Title: A Hero For Sale

Author: Lady FoxFire

Pairing(s): None

Rating: PG-13

Setting: Post Transformers - 2007 Live Action

Warning: Do not eat while reading

Category(s): Comedy

Summary: What do you get when you mix slavery, aliens robots and miscommunications?

Disclaimer: I don't own the Transformer universe nor any of the character from the Live Action Movie because if I didn't there won't be so many plot holes in the second movie and no way in hell would Sam send Bee away.

Bad Author Notes: Okay I will admit I'm less than pleased with the last section of this chapter but it's what my Muse wanted. When I tried to argue with her she walked away with a smile and a wave of course she came back with a bunnie so who am I to argue.

It was nearing midnight as a yellow Chevy Camaro followed by a black SUV drove up the dirt road to the outlook. Pulling to a stop in front of a semi, a black truck and a rescue hummer, the car doors opened and the passenger quickly got out; Sam from the Camaro and Simmons and Mikaela from the SUV.

"I still don't understand why you make Mikaela ride up with Simmons," Sam said as the driver side door swung shut.

Bumblebee quickly transformed. Looking down at his friend he said, "Because she's the one who put you in danger," as he crossed his arms over his chest.

Mikaela glare at the Autobot scout. "Sam was never in any danger!"

Bee turned his back to her with a snort as the other Autobot's transformed.

"Sam, it's good to see you again," Optimus Prime said after transforming before turning this less than welcoming attention to the other two humans. "Simmons. Mikaela."

Mikaela cringed under the unfriendly scrutiny of the Autobots as she scooted closer to Sam.

"Optimus," Simmons replied with a nod unaffected by the cool attitude from the Autobots. "Have any luck with Barricade?"

"Unfortunately no," Optimus replied. "He was able to escape capture."

Simmons nodded his head. "Shame about that considering how much he wanted the kid."

"Barricade?" Sam said in confusion as he turned to Simmons. "Was Barricade at the auction?"

All eyes turned to Sam.

Sam shrugged his shoulders. "I couldnt see anything from the spotlight. And then after the bidding started I don't remember much."

"He was trying to win you," Simmons said. "Guess he figured he could own you if he won."

"Oh," Sam said meekly as all the blood ran from his face. "I don't feel so good."

With a huff, Simmons walked over to Sam. Pressing down on Sam's shoulder, Simmons said, "Sit down. Put you head between your knees."

"Barricade was bidding on me?" Sam said in a muffled voice as he listen to Simmons advice.

"Yeap. He bid $50,000 before Optimus out bid him," Simmons explained.

"That was Barricade?" Mikaela squeaked. "But but he was hot!"

"Teenagers," Simmons grumbled as he shook his head.

"How much did I go for?" Sam asked as he raised his head to look at Simmons.

"No one told you?" Simmons asked slightly in shock.

Sam shook his head.

"Half a mill," Simmons replied.

"Oh. I think I need to sit down," Sam said weakly.

Simmons sighed. "You are sitting down. Lay down," he said as he pushed on the boy so that he was flat on his back. Taking his jacket off, he put it under the Sam's legs.

"But why was Barricade there? I mean he had to know it was a charity auction," Mikaela demanded.

"Why does any giant evil alien robot ever do anything," Simmons replied as he rolled his eyes.

"Why were you there, Simmons?" Sam asked as he looked up at the former Sector Seven agent.

"He was looking for a new lab rat," Prime said before Simmons could reply. "Your government is interested to see if your exposure to the Cube has had any affect on you."

"But he's not allowed to do that," Mikaela said. "It's against the law."

"As is slavery," Ironhide growled, "and yet you help sell Sam into slavery."

"I did not!" Mikaela screeched.

"Than what did he just go through," Ironhide demanded.

"It was a charity" Mikaela replied as she suddenly realized what happened, "slave auction."

The sound of Simmons snorting in amusement stopped any reply that was forthcoming.

Mikaela turned to look at the man, her eyes blazing. "You!" she said accusingly. "You knew all about it!"

A smirk appeared on Simmons' face. "You didn't think we would let them wander around without monitoring them, did you?"

"Could someone please explain what's going on," Sam begged as he struggled to sit up. "Cause I don't about the rest of you but I'm confused."

"To put it simply, kid, they," Simmons nodded to the Autobots, "added one and one together and got 15."

"Huh?"

"They through we were really going to sell you," Mikaela translated.

"But you did. Didn't you?" Bumblebee said as he looked back and forth between Mikaela, Simmons and Sam.

Mikaela and Simmons both shook their heads.

Prime pinched the bridge of his nose, a human gesture he had adopted due to his deal with the human race. "Please start at the beginning."

"The auction was more or less make believe," Mikaela attempted to explain. "Sam was never in any danger of really being sold. Those who were sold were selling their services like baby sitting or mowing the grass."

"But what about Trent? He wanted revenge on Sam. And the Horror Trio were planing on killing him," Bee demanded.

"Trent's an ass," Mikaela said as she dismissed her former boyfriend. "And the Horror Trio are harmless. They're killed half of the school already. They were just looking for someone to do a full body job on."

"What is a full body job?" Ratchet asked.

"They are into special effects make-up, especially horror movie special effects. They were looking for someone into a monster or some type of alien," Mikaela explained. "It takes hours to do especially if you're doing more that just special effects on the face. Last year they turned me to a zombie with half of the flesh torn away from my face."

"So Sam was in no danger?" Ironhide asked.

"Expect for being horrible mentally scarred from whatever Trent was planning, not really," Sam said as he sat up. "I was afraid that they would put me in a dress and wig and have be carry their books and stuff at school." Sam shivered. "That would be a fate worst than death."

Mikaela rolled her eyes. "That because you don't have any imagination. You could have hung on him and called him pookie."

"Only if I wanted to die," Sam stated firmly, "or be labeled as gay."

Simmons rolled his eyes at the teens concerns while standing next to giant alien robot. "While thats all so very important there are more pressing matters."

"He's right," Mikaela said in an almost snidely manner, "like Barricade and what he wanted Sam for."

"No," Simmons said as he shook his head. "More like how did the big guy get a half of a million dollars for the kid."

The three human and Autobots turned to Prime questionably.

Optimus seemed to stand taller, seemed more like an invincible warrior king under their gaze.

"I used a well proven method in which I appropriated the funds from those in the commerce of furnishing proscribed distorted perception matter," Prime stated.

"So you stole it from drug dealers," Simmons translated as everyone else stared at Prime in confusion.

Everyone turned to look at Simmons as Prime shuffled in place. Simmons shrugged his shoulders, "Surprised I know political double talk?"

"Optimus?" Ratchet said in the same tone the humans had heard from their mothers many times before. "Is what he said true?"

The image of the invincible warrior king vanished under Ratchet steely gaze to be replaced by that of a sparkling caught stealing an Energon goodie.

It started out as a snicker, it evolved into a chuckle and before anyone realizes it Ironhide was howling with laughter.

"It's not that funny," Ratchet chastised the older Autobot.

"Yes it is!" Ironhide exclaimed between laughter. "He he learn that innocent act he learn it from Bumblebee."

Bumblebee shrugged his shoulders at the inquiring gazes. "I was much cuter."

"So which drug dealer did you steal the money from Prime?" Simmons asked as he tapped his foot like a parent trying to figure out if he needs to punish a naughty child. "And will they be able to trace it back?"

"A cartel in Columbia," Prime replied innocently. "And no, they won't be able to trace it back."

A smirk appeared on Simmons' face. "In that case, there was no harm done. You know I'm sure there some people in DEA who would love to talk to you. You could be a big help to them."

"While that is probably very interest, we still have a big problem to deal with," Sam stated as he climbed to his feet.

"And what problem is that, Sam?" Optimus asked.

"I was just sold for a half a million dollars. Thats something that is going to have national if not international coverage," Sam stated. "All they're all going to be asking the same thing what did you get for a half a million dollars?"

~*~

As Miles rode his mountain bike around the curve of the road in which the Witwickys lived he skidded to a halt. There sitting in the Witwickys driveway was a blue semi truck with red flames paint up on the side and massive smoke stacks sticking up into the air.

Miles peddled the bike slowly towards his friend's home; his eyes dancing from one end the semi to the other and back again the whole time.

"Hey Miles," Sam called out as he carried a bucket of water while dragging the hose towards the semi.

Miles pointed towards the semi. "Dude?"

"Yeah. Awesome looking isn't he," Sam replied as he looked over the semi in the driveway.

"Dude there is a semi in your driveway," Miles stated in exasperation.

"Yeap," Sam replied simple as he played with the hose, trying to get the nozzle to the right setting.

"Why is there a semi in your driveway?" Miles demanded. Turning towards Sam and truly seeing him for the first time he asked, "And why are you in your swim trunks?"

"Because I've got to wash and wax it," Sam replied simply.

"You have to wash and wax a semi?" Miles said in disbelief.

Sam nodded his head. "And a really big pickup truck, a Hummer H2 and my own car."

Miles looked at Sam in confusion. "Why?"

"Charity auction," Sam stated simply.

Miles mouth dropped open. "You're washing and waxing cars?"

Sam nodded his head.

"He spend half a million for you to wash and wax 3 2 cars and a semi," Miles said slowly.

Sam nodded his head once again. "And my car too. He thought I was neglecting it."

"For five hundred thousands dollars?" Miles said stressing each word.

Sam nodded his head, a smirk on his face.

"Why?"

Sam shrugged his shoulders, "Well you didn't exactly expect me to sleep with him did you?"

"No," Miles squeaked.

"Hey Miles?" Sam said as he looked at his friend with a sly look. "What happen to the money that I gave you to buy me with."

"Ummm ahhh" Miles stammered.

Sam looked at Miles with a knowingly look. "I guess you could help me wash and wax," Sam suggested. "You know to pay me back. Shouldn't take more than few hours to do the semi."

"You know, Sam I would love to help you but I just remember that I had to clean my room. Yeah, mom's been after me to clean it up," Miles said as he backed away from the semi and his friend.

Sam nodded his head. "Right," he said drawing the word out. "Got to clean your room."

"Yeah," Miles said with a smile. "Have fun washing and waxing." And with that Miles climbed back on his bike and hurried away.

As Miles disappeared from view Optimus' hologram stepped out from behind his transformed form. "You do realized he was lying to you," Prime said.

"Of course he was," Sam replied as turned the hose onto the semi.

"You don't seem surprised," Prime stated as he looked at Sam with a curious look.

"It's one thing to wash and wax your own car," Sam explained, "but another to do it for someone else without getting paid."

"You are not getting paid either, Sam," Prime pointed out.

Sam shrugged his shoulders as he sprayed the Autobot leader with the garden hose," You saved my life when I fell off that building, protected me from Megatron. You even protected me from Barricade when you through I was being sold. I figure a wash and wax is nothing compared to all of that. Besides that money went to help a lot of people. I mean half a million will be a big help plus it was great kick to the teeth to those that sell that shit Just think how many lives that money will change for the better."

Prime's hologram shivered as the cold water hit his true form, "Will your parents be upset that we are using their water?" Prime asked as he accepted Sam's unspoken need to change the subject.

"Nah. I got Simmons to agree to pay the water bill for all of this," Sam replied as he started to climb up Optimus's transformed form with the bucket. "He said it was well worth the cost to see your faces when you learned the truth."

Prime sighed. "We have much to learn about your people Sam."

"You need to learn not to assume the worst, nor to always assume the best," Sam corrected.

Prime nodded his head. "The war made it easier to assume the worst since it was normally the truth."

Sam nodded his head before getting to work cleaning the semi truck. While Optimus settled in to experience the new sensation of having a human crawl all over him, washing him with soap and a sponge.

After a bit Sam climbed down for a drink and a bucket of clean water. "Prime?" he asked. "There been something that been bugging me."

Optimus nodded his head for Sam to continue.

"Well why do you think that Barricade came to the auction?" Sam asked. "I mean do you think he really believed he had a chance on grabbing me?"

Prime looked at Sam in surprised as he reviewed the events of the auctions. "No," he said softly. "I don't believe he did."

"So what was he there for?" Sam asked.

The brow on the hologram furrowed. "I dont know," Prime admitted.

"Do you think I mean would he could Barricade been monitoring your communications like Simmons was?" Sam asked.

"Without a doubt," Prime replied. "We are currently listening for any Decepticon's communications. I don't see why he wouldn't be either."

"Do you think that maybe that he knew that it wasn't a real slave auction?" Sam asked carefully. "And that he came to the auction to make you bid for me?"

"But to what end?" Optimus asked. "I for one can not see Barricade wanting to help those who are less fortunate of your species."

"Maybe he simply wanted to yank your tail."