Useful- A Prince of Tennis fanfic

Category: Humor/Parody

Rating: T

Character: Shusuke Fuji

Summary: A Mary Sue shows up at Seigaku, but don't worry. Shusuke Fuji will handle it. Rated T for a little violence.

A/N: It's pretty much a typical Mary Sue bashing fic, but I wanted to try my hand at writing one. Shusuke Fuji and Ryoma Echizen are a little OOC, my deepest apologies.

It had seemed like any other day. Tennis practice had just ended, and the Regulars were about to step into the clubhouse; when she appeared out of thin air, heralded by a swirling cloud of golden sparkles.

Her hair was jet-black (Never mind that the term "jet-black" is redundant)/molten-golden/blood-red/chocolate-brown/platinum-blond/whatever, flowing in a glossy river over her shoulders and down her back.

Her exceedingly large eyes were crystal-blue/sea-blue/sky-blue/some-other-shade-of-blue/golden-amber/rainbow/silver/color-changing/getting-sick-of-this-shit.

She was stick thin, and her skin was practically transparent- it was so pale, you could make out the blue veins running through her body.

Her name was Moonlight Arielle Roxanna Yolanda Sakura Undine Ellalalala.

-Chan.

In short, she was "Mary-Sue". In short, she was a Mary Sue. It works both ways.

And she was already doing what comes naturally to this fandom's Mary Sues, that is- pick one of the pretty tennis boys to stalk. And screw. But we're keeping this rated T, so lets just stick with the stalking for now.

So Moonlight Arielle Roxanna Yolanda Sakura Undine Ellalalala (chan) sashayed her way over to Shusuke Fuji.

"Hi there," she murmured, in what was likely meant to be a breathy tone, but came out as panting.

Shusuke's eyes fluttered open for a second, too quickly for her to notice, hiding the utter sadism and evil that filled his glance. His customary smile returned, gracing his lovely face once more.

"Saa… And who are you?" Shusuke asked in caressing tones. Yikes.

What.

The.

Fuck?

Was Shusuke Fuji… flirting with a Mary Sue?

Obviously the Mary Sue believed so. She was practically hyperventilating.

Or, she could have, you know, been choking on all that drool. Her hormones are pretty messed up.

"I'm Moonlight Arielle Roxanna Yolanda Sakura Undine Ellalalala. Chan. But you can call me 'Ella'."

"Is that so, El-la?" Shusuke responded softly, dragging out the syllables of her name. His smile widened, it was dazzlingly sweet.

"So why are you here, El-la?" he asked.

"Haha, it's so funny that you ask! Because, I'm, like, the long lost sister of Tezuka Kunimitsu/Ryoma Echizen/Atobe Keigo/Genichiro Sanada! And I was, like, in America, for, like, a suuuuper long time! But now, I'm, like, back! So, I can, like, be-the-Princess-of-Tennis/find-my-true-love/discover-my-, like, -heartbreakingly-angsty-past!" Moonlight Arielle Roxanna Yolanda Sakura Undine Ellalalala (chan) babbled.

"Ahh… I see. How very… intriguing, " Shusuke leaned in towards Moonlight Arielle Roxanna Yolanda Sakura Undine Ellalalala (chan), until his silky brown bangs were brushing against her forehead.

No doubt about it now, the Mary Sue was most certainly hyperventilating.

He moved in, as if to kiss her…

And whipped out a long thin knife, which he immediately stabbed into her heart.

"I don't think I like Mary Sues, " Shusuke practically giggled, as he smoothly slid the blade out.

"Bye."

Shusuke stepped away from Moonlight Arielle Roxanna Yolanda Sakura Undine Ellalalala (chan)'s dead body, which dissolved into rainbows and white feathers immediately. All of the Regulars stared at Shusuke, as he calmly wiped the blood off of the knife and sheathed it.

"Fuji-senpai?" Ryoma Echizen asked. "You keep a knife on you?"

Shusuke Fuji gently tipped his head ever so slightly to the side and smiled an adorably sweet smile at the Regulars.

"Mmm? Of course. Knives are so very useful."

A/N: Weird, isn't it? I have an odd mind… Anyways, read and review, please? Critiques that are given gracefully will be accepted gratefully.

Edited: February 13, 2011- Added "Ellalalala" to the Mary Sue's name- apparently FFdotnet thought it was spam last time I posted this and I somehow never noticed. I also took out my random interruptions.