight. I didn't know it then, but I know now that it was a Christian cross. The soft grey of his eyes combined with the flowers in his hands gave him an angelic appearance, like all was well in the world. He was as we would find him most often, serene.

Krishnak was immediately defensive, raising his fists.

Asher held up a hand, asking for patience. "Now, there ain't no need fer that, kitten."

"Who are you?" Krishnak demanded.

"I told ya already, m' name's Asher. I'm a Rogue from yer clutch."

"Liar!" Krishnak snarled, but an image of Kimble flashed through his mind.

Asher smiled, seeing it somehow. "Kimble, yes. She's sleepin' somewheres. Been a while since I felt her, but she's still alive, I kin tells ya that much."

Remy paused here, considering. How would Asher know such a thing, and if he did, where would that place Kimble in time? Probably on a shelf in Dognan warehouse if he understood this correctly. The Clan would not have found him yet and Zander did not yet exist. It's possible this strange Siskan might have been able to know this, but how was a mystery. Remy was a little disappointed that Aiden would not describe Asher more clearly. He was a youth with a big grey Mark and a blended skin like Kimble's, that was it. Well, that and a Christian cross. How fucked up was that? Remy would have liked to know more. Aiden was telling some secrets, but not all.

It's creepy how Asher does that, reads your mind. I haven't figured out just how he does it, but I have never seen him do it to hurt anyone. It's only to help and that's why I trust him so much, even now. Of course we did not know this then.

Krishnak grabbed the bowl of fruit and flung it at Asher, not caring that the bowl itself was too big to pass through the bars. It made a great mess and noise and caused Asher to flinch and show his fear. Krishnak grinned, laughing now, convinced he'd gained an upper hand.

There was movement from the house and again I turned to see the Dognan Lord once more out on the porch. He came down the steps to the grass, moving closer, and we could all see his bright blue cavalry uniform. It meant nothing to me, but Krishnak was violently dislodged as Kain came back, full bore. He flung himself at the bars, ready to exact his revenge on this man. I didn't realize it right away, but it soon became apparent to me that this was no longer an issue of this man being Dognan, it was his flesh. Quishnalay had hurt us, the Muzla even more.. Then there was Meckland. They all had this in common, their being of the flesh. Their being Chuckfet.

The Dognan man halted immediately though he was in no danger. His green lion's eyes were open wide, clearly he had never seen such ferocity before and it made him nervous.

"Calls him down, Father," Asher said calmly, peering into the enclosure. "You knows I won't hurt yous."

"I know no such thing," Father retorted bravely. In spite of his words, it was clear Father was still afraid and uncertain as I was about this strange being who seemed to be able to see us ghosts. "If you think you're so powerful, Rogue, call him down yourself."

Asher sighed with impatience and then looked next at me. It seemed he saw something in me that I was not aware of. I wasn't strong, I was afraid. But he spoke to me just the same. "One of yous gots ta do it if yer ever gonna haves a chance at bein' really in control. Calls him down, Dreamer. There's more to ya than ya thinks."

"I'm scared!" I blurted out before I could help myself, I don't know why I was so honest, it was just something in Asher's eyes. The way he looked at me with such confidence, he made it so easy to trust him.

Asher nodded, vibrating love and encouragement at me. "It's okay ta be scared. Just try talkin' to him."

Yeah, right. Kain was still freaking out on the bars, foam flying his mouth now as he flailed, even biting the bars in his intense fear and hatred.

I cleared my throat. "Hey, Kain?"

He ignored me of course.

I cleared my throat a little louder. "Hey, berserker boy! Over here!"

Kain paused only briefly, just long enough to determine that I was a ghost and not much of a threat to his possession of the body. He returned to his histrionics and that was that. I shrugged my shoulders at Asher as if to say, What now?

Asher nodded at me for trying, acknowledging my effort, such as it was. "Maybe next time."

"To whom are you speaking?" the lion man said to Asher. Whoever he was, he had come still a bit closer.

I realized that this lion man was like everyone else and could not see anyone but Kain, and then only because he had the body. Asher was the only one who could actually see all of us.

Asher addressed the Dognan Lord, "He's broked up real bad, the worst I've ever seen. He's got like ten in there, maybe more, but he's different from the other Lushna-esk I've known. He sees them all separate, he sees them like they's ghosts. Not a one of 'em is real, but he thinks they is."

"I'm am too real!" I shouted out in my indignation, shaking with anger. I don't know what made me say it so boldly, it's just that I felt offended at the idea.

Asher smiled at me, pleased in some way. "If yer so shure then proves it, Dreamer. Come take what's rightfully yers. Come takes the body an' say hello to yer new Master. This is Trishnar. He sees us as real, Dreamer. He loves us."

"Liesz! All you szay isz liesz!" Kain howled in his broken voice, renewing his attack with more vigor. He was showing signs of damage now, his lips and nose were bleeding, his arms were covered in bruises. I wasn't sure if I wanted to feel that. I knew I would if I jumped in.

"It's only pain," Asher said kindly, ignoring Kain completely, refusing to give him any attention for his outburst. "It'll pass in the sun."

Ah, another reason to have us out here. In the sun we had a constant source of energy. We would not starve here as we had in Meckland's Lab.

"That's right, Dreamer. You gots nuthin' to lose. C'mon. Show me how strong ya are."

I had to admit, there was a power in those soft grey eyes. He made me feel that strength, he made me feel good.

"Careful, Dreamer," Father cautioned. "You don't know what he really wants."

I closed my eyes and leapt.

I was shocked by the sensation of plunging. I guess when I had tried to take the body before, I hadn't even been close. Now I felt like I was being squeezed uncomfortably tight. There was a sort of pop and then there I was, looking out of brand new eyes.

The difference in sensory input is hard to describe. Everything was sharper, clearer as if I was learning to see all over again. The colors were brighter, the scents so much keener. I could hear small animal noises now, the birds up in the trees all around us. If I had thought the garden was beautiful before, it was double that now, brilliant in its diversity of color and bright floral scents.

Of course, I also now felt the pain of Kain's abuse to the body. It was horrible and overwhelming, tearing sounds of agony from me like I have never heard. I staggered and sagged against the bars and immediately Asher was there, holding me up with his hands thrust through the bars. He was whispering to me, but I was entranced by the beauty of his angelic face and those sparkling grey eyes. No, now I saw that they were actually a steel blue. So lovely.

"There ya go, Dreamer. That's it," he said to me, showering me with vibrations of bliss and calm. I laughed giddily, drunk on it, but there was more to come. As he held my small body up with one arm, he lay his other hand on my chest, stopping my heaving breaths. When I had calmed enough, he began to trace small circles there on my chest, all the while drowning me in vibrations of love. It was then that I saw it, the sparkling, glittery Morrowhiem beginning to sparkle from his fingertip onto my skin. He was feeding me with it. My body shivered with sudden want, instinctively desiring this. I grasped at him, refusing to let him go.

The whole time he kept whispering, speaking to me so gently, saying words I hadn't heard in a long time. "Love you" and "help you" and "take care of you" and "no more pain." It was then that he worked his most special magic, the only Siskan I have ever known who could do such a thing. There was a surge of energy and the Morrowhiem seemed to suddenly flash as if ignited, and then I was climaxing right there in his arms. It was an intense release, it had been a while since Tillamay had lain with the body. The reality was that as the Dreamer I had not actually felt this before because I had never been in control of the body when it had happened. It was glorious, the most heavenly sensation there is. I tingled all over and shivered as wave after wave of tremors rocked my body and blew my mind. There was nothing particularly sexual about it, it was my body's reaction to the Morrowhiem. All the pain I had felt was suddenly gone and I was left with a euphoric high. I clung to him, my Asher, shaking with happiness.

"Huh, he didn't black out," Asher commented with some surprise.

"He won't. He's a Receiver," Trishnar said, daring to come a little closer now.

Even in my fog of bliss, I sensed his approach and was terrified. He could hurt me now in this body. He could do it at any time in any number of ways and no one would do anything to stop it.

"Easy, kitten," Asher replied, holding me tighter. (Yeah, he calls everyone kitten, though I don't know why. It would sound dumb coming from anyone else, but from him, it always sounds right.)

I didn't want Trishnar near me and even Asher couldn't stop me from pulling away. I freed myself and then ran back inside the shed, sliding underneath the bed for safety. "Get away! Leave usz alone!" I hissed, startled once more at the change in my voice.. It was broken as we were, that of a Kintay. I was used to this in the others who had held the body, but not in myself. I guess I would have to put up with it if I was to remain. A small price if being here allowed me to feel Asher's Morrowhiem again.

Trishnar came no closer though I could sense his disappointment. Good, let him feel some hurt. It was nothing compared to what we'd been through.

"Let me works with him a bit," Asher said to him. "He just needs some time."

Trishnar nodded and started to go, but Asher grabbed at him gently, tugging on one of his sleeves. Trishnar turned to him and they met in a strange sort of kiss, Asher pressing his cheek to the other's with implied intimacy. Of course the Dognan man would never be able to kiss the way we do, the shape of his mouth would never permit it. Still, Trishnar showed some surprise in his shine at Asher's gesture. It was like he and Asher only did this rarely and he was now being privileged to have it. Obviously Asher felt bad that Trishnar was hurt by my rejection of him and Asher was trying to make him feel better. It seemed to work. Trishnar smiled at him in gratitude and ruffed his hair, returning the kiss by giving Asher's neck a stroke with a long gentle swipe of his tongue, a lick that was far more the Siskan being tasted and savored.

It made me feel sick to see it. Trishnar was a filthy Chuckfet Master and didn't deserve Asher's love or his concern. Asher's gesture of submission only showed the truth of his words, Trishnar was now my owner as well. My life was in his hands as if he was some kind of god, his to do with as he pleased. Well, I'd be damned if I was going to suck up to him, I didn't care if he killed me! I hated him! I hated them all!

A small noise of disgust left me at what they had just shared and Trishnar heard it. His shine rippled with uncertain emotion, but he didn't press it. He brushed Asher's cheek with a furry, clawed hand and walked away, leaving us alone.

Asher looked at me. "It ain't like that. Not with him."

"Zey are all like zat I hate zem! I hate zem all!"

My anger surged and just like that I was booted out of the body. Kain had returned, but we were now so tired all he did was growl his hatred from our hiding place. As a ghost once more, I turned away from Asher not wanting to hear anything more, and drifted just past the walls of the shed to a bed of bright red roses. I sank down in them, my vaporous body not damaging them in the least and drifted away in a dream. No Masters for me, not now, not ever again, I thought, never realizing just how wrong I would be.

Trishnar gave Asher the time to work with us as promised. Kain didn't trust him, but when I saw that Grey Mark coming, I would try to take the body, eager for the Morrowhiem treatments Asher provided. I was becoming more and more successful at these attempts over time, the treatments were killing Kain's powerful rage and boosting my personal strength.

Asher would come to us, sometimes as often as twice a day and use the Morrowhiem on our body. It was powerful and addicting, leaving me in a blissful dream like state for sometimes up to an hour. It was just so nice to be wrapped in that sense of peace. I wasn't angry or afraid any more and it was such a relief. There are no words to describe just that simple sensation of feeling something close to normal. I couldn't get enough of it. I wanted it, I even dreamed about it, waking up shivering and hungry for more.

Asher was indulgent and patient with my cravings, never turning me down or using my wants against me. All the while he treated us, Asher spoke of our Master. He claimed Trishnar wasn't like anyone else, that he truly cared about his Siskans and in fact had a large number of us, some normal but a few Lushna-esk here and there. Of those in the Game, Trishnar now had three, myself included. He had learned of the Game and was horrified by it. He had vowed that if he ever came across any of us that were Marked, he would hide us away and keep us safe.

"What wasz disz Game?" I asked. Quishnalay had never told me any of this.

Asher began to explain. There were sixty of us or so, he was unsure of the exact number. Quishnalay had made us all in one batch, making us siblings. The goal was for us to all be scattered across this small galaxy and then sought after in a sick kind of scavenger hunt. Along the way, each of us was to find a special token or object, our Angels. These objects would eventually be combined into a Shalayesk machine, some kind of powerful thing, possibly a weapon. The Game players would seek us not for our own value, but for the eventual power that Shalayesk machine would provide. We, the Siskans, were not important, only our Angels. Among the clutch that was made, there were six Rogues. Asher and Kimble were among those six, as well as Mishnar who I remembered even now. The Rogues had been broken on purpose because with each breaking, they would grow in power.

This was what the Muzla and Meckland had been trying to do with me, Asher explained. The Muzla had done it to increase my strength and also to defeat the "no kill" clause that Siskans were required to have in place. Without that removed, we would never have been able to fight so efficiently. Meckland had done it to increase our powers even beyond what the Muzla had done and reveal hidden talents. Meckland had partially succeeded, I now had more abilities than before, though in reality, I would never be a Rogue in the real sense, my codes would not permit it.

Trishnar had been actively seeking Meckland for other crimes the wayward officer had committed, finding me was actually an accident though it was quite lucky for me. Fate, or Mar-yoo as Asher calls it, saved my scrawny Siskan ass and liberation came in the form of a Dognan King.

I grumbled at that, still uncertain. Yes, I was grateful to be away from Meckland, but I knew so little of Trishnar that I couldn't possibly trust him.

Asher went on to say that when Trishnar saw our sphere in Mecland's Lab, he recognized it for what it was - a Lushna-esk Courtesan so disturbed it had withdrawn into a shell - and the Dognan King flipped out in anger. This Master was special, one who cared for his Siskans and was enraged at the thought of any abuses against them. One glance at Quishnalay's notes and he knew that we were also special, that he'd found another piece in the Game. Trishnar slaughtered Meckland not just for his crimes, but for the cruelty he had enacted on me.

I shook my head. "Why would Trishnar care? 'E know not'ing of me."

"Cause that's how Trishnar is, kitten. Ya jus' gots ta give the guy a chance. He's gonna helps ya. He's already called the Games Master ta comes an' integrates ya."

I jumped back in horror, I couldn't help it. Integrate me? What did that mean?

"Don' be afraid," Asher said, trying to reassure me. "It ain't no big deal. You only ever wuz suppozta be one person. He's gonna helps ya do that."

"Fuck you!" I snarled, overcome with fear. I retreated to the shed and refused to come out, not even when Asher came inside the enclosure and tried to lure me out. I refused and scrambled under the bed again, shaking in my terror.

Asher didn't press me, but at the same time stayed by me the whole time, offering silent comfort with his presence.

I stayed there all night and the next day I had a visitor. As Asher had said, another Dognan man had arrived earlier that day, and was now unloading crates from his ship out to the grassy area next to my enclosure. The moment I heard the racket, I balled up tight in my refuge under the bed, refusing to let anyone see me. I grew more and more terrified with each box that came, with each machine that was taken out and set up in preparation for whatever horror this man had in store for me. Asher remained with me inside my cage, vibrating peace and asking for calm.

Finally, when the noise of all that construction had stopped, Trishnar came to my cage, bringing this newcomer with him. There was some discomfort in Asher's shine as he stood by and I got the idea that he disliked this man, but was doing his best to hide it, probably for my sake.

"Dreamer," Asher called to me. "This is Paladon, the Games Master. You don't knows him, but he's here ta helps ya."

I wasn't about to let this man near me. He was bigger than Trishnar and was clearly a Dognan man of high rank and lineage, he had the brown furry wings as Trishnar did. He also possessed not one ounce of love or compassion for me in his eyes or his shine. "Go away!" I screamed, my voice breaking. Impossible to describe the fear.

The Games Master made a face of impatience and started spouting out Command Overrides. My body obeyed in spite of my control of it, I collapsed to the floor and he came inside the enclosure, rudely shoving Asher out, and dragged me out onto the grass. I was helpless but completely aware, the most frightening thing you could imagine. I lost control of the body and some of the others tried jumping in to take over, but it was no use, we were paralyzed.

I was a ghost again now and as I drifted about, I saw Asher standing at a distance, shaking with emotion. He rubbed the large silver cross about his neck with his hands and was whispering to himself, his eyes closed as if in prayer. His shine was in shocking disarray, he was upset for me, but yet believed this was for the best. He loved me deeply but at the same time the process I was about to endure frightened Asher. He did not agree with it, not entirely, but he would not help me to stop it.

Trishnar stood with the Games Master who began to work on our body. He had made a small work area for himself, there were stacked computers and other devices in a semi circle, arranged for the sole purpose of correcting me. We were surrounded by these machines and never had we looked so much like them, those machines. It horrified me to see myself in this way, I had associated my condition with being closer to the flesh than to that of the computers around me. To this day I rebel against anything that reminds me that we were created by fleshly hands and not simply born as all other creatures are.

A question was asked by the Games Master and Trishnar deferred to Asher.

Asher stopped his whispering and looked right at me. "Aiden, the Dreamer. He's the one ya wants in control full time. He's the strongest."

"No, wait!" I shouted, but then it was too late. I was sucked down into the body and was a ghost no more. It was suffocating, being here against my will. I struggled but it was a waste of time, the body was still frozen and helpless. Commands were executed and code streamed through my mind. I think I screamed before I blacked out.

Remy paused here to consider what Aiden had written. One thing Kimble would never discuss was how it had felt during the integration process. Kimble had ultimately been thankful for it, but it had frightened him badly at the same time.

The choosing of the controlling personality here had intrigued Remy. It was interesting that the Dreamer personality had been selected to rule. In both Babette and Kimble, the Lover was chosen for their passivity and kindness. Did Talalanay not possess such a personality? Maybe it had been too badly buried or too weak perhaps, and that was why the Dreamer had been chosen. Krishnak and Kain would have left the body too aggressive. Krishnak was a lot like Zander and it was a slight nod to Remy's decision that having the Lover in control instead had been the proper choice.

When I awoke, everything was strange. I was comfortable at least, warm arms held me. I was in my shed and it was late evening now. A good thing, even the moonlight seemed overly bright and the sounds around me jumbled and confused.

"Relax, yer safe here," Asher whispered to me, keeping his voice very soft.

We were alone and it was very peaceful. We were curled up on the floor of my shed and leaning against one of the walls where we could peek outside. Asher would never have fit in my bed, but we were wrapped in thick warm blankets and snuggley cozy. I liked this.

Asher knew it and petted me gently. "We'll keeps it small here fer a while. Just till yer senses calm down. You should feels better in the mornin'. If yer up to it, we kin goes out fer a little. I could show you my place if ya likes."

"You 'ave your own placze?" I asked, somewhat disappointed that after all I'd been through this day, that my voice was still a mess.

"Yer voice won't ever change, it is what it is just likes mine. Ta answer yer question, yeah, I gots a place. Just like this one only a little bigger and it's open to the garden. I kin come an' go as I please. I gots lots of books and things. The Master is always bringin' me stuff from the different places he goes."

"Sztay wit me," I demanded, crushing myself against him. I had never felt so fragile.

"All night, kitten. I'll be here 'till yer ready ta be on yer own."

Remy nodded. It had been like that with Kimble, too, after the repair. He had held Kimble for a long while, the Siskan shivering against him the whole time. It took a few days before Kimble was himself again, but it had been worth it.

Asher stayed with me all night, I know this because it was just too hard for me to sleep, the day had been too eventful. It was pleasant just the same, feeling his arms wrapped tightly around me. When it was still and quiet, when he must have guessed I had finally fallen asleep, I heard him softly whisper as his hands gently stroked my hair.

"Now we lays us down ta sleeps

We prays the Lord our souls ta keeps

If we dies before we wakes.

We prays the Lord our souls ta takes.

"Lord, hear my prayer, " Asher continued softly in the dark, "This is m' brother Aiden. He's got some spit an' vinegar in him on account of all the hurtin's done ta him, but he gots a good heart, I kin feels it. Helps me helps him remember what it's like ta be loved, helps him find peace."

I had never heard such a prayer before. Sure the human Siskans had believed in Spirits, but I had never heard them pray like that. I myself did not believe in the Spirits, or rather I was angry with them for how we had been treated and for the terrible visions they sent me in my dreams. If they were so great and worthy of my love, why had they forsaken me to the life I had led? Still, I did not mind Asher's soft words, they were kind and full of love for me and this mysterious Lord.

My mind drifted, warm with Asher's comfort and his praises about me, something I had needed I guess, the idea that I was worth something to someone. He was right after all and by morning, I felt much better. The first thing I noticed was that the usual gaggle of ghosts had been significantly reduced in number. Most of them were gone, but Kain was still there. He and Father stood very close by while Talalanay and Krishnak were some distance away. They were fainter I suppose, less strong than they use to be. Sheema, the Afraid, was also close, whispering that we shouldn't venture out, but stay small and hidden.

Again Remy nodded. Really, if you combined those personalities, what you had was the Lover, the Punisher and Lin in their way. Aiden at that moment wasn't too far from where Kimble had been when he had been repaired. Gambit couldn't help but feel encouraged by the news and by what he had read so far. Kimble would be fine, Aiden would be fine, all they needed was a little patience. Remy rubbed his eyes and continued, eager to learn more.

Asher was good as his word and remained with us, staying very close as we ventured out and sat at our table. There was the usual stone cup of water and bowl of fruit. I was hungry and we ate from what our Master had offered, savoring every bite. The food tasted better since what Paladon had done, or my enjoyment was greater, I couldn't be sure. It was just better.

"You wanna takes a short walk?" Asher asked.

"How far?" I replied, looking around me nervously. I had nothing to fear, neither Trishnar nor the Games Master was anywhere in sight.

"Just a little ways. My house is just around the corner of the house."

I nodded eagerly, intensely curious about what Asher's living space might be like. My love for him had only increased by his kindnesses to me and I wanted to get to know him better. Asher used a key to let us out of my enclosure and held the door open wide for me, wanting me to walk out on my own. He would not see me forced out again. I was very nervous as I came out, reaching for him, but Asher didn't mind if I clung to him tightly. In fact, since I was so small, he next let me climb up on his back and he carried me, something very thrilling as he moved very quickly on four feet.

Remy blinked, unable to stop the smile of wonder. Climbed up on his back? Moving very quickly on four feet? Aiden hadn't wanted to spoil the surprise for Kimble, but it was Gambit now whose heartbeat had risen with anticipation and regret that Asher wasn't here now to be seen and felt for real. What did Asher look like? Why would Aiden keep it a secret? Was there really any hope that Asher wasn't turned over to Jael? Having no answers to these questions, Remy had no choice but to let it all go and return to Aiden's ramblings, hoping for more clues.

Asher took me to his shed, which was more like a barn actually. It was quite roomy with lots of bookshelves and cabinets. I had never seen so many books and strange objects in one place before. Asher was a seeker of knowledge and it was never more evident than in his living space. There were animal bones and skulls and test tubes about, small exotic birds and animals in cages. Wooden crates and storage boxes were stacked nearby, still leaking packing stuffing and just begging to be gone through and explored. One whole wall was made of a massive bookcase filled to overflowing, more books lay stacked about on the floor, most of them dogeared and bookmarked. It was like he was a closet librarian scientist, as if his mind was always curious, which in fact it is.

His furniture was also quite odd as I supposed it must be, he certainly couldn't use any of mine. The bed was a large platform covered with thick blankets and pillows and sprawling, looking all too inviting. I found myself relaxing, wanting to be in it and have Asher in it with me.

"You don't needs the treatments so much now, Dreamer," Asher said, knowing my mind. He was smiling now, but guarded as well.

"It waszn't all I had in mind," I said, unable to stop a shiver of excitement from rippling through me. It was true that as arousing as Asher's treatments were, this was the first time the idea of performing physical intimacy with someone else had even crossed my mind. I was healing.

Asher simply expanded that smile in his way. It's a secret smile he has, the one he hides behind. "There won't be any intimacy 'tween you an' me, Dreamer," he said to me, being very gentle about it. "Not likes that. Not now, not never. I cain't do that no more with anyone ever again."

I couldn't have been more shocked by his words. Asher didn't explain it to me at that moment, but he did later. He spared me the me the details, but what he said was chilling enough. Asher had once belonged to a jealous Master who had a large harem of Siskans. Asher had been well received and treated kindly, but when this Master thought Asher had an unnatural interest in his wife, he forced Asher into a skin that could never be used. Once Asher had been so punished, the Master finalized the deal by destroying Asher's third star. Asher will remain this way all of his life.

Remy closed his eyes, feeling Asher's pain. Just when he thought there was no end to a Master's cruelty, someone always managed to come up with a way to surprise him. Was there no end to the madness? Judging by what Aiden was saying, Asher had been forced into celibacy, a condition Kimble did not handle well, though what was in between the lines here was that Asher seemed to be decently enough. Trishnar had provided well for him and Asher had made his peace with it.

"But why can we not play?" I asked Asher in confusion, still looking over at his bed with longing. He had not yet explained his situation and I was stubborn as usual when it came to something I wanted. I didn't get it. "You fear disz szkin? I t'ink we bot' know we clever enough to work it out."

"No, Dreamer," Asher said firmly. "It's good yer thinkin' you kin be intimate again with others. It shows yer healin' and that makes me happier than I kin say. But it won't happen with me. I'll helps ya finds yer way as much as I can, but not likes that."

I frowned, displeased. It had seemed to me that physical intimacy would have to happen between us, the love he had given me with the Morrowhiem had been much too strong not to be acted upon. I backed off, not wanting to strain our friendship. In that moment, I still believed that in time I could help him overcome whatever was holding him back, to help him as he had helped me.

Silly me, for underestimating him. In all the time we've known each other, he has never once backed down. To this day I still don't understand his unwillingness to explore our options and I admit to being an ass about it at times. It was always a refusal with him. I kept pushing him over the days, but he never capitulated though I could see the red in his shine, my desire for him had aroused him and he was always fighting it. I was in the skin of a child and he was in the skin of a freak, but I was confident that we could still manage. I was a creative guy. But he wouldn't have me and my frustration grew as did my temper. I couldn't understand his refusal, even now I do not. When we began to argue about it, when he saw I wouldn't give up my pursuit of him, he withdrew the Morrowhiem treatments and began to push me towards Trishnar, hoping I would send my amorous inclinations that way.

It wasn't going to happen. I wanted nothing to do with the man. Not even when Trishnar had the Games Master come back and do some further work on my integration would I show him my thanks. Certainly intimacy was out of the question. My vow never to be owned in spirit if not in fact was still quite firmly in place.

I was however, getting better all the time. My emotions were better under control and I was calm enough to start to enjoy my place in this world. After a couple more treatments by the Games Master, my menagerie of ghosts had decreased significantly. I was now down to Father and Talalanay, ghosts that no treatments or code repairs have ever been able to make disappear. If anything they have become stronger than the vaporous ghosts that plagued us ever since the first time we broke. Now to me, they are solid and lifelike, as real as any fleshly creature, even though no one else around me can see or hear them. They are with me now and always will be, though I am firmly at the helm of this body, I will not be dislodged.

In spite of his continued refusals, I pursued Asher with renewed vigor, all the while ignoring his attempts to steer me Trishnar's way. I was healing and the Siskan Courtesan in side of me was trying to reassert itself. I was looking for someone to play with and he was the closest thing I had to a friend. Time and time again, he gently pushed me off. If I grew too belligerent, he would withdraw, punishing me with loneliness. It hurt, but I was always eager enough to see him when he returned. He would come back bearing gifts and whispers of how great Trishnar was, how I would enjoy him if I would only give him the chance.

Yeah, right.

Yes, I was growing sexually frustrated, but no amount of discomfort was going to change the fact that there was no way I would lay with a Chuckfet client or Master ever again, I was determined.

Of course the odds were against me and so was Asher. When I got out of hand with my attempts to seduce him, he left me alone completely for a while, stopping his visits and leaving me alone in my enclosure. I was never permitted out on my own, I had always been in his company. I was quite put out about this, I can tell you. Especially when he would stay away for longer and longer periods of time.

But I wasn't without visitors, you see. Trishnar was done being a sideline player.

To be continued in Transitions