Kishi no Kakera

A/N: Once again, here we are. I've been gone for 2 months, and for good reason. Due to an injury at work, I was unable to work or type for 3 weeks, and though I had ideas during that time, I couldn't put any of them into the story until I recovered, and it took time to either place them in the story or set-up for them to happen. Despite this, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Here is Chapter 31: Harmonization.

Over the next few weeks, my relationship with Rena grew steadily. As we hadn't truly seen each other in six years, we decided to start dating before we decided what form our newfound relationship would take. Though we couldn't leave the compound, we did what we could. Rena took over the kitchen one day to cook for us, and we enjoyed a movie while we ate. We played games, and slowly re-established the rapport we once had. Occasionally, we invited the others to join us, but for the most part it remained the two of us. When not spending time with one another, Rena was training alongside Satoko under Shion's tutelage, and I began accompanying her in order to offer my own advice and insight. I found myself spending a lot of time with Rena in her room, and one day I arrived to find my few belongings and a second bed within. I took the hint.

Keiichi was often away, doing his duties as an officer, but he still took the time to occasionally drop by. Even though I still thought of him as a friend, it was clear that we were more distant than before. On the other hand, Satoko spent a lot of time with Keiichi when he was here, which showed that they still had a strong bond. I usually left them alone during those times.

I also continued my sessions with Rie, though I didn't make any more breakthroughs. Once I'd managed to catch up to the present, Rie mentioned she approved of what Kasai had taught me concerning ethics and morality, and slowly our sessions morphed from therapy to philosophy.

Saturday, September 9, 1989: Sonozaki Compound

"…though if that was the case, you'd expect more people to join volunteer groups and charities. I stand by my stance that most people are inherently self-centered, caring only about what's close to them." I said.

"Then why do you fight so hard to save a girl you've only truly known for a month at best." Rie countered.

"I'm not exactly a neutral subject Rie. Hanyuu saved my life, I felt indebted to her. Had she approached me without offering me anything in return, I would have likely refused her. I care about my friends, thus my protection of them is still self-centric. And before you say Hanyuu is acting altruistically, I counter that she wants me to protect Rika, her close friend. I care about them, but I also recognize that we're all acting in our own self-interest. We're all selfish, myself included." I said.

"How can it be selfish if you're protecting others?" Rie said.

"Because I want to preserve the good feelings I have when I'm around them. I'm not saying such a thing is wrong, it's simply how people are wired. We simply can't bring the same level of compassion to someone we don't know as we can to a close friend or family member, and further along that line, most people care more about themselves than even those close to them. People generally only act in defense of others when such an action is mutually beneficial, or at the very least, only suffering a token loss. I mean really, how many people out there donate a small sum of money to a charity and call themselves generous and charitable? A person such as me; who is willing to risk everything for what they care about is the exception, not the rule. How close someone is to us is proportionate to the level of effort we're willing to expend to protect or maintain a relationship. My friends are like family to me, thus I'm willing to offer my life in place of theirs...though that puts me in an interesting conundrum." I said.

"Oh? Do tell." Rie said, intrigued.

"Well…if a friend was in trouble, and the only way I could save them was through self-sacrifice, then I'd be torn between my desire to help Rika and my desire to save the friend directly in front of me. I'm…not sure what I'd do. Not to mention my feelings towards Rena." I said.

"You'd search for a method that would allow you to save your friend without dying, obviously. And if that failed…"

"Yes?" I asked, curious to her opinion on me.

"You would weigh the life of Rika, as well as the potential future versions of your friends…against the single life in front of you. Kasai and I have done our best to soften the edges of your psyche…but you are very much a pragmatic person. You would choose Rika, even if it were all your friends, not just one. The only one who might cause you to hesitate is Rena." Rie said.

At one point, Rie's blunt appraisal of me would have angered me, but I'd grown to appreciate her insights, even if they weren't what I wanted to hear.

"You think so? I'm not so sure. I've never been good at maintaining my grip on long-term objectives in the heat of battle. When I fought Shion, and was attempting to stall for time, I lost control, and it resulted in our mutual deaths. Had a police presence showed up, I may have been able to survive it, and save the others."

"That is one possible outcome. On the other hand, Shion may have proven too formidable, and all it would have done is add more victims. She had attained Level 5 of the Syndrome, had she not? She hasn't even acquired that power in this world…at least, not in a controllable manner, and yet she is a deadly opponent in battle. But that's besides the point. The point is that second-guessing yourself is the danger of hindsight, to fail to see the possibilities that are inferior to the one that was chosen." Rie said, with a light tone of chastisement. I smiled.

"You're right. Though…what did you mean by Rena causing me to hesitate?" I asked.

"The relationship you've built with Rena is one built on trust earned in a life and death situation; that is, your battle atop the burning school. You might hesitate because it is not a relationship you can easily replace." Rie said.

"Replace!? Are you saying I'm simply replacing my friends when I move between worlds!? That's…" I started to raise my voice, but Rie held up a hand. I cut off my sentence, and listened to her.

"No, not in the way you're taking it. I don't doubt that you care deeply for your friends, and you aren't doing something as crass as tossing them away with each world you progress through. All I was saying is that though you may be able to re-befriend Rena in the next world…you won't have the basis for a romantic relationship, at least not on arrival. It's the one relationship you have that's evolved beyond simple friendship, and without significant effort, you can't reclaim that."

"I'm practically a brother to Satoko and to Shion as well…" I argued.

"…both of which are easy for you to re-forge with your knowledge about them. Rescuing Satoko and telling Shion of Satoshi would easily replace those relationships." Rie said.

"You make it sound like I'm manipulating them…" I said.

"I hate to break it to you, but when you have future knowledge and act on it, you become a manipulator. Whether you use that knowledge for good or ill though, depends on you." Rie said. I nodded.

"I suppose you're right. However…I refuse to become a friend based on false pretenses. I'm going to present myself as myself, and go from there. I shouldn't have a problem, seeing as they befriended me in the first place…but I have changed since I arrived in Hinamizawa. If they don't befriend me in the next world…I'm not going to force it. I'd only consider telling them if they're my friends anyways, and only if the situation prompted it. The last thing I want to do is bring the same suffering Rika and I feel to them." I said.

"And that is what makes you an upstanding young man. I see that the work Kasai started has been completed." Rie said. I laughed a little at that, before reaching for my wheelchair.

"Thank you for the discussion Rie, as always, it was enlightening. Anyways, look at the time, Rena will be done training soon; I'd like to be there when she gets back." I said.

"Of course. This was rather enjoyable for me as well Ryan. Give my regards to Rena and Satoko for me." Rie said.

"Why can't you?" I said.

"I'm afraid I've got nothing left to teach you. I would like to say that your mind is fully healed…but even were that the case, you're a warrior, and I know you'll hurt yourself in the future. Remember your friends, and what we spoke of, they'll help you cope. I would like to stay with you, but unfortunately, I still need to work for a living and I can't live off of the Sonozaki's generosity forever. I'm afraid that this is most likely the last time we'll speak like this." Rie said. I nodded sadly.

"That makes sense…still, don't be a stranger. I'd love to have more discussions with you in the future, even if it's as friends, not as patient and psychologist." I said.

"We'll see. Good day, Ryan." Rie said, as she stood and left the room. I wheeled out shortly after her, and made my way to Rena's and my room. Opening the door, I pushed myself out of the chair and into my bed. I glanced at the second bed in the room, noting that Rena hadn't made her bed before starting training.

Lazybones…

I smiled and began to daydream, awaiting her arrival. She had practically forced me to move from the infirmary, taking over my basic treatment from the medics. The only time Mion had attempted to convince her to keep me there had ended in disaster, and thus we were left to our own devices, though we hadn't truly taken advantage of the situation, partly due to my injuries and partly because our relationship hadn't reached that level yet.

"Hello Ryan-kun. How was your discussion with Rie-san?" Rena said as she walked into the room.

"It was enjoyable. We were discussing how most people seem to be self-centered." I said.

"And which side were you debating for?" Rena asked, as she gathered some clothing.

"The side stating people are self-centered." I said.

"I see. More self-criticism? Well anyways…I'm going to go have a shower, and then we'll be off to dinner." Rena said, before walking into the bathroom and shutting the door. After a moment, I heard the water start up.

This is nice. But…how long can this last? It's been two and a half months since the attack. Did we weaken their forces enough to cause this great a lull? I doubt it…I'm sure their planning something. If only we could move the base…but we don't have another compound, and they'd simply follow us when we moved anyways. No, the enemy knows where we are. Fortunately, the same limitation applies to them, if we haven't found them already; it's only a matter of time. I just wish I knew what was going on. Mion's keeping me in the dark though…

We finished our dinner, during which we discussed what I had spoken of with Rie, and had decided afterwards to sit out on the riverbank, watching the stars as they slowly appeared. To my surprise, Rena shared my own interest in astronomy, and we took turns identifying constellations, and making up our own once we couldn't find any more. This lasted about an hour, before Rena suddenly sat up and stared at me.

"You're tense. What's wrong?" Rena asked.

"Huh? What do you…?" I trailed off as Rena gave me a look. I sighed, sitting up.

"…I don't know why we haven't been attacked again. We didn't do all that much damage to the Yamainu forces last time, so it doesn't make sense." I said. Rena rolled her eyes, knowing how much I dwelled on this particular topic, but didn't try and change the subject.

"It is fortuitous though, it's given you a chance to heal from your Syndrome overuse." Rena said.

Wait a minute…

"Maybe that's it. The masked man…I'm almost certain he can also use the Syndrome…maybe he's injured just as badly as me, and they're waiting for him to recover. He could be their striker, just like Shion and I are for our side." I said.

"In which case, as soon as you're active again, he will as well, and they may just attack at that point."

"I'm probably right, and Mion avoided telling me so I wouldn't get worked up about it." I said.

"And are you?" Rena asked. I smiled, and shook my head.

"I'm almost healed, thanks to a certain orange haired nurse I know." I said, eliciting a giggle from the young woman.

"I try." She said.

"Since that's the case, there isn't a point in jeopardizing my health for a head-start. Instead…as soon as I'm healed I want to attempt a raid on their base. If we put them on defense, it'll make things a lot easier for us, we might even be able to leave this compound occasionally. Mion's probably already thought of this, and is waiting for me to recover. Shion and I are really the only ones out of everyone here who could lead a successful operation, and we work best together. You and Satoko are both getting stronger too." I said.

"Are you going to include us as soldiers?" Rena said. I shook my head.

"Not if I can avoid it. Call me selfish, but I don't want to risk you, and that goes double for Satoko. Hell, out of all of us, she's the only one who is still technically a child. If the fighting happens here, I want you to be able to defend yourselves, but I won't put you on the front lines." I said.

"But we have to help somehow! Right now we're just dead weight." Rena said.

"You are helping. You two are my moral support…I can fight better knowing it's to keep you safe."

"That sounds so condescending…" Rena said, exasperated.

"Maybe…but I'm not changing my mind." I said stubbornly.

"And I'm not doing nothing. There's equipment that needs to be carried when you begin this type of operation, right?" Rena pouted.

"…there is that. You two could help with transport, and you'd be well away from the fighting. I wouldn't have a problem with you two helping in that way." I said. Rena smiled.

"Then it's settled." Rena said. Now in agreement, we both leaned back and began enjoying the stars once more. I glanced back at Rena, and noticed she was wasn't smiling like before, only forcing smiles when she noticed me looking at her.

She's upset…but she understands my reasons and isn't fighting me, knowing how much her safety means to me. What did I ever do to deserve her…?

"Rena-chan? Thanks…for accepting my reasons and putting up with me. I know that what's happening now isn't what you wanted, yet you're being really understanding." I said.

"Baka. Of course I understand your need to protect me, and Satoko as well. After what you've lived through, it's completely understandable. You were always like this, and I didn't expect you to change that, especially after everything that's happened." Rena said.

"Regardless, I wanted to thank you." I said.

"You're welcome. Now…let's go to the infirmary and get you checked out. Judging from how you moved earlier…you might be healed already." Rena said. I nodded, and accepted her aid in returning to the wheelchair. We set off for the infirmary, hopefully for the last time.

"If you are careful not to overexert yourself, you should be able to move around without using a wheelchair, and perhaps do some basic exercises. Give yourself another few days, and you should be able to fight as usual, though I would highly advise against using the Syndrome in any capacity." The medic informed me after the now familiar battery of tests. I nodded in response.

"It'll be good to use my own legs for once. Thanks doctor." I said.

"I'm only doing your job. Also, understand that if I find you gracing my infirmary again within the next month or so, that I have the nastiest tasting medicines you can imagine, and they'll have your name on them!" The medic said. I sweat-dropped.

"That…won't be a problem. Have a good day." I said, before making a hasty retreat.

I don't think she approves of my Syndrome use. I think I'll do my best to stay away from her, even if I'm healthy.

After leaving the infirmary, I decided to act on an idea I'd had while I was incapacitated. Now that I could actually move around, it seemed like a good time. I approached the door I'd been seeking and knocked.

"Who is it?"

"Ryan. May I come in?" I asked.

"Onii-chan? Sure, come in." Satoko called. I opened the door and stepped inside. Satoko was nowhere to be seen.

"Satoko?" I called.

"One minute. I'm getting dressed." Satoko said from inside the bathroom. I smiled and took a seat on her bed. After a moment, Satoko emerged. She had clearly just gotten out of the shower.

"What did you need?" Satoko asked me.

"Well…I've been thinking a lot..."

"Should I be worried? You didn't hurt yourself, did you?" Satoko teased. I lightheartedly swatted at her, though she easily dodged.

"Brat. I wanted to learn from you, specifically, how to spot and maybe trigger the types of traps you used to set back in Hinamizawa."

"Why? If it's just to avoid them, I'm not…"

"In another world, you set lethal traps to guard against the Yamainu, after Rika was killed. When I was thinking about that, I thought it could be a useful skill to be able to spot and avoid them. I plan to take care of you, but I don't want to fall victim to your worst kinds of traps accidentally. It'll also be useful if I can lead enemies into traps you've already set. As for your prank traps…I don't mind them. They're good for a laugh, and keeping everyone in a good mood is an excellent way to avoid the Syndrome. If keeping the others safe means I sit in class in wet clothes every so often, so be it." I said. Satoko looked thoughtful.

"…Alright. The last thing I want on my conscience is bad things happening to you or Rika, when I could help. I'll set up in the courtyard, come down in about an hour." Satoko said.

"Wait…I do have a question for you though. I know you're a master of traps, but how did you learn to do that originally?" I asked. Satoko smiled wistfully, and answered.

"When I was younger, I didn't have any friends. I think that's why I was so reliant on Satoshi to begin with. Because of that, I found myself on my own a lot. I decided to learn to pull pranks, hoping that some people would find it funny and become friends with me. I didn't expect people to be upset by it, and I found myself even more alone. Despite that, I enjoyed pranking people, so I kept it up, getting better and better at it. Eventually, I started working on traps as well, using the mountain behind the shrine as my practice grounds. I called it my own personal playground. I actually met Rika outside school for the first time when she followed me and fell into one of my traps. When I freed her, she was really good-natured about it, and we became friends quickly. She ended up becoming my practice dummy of sorts, and I don't even know how many times she invited me to her house to play afterwards. She even took me in when my u…Teppei abandoned me." Satoko said.

"So that's why you're so close to Rika." I said.

"Yeah…she's the reason I wasn't alone. You make sure to protect her, ok? I won't forgive you if you give up." Satoko said.

"Of course I'll protect her." I said.

"Ok. Like I said before, courtyard in an hour. Come prepared." Satoko said.

"I will. Thanks, Satoko-chan." I said. She smiled.

"Anytime, Onii-chan." She said, before leaving.

I remember the first world. Rena, Mion, and Satoko…they were no match for the Yamainu in that world in open combat, yet Satoko massacred them with her traps, all the while suffering from Syndrome induced insanity. It would be a tremendously useful skill if I could learn to set them, but even avoidance would be helpful, as I could lead enemies through what amount to minefields without getting caught myself.

As I approached the courtyard, I watched carefully, my awareness heightened from my past experiences with Satoko.

She can't resist…there is definitely a trap set for me. The question is…where?

I took another careful step…and felt the ground below me shift slightly.

There!

I leapt to the side as a cream pie flew through the air, sailing right past where my head had been. I rolled along the ground, unable to keep my footing.

But she would expect this…

I stopped my roll and pushed myself in the opposite direction as a mat taken from the dojo slammed into the ground beside me. While it wouldn't have caused any damage, I was still glad I hadn't been hit.

"Bravo. The first rule of avoiding traps, 'Constant vigilance', you seem to already know. Of course, you had a reason to suspect I would set this trap for you. In general, you won't have such a warning. Of course, being able to suspect a trap like this is far better than Keiichi ever managed." Satoko said, stepping out from behind a fountain.

"He did fall for your traps rather often. Also, wasting a pie like that is almost criminal." I said. Satoko laughed.

"It was a few days old, and wouldn't have been good anyways. Besides…the pie in the face never gets old."

"How do you even…I thought that was an American thing." I said. Satoko smiled impishly.

"I know a little English, mostly what I was able to glean from you when you slipped, as well as from Mion when she practiced. I saw a movie where someone pied someone else, and even if I didn't understand fully what was happening, I know comedy when I see it." Satoko said.

"I slipped?" I asked.

"Sometimes when you get angry enough, you start talking in English. And whenever Mion was taking her English lessons, I listened in and managed to pick up a bit." Satoko said. I smiled, and made the mental shift to English.

"So you can understand me when I speak like this?" I asked. Satoko frowned, and looked like she was deep in thought.

"…A little bit. I know how not words are put ordered." Satoko struggled. I shifted back to Japanese.

"You don't know the syntax, is what you mean?" I asked. Satoko nodded.

"It's a difficult language, nothing like Japanese. Nothing is like anything I know. Heck, even your name changes, from Aminiko Ryan to Ryan Aminiko. Calling people by their personal names, even if you don't know them well…it feels really weird."

"Well, it's cultural. Japan is a lot more honor and respect focused. By comparison, in America you'd likely consider everyone downright disrespectful, as they're much more informal."

"They're? You act like you aren't one of them." Satoko said.

"…I suppose I'm not. Even though I grew up there, I was born in Hinamizawa. I live and fight in Japan, for my home, Hinamizawa. Even if I grew up there…it isn't home…not anymore." I said. Satoko smiled.

"And I'm going to do my part to make sure you can protect that home, as many times as it takes." Satoko said. I nodded.

"Alright! Let's get started. Try and move through this courtyard to that yellow flag. If you identify a trap, clearly state its type and trigger. If you are caught, I'll pie you, then tell you how to avoid that kind of trap in the future." Satoko said.

"You'll pie…how many of those do you have!?" I said, surprised.

"Get caught enough and you'll find out, now hop to it!" Satoko said. I chuckled.

"Alright Satoko. I'm going." I said. I turned from her and started my training.

"There! Snare trap. I said, as I leapt over the hidden rope trigger. Too late, I noticed the leaves on the other side were slightly too neat.

"Anoth-whoa!" I found myself bound below the waist as ropes weighted with small bags of sand whirled around me. I leapt to the side as Satoko tossed a pie at me, letting it splatter harmlessly behind me. I slowly untangled myself.

"You could have died, if I had decided to have blades sticking out from those sand bags, you'd be a pincushion. Always be wary of secondary traps. I seldom set only one in an area, there are usually at least two redundant traps meant to snare people who find the first one.

"Understood." I said, scanning the area. I quickly located a small pit trap, but instead of moving, I focused on the area around it. After a moment, I could see a tripwire made of fishing line, as well as another snare.

"Pitfall, Snare, and a Tripwire. I'm going to trigger that tripwire from a distance." I said, as I picked up a rock and threw it directly at the line. The line snapped and ropes with sand bags whirled through the area. Had I set it off myself, they would have given me quite a beating, as well as likely sending me into more traps.

"Good! If you can safely set off a trap, and your only concern is to get through, then setting them off at a distance is a viable strategy. But what would you have done if you were being chased?" Satoko said.

"There was a small patch of ground around 8 inches wide between the pitfall, snare, and tripwire, which is just enough space to act as a stepping stone. I would have run through without triggering them.

"That's your task. I've set this area aside for those types of traps. Get through without triggering any of them within a minute and I'll say you've passed.

"Alright! Let's go." I said, moving to the area she had indicated.

"Ha…ha…jeez Satoko, you don't hold back…" I said, panting in exhaustion. I'd been struggling through Satoko's training ground for the better part of 4 hours, and I was wiped. Remnants of pies adorned the courtyard, indicating my failures. But I'd done it. I'd cleared her course.

"Of course not. I won't hold back in Hinamizawa, so holding back now would only handicap you. You're ready. If I awaken the Syndrome, you won't fall prey to my traps." Satoko said.

"Awaken…Satoko, I didn't say anything about the Syndrome, how did you…?"

"It wasn't that hard to figure out, and I'm not the naïve girl I was back in Hinamizawa. Whether or not you see me as 'Satoko-chan', the truth is I've done a lot of growing up since then." Satoko said.

"Yeah, that's true, and I did notice. You are definitely not the same broken girl I knew back then." I said.

"And for that, I have all of you to thank. You weren't around for the past few years…but you forced me to take the first step towards recovery. No matter what happens, however much I grow…you are my Onii-chan alongside Keiichi and Satoshi, and that won't change." Satoko said.

"Satoko-chan…" I stepped forward and hugged her.

"Onii-chan?" Satoko said in a small voice.

"Thanks." I said. I didn't elaborate on what prompted this, but she seemed to know. She melted into me, returning the hug. After a moment, she spoke in a soft voice.

"I wouldn't blame you, even if the worst happens. If I…if I threaten someone else, and you have no choice…I wouldn't blame you if you killed me." At those words, a strong feeling swept through me. Recoiling from what I felt in horror, I shoved that feeling down deep inside me. I pulled back from Satoko and held her shoulders, meeting her eyes.

"I won't! Fighting against Keiichi and Shion was different. You're too much like her; I'd rather die than hurt you."

"Like…her? You mean Chiro, don't you?" Satoko said. I nodded.

"Listen to me Ryan…I am not Chiro, and if I attack you, I'm far from innocent." Satoko said.

"That doesn't matter! If I hurt you…Satoko, I'm not as strong as you think I am. If I ever hurt you, I'd break, and I don't think I'd ever be able to put the pieces back together." I said. Satoko's eyes shot to meet mine, and she gasped at the emotion she must have seen there. She pulled me back into a hug, this time practically crushing me.

"Onii-chan…I mean…that much to you!? You…you care about me more than yourself, don't you?" Satoko said.

"Satoko…Pardon my language, but I'm a pretty crappy person. All I'm good for is killing others. Rika needs a protector, and so does Hinamizawa. I fit the bill…but that doesn't automatically make me a good person. When it really comes down to it…I'm a killer, not a saviour. How many people have I killed? I don't even know the answer to that question anymore, only that it's more than a hundred. A hundred lives ended at my hand, not to mention the ones I couldn't save. I let Rika die. I let Kasai die. I killed Keiichi and Shion and Rika and…" I said, finding myself speaking words I didn't realize applied to me until I'd said them. As I spoke, the words and pain kept spilling from me faster and faster until…

"Enough!" Satoko said forcefully. I stopped, stunned by the outburst, and Satoko took advantage, taking my hand in a powerful grip. I tried to pull away, but her grip tightened instantly, and she practically dragged me from the courtyard and quickly made her way towards the dojo.

"Satoko…you don't need to…I'm fine now." I said. Satoko didn't respond, throwing open the door to the dojo. Shion and Rena were sparring together, but stopped as we entered. Rena looked at Satoko curiously.

"Rena, you're done training for today. Ryan needs your help now, regardless of what he says. Rie wasn't enough." Satoko said. Rena looked surprised, but nodded. Shion glanced my way, and I gave an exasperated look. She shook her head and simply grabbed a pair of tonfa and began striking a large punching bag.

"Alright. Thank you Satoko." Rena said. She walked over and took my hand from Satoko, and led me out of the dojo.

Seriously…they're treating me like a child.

We arrived at our room, and Rena opened the door and pulled me inside.

"Wait here a minute. I need to talk to Satoko." Rena said, closing the door. I considered leaving regardless, but decided against it, instead choosing to lie down.

…I wonder what's going to happen.

"What happened?" Rena asked Satoko.

"When I was training him, he had a breakdown. We started talking about exactly why he was training, and it ended up with us talking about…Chiro. Shortly after she was mentioned…he started ranting about things like what a 'bad person he is' and listing off a bunch of things he blames himself for. He mentioned killing Shion and Keiichi…and Rika. I think those were in another world, seeing as both Shion and Keiichi are fine. He also blames himself for Kasai and Rika dying in this world…but the main thing is he doesn't believe in himself. He said…He said 'he's a killer, not a saviour'. He's hurting, and I can't fix it! I want to help him more than anything else…and I can't. Rena, you have to help him. Please…" Satoko said. She fell to her knees, holding herself.

"It's like Satoshi all over again. I can't…I can't lose him, not again. I can't lose another nii-nii! You have to save him…" Satoko said, before trailing off.

"…I hope I can. I can calm him down…but even Rie didn't know about this, or she wouldn't have left. If she couldn't help him…what can I do? We were bad enough…Ryan's troubles are ten times what we ever had. How can I…" Rena trailed off, a small note of despair. Satoko seemed to force herself to regain her composure, and stood again, looking directly into Rena's eyes.

"We have to. I'm not leaving this just to you, and I'll do whatever I can, but he needs you right now. You've always been the key to his heart, and we need that right now. We'll fix him. We have to." Satoko said. Rena nodded, and turned back towards the room. Watching her, she spoke under her breath, whispering to herself.

If we can't…there's no way any of us will survive. His sanity will disappear, and the Sonozaki's won't be able to face either him or the Yamainu…one of them will destroy us. And if it's Ryan…nothing will ever be able to heal his heart, once he realizes what happened. I'd rather die by my own hand than by killed by his…because he's the only one of us who can help Rika. That…and he doesn't deserve to have that sin added to his conscience…Oyashiro knows he has enough of those.

As soon as Rena walked back into the room, I knew there was going to be trouble. Not that she was angry, precisely the opposite in fact. She sat down next to me, looking all the while like someone had told her that her puppy had died.

"Why? Why are you still keeping things like this bottled up? I thought you agreed…" She trailed off.

"Rena…I didn't even realize it, until I started talking with Satoko. She was saying that she wouldn't blame me if she went nuts and I killed her." I said.

"So why would that…?" Rena began.

"Because I felt relief! I was relieved that my friend who may as well be my kid sister was giving me carte blanche to kill her! As soon as I felt that…I realized I haven't changed, not one bit. I'm still the antisocial murderer I was back in New York, only now I have the decency to feel like an ass about it!" I said.

"You're not…"

"Aren't I Rena? I have 5 friends, 6 if you count Rika since I'll see her again in the next world, 5 if you discount Shion since she won't be living in Hinamizawa and if everything goes as I'm planning I definitely won't be befriending her again, 6 again if you count Hanyuu, a spiritual girl who only Rika and I can see, and 7 if you count all three.. I say friends, but really, I mean people I know beyond simple acquaintance. That's pretty antisocial. As for murderer…I said it best to Satoko, I no longer know the true count of people I've killed. I remember my first though…"

"You're fighting a war Ryan, and Chiro happened because of the Syndrome. You're doing the right thing…"

"Stop right there Rena. Do you remember the masked man? He's under the impression that I was the one who destroyed Hinamizawa. If that's what he thinks, it's likely most of the rank and file soldiers of the Yamainu also believe that. If that's the case…then the Yamainu are likely manned by good and honest people. If that's the case…then how many 'good and honest' people have I killed?"

"Ryan…you couldn't have…you didn't know!" Rena said.

"Knowing whether someone is good or evil doesn't matter. The fact of the matter is I killed them regardless. Their blood stains my hands. You won't convince me Rena. I hid this truth from myself rather well…I tried to rationalize it, to explain away my actions, why I was justified, or not responsible. Even as Kasai and Rie taught me, I held a little bit of myself apart. 'I was special' because I was fighting to protect Rika. A few deaths here and there didn't matter in the long run, and I felt bad about it, so of course I wasn't in the wrong…but that's not true. Until now, I could almost believe I could eventually live a normal life. But now…now I see myself as I truly am. I am a killer, and despite my so-called morals it's my first and final solution to any problem that arises. It's what I am and always will be. Rena…it's probably best if you stay away from me from now…" I was cut off as Rena slapped me, as hard as she could without invoking the Syndrome. I spun backwards, instantly dropping into a defensive stance while trying to cradle my aching cheek.

"You promised me! You promised you would never push me away! Don't ever say what you were about to. No matter how much you're hurting, no matter what you think of yourself, I'm not leaving. I will somehow make you see yourself as I do. You've made mistakes, so learn from them! You've found your enemies are not what you once thought of them, so change how you fight and avoid killing them. Dwelling on the past does nothing but hurt you. The past is gone, if you truly regret your actions, don't simply moan and complain, actually take care not to let them repeat. Right now, you are no better than I was atop that burning school. I'll live up to your example, and find a way to bring back the Ryan I love, or die trying!" Rena almost screamed at me. I slowly lowered my defenses, and stared into her eyes. I saw complete sincerity.

"Rena? What do you see in me? I…I don't know what you could possibly…" I said in a small voice.

"Your bravery and dedication to your friends. Your unwavering spirit, at least when it comes to others. Your drive for self-improvement, and your directness in helping friends who are so far gone they don't want help…and that's just what I've come up with on the spot. You always dwell on the dark parts of yourself…so I guess it's my job to show you the light. I won't let you fall into this spiral of self-destruction…just like you did for me." Rena said. I took a step back and sat down on the ground, trying to add what she'd said to my own mental picture of myself. I soon found myself arguing back and forth with myself: a loud feminine voice for my doubts and fears, and a smaller masculine voice arguing against them.

Self-improvement…well, 'self' is involved, just like 'selfish'. The fact you're so broken right now shows your spirit is far from unwavering, and your directness is just from a lack of tact. As for bravery? Dedication? You only protect them in the first place because of your guilt over Chiro…your desire for atonement. What about that is to be admired?

No, that's not true. It started out that way, but I grew beyond that. I grew to care for them…to love them. I fight for their sakes, not my own.

A simple enough lie to tell yourself. You decided that when exactly? After Shion became a threat in the previous world? It was just a way to mask your fear.

No! If it were, I would have run. You're lying to me now, trying to downplay my positive attributes, and talking up my flaws.

…but why would you be asking yourself these kinds of questions? What is your true desire…and your true beliefs?

I'm a good person. Rena's said so, and she's…

…the person you saved. You are her lifeline…and she'll do what she must to protect you. Including lie to you.

No! She wouldn't…

Are you so sure?

I…

You can't trust Rena to be objective. She'd tell you the sky is green if it meant you would continue to move on. And when you need to leave this world…do you think she'll stand aside and let it happen?

Of course she would! Rena cares about me, and she doesn't have a malicious bone in her body. Even under the influence of the Syndrome, the furthest she went was KOing Mion and fighting against Keiichi and myself, she didn't actually kill anyone. I believe in her, completely and utterly. Now let me ask you something…why are you trying to drive me away from Rena…Ryami?

Not as dumb as you look.

You gave yourself away by straying from the initial subject. You may only represent the Syndrome within me, but how I am under the influence of the Syndrome is different enough that I feel like you're another person.

Can you refute what I've said? Rena relies on you, and she…

…is the strongest person I know. She was able to pull me out of the Syndrome in the first world, fought alongside me against Takano in the second, offering her life in place of Rika's, and recovered her sanity in this world after succumbing fully to Level 5, something I've only accomplished with my hypnosis blocks in place. She isn't weak…and I trust her…far more than I do even myself. I'm…I'm broken. It's time I faced that. Even without the Syndrome, my mind is fractured due to the horror and pain I've lived though, and talking to you, an aspect of my own mind…is the proof. With that said, I have to question every conclusion I come to. Am I a bad person…or is that the demons within me telling me that. And the soldiers…could I possibly avoid killing them, while still protecting everyone. I don't…think so. And if that's so…

I opened my eyes after a while, and judging from the aches I felt, I'd been there for a while. Despite that, Rena was still right beside me, a worried expression on her face.

"Rena…I'm done. I can't…I can't trust myself. I just had a long conversation with myself, and during that I realized…normal people don't do that. My mind is sick…and because of that, I can't trust anything I've said. So…I'm going to have to rely on you. Is what I've done…worth it? I regret the deaths I've caused…but was there another way?" I asked.

"…I don't think so. They're trying to wipe you out, to erase any knowledge of the truth. You can't avoid fighting, and so, you can't avoid killing. You regret it though, and their deaths torment you. That means…you're a good person in a horrible situation. Please believe that Ryan-kun."

"I…I have to. I trust you Rena-chan, to be who I need. To show me the path I can't see anymore…and to let me go when I need to." I said.

"What?"

"I had a horrible thought, during my little conversation with myself. I'm worried that you'll…that you'll lie to me to keep me here in four years' time."

"I promise you I won't. I…I won't lie, I don't want to lose you…but at the same time, I can't stop you from fulfilling your own promises. No…it's not that I can't, it's that I won't. You trust me, and I refuse to break that trust. And besides…Rika needs you too." Rena said.

"Thank you Rena-chan. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I can't ever repay you for what you're doing for me." I said.

"Repay? There can't be any debts between the two of us. I do what I do because I love you, and I trust the same holds true with you." Rena said.

"It does. I'd do anything to help you, and I appreciate that you feel the same way. I know I've asked a lot of you, and I don't want to ask too much… but I have just one more question. I…I want to know if there is an actual word for what's wrong with me…where you hear another voice in your own head. Is there a name for that, or is it just a side-effect of the Syndrome? Or maybe…it's an effect of travelling through the Sea of Kakera. Could you do that for me?" I asked. My voice grew smaller, my shame in what had happened to me making it more and more difficult to keep speaking. Rena clasped my hand in hers, and with her other gently raised my head, looking into my eyes.

"You have nothing to be ashamed of, Ryan-kun. I'll do as you asked…but first, I want you to do something for me." Rena said.

"Huh? What do you…?"

"Smile. You're always so miserable…so if you want me to help you…then I want a smile in return!" Rena said.

"Rena-chan...thank you for caring about me." I said, the requested smile crossing my face, though it was in no way forced.

Amazing…how she was able to turn my mood around like this. I'll leave the thinking to her…and avoid the horrible doubts that threaten to drown me in sorrow. I'm not always the nicest person, and I have done terrible things…but they were necessary evils. But just because I've committed those evils…does not make me incapable of good, or deny me good things. And Rena is the one who showed me that.

"Ryan-kun…" Rena also smiled.

"Thank you, for everything." I said, as I stepped forwards and pressed my lips against hers, sweeping her into a kiss. Surprised, she accidentally opened her mouth, and I took advantage. It seemed perfect…until a scream ripped through the night.

Without saying a word Rena and I broke apart, and with a silent look turned and sprinted out of the room and down the corridor, both of us intent on reaching the screams source. I grabbed my pistol, holster, and sheathed sword as we ran out and quickly equipped them without slowing. Rena had grabbed her nata as well.

"Ryan…was that…?" Rena trailed off. Her face, which moments ago were heated with a blush, was now pale. I turned away from her, my hands clenched in a nearly useless effort to keep myself calm.

"Definitely. We have to find Satoko!" I said, as a second, weaker scream echoed down the corridor.

A/N: OH SNAP! Time to kick-start this story back into action. Satoko is rather independent at this point, which means her scream can only mean bad things are happening. With Satoko in danger, Ryan's going to be looking at only a couple courses of action…which should get this story rolling again. As for what happened to Ryan and his mental health…just look at what Ryan has been through, combined with his initial mental state. Anyone who thought a few therapy sessions and a trip down memory lane would cure him of his mental anguish should get 'their' heads checked. Fortunately, he does have a stalwart ally in Rena, who is able to stabilize him when he gets mopey and depressed. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and feel free to let me know what you thought, as I do enjoy hearing from you guys.