Save me from Dispair, a bleach fanfic

XXXX
Prison gates won't open up for me
On these hands and knees I'm crawlin'
Oh, I reach for you
Well I'm terrified of these four walls
These iron bars can't hold my soul in
All I need is you
Come please I'm callin'
And oh I scream for you
Hurry I'm fallin'
XXXX

Shiro wasn't jealous, not at all. But still, the fact that Rukia had Ichigo irked him so bad, that he was usually ready to commit himself to suicide. He hated it. Rukia had the one person in the whole world HE wanted. Not that the orange haired teen would notice this. He was so wrapped up in talking to the raven to notice the pain growing on that white pale face the usually cocky teen wore.

Why did everyone else but him get happiness? Why?

And for the love of all that's freakin' great did Rukia have what it took to get Ichigo?!

He sat in his usual spot, away, far away, from the orange haired Kurosaki as possible. The raven wrapping her arm around the boy's neck and both leaning in for the very thing that made Shiro want to hop over the table to kill the older girl shinigami. The kiss. Why...why did he have to be tortured like this.

"Hey, Ichigo," he snarled, stopping them before they could finish. "Can you save that bullshit for later?"

The pale boy just stared for a moment, then nodded. The raven looking a little disappointed, which made Shiro's day all the sweeter.

"Hey, Shiro," the orange haired teen said, frowning, his permanent-frown. "You wanna join us at the club later?"

'That's where you disappear off to until one in the morning? You idiot. I wake you up in time for school too.'

He simply shrugged. "I guess."

Rukia's eyes steadied on Shiro for a moment, then grinned. "You know...I could ask Renji to come, he hasn't been out clubbing for weeks." Ichigo's chocolate eyes beamed, nodding, but his expression not showing what his eyes were. "You still like him, don't you, Shiro?"

The white haired teen scowled, standing and shaking his head, while walking away and into the kitchen.

'It's that time again...' he thought bitterly, picking up a knife and hovering it over his left wrist, cuffing the long-sleeved shirt up, revealing the criss-crosses, slashes, and deep cuts he inflicted on himself when he realized Ichigo was going out with Rukia. 'Again...and again, it's a never-ending cycle.'

He violently slashed at his skin, biting his lower lip to keep the hiss of pain from escaping. Thick dark crimson blood seeping out slowly, trickling down his ivory colored skin. Seeing it made him lean against the wall, loving and relishing in the pain, welcoming it as he hacked even deeper.

'A never-ending cycle of pleasurable pain.'

He began to cackle, throwing his head back as he stumbled forward, dropping the blood covered blade as his vision fell blurry, tumbling over to the sink, laughing. The two in the other room confused, so volunteering, Ichigo ran in, gapping at the blood on the ground, the blade laying there, stabbed into the ground, following the small trail of blood to outside.

"R-Rukia, I'll be back in a few minutes!" he shouted over his shoulder as he ran after his bloody counterpart.

Still bleeding, Shiro walked almost all the way to Urahara's, but was slammed against the wall by some hobo, maybe a horny person, or maybe...some prostitute. He didn't know, nor could he see. But once his golden eyes snapped up, he saw that it was indeed a horny person, er...man.

"Hello," he breathed, panting heavily, the heavy stench of alcohol lingering on his breath as he spoke, making Shiro scrunch up his nose in disgust, "what's a...hot thing like you doin' out here?"

'"Thing"...'

He hated being called that more than anything. It was worse in his rules than someone calling him a homosexual.

"Get off..." he snarled, placing his hands on the man's chest, trying to shove him away. "I hate people like you! So get the hell off!!"

But he wouldn't. He ground against Shiro, making him wince, a soft blush on his face.

"No! Get off me!" he shouted, biting the man's arm. "Get off!!"

Blood dripped from the bitten site, but he wouldn't release, he only slammed his body against Shiro's, making him gasp, releasing the bitten flesh, his lips being caught by the taller form's own.

'No...no...no!'

"Shiro!!" Ichigo's voice called, making Shiro's golden eyes widen, relief washing over him as he bit the man's tongue, kicking him off, his blood covering the pale form's face once he slapped him. "Shiro!"

He looked up at Ichigo, seeing him stand there breathless, relieved that the white duplicate was all right. But, once his eyes landed on the bleeding wrist, he walked over, kicking the man away, claiming the wrist into his hands, lifting it up and glaring at the white look-a-like.

"What is this?!" he screamed, squeezing the wound, making Shiro twitch from pain as he clenched his eyes shut. "Answer me! What is this?!"

XXXX
Heaven's gates won't open up for me
With these broken wings I'm fallin'
All I see is you
XXXX

"It's nothing!" he shouted, his eyes snapping open and glaring at Ichigo. "It's nothing, all right?! He cut me! That's all!!"

The orange haired teen released him and ripped the sleeve to his shirt off wrapping it around the slit wrist, looking at Shiro with a serious look as he frowned. "Be more careful you idiot, this place isn't as welcoming as my family."

'Which I was apart of...and is slowly breaking apart from...'

"There," he huffed, standing up, satisfied, "finished."

Shiro looked away with a deep frown, his eyes brimming with tears. "What...whatever." he chocked. This caused Ichigo to blink as he looked at him with a quirked brow. "Just go...I'm...I'm sure Rukia...wants to get a report on..." He dropped his head, covering his face with his left hand. "On why I was fucking missing!!"

XXXX
These city walls ain't got no love for me
I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story
And oh I scream for you
Come please I'm callin'
And all I need from you
Hurry I'm fallin'
XXXX

Tears slipped down his cheeks as he bit his lower lip, trying to hold them in, but they wouldn't stay, they just poured out of his eyes rapidly.

"Shiro?" Ichigo slowly spoke, going toward him, only to be shoved away. Hitting the ground with a loud thud, glaring up at Shiro to see that his golden eyes shone with anger, resentment, hate, and even...love. Hurt was most of the emotions the orange haired teen could see. "What the hell?! Why'd you push me?!!"

"I hate you!" he cried, wiping the tears away. "I hate you, Ichigo, I...want you to die! I-I fucking hate you!!!"

'I hate you because you don't see me staring at you, watching you, trying to take care of you...I try my hardest, Ichigo, why can't you see that!!?'

"W...what?" the eldest Kurosaki sibling stuttered, staring at the teen. Seeing him fall to his knees in front of him, his arms outstretched and his head hung down, the almost visible liquid tears falling onto the gravel. Sitting up and looking at Shiro to see that he clenched his hands tightly, causing his left to bleed all over again. "Shiro, calm down, tell me what's wrong."

He reached over to place a hand on his shoulder, but Shiro just jerked away, glaring at him with those golden eyes.

"Just go to her! Go to that damn bitch!"

Ichigo blinked, slowly understanding what was going on.

XXXX
Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
And say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me
XXXX

"Why don't you marry her, King?!? Huh?! Go ahead, I ain't stoppin' ya!!"

He had stopped calling him King after living with them for maybe ten days, so something had to be seriously wrong for Shiro to call him that name, the name that made him cringe, again.

"Shiro, calm down!"

"No! I won't! I ain't gonna! Try to stop me! I dare ya!!" he screamed, standing and the blood dripping to the ground slowly. "Try...to stop me..."

'Why...?! Why does she get him?! Why?!!!'

"Shiro...are you..." he stared, walking up to him after standing, not getting pushed away. "...jealous of Rukia?"

'Why did she get the one thing I've wanted so badly in my entire life?! I'd die for him...let him violate me for all I care...but why...why did she get him!!??'

"Yes! I'm jealous!! Ya happy now King?!"

Ichigo looked taken back. "Y-you..."

XXXX
Hurry I'm fallin'
And all I need is you
Come please I'm callin'
And oh I scream for you
Hurry I'm fallin'
XXXX

'Please...just leave me alone...'

He backed away from Ichigo, turning and running away as the orange haired teen cursed under his breath, chasing after the look-a-like.

"Shiro! Stop!" he called.

The ivory colored teen veering over his shoulder, gasping once he was tackled down by the orange haired teen.

"Stop running away from me, Shiro!" he shouted. Flipping the reluctant form over, sitting on top of him, his legs on both sides of Shiro's hips. Grasping the collar to the white form's shirt, jerking him up, frowning. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?!"

"Leave me a-"

Before he could finish, Ichigo's lips were on his, wide golden eyes staring in shock as Ichigo shut his brilliant brown ones.

'This...can't be real...'

Parting slightly, Ichigo opened his eyes with a wide grin. "You don't even know how long I've wanted to do that."

"W-what?"

"Oh, c'mon, you thought I didn't realize you watching me, staring at me? Please...anyone would be able to tell."

"But...Rukia-"

"Tch, she can go, since I know you like me that way."

"I-Ichigo...why...didn't you tell me?" he stammered.

"Well," Ichigo shrugged, "I didn't think you liked me that way, so I was being careful."

"You sadistic little bastard."

"Heh, but you're mine," he grinned, shutting his eyes while holding his teenaged long-time friend close, which was now his boyfriend. "Sorry...I didn't tell you." Shiro shut his eyes and buried his face into the teen's chest.

"Shut up..." he whimpered. He parted a bit and looked up at the eldest Kurosaki sibling. "Ichigo...I...love you."

"I love you too, Shiro."

XXXX
Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me
Hurry I'm fallin'
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me
XXXX