Disclaimer: I am using characters created by Eoin Colfer and am not receiving money for writing this. Damnit.
But oh, there were so many words to be said, and Artemis broke his promise almost immediately. Normally, the Irish boy could be quite tight lipped, almost to the point of mute. When it came to keeping secrets, anyway. But he could not resist the jibes awaiting Butler when they returned to the hotel suite.
"Arty!" his mother exclaimed. "Where have you been? We have been waiting for you!" She hugged her son tightly, remembering all too well the last time she had lost him.
"Don't worry, mother," he assured her, "I was with Butler at all times. Though you really should keep your phone on, it makes contact much more effective."
"Oh," Angeline said, embarrassed. "I hadn't charged it. What a silly thing to do." She bit her lip. "I'm so sorry, my dear."
"It's all right. Butler and I were at the museum most of the time. But we found a few interesting sights on our walk back here. Didn't we, Butler?" He smiled, his lips curled in a mercilessly taunting sneer. Butler knew at once he was done for. "One thing in particular struck my fancy," Artemis continued. "I believe Butler appreciated it more than I, however. Care to share, Butler?"
"No," he said shortly, sitting on a flowery armchair and unstrapping his shoulder holster.
"We discussed this," Angeline chided him. "I said no weapons, and I meant it. Put it in your room so I can't see it. This is supposed to be a happy trip, a family vacation. What sort of holiday involves weapons?"
"My apologies," Butler said, and meant it sincerely. There was no chance he would not have a weapon on him at all times, that was a given. But he had promised Mrs. Fowl she would not see one on him, and she had.
"Mother," Artemis interrupted, "where's Juliet?"
Butler's eyes went wide. Juliet, his one and only baby sister, could see right through him as though he were a mere pane of glass. She also had a knack for getting him to admit things he did not like to admit. Artemis intended on pulling out the big guns. That was just completely unfair.
"Juliet is in her room, I believe," Angeline told her son. "Your father and the twins are napping in the master bedroom." She smiled fondly at the notion of her dear husband and her two youngest children. "Tell me," she said, her voice lowered so as to let sleeping babes lie, "where did you go today? I want to know all about it."
It was at that moment that Juliet entered the suite common room from her bedroom, fresh faced and smiling. She gave a happy wave to Artemis, looked at her brother and grinned. "What happened to you?" she asked, her voice full of mischief.
"It's quite an amusing tale," Artemis assured her. "Shall I divulge it, or shall you?" The boy smiled at his manservant. The manservant didn't seem pleased.
"What is it?" Angeline demanded. "Tell me."
"Butler made an acquaintance on the street this afternoon. They are having a meeting tonight."
"Oh, no," the lady Fowl sighed. "No business meetings. This is a family vacation, remember?" She looked quite crestfallen.
"No, not a business meeting, I assure you." Again, Artemis smiled. It was not often a pretty sight when he did, because for much of his youth his smile was foreboding to great acts of deviance.
Juliet caught on at once. It had been puzzling her, this strange look on her brother's face. Now she understood. "You've met a girl, haven't you?" Her grin was wide and excited. "When do we get to meet her? What's her name?"
"Her name is Paige," Artemis informed them. "And he and I are to make arrangements for a meeting tonight."
"A date?" Angeline said, trying not to look too amused by it all. "That's wonderful. What's she like?"
"She's pretty," Artemis explained. "A bit eccentric, but holds her own appeal I suppose. Quite, ah, frank, I believe is the word I'm searching for."
"Pushy," Butler mumbled.
"How sweet," Angeline Fowl marveled. "I'm so glad for you. But Arty, why are you going along?"
He had been about to tell his mother there was no way Butler would have left him alone after what had happened, but decided not to bring up the dreaded subject again. "Moral support?" he suggested.
"That's cute," Juliet interjected. "You have a girlfriend, big brother."
"No," Butler told her defensively. "It is a one time meeting."
"Well I think it's lovely," Angeline told him, patting his broad forearm gently. "I'm very happy for you." She gave his clothing a scrutinizing inspection. "Is that what you plan to wear?"
"No," he admitted sheepishly. He knew, no matter what he called it, his combat boots, black canvas jeans and dark green t-shirt (his civilian clothes, per order of Mrs. Fowl) would not be acceptable on his date.
Juliet took a seat beside Angeline and they whispered to one another for a good half hour on Butler, his love life, and how romantic it was that, despite his ominous presence, this girl had marched up to Butler and insisted on a date. Butler overheard as little as he could of their conversation as he could manage.
"Artemis," he whispered, keeping a wary eye on the giggling females.
His employer knew at once what he wanted. "You believe this girl is a set-up for us?" Butler nodded. "Spiro?"
"Perhaps," the Eurasian grunted. "But how would he know we were here?"
"This wasn't exactly a covert operation, was it? The entirety of Fowl Manor on vacation. As my father has turned himself a new leaf, I don't suppose he'd bother with making his travel plans surreptitious."
"So the question remains, Artemis, are we going tonight?"
Artemis smirked. "Well, you shall be, certainly. Paige would be most disappointed."
Butler, in a rare instance, rolled his eyes at his employer. "Fine, then, should I heavily arm myself?"
"As heavily as you like, I suppose. Whatever will make you feel more… appealing."
Again, the eyes rolled. "For goodness sake, Artemis, I was not the one who wanted to go in the first place."
"I didn't force you to say yes, did I? That was of your own accord."
Butler did not continue this conversation because it was true. He had said yes. When you got down to the nitty-gritty of it, it was just so very, well… flattering. He had accepted early in life that romance was hardly an option for his life. But that didn't mean everyone else had to accept it as well. When was the last time someone had even asked? He thought hard while fishing for Paige's number in his pocket. Never. No one had ever just come up to him and claimed an interest. Of course, he made it very clear through mannerisms and facial expressions he had no interest in being approached. This, most of all, is what made Paige a threat. She seemed to have no problem with his imposing manner. Certainly she hadn't approached him on her own accord. No.
Butler decided that this was the case- she was a hired man. Or, well, woman. Her nonchalance and somewhat ditzy personality was an act. A good one, granted, but an act. He would never let on that this idea disappointed him. As he dialed the numbers and waited for an answer, he thought to himself the last thing he would need was for Juliet and Angeline to start setting him up with women.