I'M BACK!! You see, I found out the reason why I've never realeased anything in the last 6 months being here! It was because I've been trying to write SERIOUS stories. After reading all the review I've ever given, I realized that I'm more of comedic person! So after 1 hour in the bathroom with my iTouch, I came up with this crap! Might be a one-shot, might not. Whatever. Read and try to handle the wackiness and bad mating jokes!
Disclaimer: If I owned Avatar, I would of made Tsu'Tey gay and have Pandora's air made up of 80% helium.
(Fingering tea-cup)
N: So aunt masyawanomcatöxmonaoa-
AM: Just call me aunt M.
N: Um . . . So I'm coming to that age and-
AM: Ah yes, mating is wonderful process! This part goes in there and it wriggles a bit, but don't mind that, but this part goes downwards, hurts like a bitch, but passes, in this goes out, but dives upwards through this, this may seem a bit awkward though- honey, stop twitching, you're going to drop the fine china!
No: So how did you stop feeling your legs?
FLASHBACK
T: I so bet that you can't jump off of the rooftop and land on your feet.
J: $20 bucks says I so can!
FLASHBACK ENDS
J: A bet. I won you know.
(Shows an annoyed Eywa)
E: You know what I hate? Random Na'vi thinking they can do it all over my tree! No I don't want you to "seal your fricking bond" before me alright, I just want you guys to fricking LEAVE!!
J: Sky people. Dream walkers. Scounge. Retard. How the heck do they know what retard means!? I'm going to go find out.
(Goes into avatar form and runs to the forest)
Neytiri, how do-
N: Find it out yourself you retard!
(Rolls back to camera)
J: Guess it just comes naturally.
(Tsu'tey has arm around this guy while drinking "Sky-peoples magic water")
TT: I meanz, I've been arranged to the gurl for whats, 12 YEaRz!!? I helpd her hunt, picked out OuR drapes, which Is gren by the watys, shared my boww with her, AND WHAT DOES SHE GO DOO!!? She does it with this DUD cause he "cares for her" PSHA!! I could duu SO MUCH BETTER YEA!! And she'll be crawlin back all "oh you so cool" and I'll be all like "yea but I found someone else so ha!" and she'll be all like "NOZ!!" and-
RandomNavi: Um, I just wanted to know where the bathroom was.
GQ: Everything out there that moves, crawls, and breathes will want to eat your eyes out for joo-joo-bees.
(Some random twitchy guy stands up throws "joo-joo-bees" on the table)
RG: IM SORRY ALRIGHT!!? I DIDNT KNOW THEY WERE ILLIGAL, I DIDNT KNOW!!
(Spazzes out and runs out of the room)
GQ: . . . Uh . . .
J: . . .
No: Oh, I so want whatever that guy is on!
(Sees human form for first time)
J: I see you.
N: I see you . . . And you are pretty damn ugly.
Grace: How exactly did your brother die?
FLASHBACK
Tom: So yeah, I'll all be like in space floating and stuff till' reach Pandora. That's where they'll put me in this big tall blue dude to go swing on vines and meet hot alien babes and- hey Jake, what are you doing with that plastic bag?
END OF FLASHBACK
J: Chemical explosion. It's sad really.
J: I was a marine. A warrior.
(Takes sharp object and picks at his chest)
J: YOU MEANIE, WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR!!?
(Runs away sobbing)
Mo: Yep. Definitely a warrior.
J: Eywa, hear my plea and please grant-
(Turns towards camera)
J: Seriously!? A tree, man, a fricking tree!? The hell are you watching people, a blue kitty person praying to a tree!! That doesn't make any f...ing sense! You understand it? Do you? Yeah, that's right, I'm talking to you fat guy in the third row! Don't play clueless on me, chub-chub!!
TT: We shall stand and fi-
(Mechs take out spray-bottles)
RandomNavi: It burns, it burns!!
RandomNavi: Their water is too powerful!!
TT: Alright, alright, dammit, we surrender!!
(Jake in human form walks in painted blue, a glued on tail, and a loin-cloth)
J: Hey Neytiri, the chamber kind of . . . Broke. You still love me right?
(Neytiri hits her head against tree)
Mo: . . . Nice mate . . .
(Gets into avatar for the first time)
J: Ha, ha, I'M EDWARD CULLEN'S AVATAR!!
(Grace starts shaking head)
G: These new guys . . .
(Jake and Neytiri read script to some random lemon fic)
N: Um . . . Uh . . . Is this really-
J: I LIKE IT!!
(Rolls into Quadritche's room)
J: Hey sir, I got the inf- Oh god.
(Spots him dancing in a tight leotard)
GQ: I feel pretty, oh so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and GA- oh, um . . . You didn't see that.
(Takes braid and connects it with antenna thing)
N: You must bond with your Ikran to-
J: EWW!! THAT LOOKS WRONG!
(During Tsu'Tey's fall scene)
TT: Yeah I'm free!! Free falling!! Yeah I'm- Oh yeah, dramatic death scene.
(Opens eyes after switching bodies)
J: Wow, what a-
(Camera flashes in front of face)
M&D: SURPRISE!!
J: Mom!? Dad!? The hell you doing here!? How are you even breathing!?
D: Didn't think we were going to miss out on your third birth now were we? Even if it is logically and physically impossible!
(Camera flashes again)
M: Now let me take a picture of you and your wife, mate, love-buddy, whatever you call it!
N: Love buddy?
(Camera flashes)
Gotta love momma and poppa bear! Love it? Like it? Want to hunt me down and push me off a cliff for evening breathing!? Say it in a review! They give me the fuzzy-wuzzies! Suggestions? No? Yes? Might continue. Might not. Had fun. I hoped you enjoyed it! :)