Pure Dumb Luck

Summary: When cornered by an enamored Rock Lee yet again, Sakura makes a desperate attempt to escape his advances… nonmassacre / ItaSaku / oneshot

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Naruto.

Sakura's day was not going so well.

And for her, the girl that Ino had taken upon herself to dub Miss-perpetually-cheerful-and-optimistic, that was indeed saying something. From the moment she had woken up this morning to discover that her favorite pair of shorts were ripped and her hair had somehow transformed into an endless bird's nest in the night, she should have known that the rest of the day's events would probably be following in the same manner of misery. Hell, after she burned breakfast into a charcoaled mess three times in a row and accidentally dropped her favorite coffee cup on her kitchen floor, hence making her horribly late for work at the hospital, she should have just thrown up her hands in surrender and crawled back into bed in pitiful defeat. Because today was obviously the unofficial day of, "Let's Make Sakura Cry."

And no one had even given her a memo. Life really sucked sometimes.

Now, after six grueling hours of toiling under Tsunade's watchful eye at the hospital, all the while suffering patients' groping hands and roving eyes and simultaneously bickering with a few of the old biddy nurses employed there who felt the need to assert their seniority over the young pinkette, Sakura was more than ready to trudge back to her apartment, curl up on the couch with a large tub of double chocolate ice cream, and zone out on mindless chick flicks for a few hours until she fell unconscious.

It was undeniably a good plan, and Sakura departed the hospital promptly at five o'clock with every intention of making it happen.

Unfortunately, fate wasn't quite done having a good laugh at her, as Sakura found out to her demise that evening. For who else should be waiting for her as she exited the gated walls of Konoha General Hospital than one bushy-eyebrowed, bowl-cut-haired, green-suited advocate of the never-ending Springtime of Youth, who also happened to be horribly in love with her.

One clue: It wasn't Gai.

Though after spotting Rock Lee eagerly jogging in place near the gates of the hospital, the blinding flash of his pearly teeth visible even from twenty feet away, Sakura was beginning to think she'd rather see anyone than him at the moment.

Sakura sighed, silently reprimanding herself for her mean thoughts, even as she inwardly groaned. It wasn't that she hated Lee—on the contrary, she had a genuine fondness for the dark-haired boy, and couldn't ever forget how much his bravery during the Chunin exams had inspired her to work harder than ever on the path to becoming a true kunoichi. She loved him dearly as a friend, for there were so few boys who were as earnestly sweet and unfailingly kind, and on most days his romantic antics usually brought a small but true smile to her face, for what girl didn't enjoy being desired? Even if it WAS from a miniature clone of Guy…

But dealing with the second-most-loud-mouthed ninja in Konoha (Naruto, of course, held the reigning title as champion) took more patience than she had at the moment, she wasn't quite up to being endlessly begged for a date while listening to a long string of her charms, all of which had something to do with "youthfulness" and "spring."

Brushing an errant lock of hair sticking to her damp forehead, Sakura hastily searched for a quick escape before Lee noticed her approach. Desperately, she scanned the walls of the hospital compound, discreetly edging towards them with nervous steps. Maybe, if she could just scale them with some well-placed chakra relocated to her feet, she would be able to hightail it back to her apartment without her admirer being ever the wiser…

"SAKURA-SAN!"

Damn it.

Sakura visibly sagged as her name was enthusiastically screamed by an unmistakable voice. A breath of tired air escaped her, cheeks already growing a rosy apple red as a few passerby laughed at the sight of the black-haired figure waving his arms wildly to catch her attention, a full-blown grin shining on his rounded face.

Well, she bemoaned, straightening and fixing a smile on her face as she gave a tiny wave in return. There was really no avoiding it now. Mentally apologizing to her overworked brain and already sensitive ears, she covered the remaining distance between her and the energetic would-be paramour waiting for her.

"Hello, Lee-san," she greeted wearily, trying not to squint in pain as he unleashed the full blinding force of his teeth with a smile. "It's nice to…" She blanched as she caught sight of his green jump suit, wondering if it was against his personal code to wear anything else. Honestly, those things were so skin tight that she had seen far more of Lee and Gai's bodies than she ever wanted to. Catching herself, she finished, "It's nice to see you here."

Sakura jumped back to avoid having her eye poked out as Lee shoved his thumb upward in the classic "thumbs up" pose. She eyed it nervously, beginning to wonder if she would get through his proposals without any bodily injury.

"Yosh, Sakura-san!" was the cheerful reply she got. "It is wonderful to see you as well! And I have to say you're looking as lovely and healthful as your name implies!"

Somehow, Sakura could just envision that all of his words ending in exclamation marks. Given Lee's penchant for being upbeat, it really wasn't hard to do. Sakura also resisted informing Lee that Sakura blossoms had tragically short lives, and if she was really living up to her name she'd probably be shriveled up and dead right now, due to the fact that it was the middle of fall. Poor Lee, she mused, he really was trying hard, and she didn't have the heart to crush him just then.

She gave him a half-hearted smile, and could only hope this encounter wasn't going to last past a few minutes. She could just hear that ice cream at home calling out her name in a seductive tone, beckoning to her… "Thanks. Uh…I hope you're doing well too?"

"Yes, indeed! Especially now that I have been graced by the fates to look upon your visage of freshness!" Lee replied cheerfully.

"Ah. I…see?" Sakura honestly couldn't think of anything to say to that. And really, what did one say to that sort of thing? She supposed the usual response when one came across a man in a green jumpsuit spouting love poetry at you was to scream and run away, but it wasn't like she could do that to Lee. "Thanks, Lee. But I'm kinda in a hurry, so if you need me for something, why don't you just tell me what it is?"

Not a date, not a date, she prayed.

"Of course! I've come to ask my flaming cherry-blossom of forever burning youth and beauty, kindness and compassion, sweetness and respectability—"

Sakura nearly choked, wanting to just curl up in a hole and die as the duo began getting strange looks. Frantically she began, "Erm, Lee-san—!"

"—Out on a date!" Lee finished, with some sort of weird flourish of the hands.

Sakura blinked, her worst fears already being confirmed. Stalling for direly needed time, she repeated slowly, "You…came here just to ask me out?"

Lee gave what he apparently thought was a roguish wink, grinning again. "Yes indeed, Sakura-san!"

How do I get out of this one? Be tactful, Sakura, be tactful.

She glanced down at her hands for a moment, insides already twisting at the thought of having to hurt Lee by turning down his offer for a date…again. But…the sooner he came to accept the fact that she felt nothing beyond friendship for him, the sooner he would be able to find someone he could actually be happy with. Sakura was a firm believer in soulmates, and she was positive that there must be a fitting girl for Lee out there somewhere…perhaps another semi-insane human with a strange attraction to green. It was possible.

"Lee…" She intoned gently, purposefully leaving off the honorary –san so as to soften the inevitable blow. Hesitantly, she raised her green eyes until they met his dark, round ones, already swallowing hard when confronted by the hopefulness she saw dancing in them.

Oh hell, she thought despairingly, already feeling her heart melting into a small pile of sympathetic goo at the sight. How was she supposed to say "no" when he looked like an innocent little lamb, with eyes as tender and naïve as a newborn? Turning him down would be the equivalent of mercilessly kicking a whimpering puppy dog, or punting a soft little kitten out the door.

If she hadn't been aware that he would have taken it as a declaration of her passionate, undying love, she would have accepted his offer of a date, just to give him a little reprieve in her constant refusals of him. But, knowing Lee, if she gave him one date, she'd never be able to get rid of him after that.

And just like that, the thought of seeing those eyebrows every day for the rest of forever caused her bleeding heart to dry up like a stingy old prune. Resolve hardened, she tried again, voice kind but firm. "Lee-san, I'm flattered, but…I've said 'no' before." She looked away guiltily, determinedly avoiding his puppy eyes, lest she be swayed. Ino always said she was far too soft for her own good. "And I'm afraid my answer hasn't changed."

To her utmost surprise, she did not receive the dejected "Very well, Sakura-san, my love for you shall persevere despite this obstacle" or "Then I shall run five hundred laps around Konoha in one hour to prove my devotion to you, Sakura-san!" that she had heard so often before upon turning him down, but instead was greeted with a hearty laugh.

Confused, and worried that maybe this last rejection had caused poor Lee to snap, Sakura turned a wide-eyed gaze on the seventeen-year-old in front of her, who was wearing a grin that threatened to split his face into two parts.

"L-Lee?" She stammered, quickly reaching out to gingerly touch him. "Are you…feeling alright?"

And then she was once again forced to leap back as two enthusiastic thumbs were thrust before her face. Again. "Yes, Sakura-san! I have never felt better!"

She raised an eyebrow, more confused than ever. This was not typical-Lee behavior, particularly not when she had again brushed him and all thoughts of dating him aside. Staring at him, she said slowly, "Lee...um…did you hear me wrong maybe?"

But Lee was busy staring at her dreamily, and Sakura was starting to get very, very scared.

Maybe Lee had accidentally misheard her, and thought she had said "yes" instead of "no"? This time not bothering to be cautious, she bluntly went on, "Lee-san, I said that I wouldn't go on a date with you. Were you listening?"

Her words seemed to snap Lee out of whatever weird coma of happiness he had been in, for he gasped in horror, already-large eyes going larger as he blinked owlishly at her. "Sakura-san! Of course I was listening! I would never ignore the lyrical words worthy of the sounds of Spring that my cherry blossom of passion emits!"

While Sakura was desperately trying to decipher exactly what Lee had just said (that seemed to be half the battle when one talked to Lee: you had to cut through the flowery descriptions to get to the meat of the subject), the boy continued on in a cheerful frenzy. "Though you have refused, this time I shall not despair! I myself was surprised that I could ever hope for another chance with the most breath-taking flower of them all, yet it appears that fate has decided to interfere on my behalf, and it is beyond a doubt that we shall be joined in the throes of happiness that is a date!"

Sakura could only manage to stare at him blankly, and half-heartedly attempt to discern what he was on about now. Tonelessly, she uttered, "Eh? Fate…?"

"Yes, fate!" Lee agreed animatedly, abruptly reaching into his back pouch and whipping out a tiny, crumpled scroll of paper. "For while I was dining on Chinese delicacies with my most beloved teammates and sensei, the destined fortune hidden within the bowels of my cookie proved to me that I had given up on achieving your love far too soon!" He beamed down at the scroll cradled in his hand, before returning his attention to her.

Feeling numb, Sakura stretched her hand out, and Lee happily complied with her unspoken request, carefully placing the white paper onto her palm as though it was his dearest treasure. With mechanical movements and a sort of incredulous disbelief, she unrolled the scroll and read that words that had obviously misled Lee completely.

Dreams of love shall be fulfilled. Go out and act upon them.

Your lucky numbers are 3, 45, 68, 12, 17

Sakura belatedly realized, after perusing the contents of the paper, that Lee was still talking at full speed.

"And of course, Guy-sensei convinced me that I had received that cookie for a purpose, and that its purpose was to fan the fiery embers on my weakening resolve, to once again ignite my soul and turn my despair into an iron will! Yosh!"

She couldn't believe it. Of all the things…Sakura's eyes darkened, and she suddenly felt exceedingly irritated. This was the cause of her headache? A little slip of paper he'd found in a Chinese cookie?

"Lee-san," she ground out, striving to keep her tone borderline polite.

He stopped mid-ramble, pausing to flash her a smile. "Yes, Sakura-san?"

She paused for a moment, breathing in deeply. Had Naruto or Sasuke been there, they would have known it was about time to run for the hills and out of reach of their teammate's fists.

"You asked me out…because a FORTUNE COOKIE told you to?"

Lee remained blissfully ignorant of the warning signs. "Indeed! For who am I to interfere with the workings of destiny!"

Sakura was exhausted, and completely out of patience. Exasperation in her words, she mindlessly proceeded to drill out, "Lee, I can't go out with you, I won't go out with you, you're one of my dear friends but I just CANNOT DATE YOU!"

By this point she was practically yelling, and some people walking past in the busy hustle that was the dinner hour in Konoha were beginning to point and snicker. Sakura, for her part, just wanted to melt into a tiny puddle of Sakura-goo and be absorbed by the dirt…especially once she caught sight of Lee's taken-aback, yet downtrodden face.

She recoiled as she thought of her own heartless words: the kicked puppy look was back. Somehow, she suddenly felt like the evil old witch in the stories she had enjoyed when she was young—cruel and insensitive, making people miserable with her selfish attitude. Damn her conscience…

"S-Sakura-san, I don't quite understand…" Oh god, his big eyes were staring at her with that hurt look; if they started welling up with tears she just knew that would be the end of her. "Why?"

She placed a soft hand on her forehead, willing herself to just get through this. "Lee-san, I can't because—because—"

Where the hell were Naruto and Sasuke when you needed a timely intervention by two jealous, overprotective males? She grouched to herself as she frantically tried to think of a plausible excuse. She ran a hand through her pink locks distractedly. "I can't because…"

Lee stared at her pitifully. "Why?"

"I—I—" I need a good excuse! She looked up to the heavens, hopeful for a bolt of inspiration to come streaking down and smack her on the forehead. It was a big enough target after all…

"Yes, Sakura-san?"

What would Ino do in this situation? Bad question—that pig has no morals at all. Then again…

"Lee, I can't date you because I'm…I'm already dating someone else!" She blurted out. And then promptly clasped a horrified hand over her mouth. Had she really just said that? She, the girl who hadn't even received her first kiss yet?

Lee's face was no less horrified. "You are, Sakura-san?"

Well, the damage had already been done, so what was the harm in continuing the little white lie? "Erm, yes," she confirmed reluctantly. "I am, actually."

Perhaps something of her halting manner gave her away, because now Lee was regarding her a little dubiously. After all, it was no secret that Sakura's two best friends and sensei took unholy amounts of pleasure in driving off any potential mates she might happen upon. It was the primary reason why most men tended to shy away from her with fearful looks after realizing who exactly it was they were attempting to chat up. Lee was one of the few lucky ones Naruto and Sasuke hadn't yet tracked and beat up, probably because they didn't regard him as any real threat. Still, the majority of Konoha single, available guys seemed to be well aware of the fact that she was off limits, by order of a Jinchuuriki and the genius of the Uchiha clan.

"But…I haven't seen you with anyone…"

"Oh, I'm definitely happily and blissfully and joyfully in love," she interrupted blithely, rambling on and more than a little aware that she was beginning to sound like the man in green himself. "He's wonderful, perfect, we're really happy with each other!" Now she was just drawing off of what she had heard Ino boast of in her boyfriends countless times. She was aware of how depressing it was that the only knowledge of men she had was through her best friend's boisterous bragging stories of her many escapades.

Jeez, for a sixteen-year-old girl, she might as well have been living the lifestyle of a reclusive nun.

"Sakura-san, may I ask then, who exactly are you dating?" Lee perked up slightly. "At least give me his name, so that I may know whom to challenge in a match of love!"

"Um…" Well crap, she hadn't thought of that part. Her mystery man needed a name. But then again, she couldn't just name anyone, not if Lee was intending on speeding off to hunt them down and propose a duel for her love. And it wasn't like there was really anyone out there who would be stupid enough to participate in said duel anyways, since the promise of her love probably wasn't the hugest incentive out there…

Now she was just depressing herself.

"Sakura-san?" Now Lee was beginning to sound doubtful. She repressed a sigh—he had probably seen the conflict brewing in her expressions. "Are you sure that you're really—"

Panicked that Lee was going to deduce that she was blatantly lying to him (Sakura had been told, quite frankly, several times over that her lying skills were no better than an epileptic hamster's) and that he was going to renew his proclamations of love, Sakura exclaimed joyfully, "Look! There he is!" And pointed enthusiastically into the crowded main street they were standing a little off to the side of.

As Lee whirled around to look, Sakura desperately leaned over, stuck a hand out, and grabbed the first male-looking figure that happened to be close enough to yank towards her.

Without bothering to check what poor soul she had snatched from the crowd, she closed her eyes tightly, and reminded herself that after this Lee would ditch her and she would be thankfully free to go home…

…so she steeled her resolve, reminded herself that she only lived once, and quickly leaned up on tip-toe to softly press her mouth in a brief kiss against the lips of the man in front of her.

It was…weird, to say the least. She had never kissed anyone in such a way before, and she innocently decided that the sensation of warm lips upon lips wasn't entirely bad, just…strangely different. Nice, maybe?

She heard Lee's penetrating gasp of horror through her adrenaline-induced haziness of mind. She couldn't really blame him though, since she was currently wondering what insanity had possessed her to go and give away her first kiss to some random stranger, just for the sake of ridding herself of an over-exuberant boy.

Oh my god!

The enormity of what she had just gone slammed into her mind so suddenly that she pulled away just as quick as she could, only opening her eyes to stare at the ground in extreme mortification. She was sure that she could feel every ounce of blood in her body rushing upwards to flood her cheeks with red.

What in the world had she been thinking?

Hesitantly, she looked up, stammering out, "I'm—I'm so sor—"

The 'sorry' died on her parted lips as she finally looked at just who she had so abruptly pulled from the packed street.

Her eyes widened to the size of the ramen bowls Naruto loved so much, and all color drained from her normally flushed face.

The only thought running through her oddly quiet, paralyzed mind at that moment was that she could fully understand Lee's shocked gasp. If her mouth had had the capability of working at that moment, she most likely would have gasped herself. Maybe even screamed.

For standing in front of her, with his dark, unreadable eyes locked on her frozen face and his mouth quirked upwards slightly in a way that suggested amusement, was none other than Uchiha Itachi.

Her best friend's older brother.

The prodigy genius and heir to the Uchiha Clan.

And most especially, her sometimes team captain.

Oh god, she was in so much trouble. She was, in short, screwed.

"Good evening, Sakura."

Yep, definitely screwed.

Not sure if it's just a one-shot or has possibilities of a continuation. It was really just an idea that popped into my head. Oh, and um…I'm not dead? If anyone's been wondering at the lack of updates on other stories. Just been away at college, though I guess that's not so different from being dead XD

Anyhow, please read and review!