Shotgun

The wedding was really… quick, Akane thought absently as she stared at her sleeping husband.

Husband; the word wasn't alien to her, not after three years of hearing the promise of it over and over. Well, that promise had been kept, whether she had wanted it or not.

She had, of course – maybe not so soon after college started, maybe not so early in her comparatively short life, but she had wanted it, someday. Maybe today was the right day for it, maybe it wasn't, but whatever sort of day it was it had ended with a ring on her finger. And Ranma, of course; it had ended with Ranma.

Akane shifted to lie on her back and stared up at the ceiling. She listened to the sound of Ranma's breathing, and was surprised he wasn't snoring. She'd heard him snore before— Akane frowned suddenly and looked over at him again. He was sleeping next to her, in a queen-sized futon that their fathers had set up in the Saotomes' old bedroom. He was in girl form. She hadn't even asked him to change.

"Ranma…!" Akane hissed quietly.

The boy-girl cracked an eye open and turned his head to face her. "Yeah?" he said softly. Akane absently wondered when she had ceased to refer to girl-Ranma as a "she."

"You are awake, then." He nodded a little sheepishly. Akane turned away from him, not willing to look him in the eye as she spoke. "We've been married for almost eight hours, and you… and we," Akane faltered, feeling her face heat; she wasn't really sure what was on her mind, but she was positive of what was in her heart; the only problem was translating those feelings into words, something she just couldn't seem to do. "We should be happy, shouldn't we? I mean, it's over."

Ranma snorted inelegantly, a noise that sounded rather feminine and silly in his female falsetto. "I dunno, Akane. Whatever." Akane frowned, anger bubbling up in her stomach and threatening to erupt from her throat in a slew of angry words; actually, she really just wanted to vomit. She had been wanting to all day. She felt sick to her stomach over this, this marriage; it was like she'd forced herself on him in a way that Shanpu, Ukyou and Kodachi never had.

But Akane hadn't asked for the wedding. When she'd shown up at the house that weekend, it was just to visit with her family. She missed her father at college, and just wanted to come down for the weekend, to spend a day with him.

She'd called ahead, her first mistake. When she'd arrived, Akane had gone into the dojo first, just to look at it for a minute. Her second mistake; she was greeted by a huge crowd of silent people, all staring at her with huge shit-eating-grins on their faces, and a makeshift alter, complete with a very bored-looking priest. Thirty minutes and several shouting matches later, she and Ranma were husband and wife. She was no longer a Tendou, but a Saotome.

Akane didn't even get the chance to ask Ranma how his parents had cajoled him into traveling all the way home from college.

She looked over at him again, watched his eyes squinting up at the ceiling. "Look, Ranma, I just meant that we don't have to deal with Shanpu and Kodachi anymore," Akane said tightly, deliberately not mentioning a certain okonomiyaki chef, "I mean, Shanpu will probably go back to China, and Kodachi has to give up now."

He sighed and rolled over onto his side, facing her. "Yeah," he paused, picking at the coverlet with his small fingers, "whatever."

Akane let out a huge sigh of frustration and rolled over herself, putting her back to him. "Fine; I just thought we should talk about it. We never seem to talk about anything else; I thought 'Hey, why not give it a go!' But I can see you don't want to cooperate…!" silence forced a wedge a mile wide between them. Akane's back felt very cold, and she wondered if it Ranma was glaring at her, but she was too mad herself to care if he was angry.

"Akane… Okay, let's talk about it," she didn't roll over right away, hoping in vain that he might apologize, "please just look at me…!"

Akane did as he asked, before he shut her out again, and their eyes met and held. "I just—" "It's so—" they both started talking at the same time, and then clamped their mouths shut.

"You first," Akane offered, propping herself up on her elbow. It made her feel a little more confident to have her head above Ranma's, she wasn't sure why.

Ranma cleared his throat nervously and tugged at his pigtail. Akane had always found the gesture cute; it was like he was checking to see if it was still there – which was perfectly reasonable, judging by who their principal had been. "Well, I guess I'm not unhappy, I'm just… kinda…" Ranma sat up as he spoke, moving his hands about helplessly as he tried to describe his feelings, something she knew he wasn't very good at. She smiled bitterly; something neither of them was very good at.

Akane sat up, too, and took one of his hands, mostly to get his attention, but also because she just liked holding his hand, even when he was a she. "Look, Ranma. Just because we're married doesn't mean we have to act like it," he looked at her, puzzled, and she elaborated, blushing and trying to keep the quaver out of her voice, "that is, I mean, we don't have to, you know, live in the same room or anything, you know, at school, and we don't have to… have to…" Akane trailed off, letting his hand go to make a sort of circling motion with hers as she tried to come up with a euphemism for the thing she so desperately did not want to discuss with him.

Ranma ducked his head a little and raised an eyebrow, waiting expectantly. The look on his face was so innocuous and annoying, that Akane finally half-snarled out her answer just to get him to do anythingelse but stare at her. "Be… intimate with each other, okay…!"

He stared at her for a minute longer, confused, and then his eyes became the size of saucers, and his mouth formed a little "o". "Oh, right, yeah," he looked pained for a minute, and rubbed the back of his head awkwardly, "yeah, sure, I mean that's cool, if you want." He cleared his throat again, head bobbing up and down in assent.

Akane huffed and flopped back down into bed. "Is that it, then?" she asked airily, feeling a little put-upon.

Ranma grunted and snuggled down underneath the covers. "Guesso," there was a long, pregnant pause, and Akane thought he was going to say something important, but all that came out was, "'Night, Akane." She sighed and draped the back of her arm over her eyes. She was sure there was something else he wanted to say, but he just wouldn't… out with it, and Akane knew she couldn't very well force him.

"'Night Ranma."

She listened to his quiet breathing for a time, and blushingly relished in the feeling of him just laying next to her, his heat traveling through the blankets warm her. He was very still, and the space between them was vast, but she felt closer to him than she ever had in that moment. It wasn't because they were married now, or even because they were in the same bed; it was because they were both reaching for sleep. It was a silly thing, really, such a small excuse for a connection, but it was there.

And Akane wanted to keep it.

"Ranma," she paused, waiting for him to acknowledge her. After a while he made an "hmm" noise, so she continued talking. "Is there something you want to say? I won't… get mad or hit you or anything, I… I promise." She couldn't bear to look at him, as she could feel his body tense with terror or panic or whatever he was feeling.

"Wuh… um…" he sucked in a breath, let it out slowly, "yeah, there's some stuff I wanna say."

Akane's pulse quickened and she could actually feel her heart thudding in her chest; blood rushed through her ears and she fought to keep from shaking. "Well, you can tell me, you know, I mean, that is, if you want." She felt a sudden sense of urgency; what Ranma was going to say was important, she just knew it.

She felt him roll over, and then the weight shifted and she knew he'd left the bed. Akane sat up quickly, but she saw him standing at the foot, arms folded across his chest. Relief washed through her; what she had thought he was doing, she didn't know.

Ranma rubbed the back of his neck and sighed, tilting his head back and popping the bones in his neck loudly.

When he spoke, his voice was very quiet, even quieter than normal because he was a she. "Akane, I'm not… I'm not sure what I want. I mean, your compromise is nice an' all, that's real… nice… of you." He fiddled with his pigtail, and Akane could see his face redden, even in the dark. "But there are so many things I thought… that we'd talk about, y'know, before we got married," her heart soared; he'd been thinking about them being married, in that way, her way, "but we never got a chance." He frowned and left the room suddenly. Akane tensed, wondering if she should follow him – the way he left was not in anger, so she assumed he was coming back.

She heard the sound of running water, and then heavier footsteps than those that left returned a male Ranma to her. After closing the door and locking it, he got back into bed, deliberately not looking at her. Only once the covers were settled over his lap did he finally look her in the face. "I don't want no interruptions," he said firmly, "not from anyone in the house, or from you, okay?" Akane nodded, mouth shut tight; she would never speak again if he said what she wanted to hear.

Ranma visibly steeled himself there in the dark; Akane could see the muscles in his jaw tighten. "Akane, I… like you, a lot," he smiled a little shyly, "I mean, y'gotta have figured that out by now, an' there ain't no point in lyin' anymore." Akane had to do everything short of clamping a hand over her mouth to keep from squealing; one day he'd say it, but "I like you" was positively musical for now.

"I like you an' I ain't unhappy that we're married, an' all. I'm just," he started talking, very quickly, as if afraid he was going to lose his nerve if he didn't just spill it all out at once, "I don't know how to do this, you know? I don't got any experience bein' a husband; I barely even have any experience bein' a boyfriend. I mean, we've never even been even sorta i-intimate so I don't even know what that's like or what I'm missin' or how that affects us. I don't know what I want or what… I don't know. I don't not wanna be married to you I just don't know if I wanna be married." Akane's first instinct was to angrily shout "well what do you know" but she beat that one into submission and waited, hoping he'd open up some more. However, after a long silence, it seemed he was spent.

"My turn?" he nodded sheepishly, shaking all over like a small, frightened rabbit. Akane felt a strong sense of maturity and responsibility; she felt, suddenly, that this was a turning point for her and him. There would be many of these points, but this one was crucial, she knew it was. In her heart of minds, she knew.

"Ranma, I like you too," he looked over at her, and smiled in such a handsome way that she suddenly wanted to kiss him, but she held back; she had to say what she had to say first, "and I'm not unhappy with our situation, either. I don't know what I want, but I know what I don't want." She took in a deep breath, like he had done, and let it out in a shaky stream before she spoke again. "I don't want this— us, to end, I want to stay the way we are— married, I mean," her hands were twisted very tightly into the sheet, so she let it go and started nervously smoothing the wrinkles out, anything to keep her eyes away from his, "and most of all I want you to be happy, w-with me. I mean, I can't cook or do anything that's expected of a wife, but I still want to make you happy. I made that compromise a moment ago because I thought that's what you wanted, but I didn't really ask what you wanted, so— so we should talk about that."

Akane dared a glance at him; he was watching her, a very neutral expression on his face, but he was still shaking a little. She stared him in the eyes now, as she spoke again. "I know you said you don't know what you want, but maybe we could find out, together?" she spoke hopefully, and without really realizing it she'd taken his hands again. They were warm and calloused, and they clung to hers tightly, as if afraid she was going to go somewhere.

…

What did he want? Ranma stared into her eyes, or what he could see of them in the dark, and felt his hands shaking in hers, felt his muscles twitching with nervousness, and his tightening diaphragm forcing the breath out of his lungs in quiet, shuddering bursts. Their faces were a foot apart, and the distance suddenly started to lessen, and then they were kissing. Ranma wasn't really sure what had happened, but he was sure that this was the best on-purpose-kiss they had ever shared. Neither knew what they were doing, really, but they felt it out, and when the kiss ended they were both breathless and shaking.

He'd heard from the boys at university stories about how they'd kissed a girl and suddenly something left them, and they were all over her before they knew it, like white on rice. Ranma had understood what they meant, but had of course translated it into a form he could understand easily, like martial arts. They'd laughed at him, shaking their heads knowingly.

Ranma sort of understood better what they'd been saying now, but he wasn't really willing to give it up yet. Something in him was stronger than something else in him and he held back, just gripping her hands, his lips a few inches from hers so that he could feel her breath against his.

"Ranma, I…" Akane trailed off and hung her head. He looked at the crown of her head, and then found himself pressing his forehead against it, and then his cheek. Akane cried out and wrapped her arms around his waist, as though she was trying to burrow into him. She mumbled things into his chest, and her hot breath was mapping a path down his abdomen to his groin, and making every part that it touched tingle and shiver. He held her tightly to him, gripping the back of her night shirt with his hands.

Ranma had no idea what was happening. He felt like something important was transpiring, something on the level of saving his Akane's life from Saffron. He felt that, if he didn't do this right, however, that he'd lose her, for good. Of course, he was just being dramatic, but what else could he be but dramatic? This was serious business.

"Akane… Hey, look at me," Akane lifted her head, slowly, until she was looking him in the eye, "I…" he suddenly realized he had no idea what he wanted to say, so he said what he thought would be the best thing to say at that moment. "You're really cute, Akane— a-and beautiful." It was lame and silly, but apparently Akane liked it enough to shout his name and bury her face in his chest again.

And, yes, he decided, he liked having her there.