Fun in the Sun

"Why am I doing this?" Magneto moaned. "I shouldn't be doing this. I can't be doing this. How did I ever let you fools talk me into coming here?"

"Because we did such a good job of bugging the X-Mansion," Remy said as he clutched a large cooler. He was wearing a sleeveless T-shirt and a pair of red swimming trunks. "Lighten up Mags. It's not every day we get to be at the beach."

"Are you sure we needed to bring all of this?" Piotr asked carrying two more fully loaded coolers. He also wore a sleeveless T-shirt and a pair of black swimming trunks.

"Don't look at me. Pyro's the one who insisted on packing all the food," Remy indicated.

"Wheeeeee!" Pyro happily skipped between them while wearing a bright Hawaiian shirt and a pair of orange swimming trunks. He also carried a thirty pound bag of charcoal briquettes. "Oh boy, we're at the beach! Let's find a good place to fire up and grill! He he he! This is gonna be fun!"

"Why am I here? I can't believe I'm here," Magneto groaned as he slowly made his way across the sand. He was wearing a loose fitting light blue shirt and a pair of white shorts. "What was I thinking when I decided to come here?"

"Forget that. Why am I here?" Sabertooth snapped carrying a beach bag full of towels and other beach supplies. He was wearing dark sunglasses, a large tan shirt and brown boardshorts.

"Because if I have to suffer being around these idiots today than so do you!" Magneto shot back.

"Figures," Sabertooth grunted.

"This looks like a good spot," Piotr said setting down the coolers.

"Not bad," Remy dropped his cooler and stretched. "I don't know why you're all complaining. It's a nice day and the beach is only semi crowded."

"Hey, you try walking around on a hot beach covered in fur and see how much you like it!" Sabertooth growled at him.

"Alright! Let's get to work!" Pyro dumped his bag of charcoal and grabbed a small shovel from the beach bag. "One fire pit coming up!"

"Don't you want to go swimming first?" Piotr asked.

"No way! I didn't come here to swim! I came here to play!" Pyro giggled as he began to dig. "Once I get the coals going I'm gonna make some sand castles!"

"Okay," Piotr shrugged and pulled off his shirt. "Do you want to go swimming Remy?"

"Na, I see something much more entertaining," Remy grinned while watching a dozen attractive young women in two piece bathing suits play beach volleyball. "I'll catch up with you hommes later."

"Suit yourself," Piotr said heading for the water.

"Fine, whatever, just leave me alone," Magneto sighed as Remy and Piotr took off. "Matter of fact, I'm going to leave too. The fewer people who see us together like this the better. Victor, stay here and make sure Pyro doesn't set the whole beach on fire."

"What? Why do I have to baby-sit the Firebug?" Sabertooth protested.

"Because somebody needs to keep an eye on him and it's not going to be me! So just do it!" Magneto snapped and walked off.

"Oh great, I get stuck watching the Firebug again," Sabertooth spat as he messily shook out a towel and sat down on it. "This day just keeps getting better and better."

"Yeah! Yeah!" Pyro laughed as he wildly tossed sand in all directions. "Gotta dig! Gotta dig!"

"Hey buddy!" A nearby beachgoer shouted at Sabertooth. "Tell your hyperactive kid to stop throwing sand everywhere."

"HE'S NOT MY KID!" Sabertooth yelled.

"Sure looks like it," Another beachgoer noted.

"Hey mister, can we please bury you in the sand?" Two six year old girls looked up at him innocently.

"Why me?" Sabertooth buried his face into his hands. "Why me?"

Meanwhile Remy had made his way over to the volleyball game where the women had just broken up to take a breather. Remy smoothly sided up next to one of them. "Bonjour, petite. Those were some fine moves you were making out there. What do you call that style of play?"

"Hard to get," A large muscular surfer blocked Remy's path and gave him a warning look. "Back off."

"Hey, I was just paying the lady a compliment," Remy tried to move around him.

"You'll be paying a lot more if you try and talk to my sister again," The surfer growled threateningly. "Get lost!"

"No need to be rude," Remy mocked and spotted a lone redhead. He moved to intercept her. "Hey there…"

"Watch it buddy," A buff beachgoer cut him off and draped an arm around the redhead's shoulders.

Hmmm, this could be harder than I thought, Remy noted as a large number of guys mixed with the women in various levels of friendliness or protectiveness. Looks like I'll have to get rid of the competition. Remy snuck behind a large lifeguard stand and cupped his hands to his mouth. "Hey! A shipping freighter just ran aground a mile down the beach! The hull's cracked and it's spilling out over six thousand cases of beer!"

"WHAT?" Every male within hearing distance yelped.

"FREE BEER!" Several beachgoers were nearly trampled as the herd of guys ran for the alleged freighter and its cargo.

Perfect, Remy smirked heading back to the volleyball players. He spotted a stunning brunette toweling the sweat off her face and confidently approached her. "Need some help mademoiselle?"

"No thanks, I'm fine…wait a minute. I remember that voice," The brunette tossed aside her towel. "YOU!"

"YOU!" Remy blanched.

"YOU LOW DOWN, DIRTY, ROTTEN WOMANIZING BUM!" Denise screamed as she recognized Remy. "DON'T THINK I HAVEN'T FORGOTEEN WHAT YOU DID TO ME! AND NOW YOU'RE TRYING TO PICK ME UP AGAIN!"

"Look, that was a big misunderstanding!" Remy gulped and tried to back away. "And this was just an honest mistake so…"

"I'LL SHOW YOU A MISTAKE!" Denise grabbed a nearby beach umbrella and closed it. She turned on Remy with murder in her eyes. "I'LL SHOVE THIS UP YOUR NOSE INSTEAD OF DOWN YOUR THROAT!"

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Remy ran for his life.

"GET BACK HERE YOU STINKING CAJUN! I'M GONNA RIP OFF YOUR HANDS AND MAKE YOU EAT THEM!" Denise yelled as she chased after him swinging the umbrella.

"LIFEGUARD!" Remy screamed.

Magneto sighed as he walked along the surf, occasionally looking out at the ocean. He took a deep breath of cool, salty air while a strong breeze whooshed around him. Okay, maybe coming here wasn't such a bad idea. I have been working pretty hard and I deserve a break. Plus it'll do me good to spend some time outside the base.

Magneto continued to stroll among the shoreline, pleasantly enjoying himself. This really is relaxing. I should find a way to do this more often. Though without all these humans around. Maybe I should consider getting my own island somewhere. Hmmm, that's not a bad idea…"Ouch!"

"Whoops, are you all right?" Two middle aged women apologized after bumping into him. Both held recreational metal detectors in their hands. "Sorry. We should have paid more attention to where we were going."

"Obviously," Magneto rubbed his shin.

"We were just combing the beach for souvenirs," One of the women said. "I'd love to find an old artifact one of these days, but usually we just end up with a lost watch and a handful of loose change."

"Really?" Magneto raised an eyebrow before reaching down and partially burying his hand into the sand. He sent out a low level magnetic pulse to probe beneath the ground for a few hundred yards, detected a promising metallic signature nine feet below and to the right of him and used a powerful, aimed magnetic field to raise the object through multiple layers of sand and directly to his hand, all of which took less than five seconds. He stood up and held up his find. The women gawked as they saw him hold out an authentic but dented pewter porringer. He hung it on one of their metal detectors before turning and continuing on his walk. Inferiors, he thought to himself.

Both women stared after Magneto for a moment. "Wow, he's good."

"Not to mention good-looking," The other one whistled.

"Hey, I saw him first!" The first woman snapped.

"No you didn't!"

"Yes I did!"

"No you didn't! Hey sir, wait up!"

"Oh no you don't! Wait for me!"

Back at their spot, Sabertooth was slowly being driven mad as the two young girls continued to try and convince him to be buried in the sand. "Please, please, please?"

"No, no, no, for the last time no!" Sabertooth ripped off his sunglasses and glared at the girls dangerously. "I will not let you two pipsqueaks bury me in the sand! Got it?"

"Please mister? Pretty please?" The two girls looked up at him hopefully.

"Grrrrrr, stupid kids," Sabertooth grumbled under his breath. "Why don't you two creampuffs go back to your mommies and daddies and bury them in the sand?"

"We can't. Mommy has a tummy-ache so daddy is busy giving her CPR," One of the girls told him. "At least that's what he said."

"Oh geeze," Sabertooth groaned.

"Hehehehehe!" Pyro had finished digging his fire pit and was busy constructing a huge sand castle as he waited for the charcoal to turn white. "Look, I'm Lord Pyro! Master castle builder!"

"Please can we bury you in the sand? Please, please, please?" The girls begged him.

"Alright! That's it!" Sabertooth got up. "Tell you what kiddies. I'll find someone you can go bury in the sand if you look after that weird guy while I'm gone," Sabertooth jerked a thumb at Pyro.

"Really? Sure thing mister!" The girls chirped and watched Pyro work. "Wow, I didn't know you could do that with a seashell."

"Thank goodness," Sabertooth growled as he walked away. "Now where's some skinny, obnoxious snob I can sic those kids on. Hey, there's a good one."

"Ahhhhhh," Principal Kelly sighed as he laid spread out on a towel in some loose fitting clothes and with his glasses off. "This is wonderful. Just what I needed after dealing with that latest school mess. A mess caused no doubt by those stinking mutants! But there are no mutants here. Nothing here by peace and relaxation and…"

WHAM!

"Relax while you can bub," Sabertooth knocked Kelly out and slung him over his shoulder. "You're gonna need it."

Sabertooth made his way back to the two girls and dumped Kelly's unconscious body onto the sand. "Here ya go kiddies, have at it."

"Yeah!" The girls squealed as they began to bury Kelly. "Thanks mister! Thank you very much!"

"No problem kids," Sabertooth grinned. "Matter of fact, I'll help you out. First we gotta dig a deep hole to throw him in. Firebug, give me that shovel."

"Yay!" The girls cheered as sand began to fly once more.

Piotr emerged from the water and gave a refreshing sigh. He had just finished a long, vigorous swim and had thoroughly enjoyed it. That was nice, he smiled to himself as he made his way up the beach. Not as invigorating as swimming outside during the winter, but nice. Now if only the water wasn't so salty so it wouldn't sting my eyes…huh? Piotr blinked as a volleyball rolled over and bumped against his leg.

"Hey, a little help?" An attractive blonde female volleyball player waved at him.

"What? Oh, of course," Piotr picked up the volleyball and tossed it to her. "Here you go."

"Thanks," The blonde took a good look at Piotr's figure which was still somewhat wet. "Wow, you have a great set of abs."

"Uh, thank you," Piotr blushed modestly.

"Hey, what's going on?" The rest of the female volleyball players joined them. "Whoa, who's the hunk?"

"Look at those pecs," One of them whistled. "And those thighs!"

"Dang, he's fine," A stunning raven-haired woman gave him a predatory smile.

"Um, um," Piotr fidgeted very uncomfortably. "Um, excuse me. I must be going now and…"

"Oh, don't go," The blonde ran over and lightly placed a hand on his arm. "Stay a while."

"Yes, please stay!" The other volleyball players surrounded him hungrily.

"Uh, Remy?" Piotr began to look around in panic. "Pyro? Sabertooth? Anyone?"

"Oooh, such smooth skin," The blonde was practically drooling as she felt Piotr's forearms. "Are you wearing sunblock?"

"N-no," Piotr stuttered nervously.

"Oh, you should put some on right away! Especially being out in this sun!" The blonde insisted. "I'll go get mine!"

"No need. I've got some right here," The raven-haired woman held up a bottle. "Here, I'll rub it on you."

"Me too! Me too!" The other volleyball players chirped excitedly.

Help me! Piotr gulped as the women eagerly descended on him.

"Ohhh, I think I finally lost her," Remy moaned as he peaked out from underneath a large beach towel. He slowly got to his feet and headed back to where he'd originally left his teammates. Remy tenderly rubbed a hand over his ribs where Denise had managed to whack him a few times. "Ow, I never thought being hit by an umbrella would hurt so much. Ouch! Then again, compared to what she did with that inflatable inner tube it's not so bad."

Remy looked around fugitively to make sure he hadn't been seen as he neared the Acolytes' spot. "Hey hommes. You would not believe what just happened to me. We'd better get outta here before…" Remy trailed off and stared in shock at the sight that met his eyes.

"Yeah! Yeah!" Pyro whooped as he tended a huge blaze over which tons of food was being cooked. Dozens of attractive young women surrounded him as he split his attention between them and cooking the food. "Who wants another knackwurst?"

"I do! I do!" A doe-eyed beauty waved at him.

"This is the juiciest burger I've ever had!" A lovely female lifeguard gushed as most of the women chowed down on Pyro's cooking.

"It's not the only thing that's juicy around here," A golden-haired knockout gave Pyro a traffic-stopping smile.

"That's it kiddies!" Sabertooth crouched over a still unconscious Kelly who had been buried in the sand up to his neck. He had sculpted the sand around Kelly's head so it looked like he was wearing a large fruit hat. The two young girls had formed Kelly's body and made it seem to be wearing a low cut dress and high heels. "Okay, you powder puffs start dotting barbeque sauce on his face while I go get some ants!"

"Yay!" The girls cheered happily.

"Huh?" Remy blinked in disbelief.

"Here cutie," A striking brunette giggled as she hand-fed Pyro some potato chips.

"Try some of this," Another woman slipped him small pieces of watermelon.

"HUH?" Remy looked like he was about to have a heart attack.

"Mmmm, that's good," Pyro grinned cheerfully with watermelon juice dribbling down his chin. "You shelias are too much. Oops, time to flip that chicken."

"Maybe we can go for a swim later," One of the women cooed into his ear.

"Hey! I'd…I'd like to go for a swim," Remy managed to get out and tapped her on the arm.

"That's nice," The woman brushed him off without taking her eyes off Pyro. "Want some more melon sweetie?"

"Aaarrrggghhh!" Remy couldn't stand to watch any more and turned away. "What is with these femmes? How can they be standing there fawning over Pyro and not me? I'm Remy Lebeau for crying out loud! Are they drugged or something?"

"HELP! SOMEBODY HELP ME!" Piotr ran by covered in sunblock while being chased by a horde of female volleyball players. His swimming trunks had been noticeably torn in several places.

"Oh sure, rub it in!" Remy snapped irritably. "Man, can anything else happen to make me feel inadequate?"

"AAAHHHHHH! GET AWAY FROM ME!" Magneto bolted past him with a look of sheer terror in his eyes.

"COME BACK YOU YUMMY GORGEOUS THING YOU!" Several older and middle aged women squealed as they chased after Magneto.

"I had to ask," Remy groaned.

"There he is!" A short robust beachgoer appeared pointing at Remy while leading a huge mob of irate males. "I recognize the voice! He's the one who claimed there was a beer spill!"

"We ran all the way over there for nothing!" A furious voice snarled.

"Let's get him!" Someone else shouted.

"Oh no!" Remy ran off with the incensed mob hot on his heels. "Maybe that wasn't such a good idea after all!"

"THERE YOU ARE!" Denise spotted him and joined the mob while still wielding her umbrella. "GET BACK HERE YOU ROTTEN CAJUN! I'M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU YET!"

"LEAVE ME ALONE YOU CRAZY FEMME!" Remy screamed while desperately trying to stay ahead of his pursuers. "OW! OW! OW! NO, DON'T POKE THE UMBRELLA THERE! AAAIIIEEEEEE!"

"I'm back! Along with a few hundred ants!" Sabertooth shouted.

"Burgers for everyone!" Pyro laughed as the women swarmed around him. "Hey, watch the hands!"

"THAT'S IT!" Magneto screamed. "NO MORE COMING TO THE BEACH!"