Title: Belief

Pairing:Slade/Terra, Terra POV

Notes: Another monster Teen Titans one shot. Rated T for language and adult situations (I sound like a TV rating system.) Creepy. You have been warned. I don't care if it sucks, I've been meaning to write this for forever.

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans

I had this belief that there were only two ways to describe sex; You're either having sex, or you're fucking. I don't want to sound crass, but I really thought that that was all there was to it. Even when I was younger, living in my first group home, I couldn't listen to the other girls in my dormitory gush about growing up, having a home of their own, getting married and having kids. Of any child I'd talk to, you'd think that these girls would be the ones to tell me that there is no such thing as "true" love. We had the beginnings of our lives to show us that. We had been left behind or otherwise ignored; I had no faith in any of that bullshit.

I kept this in mind when I first met the Titans, when Beast Boy first started to drool over me. He was no better than those girls I knew, he was hoping I could settle down with him or whatever. While I admit to having a crush on him, I didn't really have time for any of that love bullshit. And besides, as naive as I seemed, I knew what he really wanted.

Slade understood my point of view much, much better than those teenagers could have. In this way, I was a bit more mature. I had control issues with my powers, and I knew my hormones were giving me trouble, but at least I understood what all of this was really about. I had learned to share myself with Slade so that he might help me more. My memories, my emotions, everything. It became part of the meditation process as I learned to better control myself.

I shared my theory with Slade a couple of weeks after I began to live with him. Initially, he thought I was joking, but I as began to explain he realized how serious I was about the issue. I didn't believe in love then, so there wasn't any reason to get worked up over much. I didn't worry about the meaning behind the next few days when Slade and I shared more, when he kissed me, when he touched me. There was no meaning behind it, so I had no reason to overreact. The first time we had sex was just that: sex. Yes, he tried to as carefully as possible not to hurt me and all that, but it didn't matter. He had hurt me worse before.

Then there was one night...It was a week after my first time, and I had just finished my day of training with Slade a half hour early. I was going to take advantage of this by showering and relaxing for the rest of the night, and that plan seemed to work out fine until I was done with my shower. Since I didn't have a bathroom of my own, I had to use one out in a side hallway.

The water had been shut off for some time, and I was paying extra attention to my hair in the mirror. I was using a comb and brush to try out different parts in my hair, hiding one eye, then the other. I still had just a towel wrapped around me when Slade walked in.

I realize now that it was a mistake; the water was off and there was no vent, so he couldn't have heard me. He was just looking for one of the extra towels that are kept in this particular bathroom. He hid his surprise so well I thought he knew I would be in there, as if I was waiting. So I didn't think anything of it when he moved closer to me, leaning down, and I let the hand that was holding my towel up relax a little...I heard the door click shut just before he kissed me.

We had sex again, but something was different this time. He was still as gentle as before, as if he knew he could break me. I let him kiss me and touch me everywhere, I let him lower me to the ground. It didn't hurt as bad as it had before, and we were taking our time. I didn't feel as distant as before, when I was trying to get away from the pain and what the act might mean to me...but not now.

I felt closer to him, I felt...something stronger than before, it was almost too much. Before, when every kiss was something I was trying to get away from, when I was ignoring any significance, it was different. This spontaneous rush was too much to ignore. I let every kiss make me shiver. I returned everything so fiercely I surprised myself. It was overwhelming, and everything was tightening up and for one moment I couldn't breathe...

It was the most intense thing I'd ever felt.

In that moment, I felt...everything. Everything seemed to stop, and when our eyes met all I could do was gasp for air. I closed my eyes and whispered his name, reveling in the sensation.

When I could think clearly again, my whole body felt slick with sweat, my damp hair was plastered to the tile floor, and I knew I'd discover a few new hickeys, if I checked in the mirror. I kept my eyes closed for a minute, knowing that Slade was still watching me. I sat up and shifted myself so that we were kneeling together, hyper aware of my sore muscles. I didn't expect him to, but Slade held me upright with one hand on my back, and I let my head rest in the space between his neck and shoulder, where I had left my mark on him.

Everything was different now, but this idea didn't scare me anymore. After all, hadn't I shared everythign else with Slade before? I could try to pass this off as such...but we both knew what had changed.

Eventually we heard Wintergreen walk by and we listened to him pause by the door. He reminded me in a quiet voice that Slade did not like it when I took hour-long showers, so I should wrap it up fast. I had to smile, and I could swear that Slade chuckled after we heard Wintergreen walk away.

I went to him later on, and fell asleep in his bed for the first time after we had sex. I knew I couldn't wake up to see him, or I wouldn't (with his sleeping patterns as odd as they were), but it didn't matter. I know that we aren't in love, but that doesn't matter to me. Because of him, I understand what people mean when they say making love

I blame what time it is (12 AM WTF), fanart and watching TT Terra-centric episodes on YouTube. Review if you'd like