I heave my weight against the arm of the couch, trying to push it into a new position. I take a step back to survey my progress. If I'm lucky, it's moved about an inch. Maybe if I go at it from a different angle… I sit on the ground and start pushing at it with my feet. No such luck. I could always leave it the way it is, I think. Just as I'm about to officially give up, I hear the door click open.

Dan's home, I think with a smile. My heart beats a little quicker at the thought.

The door slams shut load enough to shake the walls. "Dan?" I call, peeking over the arm of the couch just in time to see him hurry past me. The door to his room clicks shut. "Well then."

I follow after him, abandoning my efforts. Something has clearly got him upset.

I don't bother knocking. Dan sits on his bed, facing the window with his back to me. One of the first things I notice off about him is his clothing. Rather than one of his customary t-shirts, he has on his white button up with a vest over it. I've only ever seen him wear this once before: on his first date with his girlfriend of almost one year, Jamie.

As long as he's happy, I'm happy, I tell myself, repeating the words that have become my mantra over the past few months. And he is happy with her, I remind myself. Happier than he could possibly be with me. I shake my head to clear my thoughts and turn my focus back to Dan.

Upon closer examination I notice that his shoulders are shaking.

"Dan?" I say. The shaking becomes less prominent, like he's trying to hide from me how upset he is. "Is everything okay?"

He clears his throat. "I'm fine," he says. His tone is convincing enough that I almost believe him. I step farther into the room, trying to determine how much pushing is too much.

"I can tell you're not," I say softly. I walk around to look at him, and sure enough there are tears streaming down his face. "What happened?" Instead of answering me, or rather as an answer, he hands me a small velvet box I hadn't noticed he was holding. If I didn't know better, I would say it looked like a—

Holy shit. Dan lets out a choking sound which makes me wonder whether or not I said that in my head like I intended to.

"Um, Dan?" I crack open the box, and sure enough there's a diamond ring inside. A pretty nice one, too. He must have been saving up for ages in order to buy it…

"Did you ask her to…?" I trail off, afraid to finish the question. He nods. I feel sick. "Holy shit." I'm sure I said it out loud this time. Between the look on Dan's face and the fact that I'm holding a fucking diamond ring in my hands, I can pretty assuredly guess her answer. "Oh, Dan."

The edge of the bed sinks under my weight, shifting him so that his shoulder rests against mine. He leans into me, like he's craving the touch of another human being. I wrap my arms tightly around his shoulders, not hesitating for a second to fill our mutual need for human contact. He turns his head and buries it in my shoulder, his arms wrapping around my waist.

He starts to cry like I have never seen a person cry before. His entire body shakes beneath me, like his heart wants out of his chest and it's banging against every conceivable surface of his body in order to get what it wants. His tears quickly soak my shirt, his breath slamming violently against my skin.

He loves her and it's killing him.

I love him and it's killing me.

Why is love such a killing thing?

We sit there for an indeterminable amount of time; him crying and me holding him, my heart breaking right along with his. Finally, he runs out of tears and lets go of me, wiping at his red rimmed eyes. I wait for him to talk.

Instead, he grabs the ring box from where I dropped it on the bed and hurls it at the wall. It slams rather violently against the plaster before dropping to the ground.

And then he loses it. He throws his side table over, his things tumbling to the ground, and when that isn't enough he throws his fist against the wall.

"Dan!" I shout. He doesn't listen to me, lost in his own little world of hurt and anger. I step forward, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and forcing him against me, trying to stop him from doing further damage.

"Let. Me. Go!" he screams out. He manages to pull away from me before whirling on me. "Do you know what she told me when I—proposed?!" he yells, his voice breaking. I shake my head. "She said that she wanted to break up with me a month ago but was waiting for the right time." My jaw clenches at that, but I let him get out what he needs to. "While I was buying a fucking ring she had already decided I wasn't good enough for her." He punches the wall again. Our landlord's going to be pissed.

"Dan," I say, taking a step towards him. His shoulders heave with his breaths. "It's going to be okay—"

"Okay?! Nothing is even remotely okay, Phil." Blood begins to drip over the knuckles of his shaking hands.

"I promise it will—"

"Shut up, Phil." His voice is ice and fire.

"Dan—"

"I said shut the fuck up Phil!" he yells, turning on me. For a second, I'm afraid he's going to hit me. "You can't get a single girl in all of London to go on a date with you so don't stand here and pretend you have any idea what I'm feeling right now!" I feel my face get hot as I stare at my best friend in absolute shock. No, he didn't hit me. He's done much worse than that.

"I haven't dated anyone," I say, my voice chillingly monotone," because I'm in love with you." I should be feeling something right now, but I can't. I'm beyond feeling.

Dan's face changes when he sees my expression; hatred and anger giving way to regret.

"Phil—"

But I'm already gone.