Prologue

''The biggest human pain is to understand the impossibility of love.''
Stig Dagerman

Andy closed the front door and leaned against it. She sighed and looked around. The room looked different without him in it.

He had spent Christmas with her and their daughters. Jesse and Lizzy had both went to friends houses, and the house was now empty except from her.

When they were wrapping presents the day before she had gotten mad because some kid had charged her too much for a DVD. When he tried to calm her down she had found out he had been in therapy for a year and had gone to anger management workshops.

Nearly 2 years earlier he had hit her and she had told him to get help or there marriage would be over. He refused to go and she had kicked him out. After that he said that he was going to the anger management workshops, but that had turned out to be a lie.

''I don't need any of that mumbo jumbo, Andy,'' was what he had told her. That was after he had said that he was moving to California and had asked her to move with him.

Finding out that he had been lying was what hurted the most, every lie felt like another slap in the face. That was what she had told him and she had meant every word.

He had moved to California and she had stayed in Philadelphia with Jesse and Lizzy. The first few weeks after that, as her anger subsided, she had wondered if she had made a mistake by not forgiving him.

Then she started to date Milo and filed for divorce. She was happy again, and then he got killed in a car accident.
She knew Les didn't like Milo just because she was dating him. She knew Les didn't like her dating anybody except him. Yet, he had still been there for her when Milo died, which, looking back, had made her feel better.

At the time she had hated it. She couldn't stand how calm and comforting everybody had been while she had trouble to not start screaming. She had wanted to yell at people, tell them to do something, anything... She would have done nearly everything to bring him back.

Now a few months had past since his death and she had been in therapy, which had made her realize that Milo wasn't coming back. And more importantly that it wasn't her fault he had died.

Being had doctor meant that she had to deal with people dying everyday, but it had been awhile since it had been somebody so close to her.
Talking to her therapist had made her see things clearer.

After Milo's death she had felt very detached from everybody she knew, especially Les. But last night something had changed, hearing him talk about all the things he had done, the things she had wanted him to do while they were still married... It had changed the way she thought about him.

Now leaning against the front door, hearing his car drive off, it made her wonder again.
She needed to know if she had made a mistake by not forgiving him. She wanted to know if she should give him, and them together, a second chance.

It took her a few seconds to realize what was different without him in the room, the room, and maybe even her life, was less bright without him in it.
Suddenly feeling tired she could barely make it to the couch and lay down before she fell asleep.

She fell into a deep dream, memories of her and Les together coming back to the surface.

When they first met, their first date, first kiss, meeting his parents, him meeting her parents, their wedding, finding out they were going to have a baby and then Jesse being born. Moving from their apartment into a house. The way he helped her as she was making her way through medical school, surprised to find out they were going to have another baby. The memory of when Lizzy was born. The many moves, the holidays and birthdays spent together.

But it was not just the events coming back to her; it was just as much how she had felt about all of it. She could have a bad dream and wake up in the middle of the night. At those moments just the idea that he was next to her was comforting enough to be able to fall asleep again.
The way his hair was all messed up when he had just woken up. The way he told her he loved her, how he made her laugh when she was sad. The way he cheered her up when she was down.

Memories of their last few months together came back, and she was reminded of their fights. At the time she had thought that they were fighting all the time because he had changed so much, looking back she knew that she had changed just as much, if not more.
Moving to Philadelphia, and everything that had led up to the move had changed them. It made them grow... in different directions.

She hadn't known that at the time but she knew now. Knowing that made her feel sad, but at the same time she had a feeling that being apart had made them grow closer in a way.

She had been able to look back and see what had gone wrong. She could see things through his eyes now, making her realize what she had done wrong. She had been given the opportunity to carefully examine their whole relationship. Thinking about it, talking about it. She didn't have to worry about damaging their marriage because it was already over.

Now she didn't know if it was too late to repair some of the broken pieces, but she wanted to try. It was the least she could do after blaming him for everything that had gone wrong between them.

Just as Andy made the decision to ask Les for a second chance she got scared. What if things went wrong again? And it wasn't just about them; it was also about Jesse and Lizzy. They needed to know what was going on. She had kept telling them over and over again that she and Les were not getting back together, and by getting back together it would just confuse them. And if things went wrong again she would have to let them know that they had broken up again. But then they wouldn't believe she and Les weren't going to get back together because she had been wrong before.

She was already freaked out over all the things that could go wrong, again, and she didn't even know if he wanted to give her, and their relationship, a second chance.

Should she get back together with him and risk getting hurt that bad again?

That was the question stuck in her mind when she woke up. Her eyes slowly opened. She was still on the couch, surrounded by darkness. She stood up slowly and walked up the stairs. As she walked past the clock in the hall she saw it was nearly 11 p.m., she had been asleep for hours.

She checked on Jesse and Lizzy, both asleep. They probably didn't want to wake her up when they got home. Andy walked into her bedroom and sat down on the bed, looking around.

Realizing she wasn't tired she went back downstairs and sat down in the kitchen, turning on her computer. She opened up her mail, no new e-mails. She removed old e-mails that were still in her inbox and opened up a new mail.

She typed in his e-mail adress and stared at it for a few seconds. Andy sighed not even knowing why she had opened it. She wanted to be sure he wanted to give her a second chance before she did anything. But how would she know if she didn't ask him?

At that moment her mind started racing and she decided to just ask him. She started typing and everything just came out. What she thought had gone wrong between them the first time, that she would try harder if he gave her a second chance, all the things she loved about him, how happy she was that he had always been there for her.

When she finally got to the question the whole mail had been leading up, the mail was three pages long.

Will you please give me another chance?

Love, Andy.

That was how it ended. She reread it and put her mouse on the send button. But she didn't click. She selected everything and after only half a second of hesitation she clicked on the delete button on her keyboard.

Sometimes I wish I was a sailor
way out on the stormy sea,
far away from the city
oh and all this misery,
and I wish that I could tell you
just how much you mean to me,
no matter where I run to,
I'll never lose your memory.

Sometimes I close my eyes and drift away,
I can't forget the things I didn't say,
I chose a life that took me away from you,
and I will be forever blue.

She decided to let her heart take over. ''I love you.'', was all she typed before hitting the send button. She knew he loved working until deep in the night so he would read it soon.

When you wake up in tomorrow
and I'm no longer by your side,
just don't think too much about me
and of the many times you've cried,
and wherever you may wander
may good fortune be your guide,
go find another lover,
one who'll never leave your side.

Just a few minutes later she got an e-mail back. Just four little words: ''I love you too.'' She read it over and over again.

I chose a life that took me away from you,
and I will be forever blue.

She still wasn't entirely sure she had done the right thing, and she would probably never be, but she felt better about herself and her future. It didn't matter anymore if her future was alone or with him, he knew she loved him and she knew he loved her. And that was all that mattered.

I don't know yet if this is just going to be a one-shot. For now I'm just going to put it as in progress. If you think I should continue or have any ideas for future chapters for this story or an idea for a new story just review or send me a message.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own this show just the idea for the story.