Here it is, my friends. As a Christmas/Hanukah/whatever you celebrate present, I give you the long-awaited final chapter of A Little Birdie Told Me. I started this story in 2010. Five years ago. I was a sophomore in high school. I am now a junior in college. I don't even know how to wrap my head around this.

I would like to dedicate this story to you, my wonderful and loyal readers. You have been more wonderful than I could have asked for. I take months to update but still you come back with words of encouragement. I will always be grateful for that, honestly. Whether you've been there from the beginning or you're reading this in a day, thank you for your support.

And now, without further ado…

OooOooO

SHAWN

"Charles Sloane was a crazy successful business man. That much was obvious when we visited his house. I half expected there to be a miniature Mount Rushmore under construction in the back yard with his face on it." Upon receiving blank looks from everyone except Gus, I elaborated: "In a movie version of his life he'd be played by Edward Herrmann, and Gavin would be Macaulay Culkin."

"What, did he leave his kid at home by himself over Christmas?" My ever-ignorant father spoke up, clearly not enjoying my colorful reference as much as he should have.

"Yeah, see, I'm just getting Gilmore Girls out of this. But that can't be right…" The look of concentration on Jules's face was so adorable I couldn't help but forgive her utter lack of comprehension.

"Oh come on you guys. Richie Rich? Only the greatest movie about a billionaire kid and his dog with what I can only assume was a genetically engineered coat in the history of all time?"

The slight sparks of recognition in my dad's and Juliet's eyes were enough for me to continue.

I really don't ask for much.

"Okay, the point is that Charles Sloane was a successful businessman. You know that, I know that, everyone knows that. But what is less well-known is the fact that Mr. Sloane was, for a short time, Professor Sloane—"

"Wait, what?!"

"Are you kidding me?!"

"They let that lunatic around children?!"

Several voices shouted out in shock simultaneously.

"Santa Barbara City College. He was a lecturer there for three years. He taught classes in Entrepreneurship."

Now if I'm right, which I usually am, you're probably wondering how in the name of Samuel L Jackson I came to know this. I had been locked up in the hospital for nearly a week, and it's not like Mr. E shared his resume with me when I was his captive. Well, it's simple, really. I've been inside his house.

It's amazing the things you can learn about a person if you go inside their house. Well, if you go inside their house and you're me. Or at least hyper-observant. When I went to the Sloanes' house, I was lead through the entrance way and into a sitting room. What I didn't mention earlier is that I passed Charles Sloane's office. The man clearly wasn't one for modesty—his wall was decorated with plaques and diplomas, telling the world what a smart, swell guy he was. One of them was from SBCC, celebrating his work from 2008-2011.

Simple, really.

"Sloane didn't have prior experience as a professor," I knew because he surely would've had some sort of plaque that said so, "but his success in the business world made him a catch for a small school like SBCC."

"Okay, kid. This is fascinating, but is there a point?"

Oh, Papa Bear. There's always a point.

Well, like 73% of the time.

58%.

"I'm getting there, Pops. Just chillax."

"Shawn, how many times do I have to tell you? You're not going to single-handedly bring 'chillax' back." Gus sighed.

I just shook my head and tore a piece of paper away from the ThunderCats coloring book that Gus had brought me. As I spoke I began methodically folding the paper.

"Sloane selected a handful of students from his classes every year for a 'private study group'. Students he said showed real promise. Which is actually super creepy when you think about it. Kind of like 'The Hug Club' from Harry Potter—"

Gus interjected in great offense, "Shawn, you know you mean 'The Slug Club'."

"I've heard—"

"Nope."

I shook my head and hid a grin, still folding my paper. Gus is so easy to rile up.

Oh, how did I know about Sloane's creepy club? He had a photo on his desk. Well, in his office he had a desk and then a cabinet-type thing behind it. It was on the cabinet-type thing. It was a photo of him and seven college-aged kids, and then two adults who must have been going back to school. Nine people had signed the frame—like it was given as a gift.

So basically I didn't know. I guessed. But like 74% of what I do is guessing.

86%.

"Sloane's little study group had members such as Gavin Sloane, Julia McDermott, and Officer Jeremy Townsend—"

"Travis Townsend." Juliet corrected me.

I looked up from my folding. "What, is he a Marvel super villain?"

Jules shrugged. But I'm right, aren't I? That alliteration.

For the record, I was sure that Gavin and Townsend were in the group (they were in the photo). But I was just guessing about Julia. There were two girls in the photo, but I had never seen Julia and thus had no clue if she was one of them. I'd only even heard of her from Jules. But it made sense so I went with it.

Good rule for life: act like you know what you're talking about and people will believe you. Usually.

"Wait…" Jules caught up with my train of though as I paused to contemplate Townsend's name, "Are you saying that Sloane took his students and what, formed a cult? That's what The Tribunal is?"

I threw up my hands dramatically, nearly losing my paper in the process.

"Come on, Jules! Couldn't you tell I was building up to that?"

"Sorry!" She said, only somewhat genuinely.

"You could have at least been a bit more dramatic. Thrown in a drumroll. Set off fireworks. Something!"

"Sorry, sorry! Please go on." She accompanied this with a sweeping gesture.

I sighed heavily, feigning annoyance. It is so difficult for me to be irritated with that woman.

"Well I'll try, but you've really derailed me. Okay, where was I? Right. Sloane's creepy study group. He acted as though he was picking out the best and brightest, but really he went for those who seemed…easily manipulated. People who he could thrust his ideals upon." I explained, ever so eloquently.

"And what were these ideals?" Mi padre spoke up, actually seeming genuinely curious.

"That people who do wrong deserve to be punished. We were right from the beginning. Mr. E wasn't killing people at random: he was sentencing them. Like Daniel Baker: he killed that kid in a drunk driving accident. And the first victim was hitting his wife. But as Mr. E went along everything became more and more grey. He killed seven people in seven days, and what did they do? Get a traffic ticket? Cheat on a test? Shoplift?"

This part is actually pretty legit. I did some intense background checks into the victims before I was brutalized and had this as a working theory. I just never looked further into it because, you know, I was busy being brutalized.

I glanced around the room and saw that Jules, Gus, and my dad were all trying to digest what I had just told them.

After a moment, Gus spoke up: "Okay, so what role does The Tribunal play in all this? Are they just a bunch of mindless lackeys?"

I nodded and resumed folding my paper, "Well, sort of. As you know, Gavin went rogue there for a bit. Julia tried valiantly to cover up for him, and then hacked the computers and whatnot in the station. My guess is that Officer Townsend helped her, and then got rid of the security footage. He also probably kept Gav up to date on what was happening with me while he was in prison. And then they all probably played a role in setting up that scavenger hunt and rigging the warehouse to blow. And by 'they all', we could be talking dozens of people. Who knows how far this thing has spread?"

Jules sighed heavily and ran a hand over her face, "I don't like the idea of tracking all of these guys down. Especially now that we don't have Charles Sloane to turn on them."

Henry snorted, "Yeah, like that nut job woulda turned on anyone in the first place."

If I might clarify, Charles Sloane is not dead. However, he got caught up in his own explosion and came out with a severe head trauma. He's in a coma and the doctors think that, if he ever wakes up, he'll have brain damage.

Tragic.

At this point I saw that the conversation was taking an unwanted turn: depressing, exhausting, and not led by me. So naturally I nudged it in a different direction.

"I cannot believe that Lassie has slept through all of this." I commented, putting the finishing touches on my paper.

Jules glanced over her shoulder and shrugged, "He's had a rough week."

She was sitting in between our beds.

Oh yeah. Lassie and I were sharing a hospital room.

That was…interesting.

I shook my head, looking at the sleeping man across the room, "And I haven't? If I'm awake Lassie should be scaling the building."

"The man was shot, Shawn. Saving you." Gus spoke up with his 'teacher' voice, "Have a little respect."

"Gus, don't be the funsize Starburst that comes with two yellows. My point is perfectly valid. Lassafrass has slept through all the exposition! I'm just going to have to…expose…all over again when he wakes up!"

"Not even close." Gus shook his head.

"…Expate?" I prompted.

"Nope."

"…Expound?" I offered.

"It works." Gus finally conceded, "You could have just gone with 'explain', but whatever."

Sometimes Gus and I don't see eye-to-eye when it comes to how sophisticated our vernacular should be.

"I'm just going to have to expound all over again when he wakes up! This won't do at all!"

And with that I picked up my freshly completed paper airplane, drew back my arm, and, before anyone could stop me, let it fly. It glided majestically across the room, coming to a halt only when it crashed into the nose of a certain sleeping head detective.

"Shawn!" My dad or Gus or Jules or maybe (probably) all three yelled.

But I was too busy watching the hilariously flailing figure to care.

Lassie swatted at his face and began to bolt upright. He then allowed his body to crash back to the mattress, seemingly remembering the gun under his pillow. He blindly groped for his weapon before seemingly realizing that it wasn't there. At this point he seemed to remember exactly where he was.

"Dammit, Spencer!" He shouted.

Or tried to shout. He had been asleep for a large part of the past week, and his voice hadn't quite been restored to its former glory.

"Would you stop doing that?" Lassie growled (that will never stop being funny).

Indeed this was the fourth time in three days I'd woken him with a paper plane to the face. What can I say? I have great aim. And there weren't a ton of ways to mess with him while we were both confined to hospital beds. To be honest, I can't believe I got the plane off without Jules or my dad intercepting it. They must have been too engrossed in my captivating narrative to notice what I was doing.

"Oh, lighten up, Lassitarian! I'm just trying to share my coloring book!" I beamed at him.

Lassiter unfolded my masterful paper plane to look at the ThunderCats coloring page. He then turned to glare at me while he ripped the page to shreds.

Rude. Fair, but rude.

"Oh man! That was Lion-O!"

"You know," Jules spoke up, "We should really get going. Visiting hours are almost over."

I stuck my lip out in that way that women find irresistible. "But Jules! You can't honestly leave me alone with Lassie! There's a three in five chance he'll kill me in my sleep!"

"Four in five." Lassiter piped up, unhelpfully.

Juliet stood up and leaned over my bed. She ran her fingers through my hair in that enchanting way of hers. "I can. In fact I have to." She bent down a bit more a kissed my forehead, "You'll be fine, Shawn. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay." I agreed dully.

"Don't kill Shawn tonight, Carlton," Jules threw over her shoulder as she left, my dad and Gus in her wake.

"I'm not making any promises!" Lassie called after her.

It was a long night. It was a long week.

Lassie and I were roomies for the next five days. He was discharged after that. I was in the hospital for another week and a half after that.

I don't know if you know this, but hospitals are boring.

Anyways, I bet you're wondering what's going on with me now. And by 'me', I mean 'me and Jules'. Seeing as that's actually the only thing in my life that's changed from the beginning of the story.

Well, you'll be glad to know (unless you've fallen madly in love with me over the course of my telling of this tale, in which case you'll be devastated to know) that Jules and I have gone from 'maybe dating but maybe not' to 'definitely dating'. In fact, some would say we're in a relationship.

And by some I mean all. We're in a relationship.

It's going well, and to be honest that's about all I feel inclined to tell you about my love life. I don't know why I'm drawing the line here, seeing as I've given you insight into my innermost thoughts during a fairly crucial time in my life, but oh well. The line has been drawn.

I'm doing well in all other aspects—I've just about completely healed from my encounter with Mr. E. As has Lassie. Pretty much the entirety of the SBPD is devoting every spare moment to tracking down members of The Tribunal.

Oh, and everyone at the department has deleted their Twitter accounts.

OooOooO

Please forgive the ending. I never have and probably never will know how to end a story.

Anyways, that's it! That's the story! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I'm actually quite glad with how the final chapter ended up. I'd have liked a bit more Shules but I snuck some in there. I didn't realize how many loose ends I had to tie up, and I felt that was what was most important. I sort of let my Shawn voice run away with this chapter, so I hope it's not too out there!

Please feel free to message me if you have any questions about anything! Hopefully you will hear from me again soon. I want to write a solid chunk of my next story before I post it (to avoid that six-month gap I had so often this time…), but you haven't seen the last of me!

As always and for the last time, please let me know what you think! Your reviews mean so much to me!

Thanks again, and Happy Holidays! :D