The Shichibukai Meeting Incident

By Slim Gohan

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters within the story. They all belong to Eiichiro Oda, Toei Animation, and Shueisha.

A/N: Just thought I would do a Shichibukai story. Please enjoy!

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Another day, another meeting. Sengoku inhaled, and exhaled. He knew the meeting was far from pointless, as they were there to discuss two very important matters. Still, he was looking for an excuse…any excuse to do something else today.

"No chance that will happen. Well, let's just do it, and be over with." Sengoku then continued into the large meeting room. He looked around, and saw some familiar faces…Vice Admirial Tsuru, Bartholomew Kuma, and couple of high-ranking officials that he didn't even bother to learn the names of (instead, he opted to call them 'buddy' of 'guy').

"Welcome everyone to this important meeting. However, I must apologize for my tardiness…"

"Bwa ha ha ha ha! Sengoku, you would be late to your own funeral if you could!"

Sengoku's eye twitched ever so slightly. "Garp, nice to see you're actually here. For once."

"Yeah, I got bored, so I decided to take a nap. So, here I am!"

"Damn it, Garp! Do you even know why we are having this meeting?"

"Over my beloved grandson?"

"No."

"Over my older, adopted, beloved grandson?"

"Damn it, no!"

"Then I have no idea."

"We're here to talk about the other evil spawn of yours!"

"Coby or Helmeppo?"

"I hate you Garp. If executing you could make up for the sins of your whole damn family, I would agree to it in a heartbeat. And I'd do it myself."

"Bwa ha ha ha ha! We both know that couldn't happen! Anyway, so what did Dragon do this time?"

Sengoku breathed deeply once more, and sat down. "Yes, as Vice Admiral Garp alluded to, we are here to talk about two major issues. One is the revolutionary Monkey D. Dragon, who we will get to later, and the other is the Yonkou Red-Haired Shanks."

Tsuru asked the first question. "Why Shanks?"

"He's on the move. He eliminated the Marine ships tailing him, and is now on the move to meet with the Yonkou Edward Newgate."

Tsuru was surprised. "Why would Shanks want to talk with Whitebeard? Red-Hair is not the type of person to do something this rash without a reason."

"We believe it has something to do with Whitebeard's Second Division Commander, Portgas D. Ace."

One of the marines Sengoku didn't know asked one more question. "Doesn't the Shichibukai Hawk-Eyes Mihawk have contact with Red-Haired Shanks?"

"Yes, but good luck getting him to one of these meetings. Other than the two meetings he has attended, he is always anywhere but here. Still, he has a better record than that asshole Doflamingo."

"Fleet Admiral Sengoku!"

"What, Tsuru? He is!"

"Bwa ha ha ha!"

"So are you, Garp!"

"Anyway." Kuma interjected. "We need to discuss Shanks. Are you going to keep him from meeting Whitebeard, Fleet Admiral?"

"I thought we should bring the matter up for discussion. My personal opinion is that we do not stop them from meeting, but only watch." Other than Garp, Tsuru, and Kuma, there was a shocked opinion from others in the room. "My rationale is this: Shanks seems to be only looking to talk to Whitebeard. It has nothing to do with us, so I feel we should take a passive role in this matter."

"How can we be sure? They may be looking to partner up to take us all down!"

"Two Yonkou partnering up would have dire consequences for the World Government! We must not allow them to even look at each other!"

"Doesn't the Shichibukai Jinbei have ties to Whitebeard? Why not ask him what the matter is about?"

Sengoku shook his head. "After that one meeting, Jinbei directly avoids coming to any of our meetings."

"Bwa ha ha! I remember that meeting!! It was the best one ever! By the way Sengoku, you still owe me for that one…"

"Shut your mouth, Garp!"

One of the random high-ranking officers spoke up for the first time. "Excuse me, Fleet Admiral. I haven't been here that long, so I don't know what you're talking about. Could you tell us what happened at that meeting?"

"What is your name?"

"Err…I'm Oda. Rear Admiral Oda, sir."

"Well Oda, I really don't think we should get into a matter like that."

"Ah, lighten up Senkgoku! Let 'em know about that meeting! It'll give him a better view on what happens when we get those damn Shichibukai together."

Tsuru thought for a moment, and then added her thoughts. "I agree with Vice Admiral Garp, here. It was certainly an experience that we can all learn from."

Sengoku turned to the only Shichibukai in the room. "Kuma, it is up to you." Garp interjected.

"Bah! You know he won't have a problem! Just tell 'em already!"

"Vice Admiral Garp is on target. Proceed, Fleet Admiral."

Sengoku smiled a bit. 'Well Sengoku, this is what you wanted. It is a nice little break, so let the new guys in on the Shichibukai secret…'

"Kuma, could you make a pot of tea. Garp, get the good coffee cake. We're going to be here a while." Kuma nodded, and left his seat to prepare the tea.

"Bwa ha ha! Now you're talking Sengoku. Cheese or Cherry?"

"Garp, I'm telling the Shichibukai story. Bring both."

Garp stood up, and started to walk away. "Alright! I'll be back!"

Tsuru just smiled, as her head rested on her bridged hands. "Before Sengoku starts…" she said to the captive audience…"I should frame the story. The Shichibukai are the former seven; 'The Knight of the Sea' Jinbei, 'The Pirate Empress' Boa Hancock, 'The Tyrant' Bartholomew Kuma, Dracula 'Hawk-Eyes' Mihawk, Donquixote Doflamingo, Gecko Moria, and the former Shichibukai, Sir Crocodile. These individuals, all powerful and notorious pirates, all have their own affiliations, their own beliefs, their own attitudes, and most importantly…their own egos."

"That is an excellent precursor, Vice Admiral Tsuru. Now, where to begin…ahh! How about when the Council of Kings and the Gorousei both agreed that it would be a good idea to have all of the Shichibukai more involved in our typical Government meetings regarding the major criminals of the world - Dragon, Whitebeard, Shanks and the other two Yonkou, and so on. The thought was that with the aid of these pirates, we could pool our strength, and clean up the world a little quicker."

Sengoku smiled widely. "Words cannot express how wrong they were…"

___________________

"Navy Headquarters, Mariejois reporting the arrivals of the Shichibukai Bartholomew Kuma, Donquixote Doflamingo, Gecko Moria, and Jinbei."

"The early arrivials, eh, Sengoku?"

Sengoku, the man known as the Buddha, was suspiciously on edge. "Yeah."

"Sengoku, nervous? Bwa ha ha! You don't have to worry! We can handle them! If not, we have Admiral Aokiji waiting…."

Garp was interrupted by very load snoring.

":…sleeping in the other room."

Sengoku laughed. 'Yeah, this should be fine. I hope.'

The door to the room slammed open. "I hope we weren't interrupting anything important…not that I care."

The flamboyant man, Donquixote Doflamingo, walked in his bow-legged saunter toward his seat, which he promptly used to climb on, so he can sit on the table. "I didn't want to come anyway."

"Kishishishi, are you still complaining Doflamingo? None of us…other than Kuma here wanted to come to this meeting." The large, pale man entered the room next. This man was the master of the massive ship Thriller Bark, the Shadowman, Gecko Moria. He walked over to an open chair, took off his fur cape, and slung it over the chair. He then sat down.

"I hope this meeting is worth it, Sengoku. Although, judging by the reaction from the Marine Hero, I don't think it is. Kishishi"

Sengoku raised his eyebrow, and looked over in the direction of Garp…who was snoring.

"DAMN IT GARP!"

Garp's nose bubble popped. ":Wha?"

The next man to walk through the door was calm and reserved. "Still the same as ever, I see, Garp. By the way, Whitebeard says 'hello.'"

"Oh, Jinbei! That was nice of him to say…"

"GARP!"

"Oh…I mean, go tell him to fuck himself!"

Jinbei and Moria both chuckled. Jinbei took the seat closest to Garp for two reasons: Garp was the grandfather of a man Jinbei respects highly, and because he didn't like the other Shichibukai all that much.

The final early arrival walked in silently, and took the seat next to Moria. He placed his Bible on the table, and sat quietly. Doflamingo, however, felt like pestering him.

"The Tyrant is here! Run for the hills! Oh wait…anyway, Kuma, how is domestic life treating you? I mean, since the World Government has neutered you so heavily."

Kuma just ignored him.

"Navy Headquarters, Mariejois announces the arrival of Shichibukai Boa Hancock, Dracule Mihawk, and Sir Crocodile."

"Kishishi, now we can finally get this started. I have a question Sengoku…how did you get Hancock to agree to this meeting?"

Sengoku didn't even look up from his papers he was shuffling through. "By threatening to remove the treaty we have with Amazon Lily, and then following up with a Buster Call."

Doflamingo was very impressed. "Wow, that's sadistic…dark…and something I would totally do!"

A voice came from the entrance. "How wonderful it is to hear your dulcet tones once more, Doflamingo."

Doflamingo didn't even turn around to know who it was. "Hawk-Eyes."

"Fleet Admiral Sengoku, and Vice Admiral Garp, I hope you've been well." Mihawk looked around the room. "You know, I have never understood why the World Government insists we carry on this charade of wanting the Navy and the Shichibukai to get along, but I suppose we are to endure for the next few hours." Mihawk unhooked his large black blade, and effortlessly stabbed it into the ground. It held perfectly still next to the chair Mihawk selected for himself, next to the Great Tactician Tsuru.

"Bwa ha ha! Mihawk, you never change. Have you seen that jerkass Shanks lately! I want to bludgeon him for poisoning the mind of my Grandson, Luffy!"

"I believe Shanks mentioned that, and congratulated you on having your next two generations be wanted criminals. 30 Million Berries is rather large for a first bounty." Mihawk tilted his chair backwards, and put his feet on the table. He moved his ornate hat over his unique eyes, and prepared not to care about the world.

"I know, isn't it! Bwa ha ha ha! Still…"

Garp was interrupted by a cute, yet flying bunny rabbit. It was heading right for Sengoku, but instead, hit Doflamingo in the back of the head.

"WHAT THE HELL!"

"Who put that disgusting creature in my way?" Said the woman from the entrance.

"It probably hopped in your way, hoping to be punted by your obnoxiously selfish self, Hancock." Mihawk noted from his sleep.

"Kishishishi, Still…why are you pointing at us and looking up?'

"AND WHY THE HELL DID A RABBIT JUST HIT ME IN THE HEAD!"

"Despite the fact that I love my position as a Shichibukai, I want it to be clear that I detest the lot of you, and would slit your throats if I had the chance. Except for Jinbei." Hancock thought for a second. "And Vice Admiral Garp."

"Bwa ha ha! I like this woman! Reminds me of someone I knew!"

"THE PRESSING MATTER IS WHY A RABBIT HIT ME IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD!"

"Because I hate you even more than I hate the World Government, Doflamingo. I have my reasons."

Hancock took the empty seat next to Mihawk. She glared at him, but he didn't react at all.

Still, they were one short. "Lady Hancock, was Crocodile behind you?" Hancock then turned her glare toward the Fleet Admiral. "No, he disappeared. But I would have kicked him toward Doflamingo too!"

"Do you want to start something, Bitchy Hancock? Maybe when I'm through with you, you can end up in 'the market,' if you know what I mean…"

Hancock prepared to pelt Doflamingo with a Mero Mero beam, but was stopped….by sand.

"Now, Doflamingo, that is no way to talk to a lady. If you are going to threaten her, at least offer her a better fate than to be sold off to one of those rotten Tenryubito bastards. Why not just leave them suffering, waiting for death…"

The group looked toward the open window, where, low and behold, Sir Crocodile was sitting, enjoying himself.

"Good to see you made it Crocodile. Why don't you join us over here?"

"I think I might, Sengoku." Crocodile took the last open seat, next to Doflamingo and Moria.

Sengoku cleared his throat. "Now, this is the first, and probably the last meeting with all of the seven Royal Shichibukai, so we should cover everything quickly, so we can all get the hell out of here. Agreed? Now to begin, King Nefertari Cobra asked that we look into this matter. There seems to be an underground organization whose goal is to take over the kingdom of Alabasta. It appears to be called…"Baroque Works."

Crocodile quickly jumped in. "Don't worry about them."

"But…"

"Nope. Don't worry about them."

"King Cobra still…"

"No."

"May I ask why, Crocodile?"

"No. Don't worry about it."

"Do you have an affiliation with this group?"

"No. I am in no way involved with that organization."

"Not even a little bit?"

"No."

"So…why…"

"I refuse to answer in that it would hurt my investigation into the group."

"Are you running the group."

"Impossible."

"Would you like to share what you know with the group."

"No. That would be irrelevant."

"I'm sure Hancock would help in the investigation."

"No she won't."

"No I won't! He is…not worth my time!" She pointed at Crocodile, and looked at the ceiling.

Crocodile shook his head. "I can't help but be impressed with a woman who can look down on someone so much, she looks up. Truly fascinating."

Sengoku continued. "Would you like any of the others to help?"

"No. That isn't necessary."

"Would anyone like to volunteer to help?"

"Kishihi…hell no."

Doflamingo piped up. "What would be in it for me?"

"The satisfaction that you helped the Navy out."

"Oh, in that case…pass."

"Jinbei?"

"What use would a fishman have in a Desert climate?"

"Kuma?"

"I am not obligated to help out in any matter the Marines order me to."

Tsuru shook her head. "I think the motion is defeated, Admiral Sengoku. Stop pulling out your hear…We should probably move on to the next matter on the agenda. I believe that would be…the matter of some of our marines losing their shadows and being turned into stone."

Sengoku put his hat back on. "Thank you, Vice Admiral Tsuru. Now we have had reports along the Florian Triangle about being attacked by groups of Zombies, and Marines having their shadows taken from them. Now, we don't have many leads with this one, but I think we have a nice starting point. The person who led the attack was a man wearing a crown, and had the face of a lion. Sound familiar, Moria?"

"I have no idea who you're talking about."

"Starts with an A…"

"Alexander Anderson?"

"Try again."

"Ace?"

"Strike two…"

"I have no idea. Maybe it is that bastard Kaidou's fault. Or, it could have something to do with that humming spectre on my Thriller Bark."

Jinbei raised an eyebrow. "Since when is a Shadowman afraid of ghosts?"

Moria snapped back. "I'm not, damn fish!"

Mihawk got in on the fun. "Do you sleep with a nightlight then, Moria? Is it a little Monkey that lights up? Or a Clown?"

"…it's a kitty….err…Shut up, Hawk-Eye! I think your missing shadow problem has more to do with a humming ghost that started haunting my island the moment a…samurai joined my crew."

"Right. What would this spectre's name be, Moria?"

"I have a feeling his name is…Bink."

Sengoku raised the eyebrow this time. "…Bink?"

"Yeah, and he likes his sake too."

"Bwa ha ha! Yeah, I remember that song….Going to deliver Bink's Sake, following the sea breeze…"

"STOP SINGING THAT SONG!"

Moria was getting very angry. So, naturally, the rest of the group joined in…even the normally solemn Jinbei, Crocodile and Mihawk. Hancock started getting into the song, and even Kuma started humming along.

"…riding on the waves, far across the salty depths….

….The Merry evening sun, painting circles in the sky as the birds sing!"

"SERIOUSLY, SHUT THE HELL UP!"

Their loud, awful singing did not stop. In fact, it was joined by the only confirmed and now awake interloper, Admiral Aokiji.

"Farewell to the harbor, to my old hometown…

…Let's all sing out with a Don!

….As the ships set sail, waves of gold and silver

…..dissolve the salty spray….

…..As we set sail to the ends of the sea!

"Yohoho Yohohoho

Yohoho Yohohoho

Yohoho Yohohoho

Yohoho Yohohoho!"

The group laughed loudly…except for Moria. Aokiji promptly went back to his post, and promptly passed out once more.

"Bwa ha ha! I haven't sang that song in ages! We should sing that all the time, Sengoku!"

"No Garp, I don't want to unleash on the world the deadliest of weapons….your singing."

"I know, I'm worse than Pluton! Right Crocodile?"

Crocodile laughed nervously.

"Anyway, if the World Government wants to get involved with Thriller Bark, they can help me investigate the damn ghost!"

"We'll take your word for it, Moria. We can't trust it, but we'll take your word for it. Next, we have the stone Marines. Hancock, I believe this is your doing."

"You can't prove it…"

"All of the males have raging erections."

"Fine. It was me. I can't help….that I'm so beautiful."

Sengoku let her sparkle for a moment. "In any case, could you please stop doing that?"

"I guarantee nothing."

"Honestly, and I think Tsuru and Garp can agree with me…that was more than we expected. Anyway, what is next on the agenda?"

"Bwa ha ha! This is a meeting regarding criminals, right? What about Dragon?"

"You would willingly talk about the Revolutionary, Vice Admiral Garp?" Kuma asked.

"Why not? I just talked to him the other day! Bwa ha ha!"

The Shichibukai didn't know how to react to that bit of information. Sengoku, however, did.

"DAMN IT, GARP!"

"Ahh, don't be mad Sengoku!"

"He's the world's most wanted man!!! Damn it! Where the hell is he?"

"Didn't come up in the conversation. Bwa ha ha ha!"

"AHHHH!!!"

Crocodile spoke up. "Did he happen to tell you about a secret of…err…mine?"

"Wha? No, although he wonders what happened to that fairy queen Ivankov."

Crocodile nervously laughed. Doflamingo, on the other hand, was very amused.

"Damn, Garp. That's a frightening piece of information."

"Only to you, Doflamingo. But then again, all of your dealings would lead you into conflict with the Revolutionaries, wouldn't they?"

"Ix-nay on the adowy-shay ealings-day, Inbei-Jay."

"You stupid man, to think we wouldn't be proficient in pig latin. It's just….ignorant."

"I really don't think it is healthy for you to keep looking at the ceiling, Hancock."

"Quiet….you….bear."

"Kuma."

Mihawk stood up. " I'm bored. Are we just going to keep talking about this nonsense? If so, I'm leaving."

"Hold on, Hawk-Eyes. We have one more matter to discuss here, and after than…you are all free to leave…"

Mihawk stopped to think about it., and ultimately sat back down.

"Make it quick then."

"The final matter is dealing with the final remnants of Gol D. Roger. We have intelligence that the Dark King is still roaming free. Do any of you have any information on that?"

They all sat silent until Jinbei spoke up.

"Yeah, you guys never caught him."

"I have no need to deal with Roger's crew….and I shall be forgiven….because I am beautiful!"

Crocodile laughed. "I haven't seen that man in years. Still, I have my own goals I'm working toward."

"Kishishishi, I have no interaction with those waters. Why would I run into the Dark King….although, it might benefit me to meet him. You see, I have this giant…."

"Aaaannnnndddddd….no one cares."

"You'll care when it comes for your pink ass!"

"Is that a threat, Moria?"

"No, you idiot. It's a promise!"

"Want me to kick your ass, you shrill Gecko?"

"You couldn't if you tried, you pink piece of crap!"

"Stupid men…always fighting over trivial matters…we all know who the most important person is here."

"You should really start looking down, Hancock."

"Silence, you foolish Bear!"

"It's Kuma."

"Let her be Kuma…she is the type of person to be too ignorant to see the world burning down around her."

Hancock's head snapped down from the ceiling, and immediately glared at her antagonist.

"What do you mean by that, Crocodile?"

"Why bother explaining it?"

"If you don't, I will be your death, you failed Captain Hook wannabe!"

"WHAT?!!?"

"Hmm…I believe this is a good opportunity. Why don't we see which of us is the strongest?"

Sengoku, Tsuru, and Garp all stared at Mihawk with eyes wide open.

Mihawk grabbed his blade. "I usually don't care about things like that, but you all annoy me, so I wish to prove my dominance."

Kuma and Jinbei didn't respond. Doflamingo laughed…and then jumped at Moria.

"MERO MERO MARROW!"

"DESERT SPADA!"

Mihawk held the World's Greatest Sword up, and slashed it down…aiming directly at Jinbei. Not stupid, Jinbei used a Fishman Karate technique, called Karakusagawara Seiken, to punch the air around him. The resulting collision of Mihawk and Jinbei's force caused the meeting table to explode.

At this point, Doflamingo had taken control of a near by lower-ranked marine, and was using him to attack Moria. Moria, on the other hand was using his shadow doppelganger to counter, and they were entrenched in a stalemate.

Hancock began using Haki Pistol Kisses at Crocodile, who was doing his best to dodge. He stopped for an instant to fire a Desert Girasole, which missed.

Kuma just sat there.

Sengoku and Tsuru walked out of the room, while Garp stayed.

"Bwa ha ha! This is entertaining!"

______________________

"What happened next, Fleet Admiral?"

Sengoku sipped his green tea. "Well, after that, they began using their strongest moves. One had accidentally hit Bartholomew Kuma."

"Bwa ha ha ha ha! That's where it got interesting! Garp then stuffed his face with the last bit of the cheese coffee cake.

__________________________

"Who hit me?"

Doflamingo heard him, and sarcastically answered. "We're all trying to hit you, dumbass!"

Kuma's eye flashed. He put his Bible down, and removed one of his gloves. Garp laughed, because this fight was over.

Kuma said it loud enough for all of them to hear his cryptic message….

"If you all could go somewhere…where would you go."

Doflamingo once more opened his mouth. "What the hell do you mean by--" Kuma cut him off, and used the power of the Nikyu Nikyu no Mi to 'push' him flying through the wall, to the outside, and across the distant horizon.

Kuma then teleported behind Moria, and did the same thing. The only difference is that Moria left a bigger, and funnier shaped, hole in the wall.

Sir Crocodile's jaw was on the floor when he saw the holes in the solid stone wall. He didn't have time to react when Kuma projected him through the said wall and out towards who-knows-where.

Hancock, while happy that Crocodile was gone, was not happy when Kuma instantly appeared behind her.

"To Amazon Lily you go."

"Wha--" And she was off.

Kuma turned his attention towards Mihawk and Jinbei. Mihawk chuckled, and put his sword away.

"This battle is over. I'm leaving." Mihawk turned his back, and began walking toward the door.

That was a mistake.

Kuma appeared in front of him, and before Mihawk could react, Kuma 'pushed' him off to the Swordsman's ideal location.

Jinbei just stood there. He waited for it, but Kuma didn't try.

"It was nice to see you again, Kuma. We should do it again."

"Yes. I'll visit you sometime."

Jinbei walked out of the room, leaving only Garp.

"Oi, Kuma! I've got this great green tea. Wanna try it! Come on! We'll talk! Hey, did I ever tell you the story of when I helped deliver a baby?" Kuma nodded negatively. "Well, let me tell you! I was at this island in the South Blue …": He walked over to Garp, and followed him out of the room.

___________________

"So, what happened to the room?"

"It was eventually rebuilt. However, that meeting convinced the higher ups to make the Shichibukai meetings non-obligatory. They would just deteriorate into giant fights, and destroy the damn island."

"Where did they land?"

"As far as we know, Hancock landed in Amazon Lily, and Mihawk landed somewhere in the New World, in the middle of a Shanks party. Crocodile probably ended up back in Alabasta."

Sengoku finished his cop of tea. "So, the moral of the story is…getting all of the Shichibukai in the same room together is a bad idea. Unless there is a good reason."

"Like a war with Whitebeard?"

Sengoku thought for a second, and then shared his conclusion. "That would be a dumb idea."

_____________________

Thank you for reading. Please review, and tell me what you thought of it.