Chapter Thirty Six: Cleanup Bills

I don't own Naruto, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new Jutsu in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

Sakura sighed as she landed on the top of the latest mountain in her path to Iwagakure.

It had been almost a week since that fiasco that shook the shinobi world to its foundations, and three days since she and Konoha's medical teams had started this trip. She, Ino, and Shizune would have already made it to their destination by now, but the other medic-nins had never trained with overpowered lunatics so they had to pace themselves.

Still, she'd be relieved once she was finally made it to the damn village. There were only so many mountaintops she could count while passing before falling to her urge to punch one and break the monotony.

"How many did you manage to count before giving up?" Ino asked in a resigned tone as she landed next to her friend.

"Forty seven. You?"

"Seventy one." Ino sighed. After she realized she had been compromised, she had practically buried herself in mental exercises to make sure it never happened again. Unfortunately, it meant that her ability to retain information, no matter how mundane and dull, was greatly enhanced. "How much longer till we get to this place?"

"Not much." Shizune landed next to them with a wry smile. "I took my chunin exams in Iwa, shortly before I left with Tsunade-sama. I lost count at around sixty mountains, but I remember getting to the village a little later that same day."

Ino looked back at the trail of significantly more ragged medic nin behind them. "Define 'a little later'."

"Give them a break Ino. You know that our group is mixed between field medics and surgeons." Sakura shook her head, not that she wasn't just as annoyed by their slow progress. The men and women did have the ranks of Chunin and special Jonin for the most part, but that was more due to their technical specialties more than their physical abilities. Field Ops had managed to last a while, but even they were reaching their limits after a full day of going up and down so many fucking mountains at this point.

Normally a valuable group of medic-nin like theirs would also be accompanied by a squad of guards to ensure their safety, but that idea was scrapped to show Iwa that they came in good faith. That, and between the Smiling Witch, Tsunade's apprentice, and Tsunade's personal assistant, the three of them carried enough firepower to handle most adverse situations long enough for their companions to get to safety.

Ino blinked and turned her head in a seemingly random direction in curiosity. It didn't take much for the other women to figure out why she did so.

Ten seconds later, the three of them were surrounded by a squad of Iwa Shinobi. A quick glance down the mountain showed their colleagues were also being confronted.

"Halt! Why are so many of you Konoha Shinobi travelling so deep within Iwa territory?" A Jonin asked in a firm tone that would have intimidated someone that was a generic Chunin or lower.

"We come in peace." Shizune bowed politely. "Tsunade-sama sent a messenger to your village recently. We are medic-nin handpicked by the Hokage to aid with Iwagakure's recovery."

"Recovery?" He sneered. "I have no idea what fantasy you are talking about woman. Iwa is as strong as ever."

Ino rolled her eyes. "A bit late for that. I'd be surprised if all of the elemental nations didn't know about the fiasco that railed you guys by now."

"Ino." Sakura hissed before glancing at the wary shinobi getting ready to attack and sighed. "The entire ordeal with Akatsuki was recorded and displayed live across the nations. At the very least, all the Kage and the Daimyo of the five major nations had front row seats to the horrors that took place. Everyone saw what happened. Everyone knows that Iwa's in a rough spot. There's no point in engaging hostilities right now. We aren't here to invade. We are humanitarian aid. Every shinobi among us is a certified medic-nin."

"Though it is suspicious why the border guards don't know of the Hokage's missive." Ino hummed loud enough for everyone to hear. "If I recall correctly, the Tsuchikage had added his own message before the bird was sent…"

"Lord Onoki is alive?!" And like a fish, the bait was taken by a particularly young Chunin to their side. Judging from the looks he was getting from his comrades, he was going to pay for the outburst later.

Shizune resisted the urge to give the Yamanaka a very stern glare. Instead she resolved to give her double duty the second they got into the village as punishment for opening her mouth. "Tsuchikage-sama is currently in Tsunade-sama's care, along with Roshi-sama and Kurotsuchi-sama. They are being treated as guests with the same standing as the Daimyo. Please rest assured, they are not prisoners. You have my word as Tsunade-sama's personal aide and as a medic-nin. I spent many hours treating his injuries myself."

The Jounin looked like he had taken a bite out of a lemon. On the one hand, he clearly didn't want to discuss something so sensitive in the open, let alone admit that the Konoha shinobi were right. On the other, he was loyal to the Tsuchikage. "His injuries…"

He didn't go any further than that. Whether it was because he was testing what she knew, or because the knowledge that Onoki was a paraplegic with half his limbs still in Iwagakure somewhere was restricted, was up in the air.

"It is possible to address them, depending on how well Iwagakure has acted in his absence." Shizune replied diplomatically, slowly reaching into her pouch as to not raise any suspicion and pulling out a scroll. "Lady Tsunade anticipated there may be some complications, so we were given copies of the missive she sent, along with Tsuchikage-sama's own messages. They are signed and sealed with both of their respective chakras for authenticity."

If Sakura recalled correctly, the old man had said something along the lines of: "If these idiots can't keep the village running for a single week without me, then the place deserves to fall apart."

She really hoped that those weren't the words that they had just spent three days transporting.

Ino stepped forward. "On top of physical wounds, several of us have been selected and given instructions on how to treat some of the more, esoteric, maladies that your people are likely suffering."

The Jonin's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "You know how to cure that abomination's jutsu?"

Shizune nodded. "It won't be a perfect remedy, but we can treat it. Our villages may have their issues, but no one deserves being tortured like that."

"I assume you can teach our medics the procedure."

Shizune grimaced. "We can, but its effectiveness varies between users. The most proficient have undergone rather unique and time consuming training beforehand. For the sake of time and efficiency, I'm afraid that disclosing that information now will be of no use to you or your village. My apologies."

"Humph, sounds like your typical Konoha cop out," one of the other shinobi spat.

"Do you really think that there'd be a simple solution to that monster's techniques?" Sakura held her ground. "We've already tried a wide range of treatments when we were tending to the Tsuchikage. No herbal concoction or chemical will be of much use against that jutsu's esoteric nature. Its very foundation is based in widespread psychological empathy and conceptual imposition. Starting from scratch, you'd be better off with a genjutsu expert treating your victims rather than a medic, and that would only help mitigate the damages. Onoki-sama and his group had moderate exposure to Hidan's powers, and by our estimations they will continue to show symptoms even with proper treatment for at least another week or two."

Naruto on the other hand…

The Jonin clearly looked like he wanted to be anywhere else but there at that moment, but didn't say anything to escalate the situation further than that. Instead he walked forward, trying to look as imposing as possible to Shizune while towering over her, and took the scroll from her hands.

Without saying a word, he inspected the document before cracking the seal open and inspected its contents. He must have not given a damn about what Tsunade had written down, because seconds later he had unrolled it almost to its entirety to where Onoki's message was.

The Konoha Shinobi weren't stupid. They figured that the Tsuchikage had slipped in some hidden code or message within his message that only his shinobi would be able to spot and read, but that was par the course. Regardless of the message, the old geezer wasn't going to pull something at this point in the game. Iwa could not afford to make enemies in its current state, nor in the near future. Rather, it was probably some secret protocol that all high ranked shinobi in the village knew about and were trained to follow when instructed. All villages' upper ranks had something along those lines set up.

Judging from his strained expression, the old geezer's message had passed inspection, much to his displeasure.

He looked up at Shizune. "You said you can treat us for that freak's jutsu."

"Yes."

Clearly at war with himself, the high officer turned to one of the other shinobi there. A woman that would have looked attractive, had she less scars carved on her face and a twitch in her cheeks that seemed far too frequent to be an act. "Prove it. Yoko, let them have a look at you."

"C-Captain?!" The woman stammered in a way that immediately triggered warning lights in the medics. "Y-y-you're s-serious?"

"I'm serious about getting you to speak properly for the first time in a week. It's annoying. Now shut up and let them prove their worth."

The atmosphere was beyond awkward as both sides eyed one another warily, looking for any hint of a trap.

Sakura broke the standoff by making the first move towards her patient. "Relax. You're in good hands. I'm Tsunade-sama's apprentice."

"The cow's personal student?" One Iwa shinobi laughed bitterly. "I'm calling bullshit. Brat's flat as a board."

The Great Sakura Tree's roots dug deep into the earth. Its branches reached out to the Heavens itself. An impossible pillar between both worlds.

The next step the teen took caused half the mountain to shake, and a massive crack split the ground conveniently starting from her foot all the way to where the speaker stood. Then it traveled between his legs, straight towards a boulder behind him, and split it in half viciously.

"I'm sorry. Did you say something?" Sakura asked with a kind smile.

The shinobi may have been horrified and paralyzed with fear, but that didn't stop him from noticing Ino and Shizune shaking their heads in a frantic warning to keep his mouth shut. "No? I mean, no ma'am!"

"That power." The Jonin whispered, dumbfounded at what he had just felt. "That was just like…"

"As we stated before, the methods required to tend to the jutsu your village was exposed to requires rather unique and time-consuming training." Shizune cut in factually. "Of the five registered Medic-Nin that Konoha possesses that fall into this category, three are part of our group."

Technically, Hinata and Hana could count as a sixth and seventh, but they weren't registered as medics. Hinata was trained as one, but her duties and position in the Hyuuga Clan prevented her from being one officially. Neji was somewhat in a similar position, but he didn't fulfil all the qualifications to be one despite his knowledge and experience. Hana on the other hand was penned down as a tracker and hunting specialist. Most of her medicinal knowledge was focused on animals, not humans.

The Jonin's eyes flickered to all the shinobi there, no doubt attempting to figure out who the three Shizune were. "And the other two?"

"Tsunade-sama, and Waltz Oogakari."

It was the second name that caused every Iwa shinobi there to stiffen as if they had just been electrocuted. There wasn't a single shinobi with the stone headband that didn't know of the Oogakari name, and fear it to some extent, at this point.

The Jonin licked his lips warily. "Oogakari?"

She nodded. "Given the circumstances, we believed it would be best to refrain from requesting his services. Or were we mistaken?"

Judging from the way the man coughed uncomfortably and looked at his quad of suddenly spooked shinobi, no, no she was not mistaken.

Their village had been driven to the brink just by one of the madmen, and she had just reminded them that there was in fact more than one of them.

While the locals were experiencing a minor case of PTSD, Sakura reached her patient and was already treating the woman. "Relax. The jutsu you're suffering from uses empathy as its foundation. The more you work with me, the faster it can be counteracted."

"Empathy? You're serious?" The woman twitched. Whether it was out of annoyance or her body acting on its own was anyone's guess.

"I know. It sounds stupid, but from personal experience I've found that the dumbest things tend to be the most terrifying if jacked up to absurd levels." The Oogakari being prime examples. "All right. Just match your breathing with me. In. And out. In…"

Sakura's glowing hands gently pressed onto either side of the woman's temples.

"And out."

They exhaled simultaneously.

The Great Sakura tree's petals littered the winds with its purifying scent. Its roots drank and filtered the earth. Its leaves cleansed the air.

The black stain of empathy was scoured, but never forgotten.

Sakura flinched and pulled back her hands in a knee-jerk reaction.

"Something wrong?" Ino frowned. Medics were trained to have steady hands, even in tense situations. It must have been something exceptionally nasty for Sakura of all people to react that badly.

"Sorry. I just… this thing's nastier than I thought. It caught me by surprise."

"I thought you were trained for whatever the hell this jutsu is," the Jonin probed.

"I am, but that doesn't mean that I've actually dealt with a curse of this intensity before." She turned back to her patient and began to sync their breathing again. "Truth be told, I doubt there are more than a handful of people in history that's managed to deal with a curse of this quality. It may sound conceited coming from me, but I don't think you guys know just how nasty of a jutsu you guys were hit with."

"Half of our village is either unconscious or rendered babbling nonsense. The other half is either terrified out of their minds or running themselves ragged trying to keep everything together. So forgive me if I disagree with your statement, leaf brat." Her patient slurred with more than just a hint of irritation.

Sakura smiled bitterly. "That's not what I meant, but… never mind. You're right. Things in Iwa are probably worse than I anticipate. Sorry."

Last time, she had treated Kankuro with poison in Sunagakure after Akatsuki's attack. Now, she needed to cure half of Iwagakure from a genuine God's curse. At this rate she might as well offer her services to Kumo and Kiri to claim having worked in all five nations. There's got to be some award or merit in doing that, right?

She pulled her hands back after five minutes and breathed out slowly. "How's that?"

The Kunoichi frowned momentarily before slowly moving her arms and mouth, testing her body's motor functions. Most noticeably though was her lack of twitching now. "I… yeah. This is much better than before. I'm still feeling some tingling, but I can actually move like I used to again."

"That fucking annoying stutter of yours is gone too." One of her teammates chuckled, trying to make light of the situation. "Almost thought you were genin for a while."

"Fuck off Toshi!"

Sakura smiled. "That's the best I could do on such short notice. Your nerves and chakra pathways were intertwined and afflicted from the jutsu. For a full recovery, it's best if you rest easy for the next month or so while frequently doing chakra circulation exercises. Strictly speaking, you shouldn't be out here in the first place. You were risking serious damage to yourself, especially if you attempted to use any chakra intense jutsu."

Ino, Shizune and Sakura all glanced at one another warily before looking at the Jonin.

Without uttering another word, the situation was made clear for the visitors.

"What do you lot want?" the Jonin grunted. "Nothing's for free. Even you tree huggers aren't that disgustingly charitable."

"I thought it would be apparent. Despite the poor relations between our villages, few of even moderate reputation would benefit if Iwagakure collapsed on itself from out of nowhere," Shizune reasoned. "The sudden power vacuum created would throw the entirety of the elemental nations into madness. Willingly or not."

"That's your public pitch lady. What else do you want?"

The two Jonin stared down one another for several long seconds before Shizune sighed. "Unofficially, in addition to seeing the condition of the Tsuchikage's limbs to determine if it is possible to transport them back for treatment, we also intend to examine the battlegrounds during our stay."

"Why?" If ever there was a loaded question, it was that one. A shinobi could learn a lot from a battleground. A talented shinobi though, could wreak untold havoc on the landscape, should they let loose in the middle of an area twisted and perverted to an unbelievable level.

Shizune didn't respond immediately, picking her words carefully. "We suspect there's a high chance what you experienced won't be the only battle of this nature in this lifetime, if not decade. We need to know what to expect. What to prepare for."

Gods possessing their followers was always a possibility, but it was far more likely another source would come to harass them in the foreseeable future. Naruto had said it himself, Kaguya's actions betrayed her inexperience with the world tree, meaning she had gotten it from somewhere else. That she had had help coming to their world.

Just the woman by herself at a fraction of the height of her power was enough to send chills down everyone's spines by looking at her through a television screen. They didn't want to know what might happen if more like her arrived. Or worse, an army.

Why this Ootsutsuki family hadn't arrived yet after over a thousand years was anyone's guess, but it was highly likely that they would have noticed this latest fiasco. Especially if the still missing Kaguya decided to be proactive.

That alien woman may have been spooked by the Oogakari's presence on the planet, but that didn't mean that she wouldn't try anything in the future.

The Jonin swallowed heavily. "By 'we', you mean…"

"Everyone." Shizune's immediate answer both eased and magnified his fears, and for good reason. There were only a handful of events since the founding of the shinobi villages that warranted the cooperation of the big five, and they had all been brief and swept under the rug once properly addressed.

This though? This couldn't be hidden from the world.

It was an open secret that would drive everyone mad sooner or later.

It was the sort of problem that the Oogakari would laugh themselves silly watching everyone else struggle to solve from the sidelines.

Those assholes.

o. o. o.

"… Are still under house arrest. Like I've told you yesterday. And the day before that. And this morning." Tsunade struggled to hold back an annoyed groan as she tried to shoo away Homura and Koharu so she could get some more work done. "Conversely, because all four of them are unable to leave their place, that means Waltz is unable to do his usual work at the hospital for the intensive cases. Throw in the fact that the bulk of our elite medics should be in Iwa right now, and you should know that I've personally addressed a third of all the medical emergencies in Konoha for the past three days. So before you two have another bout of Alzheimer's and ask me the same question, again, I implore you to think real hard about what you want to discuss."

Not that being under house arrest meant anything to these nutjobs…

o. o. o.

The Oogakari Complex:

Half the roof exploded.

"They can't put us under house arrest if there ain't no house! Bow before my flawless logic and tremble mortals!"

"Damn it Shadow! Why the fuck did you blow up my room first!? I'm growing products over here!"

"Silence meaningless person of meaninglessness! Your complaints hold no weight here!"

WHAM!

The left side of the house was blasted outwards.

"Bitch, each of my fists hold more mass than a galaxy of collapsed stars! Now fix this shit up! Starting with my garden! I have a batch of Unicorn's Delight that I've been looking forward to all week, and so help me if I don't get a puff of that shit! You're gonna eat nothing outside of suppositories till I get my fix!"

"I can see the moon from here! Hi Moon! Oooh! You have ice cream there too!?"

Suddenly, a series of alarms echoed throughout the compound.

"I HAVE ASCENDED."

"Fuck! Damn it Shadow! You damaged Scab's medication intake! You know how twisted he gets when he's unbalanced!"

"We're all gonna DIEEEE!"

"Quick! Get the portal gun!"

"PREPARE FOR IMMINENT REUNIFICATION."

"I made a t-shirt! Wait. No. It's a Biedermeier… I'M SO ASHAMED!"

Dima turned slowly towards the ANBU that had dragged him to keep watch. The building was slowly turning into something that would fit right at home in either the Matrix or Akira universes. "I don't know what you intended by bringing me here, but I assure you that I am not cleaning after them."

The ANBU gathered his breath.

"And that goes double for trying to make sense of their bullshit." Dima seemed to crane over the poor shinobi, his eyes glowing ominously white and his face growing older by the second. "You will watch. You will listen. And you will suffer. Just like the rest of us have."

In the outskirts around the Oogakari property, an ANBU whimpered like a small defeated child.

o. o. o.

The Hokage glanced at the drawer in her desk where she kept the remaining samples of that alcohol neutral headache medication Naruto had gotten her. The rest of the literal gallon of the stuff was currently being analyzed for reproduction, so she had to moderate how much she took until then.

Which is to say, she was already running out and absolutely pissed off because of it.

The Hokage's advisors scowled. They looked like they had just sucked on a lemon, but that would imply that their wrinkled faces weren't perpetually scrunched up in the first place.

"If they are as secure as you claim, then why has the room that Uzumaki been kept in reported as, to be frank, practically in another world?" Koharu replied bitterly.

Tsunade's eyes sharpened, her mind already picking apart the unspoken implications. "You speak as though it matters to you, Koharu. Which is strange, because I do believe I made it explicitly clear that absolutely no one was allowed to see Naruto without my permission. And no one else's. Anything that has to do with him goes through me first. No exceptions."

Ironically, while Tsunade had put Naruto's room under max security for his own sake, it had wound up being the best thing to protect everyone else that tried to get to him that didn't know better.

Then again, from the way things were turning out, it sounded like there were a few people that she had failed to 'protect' these past few days. Oh well. She wouldn't lose sleep over it.

If anything, the fresh supply of snacks was probably why the fox had been in such a good mood last time she spoke to it.

If her warning held any weight, it clearly went over the elders' heads.

"We needed to see the boy for ourselves and make our own judgement," Homura firmly held his ground. "Your attachment to him will likely cloud your judgement on what to do with him in the future Tsunade. We-"

The Matriarch's patience was running thin. It does not play games with the fate of those it presides over. Its care would be given, and any interruptions would be punished with severe intensity.

"Be very careful with your next words, honorable elder." Tsunade smiled kindly in a way that would send chills down Orochimaru's spine. "Because for a moment, I almost assumed that you had attempted to do something absolutely ridiculous, like take my patent away from my care in order to further your own personal agenda."

"The Daimyo wants him Tsunade, one way or another," Koharu tried to deflect the accusation, unable to hide the sudden drop of color in her skin. She hated it whenever anyone used Presence near her, but didn't dare call Tsunade out on it.

The Hokage motioned to the pile of letters on her desk, many of which originated from various locations in the elemental Nations. "In case you fools haven't noticed, everyone wants Naruto in some shape or form recently. While most of our enemies and the countries with dubious histories want him dead "for the sake of international peace", our strongest allies and even more neutral bodies have made it abundantly clear that they stand behind Naruto to the point that there will be immediate consequences should anything happen to him. As far as I'm concerned, the Daimyo can wait in bloody line like everyone else until Naruto wakes up and we can figure out what the hell is going on."

She crossed her arms. "So, I will tell you, what I have told both our allies, enemies, and sponsors since this mess teleported into our laps. Shut up. Wait. And stop wasting my damn time. Because every word that comes out of your mouths, and every stupid action you take that goes against what I'm trying to do, will only make everything take longer."

It was like talking to idiot children that couldn't take a hint. Don't pick at the scab. Don't scratch at the boils. Don't stick your face into a fucking fire. Really, she shouldn't have to explain something this obvious to people that were supposedly running the world.

At this point, she seriously considered letting the idiots do what they wanted just to see them get hurt by their own stupidity. If they died as a result, oh well. Sucks to be them.

"The nobles from the capital won't see it like that," Koharu stood her ground. "They will cut off funding to the village. Maybe even accuse you of treason for going against a direct order."

"Remember that shinobi are a minority Tsunade." Homura added. "Our village can only thrive due to the capital's support and resources. We can't-"

SNAP!

There was a deep crack in Tsunade's desk from where one of her hands was gripping the side in clear anger and impatience.

"ANBU." Her tone was cold and firm, brokering no arguments.

At once, her private guard appeared in her office from their hiding places. Three shinobi, masked and hooded surrounded the elders, and one stood at her side.

"Tsunade! What is the meaning of this?!" Koharu gasped in mixed alarm, surprise, and anger.

"You two advised me for years, as you did with my sensei. You have given us facts, desired or not, in order to guide us for the best for Konoha," the Hokage stated coldly, calmly, emotionlessly. "However, not before have I ever heard you two utter such pathetic and embarrassing notions. After what we just witnessed, after avoiding such a disastrous situation... you want to kowtow to decrepit old fools who can't tell the difference between a jutsu and a parlor trick, the moment they make the first serious request from us in years that doesn't involve a RUNAWAY CAT?!"

It was her break of composure that caused everyone else in the room to hold back a shudder. That and the fact that she slammed her fist down on her desk, causing it to split in half.

"D-don't be absurd! Y-you know as well as everyone that the village receives half of its resources from-"

"I know damn well how our village sustains itself Homura! I'm the one that's forced to sign all the blasted paperwork in spite of my constant requests to filter out the meaningless bullshit that gets sent my way! Which, I might add, tend to end up stopped because of you two!"

The enraged woman stood up. "It is well known that you have spent a good amount of time with Danzo over the years. There have always been suspicions, but until now there was never enough to go by. But since that idiot exposed his hand AND tried to take control over the Kyubi with a stolen Sharingan in broad daylight, I can finally put things in order to make some desperately needed changes."

"T-Tsunade! Please be reasonable! You actually consider us to be traitors?!" Koharu had the decency to be more insulted than scared about her current predicament.

"No. I'm insinuating that you two pathetic idiots are nothing but pawns." She looked at her soldiers. "Take them into custody and have them examined for any long term genjutsu and mental adjustments. Either Kakashi Hatake or Sasuke Uchiha must participate to identify the influence of the Sharingan."

Danzo may have pulled a fast one on them, but she highly doubted that the old bastard's work was seamless enough to escape the notice of two experienced Mangekyo Sharingan users that knew how to use Presence.

She didn't bother listening to Koharu and Homura as they were taken out of her office, leaving her alone with the lone shinobi that had appeared by her side.

The mute soldier didn't say or do anything for several seconds before flipping through a few seals to engage a privacy jutsu.

"So how long were you waiting to pull that one?"

"Since I first got into the damn village." Tsunade snorted. "You think you can get anything out of them?"

Sasuke Uchiha shrugged as he pulled off his toad mask. The irony was not lost on him. "Depends. From what Itachi told me, Shisui's Sharingan held one nasty Genjutsu in it. Kotoamatsukami. It's a technique that in most ways trumps even what my brother could pull off at his best. Something like that would take me or Sensei a while to find, let alone pick apart."

"If it was cast by the eye's original owner," the Hokage reasoned.

Sasuke let out an amused chuckle. "It will take time to get everything worthwhile. For all we know, this whole incident might just blow over by the time we're satisfied."

"Hoh? It almost sounds like you're hoping Danzo did a thorough job with them."

"You're not the only one that's on Naruto's side, old Hag." Sasuke took a minor joy in watching the Hokage's eyebrow twitch.

"Watch it brat. The idiot doesn't get away with that sass and neither will you."

The small smirk that was behind Sasuke's facemask slowly ebbed away. "Was what they were saying true? About the Daimyo?"

"That coward." She shook her head. "Yes and no. As a Jonin, you should know how deeply entwined the relationship between the Hidden Villages and their respected Daimyo are. While we like to claim that we sustain ourselves from mission payments, the truth of the matter is that the bulk of the village's resources is subsidized from the Daimyo and the underlying government's support. Depending on how good the year is we could expect a third to nearly two thirds of the village's resources to come from them alone annually."

"And if we were cut off completely?"

"Keyword there is completely. The Daimyo has control over the borders of the Land of fire when it comes to the non-shinobi populace. Meaning no missions. Legal ones at least." She sat down in her chair and leaned back. "Between our stored resources and proper management, the village can hold out with minimal functionality for a good six months. But that's a worst case scenario."

"The strength of the village is the strength of the nation. The Daimyo wouldn't shoot himself in a vital spot unless absolutely necessary." Sasuke frowned. "Or he was compelled to."

"You think Danzo might have already made his move? In the capital no less?" She immediately guessed what he was implying.

"Everything's changing faster than people can track. It's a weed's nature to fit in cracks when they appear. If there was a place to hurt us by controlling an easy target or two fast, it would be there."

"The royal guard of the Daimyo aren't ones to dismiss… but…" Tsunade grimaced, recalling at how the man had been confident enough to try and take over the Kyubi. If the rotting bastard had the nerve to pull that off, who knows what he's gotten away with in the past?

Hell, who knows what bullshit he's pulled with that eye of his on people from outside the country?

"How do you want to tackle this?" Sasuke came to the same conclusion she did.

"Find what you can from the elders first. If they show symptoms, give your findings to everyone in Ibiki's command. Afterwards we can scan guests from the capital, no, fuck it, scan everyone that looks, is, or came from somewhere remotely important and claim it's for heightened security reasons. Given the circumstances, anyone that fights against it would either make themselves look like a fool or guilty of something worthwhile."

Plus, the extra security and poorly kept concern that someone could hypnotize important political figures would scare the nobility into believing that Konoha's continued functionality might actually be worth maintaining. Even if they didn't find anything, the image alone would be enough to tilt things further in their favor.

"And if the fossils are clean?" Sasuke personally doubted that Danzo didn't have his way with the two idiots, but then again, they were stubborn and ignorant enough to be simply convinced to do whatever he suggested.

The Hokage glanced at him. "Then we'll just have to thank your brother for giving us Shisui's other eye then, won't we?"

o. o. o.

"Well now, this is interesting," Kakashi stated blandly, his visible eye blinking in disinterest at the sight before him. "And here I thought I was prepared for whatever came next."

"Shut up, Kakashi. Is now really the time to be an ass?" Kuma sighed as he stood next to an uncomfortable Karin Uzumaki.

"My old friend, when it comes to Naruto, there are few times where it isn't warranted and completely justified." Despite claiming to be caught off guard, Kakashi seemed to be taking things in stride.

"Sensei. You sure it's safe to be near this creep?" Karin moved slowly behind her teacher, shifting her glasses uncomfortably. "He might be playing it cool, but his chakra's twitching like crazy and most of his focus is completely on me. I feel like I'm being stalked by a predator."

Off in the distance, the echo of a certain reality warping bitch laughing her ass off was heard.

"What was that?" The girl looked around, suddenly alarmed. "You guys heard that too, right?"

Kakashi didn't bother hiding the twitch of his visible eyebrow. Oh yeah, this kid was an Uzumaki all right. "Cute. Where did you find this one Kuma?"

"Don't tell me neither of you heard that laugh?!"

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about Kakashi," Kuma crossed his large arms. "Karin here's my student. A natural sensor and medic. She's the ideal support shinobi save for that personality of hers. Problem is, well, you know how some villages are when it comes to immigrants."

The girl was a refugee from the Uzushio's fall then. Wait, given her age… "Her parents?"

"Dead." Kuma didn't sugarcoat it, nor did he pay attention to his student's flinch. "From what we know her father was lost during the fall. Karin arrived in Kusa with her mother, where the latter supported them."

And died doing it. Kakashi could read between the lines. Given how the girl was trying to hold back her trepidation, she probably possessed the same traits that her mother was sought for. Despite that, Kuma went through all that trouble to not only bring her to Konoha, but blatantly show her off as soon as possible.

Suddenly the fact that she had been one of Orochimaru's in the previous timeline made more sense.

"You want us to protect her."

Judging from her surprised reaction, it was apparent she didn't expect him to figure things out so quickly.

"Given the circumstances, it's probably the best and only time we can get away with this. We actually got here just in time to see that fiasco in Iwa along with everyone else. If we go back now, Karin's probably either going to be hidden away or used as a bargaining chip."

"And even if you had something scheduled with Tsunade-sama, this latest mess has put pretty much everything on hold. I see the situation now." Kakashi sighed. Unless Kuma shouted to the heavens that Karin was a distant cousin of Naruto's, the pair were likely not going to get anywhere if they tried playing the game via conventional means. Only problem with that method was that doing so would put a whole new slew of targets on Karin's forehead before she'd have a chance to speak to the right people. A nice and tidy catch 22 if there was one.

"Think you can help us out, copycat?" Kuma probed.

"Don't worry. I'll pull a few strings. There are benefits to being the original squad teacher of the next generation of legends."

"Humble, isn't he?" Karin deadpanned.

"Oh trust me, you should have seen him during the war," Kuma smirked, "Didn't know what was bigger when I first met him, the ass I was talking to or the stick that was propping him up."

"It was the stick. I was training my hounds at the time and needed proper motivation." Kakashi took the blow and rolled with it effortlessly, enjoying the green hue that slowly made its way to Karin's face as the mental image finally started to dawn on her. If there was one benefit to dealing with the Oogakari for an extended period of time, it was the enhancement it gave to his impulsive shit talking. "Kuma… are you sure about this? From what you've said, Karin-chan here doesn't seem to be an asset that your village would be too keen on passing up so easily."

He could easily get in trouble if everything went through. More so, he could just as likely be executed for treason.

"I've never been more certain. Once word gets out about what happened in Iwa, the higher ups will probably try to use her against Uzumaki, thinking they can influence him. At best they'll use him to do something reckless. At worst they'll try to get him killed and then use Karin like her mother. Personally? I think either approach would wind up with the kid tearing apart my home to shreds. I'm not an idiot Kakashi. I know what we're capable of and what we can and can't handle. And I'm telling you now, we can't handle that kid. With or without the fox."

"A token of goodwill and an armistice then." Kakashi nodded. "Supposedly made and agreed upon before the mess in Iwa took place, for good measure."

It would look suspicious if they settled for so little, if the agreement had taken place afterwards.

"I'd still make enemies, but it would still benefit Kusa. The elders could complain all they want, it will be too late to change anything by then."

"And if you were to take a bit longer to return…"

"From what I've heard, every major village is in lockdown with all eyes on Konoha right now. Even theirs." Kuma smirked. Only an idiot wouldn't think that he wouldn't take the opportunity to gather information for his home village.

And as a foreign individual supervising a person of interest, there would only be so many chances for him to slip a message out covertly. Even fewer to receive anything of worth.

Kakashi nodded. Looks like they had everything all set up. "I'll make sure you two are taken care of while you're here. In the meantime, do you need help with anything? I'm sure neither of you intended to stay in hotels for this long."

"Why aren't you more suspicious?" Karin blurted out before Kuma could open his mouth. "This could easily be a trap or an attempt to sabotage Konoha or who the heck knows what else. You're agreeing with this way too easily."

"Well, first of all, if I had any doubts that you were an Uzumaki, they're gone now. I don't know how, but that brash personality of yours is practically as genetic as your hair. Barring Naruto of course." Kakashi calmly shot back with a lazy eye smile. "But you're overestimating my influence, Karin-chan. I'm just opening the door for you. Whether or not you get to stay is another matter entirely."

"All in all, it would be best if you played double agent, fed Kusa some minor bits to make them feel like you're being useful. It would make the whole setup easier to manage for everyone." Kuma nodded. As a counter espionage expert, this sort of approach was pretty common simply because it worked so well.

"Why do I have the feeling that this isn't the first time you've helped someone out of Kusa, sensei?" Karin glared at the man suspiciously.

"Your guess is as good as mine kid. Though for everyone's sake, it would be best if you didn't guess that much." He grinned.

"I second that advice." Kakashi lifted a hand in support. Ah the third Shinobi war. What a magnificent clusterfuck it was. "On a side note, how's Shitori doing?"

"Last I heard from her was two years ago. Husband and three boys. All safe and healthy."

"Glad to hear it." Extracting her from Kumo was a nightmare in itself, and the poor girl had not been in a good state when they had found her. It was good to know that she managed to get a good life for herself. She sure as hell deserved it after what she had been put through.

"Anything else you want to ask before we go?" Kuma looked at his student, clearly amused by her abrasive behavior.

Karin grimaced, blushing at being put on the spot before looking away. "… Yeah. Why isn't the village a madhouse yet?"

Kakashi blinked, his expression unreadable. "Care to elaborate on that? Given the state of things, there's multiple ways Konoha could and rightfully should be a bit more chaotic these days."

"I'm talking about my cousin's chakra." She took in a deep breath and shuddered. "Sensei and I are sensors. Really strong ones. We've been around lots of strong people and messed up places before, but I've never felt anything like this. Ever since Naruto returned, the village's atmosphere has been saturated with his power. It's been driving me nuts trying to get used to it, and practically everyone in the village can feel it too. Even the civilians. It's not right. Hell, it's downright abnormal."

Kakashi gave Kuma a skeptical glance, only to be met with a sheepish shrug and a look to the side. "She's not wrong. The kid's chakra's damn near suffocating for precision sensors like us. Even from across town. It's nothing like what it was the last time I saw him. Hell, when he first arrived I thought the chakra came from the fox. Wasn't until later that I realized that it was all him."

Scratching the back of his head and sighing, the scarecrow could not help but relent this argument. "Is that so? Sorry to hear that. Most of Konoha got used to this feeling back when he first started training that Seventh Sense jutsu of his. Most of the locals have already readjusted to the feeling of his chakra in the air, though I will admit that it is a bit more than what we're used to. Truth be told, I wouldn't be surprised if the bulk of the population would be able to tell the moment Naruto's woken up."

His words were truer than they knew. If Naruto wasn't so intimately connected with the atmosphere around the village, there was little doubt that Hinata would not have left the Hospital out of fear of missing him wake up.

"That said, Naruto's normally got a pretty good grasp on his chakra when he's awake. When he does get up, it shouldn't take him more than a few moments to make things manageable again. Say what you want about my unstable student, but he does know how to exercise self-control when it truly matters."

"And when will that be?" Kuma crossed his arms. "We've been sitting on our hands for over a week and the kid's still not up. I may not be up to date with everything, but I distinctly remember him having a healing factor."

Kakashi shook his head. "That last jutsu Naruto used in the fight was forbidden, even by Oogakari standards, Kuma. It did a hell of a number on him just by using it. He barely managed to piece himself back together. Physical damage is one thing, but that move fundamentally messes with things deeper than that. From what I've heard, Naruto's likely to still be shaken for at least a couple of more weeks, and even that's a fast recovery according to Waltz."

"Ugh. Don't remind me. I think everyone's minds were thrown through a loop when that idiot of yours turned into a literal storm that originated from the planet's dawn."

"That makes two of us. Naruto's always been full of surprises, but he really outdid himself this time. Quite literally in this case." Kakashi's hands casually slid into his pockets. "I'll leave you two be for now. Tsunade-sama will send you someone with more information in a day or so to talk. Enjoy Konoha while you're at it… Ah, on second thought, you might want to avoid Ichiraku's on the south west side of town."

"Ichiraku's?" Karin tilted her head to the side in confusion. "What's that?"

"It's a cozy little ramen shop that spawned Naruto's obsessive addiction to the stuff. One of his original haunts when he was little. The owners are nice and friendly, so much so that they're practically a second family to him. But, ever since he returned it's been the center of a lot of attention by those that want to learn more about him. Seeing a red head there might raise some unwanted questions you wouldn't be keen on addressing yet."

Kakashi couldn't be more obvious if he tried.

"Noted." Kuma nodded. "Anything else?"

"Not really. So long as you don't cause any trouble, you two should be fine. What about you? Being stuck in the village must be doing some damage on your finances."

"Not as much as you might think. When the Hokage put the village on lockdown, any foreign shinobi and parties were put up in specialized hotels at a major discount. The real hit to my wallet was the food bill, but we're from Kusa, and there is some truth to those petty rumors everyone says about us."

Petty was one way of putting it. Kusagakure was one of the more financially dependent shinobi nations out there. So much so that people claimed that their shinobi could live off of the grass they hid in for months if needed.

Needless to say, they didn't take too kindly to said rumors.

Fortunately, with increasing international trade over the past few years, Kusa had seen some increase in business that wanted to skirt the security checkpoints of the major nations, so whatever financial issues they had were not as extreme as before. They weren't as big as most of the other competition still, but it was an improvement.

"I'll make you a list of some good places to check out. If things get tight, you can use my tab." Kakashi waved as he walked away. "If they don't believe you, just tell them I deserved it for being an ass or something. That normally works."

"Will do." Kuma nodded. "Say hi to that idiot Gai for me, will ya? I still owe the foghorn for saving my ass half a dozen times when we were stationed together."

It was impossible for anyone to miss the scarecrow flinch and almost trip before seamlessly catching himself at the last moment. "Ah. Right… sure. I'll let him know you're in town when I get the chance."

Before any other words could be said, Kakashi vanished around the nearest corner.

"Sensei, I don't know who this Gai person is, but it looks like…" Karin started, only to be cut off when she saw the cold look on Kuma's face.

He didn't say anything initially. Instead, the large man stared at where his acquaintance had vanished for a few seconds, closed his eyes, and took in a deep breath to calm himself.

"I thought there was something off. Come on Karin."

"Where are we going?"

"To get some drinks, and find a place with lots of noise and laughter. Things suddenly feel too quiet for my liking right now."

Karin didn't ask any more questions.

That afternoon, Kakashi's tab at a certain bar doubled. The man did not raise a single complaint when he paid the debt later that week.

o. o. o.

"Yeesh. Am I the only one getting chunin exam flashbacks here?"

Several eyes glared daggers at Suigetsu as he walked into the room with Haku and Choujuro, but no one said anything to rebuke his statement.

"You couldn't wait until we could sit down before talking, could you." Haku sighed, taking note of the numerous different headbands she saw in the conference room. Iwa. Suna. Kumo. Konoha. Kiri. Taki. Kusa. Tsuki. Yuki. Hell, there were some villages that she had only heard about but never seen members of in person.

"Please. You see how high-strung everyone is? If a fight breaks out, everyone will be at each other's throats before anyone remembers me," Suigetsu shrugged, completely apathetic to his current situation.

"All in favor of targeting the Kiri idiot first?" Someone in the back suggested diplomatically.

More than a few people voiced their agreement to the idea.

"See? I'm getting everyone to agree with one another already," he grinned childishly, only to almost trip due to the fact that his left foot was frozen to the floor.

"Come on Choujuro. Let's find a nice and quiet place to sit. Preferably with only two seats available."

"H-hai."

"Oh real mature ice princess," the hypocrite grumbled as he worked to free himself. He could just turn into water and leave his foot behind, but doing that in front of foreign shinobi was more trouble than it was worth.

It didn't take long for Haku to spot some familiar faces in the crowd and immediately made her way to them. "Shikamaru. Temari. It has been a while."

"Yo. Haku." The Nara lazily waved. "So the Mizukage sent you here?"

"She needed to send someone she could trust." Haku smiled back, slipping easily into the innocuous doubletalk that everyone in the room could detect but few would manage to decipher.

"Oh?" Shikamaru smirked in his trademark lazy way. "Trouble in paradise?"

She rolled her eyes. "No more than what you are experiencing." She turned to Temari. "Do be honest. Does he actually put in an effort in your relationship?"

The Kazekage's sister snorted and gave a halfhearted shrug. "It's a work in progress. I'm still training him. I did manage to teach him to roll over and beg at least."

Shikamaru's stopped smiling just as several chuckles were heard around the room. "Remind me again why I'm letting you stay at my house free of charge again?"

"Your mom."

More laughs were heard.

"… I seriously gotta start looking for a new place." Screw that long term investment plan that he had set up with Scab. He needed freedom and he needed it last week.

Haku sat down. "Anyways, this here is Chojuro, and the idiot at the front is Suigetsu."

"H-hello," the bespectacled boy bowed politely.

"Yo." Shikamaru waved halfheartedly, only giving the large package on the teen's back a fleeting glance, before pretending it didn't exist. "You taking to Konoha all right? You look a bit off."

"Nah. Don't worry about it. This guy's always shaking like a vibrator." Suigetsu appeared with a wide grin and hung an arm around his fellow swordsman's neck like an old friend. "Judging from the way you've been talking, I'm guessing you and Haku go back a bit."

"A bit." He echoed without shame. "Haku's closer to the girls than me to be honest. You've probably seen how often women get jealous of her complexion."

"Shikamaru…" The guilty party blushed. She did not like it when people talked about her natural beauty so openly and she knew damn well that the others were aware of it.

"Ugh. Don't get me started." Suigetsu rolled his eyes. "Did she ever-"

"Pass herself off as a guy? Oh she tried to." Shikamaru smirked. "Unfortunately, a certain jackass had spread word of the truth as wide and fast as possible here before it caught traction."

If memory serves, Naruto's slogan at the time was "She's a chick, not a dick!" Haku was not amused. Ghost was. Zabuza, was just annoyed, which was pretty par the course for him.

Naruto had claimed he hadn't been holding a grudge for Haku tricking him in the previous timeline, but no one believed him in the slightest.

"Hahaha. No kidding?" Suigetsu chuckled before sitting down, not at all bothered by the fact that instead of a single foot, one of his legs was now completely frozen solid.

"Speaking of pointlessly long stories, did you guys just get here?" Temari asked, not out of fear for the safety of the others there, but because the more Haku froze the colder it got in the vicinity. As a Suna girl, Temari couldn't stand frost.

"We arrived yesterday." Haku admitted, easing up on her ice. "Sea travel can get a bit unreliable at times, especially this time of year."

"Right. Hurricane season just started, right?" Shikamaru glanced outside at the humid day they were experiencing. If there was one thing Konoha had above the other major Shinobi Villages, it was ease of accessibility for clients year round. Hurricane season absolutely crippled Kiri's international business, and winters were just brutal to Kumo and Iwa. On the other side of things, absolutely no one ever wanted to try and make a trip to Suna during the summer if they could help it. Konoha on the other hand, was nice and cozy in the middle of a wide flat forest. This made the village a bit more accessible to enemy attacks at times, but all in all it was a sacrifice they were willing to make for the economy.

"Just started my ass. Ship would have capsized twice if we didn't jump in at the last second." Suigetsu snorted. "What about you sand princess? You have fun getting here?"

"Not really." Temari idly inspected her fingernails. "Got here a day after the mess happened, made a few trips back and forth like some delivery girl, and have been waiting for someone to explain what's been going on ever since. Thankfully, I have someone on the inside to provide some extra hospitality."

"Sure as hell wasn't me." Shikamaru yawned, only to get a slap upside the head.

"A day?" Suigetsu wasn't the only one that gave Temari a strange look. The distance from Suna to Konoha was not something that could be crossed in such a short period of time easily. Even if a jutsu was used, it would still likely require an absurd amount of chakra to pull off.

"Yep." Much to Shikamaru's chagrin, his girlfriend smirked, soaking up the glares and looks she was getting. "Is there something wrong?"

"Temari, please stop teasing everyone. We're all here for the same thing and for once no one has to get killed to get it. Do try to keep it that way." Haku sighed, clearly tired of trying to put down flames if her exhausted expression was any indication.

"Humph. Killjoy." The blonde huffed and crossed her arms.

"She's had years of experience keeping Zabuza in line. You shouldn't be too hard in comparison," Shikamaru smirked. Said smirk didn't go away when the accused gave him a glare daring him to run his mouth.

Before anyone else could exemplify just how much of a smartass they were, the door to the conference room opened again, allowing Tsunade to walk into the room, phalanxed by three ANBU and Jiraiya.

Each step she took made the world quake. This village is her home. Her domain. None shall defile it and its inhabitants without severe repercussions.

She's certainly not holding back with the strong image this time. Shikamaru mused, taking note of how more than one of the visiting shinobi in the room suddenly sat up straight. The Hokage was already an intimidating woman when she wanted to be, but throw in Presence and she might as well be a biju for the unprepared and unaccustomed.

"Thank you for being patient during this uncertain time." Tsunade spoke as soon as she reached the podium in front of the crowd. "I know that you have come with many questions. Some will be answered today. Some will be at a future date. And others will remain questions for the sake of security. I will be most appreciative if you can respect our reasons for determining which is which, and not question our decision."

No one dared to draw attention to themselves and question the Hokage. They knew better than to commit suicide.

After assuring that no one had anything to say, Tsunade stepped to the side and allowed a projection machine to turn on, displaying pictures and information related to Akatsuki.

"To explain the situation and what has occurred, we first must cover the group known as Akatsuki…"

Over the course of the next two hours, Tsunade and Jiraiya give everyone present an overview of Akatsuki, their aim for the biju, their overall capability, the lie that Jiraiya was travelling with Naruto and learning of the attack on Iwa together, and the mess happening in Iwa.

She didn't divulge everything, obviously, but it was enough to clearly disturb more than a few shinobi in the room. Not that Shikamaru blamed them. He'd be disturbed too if he didn't know everything ahead of time and had slept through the bulk of the presentation… and if he wasn't severely numbed from hanging out with Shadow so much.

"As of now, Konoha is hosting and treating the Tsuchikage to the best of its abilities, along with his retainers." Tsunade pointedly nodded to Kurotsuchi, who was sitting in the audience. "In order to prevent any misunderstanding, we have granted them as much freedoms as they wish within our village so long as they respect our rules, and are granting our services without compensation. Naruto Uzumaki, likewise, is also still in recovery from the event, and is not cleared to see visitors as of yet."

While no one said anything, it was blatantly clear that the news about Naruto had caught everyone's attention.

Jiraiya stepped forward. "As of Wednesday of last week, Naruto Uzumaki has been unofficially designated as an X class shinobi. This classification can only be recognized after the Kage of at least three villages unanimously agree that the individual in question is one whose influence on the international scale is too great to ignore. Both in power and in politics. They are to be treated as sentient natural disasters at worst, and amicable Biju in human skin at best. There have only been a handful of shinobi that have managed to obtain this label, and it is never bestowed lightly."

"Previous individuals of this category include Hashirama Senju and Madara Uchiha of Konohagakure, and Ishiwaka of Iwagakure, otherwise known as the First Tsuchikage." Tsunade elaborated.

"Hah?" One shinobi snorted. "The first Tsuchikage was a monster on the level of the first Hokage and Madara? What about the Third Raikage? I heard that guy was near unstoppable."

"The Third Raikage was a candidate for the ranking, but he died before three of the other Kage came to an official consensus. One cannot vote them self for the classification." Tsunade stated factually. "As for the first Tsuchikage, the first official wielder of Dust Release, he created the massive canyon in an otherwise endless mountain range that Iwagakure resides in today."

The room was silent as her words sunk in. More so for those who had visited and seen Iwagakure before, and knew just how massive the place actually was.

"There have been other suggested candidates for X class individuals over the years. Many of whom were missing nin. The former leader of Akatsuki, without question, would also fall into this category."

Hell, the only reason why Nagato didn't fall into it proper was because he didn't show off his abilities, or existence for that matter.

"Are there any other X class shinobi alive today ma'am?" A Kunoichi asked warily.

"All individuals that are and are considered candidates for X class are strictly on a need to know basis. The leading figures of the major military bodies in the Elemental Nations make it a priority to restrict this information to prevent excessive overreaction from unprepared parties. A single S class shinobi can and has on more than one occasion upheaved a country's government with the correct preparation. However, an X class could send half the continent into chaos without even trying if they so desired. For the sake of international security and stability, any and all X class individuals are considered untouchables unless they are actively antagonistic to other parties. This is for everyone's safety. All who defy this rule are to be removed as quickly as possible from the vicinity, or executed with impunity if that is not possible. This is not Konoha's rule. This is a unanimous blanket decision that was made by the original five Kage during the foundation of the villages for the sake of international stability. A decision that even the first Hokage and Tsuchikage themselves supported."

"What about the Daimyo?" A shinobi from Taki raised a reasonable argument.

"Because X class individuals are forces that can change the state of international politics, all Daimyo are informed whenever one, or a candidate is recognized by at least two major villages is deemed as such. The militaries of all nations are obligated to inform their Daimyo of these individuals whenever something of note occurs. That said, the Daimyo are at the end of the day civilians, and do not have the proper perspective to comprehend the destructive potential of these individuals. As such, their influence and authority pertaining to this field is relegated to that of elite consultants. For reference, the same measures are taken in the unlikely case a Biju without a host is present in the vicinity."

That alone was reason enough for Tsunade to go out of her way to get Naruto the classification in the first place. Koharu and Homura may have been liabilities, but they weren't stretching the truth when they said that the Fire Daimyo was more than simply interested in Naruto. By her count, there had been at least twelve official requests to transfer the blonde to the capital city, and seven "unofficial" attempts to get to the teen directly.

"They can't be happy about that…" A kumo shinobi, Darui, mused. "Sorry to be nosy, but you said that three Kage need to agree that someone fits the bill before they are this X class thing. Assuming you're one of the votes, can we know who the other two were?"

Before Tsunade could respond, a cranky voice interrupted her.

"It was me and the Kazekage."

All eyes turned to see Onoki sitting in a wheelchair pushed by Roshi, dressed in expensive yet casual clothing that did not hide the fact that he was missing an arm and a leg.

That said, while the man's injuries did catch the attention of the shinobi there, the Tsuchikage's cold and calculating eyes were far more gravitating.

"Gramps! What are you doing here?" Kurotsuchi spoke her surprise before she could catch herself.

"What else do you think? Half of these green fools are only here for two reasons. They want to know what is going on, and they want to know if I'm dead or not." The fence sitter snorted, glancing at Tsunade. "The Hokage could lecture herself blue in the face, but unless these idiots see me in person they'll just make up whatever useless story they want when asked."

"When I gave you permission to leave the hospital, I did not give you the carte blanche to barge into any meeting you pleased, Onoki," Tsunade gave the wounded old man a dry look.

"Humph. It seems that forgetful fool Hashirama forgot to teach you that it's rude to speak of others while they aren't there. Not that I'm surprised." The Tsuchikage waved off her chastising as if it was less than meaningless.

"So it's true then." A shinobi from Tsuki hummed. "The fence sitter's a cripple."

"And?" A single white eyebrow lifted skeptically as its owner slowly starting to float in midair effortlessly, the old yet potent chakra slowly causing the room to shake. "Do you think that'll change the outcome if any of you brats try to get smart?"

Judging from the silence in the room, the answer was a resounding 'no'.

In spite of his performance, the jinchuriki pushing Onoki's chair was not cowed in the slightest. "'Noki, sit your wrinkled ass down already before you give Tsunade a reason to strap you in your bed for the rest of the month. I don't know about you, but I have enough messy memories being in the hospital to know not to piss off a doctor that actually has combat experience."

The gnome glared at his accomplice, but didn't chastise him as he slowly sank back into his seat before glaring at his audience again. "X ranked shinobi… ever since the fourth generation of Kage started to come about, the number of recommendations for that classification has nearly tripled. However not one has been validated. Do you children want to know why?"

No one dared to answer that rhetorical question.

"It is because despite how often Hiruzen Sarutobi and I come to odds with one another, we could agree without question that every threat that came across our desk was a joke compared to those monsters. The Third Hokage and I have witnessed and felt their damn near godlike power personally. We remember the monsters of the past, and what they truly were capable of, which is why the very idea of putting someone like the Third Raikage on their level was absolute nonsense to us. Truthfully, after nearly forty years of the lack of another monster of that level, we hoped that things would stay that way…"

The unspoken truth was loud enough to mute the room. Whatever insanely high bar Onoki had for this X classification, whether he liked it or not, Naruto Uzumaki had passed it.

And it was not a good thing.

"Why not just kill him?" Suigetsu drawled, catching everyone's attention. "What? It's not like everyone else hasn't thought of it. If this guy's such a huge game changer to the system, why not off him now when he's been out cold like you said and save everyone the trouble?"

"Idiot." Temari chastised him with as much effort, fast enough that other shinobi couldn't gain the nerve to voice their agreement. "You practically answered your own question."

"Hah? The heck do you mean?"

This time Darui spoke up. "She's saying that Naruto Uzumaki is still recovering from the fight in Iwagakure. If the guy's supposed to be such a huge threat in the first place, then whatever put him in the state he's in now must have been just as messed up. Given the reports on his personality and my own personal interactions with the kid, I'm willing to bet that those other guys aren't nearly as amicable and willing to negotiate as he is."

Most in the room that had been building the nerve to try and argue for Naruto's execution quickly lost their motivation.

"I thought you said that Uzumaki killed whatever he was fighting," someone in the back said.

"No. He dealt with them adequately, but both of the monstrosities, each one considered a max priority international threat, are still very much alive. They are without question monsters that cannot be killed under conventional means, and only elites would even be considered to interact with them." Tsunade shook her head. "More concerning is the idea that there could potentially be more of these supposed monsters appearing in the near future. It is that possibility which is driving Konoha to request and assemble a meeting of the five Kage to discuss our current situation and future actions. The Tsuchikage and Kazekage have already agreed to this assembly, and we are still waiting for the replies from the Mizukage and Raikage."

A summit for the five Kage? Something like that had not been organized in decades. The closest thing of that nature that has happened in recent times were the Chunin exams, and no more than three Kage have ever been present at any given time.

"The Hokage and I have agreed that until a consensus has been made, all aggressive international operations will be put on hold," Onoki elaborated. "The repercussions for any village or idiot that defies the armistice won't be pretty, so don't get any smart ideas if you value your home."

Shikamaru hummed curiously. The more things changed, the more things stayed the same. The summit was likely going to take place in the Land of Iron again, but thankfully it was unlikely that Sasuke would foolishly attack it this time.

"You sure that's a smart idea, Tsuchikage?" A shinobi from a small village hummed. "Even if you do recover, it's pretty obvious you're not going to be able to represent your village as a Kage for much longer."

"It'll be long enough brat. Stop pretending my wellbeing actually concerns you. All Kage have contingencies in place for situations like mine. Ah, my mind must be slipping, who are you again? What minor village is that symbol for?"

The room echoed in light laughter as the Tsuchikage ripped into the shinobi mercilessly.

"What of Uzumaki?" A middle aged woman with an impressive figure asked, her tone indicated that she was all business. "Regardless of what you say Lady Hokage, many of us here were likely given explicit orders to verify his condition. How much longer do you expect him to be bedridden?"

Tsunade held back a sigh, knowing that this question would come about eventually. "We expect Naruto to continue recovering for the better part of a month. During which all visits and access to him are restricted to a select group of individuals only. This is not only for his safety, but for everyone else's as well. The secrets and forbidden techniques that he has utilized have resulted in the hospital room he is in to be, for lack of a better term, altered."

"Altered?"

"I will not go into detail, but to put things in another way, since Naruto's tenure in the hospital there have been at least seven successful attempts of unauthorized hostile personnel entering the room."

The temperature in the room dropped.

"The reason why we don't know the exact number is because the Kyubi does not put in a particular effort into counting how many times he snacks over short periods of time. Only whether or not he has had one or not."

Shikamaru could literally see at least half of the visiting shinobi in the room reach the point of 'fuck that' in their heads at that very moment. He could not, on the other hand, prevent himself from letting out a bitter laugh of amusement from seeing it.

Troublesome. Now they were all looking at him. He really needed to put in more of an effort to stop Shadow's bad habits from popping up every now and then.

o. o. o.

Ghost groaned as he flopped out of a fissure in time of space and landed flat on his back in the middle of the devastated mountain range outside Iwa.

He had just come back from a luscious green world that might have at one point developed a sentient race of alligator people technologically advanced enough to achieve dimension travel. Or at least, enough to detect and exploit a fissure in time and space that had been recently made.

Said sentient, advanced species might have been willing to come to a negotiated agreement with Ghost and leave well enough alone for some space time related help in the future, had a future alligator Hitler-Napoleon not opened his massive trap, stoked the world population into a manifest destiny-like fervor, and turned them all into crazed idiots.

And that wasn't taking into account the borderline Greek pantheon-esque clique of alligator Gods that managed the idiots.

Or well, the theoretical gods that might have been managing the idiots there. Not that they did much. Useless spirits were so corrupted by their own sentience and global power plays that they didn't even recognize his authority over the greater realities.

Because there had been no gods in that world. And there had been no sentient alligator species there either.

Ever.

"Three months. Fucking lizards can't be patient for shit the second the cold season comes around. I told them to hurry up, but noooo…" Ghost swiped his hand along the rift he had just fallen out of, finally sealing it shut, which he couldn't do before because the alligator-people-that-didn't-exist, and their Gods, had been fucking around with it earlier.

At the very least, the time flow difference between the worlds meant that he had only been gone here for at most ten-ish minutes. If he hadn't been apt at adjusting temporal dilations during travelling between worlds, he would have been gone for well over a millennia already.

That made eight species that he had erased from existence now, and three worlds that he destroyed completely.

Ah right, there was also that one prick that had decided to call him out. That fight had torn up a bit of reality in the process too and taken some time to clean up. Idiot thought that just because he had taken over a few realities and ruled them with an iron fist, that he was a match for the God of None.

Too bad for him, that iron fist did jack shit when it was shoved up his own anal cavity.

"I swear, I'm just going to swipe left the next 'great leader' I come across and save myself the trouble of trying to be a decent person for no valid reason."

"Hello Sensei." Sakura spoke up, standing a short distance away from him with a stern expression and crossed arms.

And now he had to deal with one of his justifiably irritated students. Lovely. Just peachy.

No pun intended.

Ghost breathed in slowly and deeply before donning a wide and clearly forced smile, but made no effort to get back up from his borderline spread eagle position. "So? What do you think of the minion's work? Admit it, it was the giant corkscrew valley that really did it for you, wasn't it? That shit's gonna make this place one hell of a tourist attraction." And a max security training ground if the distorted weather patterns and timespace was any indication.

"Personally, I half expected more things to be spontaneously exploding for little to no reason when I arrived." The Pinkette deadpanned, going with the charade but clearly not falling for it.

"Give it time. I'm sure some of the tags he let loose didn't go off and are floating around somewhere."

"Ugh. Don't remind me." The girl shivered at the memory of Naruto unleashing his entire collection of homemade exploding seals during the fight.

No. That wasn't the only reason why she shivered. Though she didn't have much experience, she could tell that there was something severely off with the place. The way the wind blew, the way the land was shaped for kilometers in any direction, the way the very air felt as she breathed made her uncomfortable.

"How's Iwa been treating you?" Ghost asked in a pleasant tone.

"Four kidnapping attempts so far. And if you haven't noticed by now, it's obvious they were after Presence users." Fortunately, all the attempts failed miserably. The Iwa shinobi had constantly underestimated the medics, assuming that their only skills were in healing.

Those assumptions were finally starting to ebb away after Sakura had plowed two full squads through several buildings with a single backhand. Shizune had poisoned her attackers with a concoction with results incredibly painful to look at, and wouldn't heal them until her job in Iwa was done.

The ones that went after Ino though… well, word was that a good number of the village looked at her like a second Hidan after she had her way with them.

Thankfully, all the Konoha medics in the village had been perpetually escorted by local guards, so they were never without witnesses. Justifiably terrified and scared straight witnesses.

"Mhm. Mhm. And other than the totally predictable attempts on your life?"

She rolled her eyes. "It's Iwa, sensei. It's Iwa after you and Naruto each had your way on the area and their Kage was more or less kidnapped. What do you want me to say? The entire population's spooked and have no idea what to believe right now."

"But are they getting better?"

"… I can't tell yet. It's only been a little over a week. I've spent so much time healing I feel like I'm at ground zero of a natural disaster. The damage done to these people is…" She shivered, recalling the sick feeling she got whenever she came in contact with Hidan's accursed chakra.

"Do they thank you?"

"Some. Mostly the civilians. A good number of the shinobi here look at us like it's our fault this all happened in the first place. That or they're angry that we won't teach them the means to help themselves in the first place, even after we explain that it would take them at least a year to pull off."

"As long as you keep up the good image and don't step on any toes, they should lighten up a bit. Especially if you treat your guards well enough." Ghost stared blankly at the sky. "It's the higher ups you want to keep an eye on. With the gnome away, they might get overconfident. Worst case scenario, bring me up in conversation and I'll… probably do something stupid, but it'll put them in line. At the end of the day, just knowing I'm still around will scare them straight."

"You sure you'll have the time? From what I've seen, you've been busy." Sakura looked out at the mutilated lands in front of her and focused. She did not have outstanding perception or sensory abilities, but she was able enough to tell that there were a good number of unnatural rifts littering the land.

"I'll manage. Shadow clones are nice, but I know a few other ways to exist in multiple places simultaneously." As he spoke, several exact copies of Ghost faded into existence and resumed work on some nearby special rifts. The bigger ones would require a bit more extra effort to deal with, but the moderate ones could easily be done by echoes of his current self.

"Is it that difficult? I thought you were some kind of super god. Can't you just snap your fingers and fix everything?"

The immortal barked out a laugh. "Haha. No. Shadow can do it. So can Crypt believe it or not, but I can't. Not if I want to manage this damage properly at least. I'm doing all this alone as punishment. Believe it or not, my folks aren't exactly happy with what I did with the minion either."

"Properly?"

"Imagine, how do I put this... the fabric of time and space here like human skin. Normally it heals itself up from superficial wounds just fine, but between me and the recent fight, this area's a patch of second degree burns alongside fairly deep scratches and tears. By themselves they're somewhat of a chore to deal with, but together it's a genuine problem. It's gotta be handled carefully or else there'll be infections. My usual way of fixing things won't help here without seriously screwing over the stability of the environment."

"So you have to do things the hard way?"

"Yeah, though it's more tedious than anything. Kinda like what you're doing in the village, only instead of people I'm working with timespace bullshit that make things take way longer than it normally should. Literally. Then of course there's the occasional asshole that tries to get smart and sneak their way through."

He didn't need to look to know Sakura's palette had paled. "Have there been any?"

Ghost waved her off lazily. "Relax. I'm insufferable, but I'm not full of hot air. If there was someone that wanted to come through that I'd actually have trouble with, they wouldn't need one of these rifts to get here. 'Sides, I called in a few favors. If anyone troublesome did plan on coming through, I'd know way before they'd ever get here."

Of course, his favors agreed to help after he had explained the situation to them for the hundredth time, assured everyone that no, he hadn't broken the Scarred Accords, and that he'd return the favor later on.

Seriously, dealing with interdimensional politics was like being in fucking high school. Everyone always learned about the worst news ridiculously fast, but it took forever to motivate them to spread word about the actual details.

And everyone chastised him for being an immature fool. Hypocrites.

"Would you tell us if anyone like that came?"

"Maybe, though it would probably be for the best if I didn't."

Sakura shook her head and let out a bitter laugh. She paced around him for a few seconds before regaining composure. "Is that what happened to Naruto? Is that why you didn't tell us he needed help?"

"Yes, and no." His expression was unreadable as he gazed up at the bright blue cloudless sky. "Tell me. How long do you think we were really gone for?"

The question immediately set off alarms in her head. "You weren't away for three years?"

"Sakura, Naruto and I were away for at least double that." He dropped the bomb without hesitating. "We were approaching the three year mark when he used Law for the first time. If the kid had returned on schedule… well, for everyone's sake it was best if that didn't happen. So, I pulled a few conceptual and metaphorical strings, and brought the minion to a chain of universes that ran on a dilated timestream while he was out of it. He probably didn't even notice how long we were there for, not that I blame him. He was really out of it. Thankfully, we had already covered most of the messed up stuff I wanted to show him by then, so the bulk of the time there was just foundation work. Rebuilding him from the ground up. His parents and the fox helped out as well, which accelerated things faster than even I anticipated."

"It was that bad?" Sakura shivered at the idea of Naruto being so messed up that even Ghost had to put in extra work to put him back together.

"I don't know what the others have covered, but let me be clear, Law fucks you up. Badly. More so if you're not prepared for it. It's a damn miracle he pulled himself back together the first time."

Ghost let out a deep sigh. He knew he was going to have this conversation at some point but he still didn't like it. At the very least, it was just Sakura for now. She had experienced and seen enough to not let her emotions get the better of her.

"That said, it wasn't like he was exactly stable when he came back either. I got him functional, but the only way he was ever going to recover significantly was if he was allowed free reign back in his home world. Being in one's original realm has a stabilizing effect of people, especially if you've been gone for a while. Hanging with you guys might have helped a bit, but he would never completely stabilize if he was constantly smothered by others."

"And if we knew just how bad he was, we'd put in way more of an effort into capturing him and possibly make it worse. That's why you didn't tell anyone," Sakura put the final pieces together.

"Admittedly, he was almost good to go when this shit show happened." Ghost waved his hand at the world around him. "And his general recovery this time around should be much faster, being in Waltz' care and all. Just give him time to wake up and a few weeks to get his head on straight and he'll be good to go."

"That's it?"

"That's it," he confirmed. "Have faith in the jackass, will you? He's made of strong stuff. He'd have to be in order to come back from using Law."

"You said he had help."

"He still came back. That's more than what I can say for a load of other poor fools out there." One of his grandsons for example. Jericho, you idiot...

It was clear she was conflicted when she didn't say anything in response to that. More so when she began to pace slowly around him.

"… So, what happens now Sensei?"

"Hm? You're gonna have to be more specific than that Sakura. That question is pretty open-ended, given the circumstances."

"You know what I mean. After all of this…" She waved her arms as if showing off the damage done during the fighting, "The world is going to be turned on its head. Everyone's attention will either be on Naruto or your family if it already hasn't happened."

"Well that's the big question isn't it? It probably won't be that big of a surprise, but me and mine will do whatever we feel like given the circumstances. As for Naruto, well, that's something you'd best hear from the man himself. When he wakes up at least."

"That's not helping Sensei." Sakura grunted. "After the mess you've caused-"

"Caused?" Ghost barked out a laugh. "Sakura, please do stop putting me on such a ridiculous pedestal. We may have played an indirect role in this happening, but we were not the ones responsible for it in conjuration or execution. Do you really think that Iwa would have been able to hide all this bullshit if we didn't air it to everyone? With all that chakra being thrown about? The Kage. The Daimyo. Akatsuki. You guys. All we did was expedite the timetable and give some of the people who matter some context. At worst, we put everyone on the same starting line politically. At best, well, I have a feeling you know who threw that Hiraishin kunai at the stadium."

Her eyebrow twitched. While she had not seen it directly, she had not missed Kakashi's sudden instant of movement just before the sealed kunai struck the center of Konoha arena, precluding the arrival of the Kyubi and the rest of Naruto's improvised entourage.

His amused look ebbed away moments later, leaving a blank expression that left the girl worried. "That said, I'm afraid you are asking the wrong person that question, Sakura. You already know who it is you need to ask when it comes to the future of this world."

"Naruto." She knew. She knew from the beginning, but she didn't have the chance to ask him since she left before he woke up.

"At the end of the day, this is his world. Not mine. I'll fuck around from time to time, and I am a monster beyond comprehension and your ability to manage, but it's like Hidan and Kaguya themselves said. Right now, this is Naruto's turf. His house. The one that has the greatest say on how things will turn out in the end is him. Not me. Not you. Not the Kage. All I can do is offer to provide some additional options and services now. Anything more than that and we might as well just rule the damn place ourselves, and we don't bother with that bullshit anymore."

If his family wanted to waste endless time raising empires and ruling worlds, they'd might as well play one of the countless Civilization or Sim's games out there. Come to think of it, what was the highest edition they got to again? Civ XX? Sims CV? Bah, whatever. He'll just ask Scab when he got back. That guy loved breaking those games so hard that the NPCs would start crying even if they weren't programmed to.

"Services? What are you talking about?" Sakura frowned, not liking where this conversation was going.

"Ah. I said too much." Once more, Ghost's insufferable smile littered his face as he picked himself up and patted the dust and debris off of his coat. "Just shove that question onto the minion too, will you?"

"Sensei! Stop putting off problems for other people to fix! I swear you're a bigger child than Naruto!" Despite mentally being in her twenties, Sakura puffed her cheeks out like the child she accused her teacher of being.

"No no. This really is a question that's best answered by him. If I or one of my folks answer it, well, let's just say it won't have the same weight." Ghost laughed, scratching the back of his head.

The look she gave him was not flattering.

"Oh come on. Give me some credit here. Do you really think that the only things I did with the minion while we were gone were train him to be a monster and accidentally breaking him down into a psychotic mess? One dimensional characters made from shitty writing like that are like junk food. Good for a quick read or two, but too much of that crap makes you sick to your stomach. Just talk to him first before coming for my head, alright? I swear I didn't skimp out on teaching him genuinely useful things that sane people can appreciate… while we were covering genuinely useful things that sane people will consider batshit crazy."

Sakura glared at him for several long seconds before giving up and letting out a deep sigh of disappointment. "Fine. Whatever. I don't see what you're trying to get at, but I suppose I'll figure it out eventually. As annoying as you are, you at least don't make things impossible to piece together like some obnoxious mystery book writer."

"Nope. Can't be bothered with useless trash like that. I'm an all or nothing guy. If I made someone go somewhere, it's either because something relevant is located there, or I'm just sending them on a wild goose chase to get rid of the fucker."

What happens after the 'something relevant' thing was found though… that's another story altogether.

She shook her head. "Ah. And here I thought I'd be more prepared when you got back. This is ridiculous."

"Good. It means I haven't lost my touch yet." Ghost turned his head towards a seemingly random direction, his smile faded slightly. "Sakura. You're not going to like what Naruto tells you. You're not going to like what it's going to imply. You're not going to like what it will require from you in the future. But it's something that will need to be said and heard. For your sake, and for everyone else's."

The faint warm feeling of familiarity and comradery she had during the conversation died slowly, snuffed out by wary cold that sent small shivers down her spine. It was not often that Ghost gave people genuine warnings out of concern. Less so if it's not accompanied or hidden by some mind scarring joke. "Is this a message only for me, or for everyone?"

"You're a big girl. I'm sure you already figured out the answer to that question. Fair warning though, as poorly as you might possibly take it, I can almost guarantee that others will fare far worse. It would be best if you and the others prepare for that eventuality." If one paid attention, they'd be able to see a certain stretch of stone a dozen meters away start to bend as if something was pressing on it from below. "Ah. Damn. Gotta get back to work. Someone's getting a bit anxious on the other side of that rift."

Sakura turned to look at the same direction. "Will it be a problem?"

"Nah. Just time consuming." Ghost started to walk towards it, manifesting a black and white sword in one hand. "Hopefully I can manage this one without committing mass genocide or risk getting raped this time. My boxers can only take so many blood stains. Acid proof or not." Fucking xenomorph genotypes.

Sakura blinked. "… What?"

"I know what I said! I'm keeping my sphincter dry this time!" Ghost stated loudly and proudly as if his goal was some noble deed, complete with holding his sword up in the air like some corny comic book hero. A moment later, he jumped headfirst into what appeared to be solid rock, but fell through it as if it was air, vanishing within a second.

It took several long seconds before Sakura realized she was alone in the field.

Slowly she breathed in through her nose, and out through her mouth, calming down her nerves as much as she could.

Without another word, she turned around and made her way back to Iwa.

She had shit to do. Messages to send.

Most importantly, she had memories that she needed Ino to scrub, as was the standard procedure for when one of the Oogakari fucked with their head too much.

o. o. o.

Konoha:

Tsunade didn't bother to hide a sigh of annoyance as she walked into the hospital. It was only a matter of time before someone did something particularly stupid regarding Naruto. Something that couldn't be conveniently solved by letting the fox get another free snack.

"I heard that one of our esteemed guests is here and is causing a commotion, Mami-san?" The Hokage asked the justifiably unnerved receptionist at the front desk.

"H-Hai, Tsunade-sama." The recently married woman shifted uncomfortably. "The Daimyo's envoy arrived half an hour ago with an armed guard and demanded to see Uzumaki-san. I tried to tell him that no one was to get near the patient under your orders, but he…"

Probably said something condescending, like 'I speak on behalf of the Daimyo and have greater authority than the Hokage. Get in my way and I'll have you arrested for treason.' Then proceeded to use the muscle past the poor woman. Tsunade really needed to start posting more guards around the main entrance of this building.

These idiots were all the same. Sheltered, high off of their own authority (or their parents'), and retarded enough to assume that they could throw their weight around in the Hokage's personal hospital, when Tsunade was the foremost medic in the elemental nations.

It was times like this that she really was envious of the Oogakari and their ability to call out the bullshit of others at the drop of a hat, without any shame or fear of the repercussions of their actions.

Thankfully, despite the fact that the Kyubi would eat pretty much any human that intruded that tried to get to Naruto, Tsunade had the decency to post three squads of ANBU on his floor at all times. Both for security, and because Onoki was a few rooms down from the jackass.

Surprisingly, the gnome didn't seem too bothered by the fact when he had been informed. She didn't know what had happened between Onoki and Naruto, but apparently it had been enough for the fencesitter to be completely at ease with being in close proximity to the mad teen.

A light from above began to open up the sky…

A familiar feeling sent chills down Tsunade's spine, snapping her out of her musings and making her curse under her breath. Of course, as if this situation wasn't going to be enough of a headache, the idiots from the capital just had to have visited the same time Hinata had dropped by.

A few quick spurts of speed through some emergency secret paths built in the building for shinobi use found her on the top floor of the building right behind her "esteemed guests", and a few meters away from Naruto's room.

It was practically a classic standoff. On one side stood a fairly young civilian man with average looks, an extremely expensive and elaborate set of noble clothing, and a matching pompous yet annoyed sneer. With him was a full squad of equally affluently clothed and armed people in red and black armor. From a brief look, she estimated their individual strength at around Special Jonin. Their threat level could be significantly higher as a group if they were familiar with working together, but her job right now was to prevent things from devolving that far.

On the other side of the standoff were her own shinobi, joined by a clearly ticked off Hinata Hyuuga if her terrifying smile was anything to go by, the priestess of Demon Country and… the Uzumaki girl?

That was odd, but it didn't matter. Regardless of who else was there, it was pretty much a sucker's bet regarding who would win if things came to blows.

Hiding her surprise at the irregular guest, the Hokage crossed her arms and cleared her throat, getting everyone's attention. "Can someone please explain to me what exactly is going on, before I personally put an end to the fight that you two were about to start in my hospital?"

Before either side could speak, a bitter old man cut them off. "Bah. Why did you stop them Tsunade? It was about to get good."

All eyes turned to the side to see Onoki slowly being wheeled out of his room by Roshi, followed by Kurotsuchi.

"Tsuchikage-sama!" The bulk of the Konoha shinobi gasped, forgetting that the old man's room was nearby and bowed in both greeting and apology.

"Relax. I'm just another patent right now. One that was about to enjoy the most interesting thing that happened in this damn place since I got here."

The crippled leader of Iwa smirked briefly before glancing at Tsunade. "You could have heard the idiots halfway across the hospital. The brats came first, saying something about testing some way to heal that annoying kid of yours. Got halfway through their sales pitch before this one…" He nodded to the young noble who was looking more annoyed and disgusted by the second. "Barged in demanding to see said annoying kid. Wouldn't take no for an answer even when your men stated the rules here. The Hyuuga girl in particular sounded like she was about to do something particularly fun to watch right before you came. Pity."

The Hokage skeptically lifted an eyebrow, as if daring the others nearby to contest the statement. "Really Hinata? I thought I taught you better than to excite the injured and elderly. Should Naruto be worried?"

If Tsunade's quip was expected to catch the girl off guard, it failed miserably. Three years of Oogakari madness had numbed her to such embarrassing conversations. Anko didn't help matters much either. "Please be at ease Hokage-sama. If there was anyone of advanced age that I would ever consider inviting on an escapade, it would clearly be you. Unlike Tsuchikage-sama, you have the physical capability to handle my whims."

Both women allowed themselves to enjoy the chokes and stifled laughs of those around them before addressing the more immediate issue.

Tsunade turned her attention to the young noble. The son of some high ranking politician that no doubt was trying to earn points for himself by acting as a glorified messenger. "Asahina-dono. I believe I told you explicitly that until I said otherwise, access to Naruto Uzumaki would remain restricted. Assuming that you have not directly ignored my warnings, I can only assume that you came to my hospital in search for treatment to some malady. Given that you have forced yourself in a location that you are not, I can reason that said malady must be affecting your ability to think properly."

The young man scoffed, pretending to take offence to the Hokage's backhanded insult. "It has been four weeks since we have arrived Hokage-sama. I understand that Uzumaki's condition is serious, but I fail to see how someone of your supposed renowned medical expertise is unable to treat a patient for this long without restoring their consciousness. If that child is still unconscious as you say, then as the representative for the Daimyo I demand to see it for myself."

At that moment, Onoki's interest in seeing Hinata snap was replaced with his interest to seeing Tsunade snap.

Tsunade looked at the man's guards skeptically, and to their credit they were able to keep straight faced under her scrutiny. Clearly these fools had been serving this special brand of stupid for too long.

Unfortunately, they had prioritized this idiot over her rules.

She could already tell what happened. The fool had flaunted his authority to get to the floor, but was stopped by the ANBU here who weren't cowed by petty political clout. Hinata's group merely was at the wrong place at the wrong time. That said, Hinata was one of the few people that had explicit permission to visit Naruto whenever she desired, and she did have permission to bring others with her.

"I'm afraid that your request is more difficult than you make it sound, Asahina-dono." Tsunade shook her head, walking past him to Naruto's room. "Though, if you will not take my word for it, I believe that a demonstration will serve better to put things into proper context."

"Hokage-sama…" One of the ANBU looked like he knew exactly what she was going to do, and was clearly uncomfortable with her decision, but a single glance was all it took to keep him quiet. With a subdued bow and a gesture to his fellow operatives, he moved to a defensive position at Naruto's door.

"A word of advice Asahina-dono, the one you are about to meet is far less forgiving and patient than I am, so it would be best if you choose your words wisely." Tsunade warned before grabbing the door and opening it.

White.

Not as in the walls and upholstery of the hospital room was white, but as in, nobody could see anything but the color white past the door. Forget Naruto Uzumaki. It was impossible to even see the existence of the room itself past the hazy white cloud that occupied it.

"Humph. Is this what you wished to show me? Smoke and gas? I thought better of you Hokage. I will not be tricked by petty shinobi games." The Noble scoffed, clearly not impressed by what he saw.

Tsunade took the jab in stride, stepping in the way of the young man before he even started to attempt to make his way inside. "Fox. A moment of your time, if you will?"

"Fox?" One of the bodyguards frowned in confusion. "She couldn't possibly mean…"

Whatever the man was about to say next choked and died in his throat as an oppressive and overwhelming chakra flooded the hallway, causing the wood and concrete of the building to slightly, but audibly shift all around them. The strain on the structure itself could be felt by everyone there, and it did not take long for the source to make itself known.

The white cloud on the other side of the doorway began to shift and writhe, darkening until it revealed a hint of a titanic shape. That is until…

"Heeee?!" The Noble squealed like a pig as a crimson eyeball so massive it could barely peek through the door appeared.

"What is it, spawn of Hashirama?" Kurama's voice echoed through the hallway. "I do not recall consuming any humans since last we spoke. Place the blame of any recent missing worm at someone else's feet."

"The Kyubi? The rumors were true?" One of the female guards laughed to herself, nearly on the verge of hysterics.

"How the hell is that thing out?! I thought it was supposed to be sealed away!" Another guard hissed.

"Urk!?" Karin didn't say anything, too preoccupied with trying to breathe. Being suddenly exposed to the Fox's chakra this close was not a pleasant experience for her, even if this was the second time she had witnessed the monster from a close proximity.

"My apologies, but some parties were getting rather impatient waiting for Naruto's recovery. Parties that we, unfortunately, can't afford you to take liberal action with," Tsunade spoke to Kurama, diplomatically stating that he wasn't allowed to eat these people.

"Humph. I was wondering when one of you monkeys would try to screw something up. I'm surprised it took this long," Kurama snorted, blatantly ignoring dozens of people he ate that had tried to assassinate Naruto over the past four weeks. As far as he was concerned, the only difference between those fools and the ones in front of him was that the latter actually seemed capable of causing problems in some way.

"Hokage! Explain!" The noble shouted from a safer distance while pointing at the eye. "What the hell is going on?!"

"That, is what I've been trying to explain to you since you arrived." Tsunade crossed her arms defiantly. "A few hours after Naruto was settled into his room, the entire chamber was transformed into what can only be described as its own pocket dimension. Most likely a subconscious action on Naruto's part in order to protect himself while he heals from his ordeal in Iwagakure. To this day we don't know the exact rules and method behind it, but as you can see, the dimensions inside have been expanded significantly to the point that the Kyubi can traverse inside freely with room to spare. Attempting to enter the room from other openings, or making a new entrance yield similar results to what you see here. As it is, the ANBU and shinobi stationed around Naruto Uzumaki's room are not for his protection, but for anyone foolish enough to try and barge in unannounced."

"Y-you're joking. Th-this is just another one of your shinobi tricks." The man stammered, still focused on the red eyeball that by all rights was bigger than the room it was supposed to be in. "You mean to tell me that some boy is bending time and space unconsciously?!"

"Just space. The idiot is next to hopeless when it comes to time manipulation," Kurama corrected factually.

"I believe it would be better to focus on Naruto's state of recovery." Tsunade sighed. "Our esteemed guest would like a second opinion on the patient's status."

"Humph. What is there to tell? Naruto is still unconscious. The flea could have asked any of the villagers and get the same answer. It is not uncommon knowledge. The bulk of those that live here would be able to feel when he awakens."

While that was a vague excuse, it was the truth. Even if the residents of Konoha didn't know exactly what was going on or how they knew Naruto's status, they were distinctly aware that their resident and recently returned jinchuriki was still out cold. Tsunade doubted she even needed to bother making an announcement to let everyone know what was happening the instant the jackass was up and about.

"And at the risk of sounding impertinent, how close do you believe he is to waking up?" The Hokage stood her ground.

For once, the fox did not immediately reply. "Soon. That is as accurate of an answer as I can give. Be it today or next week I do not know, but soon regardless."

"Well then, I suppose that will be enough for you, won't it Asahina-dono?" Tsunade smiled as she turned onto the still shivering noble. "Or do you believe that the Nine Tailed Fox is being dishonest?"

Straight up accusing a monster the size of a mountain of lying to its face. Even a pompous fool would be able to tell that attempting such a thing was a shortcut to an early grave. "N-No! Not at all Hokage-sama! I'm convinced! I can wait another week! Th-thank you for clearing up this misunderstanding for me! I will best be off! Come guards! Let's leave! Now!"

None of the shinobi and medical personnel there put in any effort to talk or stall the young man as he booked it out of the building.

"I still think you should have let the girl smack them around for a bit first," Onoki broke the silence with a yawn. "Not like you'd get in much more trouble after the fool sends word to his babysitters of this."

"Don't tempt me more than I already have Onoki. I'm already letting foreign shinobi jump head first into a Biju's stomach as it is."

"Don't be ridiculous. After Kinkaku and Ginkaku, I make sure to chew first." The fox quipped absently.

"Hoh? Those are two names I haven't heard in a while. Come to think of it fox, why didn't you kill them when you threw them up?" Roshi pondered curiously about the two monsters from Kumo.

"After the indigestion they gave me, I just wanted those annoyances gone. Killing them would have just taken additional effort and time I didn't want to waste on them." Even if no one could see it, they could tell the monster was grimacing as if remembering something unpleasant.

"That's as good a reason as any I suppose, if a bit dull," Onoki huffed.

"Humph. That said, I doubt that the fool that just left is the sole reason why I have such a diverse audience today." Kurama's eye scanned the humans that remained, only to linger on Karin. "Well isn't that a surprising sight. What a peculiar path this twisted world has taken…"

"Wh-what do you mean by that?!" Karin stood stiff, shifting her glasses and shouting louder than she probably meant to.

"I've been stuck in one Uzumaki or another for nearly a century, and I've killed scores more prior to that. I know your kin when I see one." The beast growled in an almost amused tone. Slowly his gaze turned to Hinata. "I also know of some of the less infamous traits of the Uzumaki bloodline, such as the existence of those whose flesh and chakra contain potent healing properties. The Hyuuga brought this one in the hopes that she could expedite Naruto's recovery."

"So the Uzumaki healing branch still lives. Now isn't that a sight." Onoki scratched his chin and looked at Karin curiously. "I never laid eyes on one of you lot before, but I've certainly been annoyed by your work during the first and second wars. The rate at which you could revive your allies was nothing short of maddening. As if putting down an elite Uzumaki shinobi wasn't enough of a task in itself."

Tsunade didn't need to make eye contact with the old geezer to know that he was faking his curiosity and hiding some mild irritation. "She can't help you Onoki. I interviewed her weeks ago. She can't replace lost limbs. You still have to choose between your original limbs or asking Suna for puppet replacements."

"Tch."

"Haha. She read you like a book 'Noki." Roshi laughed, unashamed of calling out his friend's displeasure. From what he recalled, Onoki's missing limbs were still a few days away, and no one knew if they were in good enough condition to reattach to him after so long. Especially at his old age.

"I read him like he was one of my countless other patients. I know the spark of desperate hope when I see it." She waved off the ginger jinchuriki while approaching the girls.

"You certainly didn't hesitate to snuff it out either. You may be a brilliant medic, but your bedside manners leave much to be desired Tsunade," Onoki grumbled before noticing Shion quietly watching everything unfold from a distance. "So what's your story? You don't look mute."

"That's the Priestess of Demon Country," Tsunade explained. "She arrived at Konoha shortly before everything went pear shaped."

"Demon Country? You mean the rumored fortune teller girl?" The old man shook his head dismissively. "Fat load of luck that ability did anyone. Otherwise we might have skirted this entire mess."

While Onoki had not bothered looking at anyone in his chiding, Kurotsuchi had not missed the momentary flinch several people in the hallway made. Including Roshi.

"Oi, is it just me or does the priestess and the Hyuuga…" Roshi mused as he got a better look at the girls and how similar they appeared.

"We know, don't ask," a chorus flatly stated, not wanting to bother with that conversation again.

"Yeesh. Fine. Fine. Just asking. No need to bite my head off." The jinchuriki huffed, reaching for his sake.

"No alcohol in the hospital Roshi," Tsunade warned. "This isn't the first time I've had to tell you this."

"And it won't be the last." The old man smirked and downed his drink without shame in front of the irritated woman.

"Shion-sama actually came here because of Naruto. She overheard my conversation with Karin-san and joined us here." Hinata spoke quickly before the situation had a chance to deteriorate. "Her supposed powers are irrelevant. What matters is if Karin-san's healing prowess can accelerate Naruto's recovery."

"Doubtful." Kurama's voice echoed throughout the room. "Naruto's issue is not within the body or the mind, but within his chakra. He has taken in an absurd burden, adding most of my stolen chakra and a significant sample of six of the other Biju into himself. Recovering from Law is a remarkable ordeal on its own, but simultaneously adapting to this new well of power takes time for even his body to adjust to. Had he not been revoltingly gifted in harmonizing and adapting to the energies and chakra of others, he would without question have died from the ordeal within seconds of undertaking such a burden."

"That goes without saying." Onoki huffed. Jinchuriki were oddities by definition, being able to house Biju within their tiny bodies with expertly crafted seals made just for the purpose. It was literally unheard of for someone to simply just take in as much power as Naruto did on a whim and not suffer severe ramifications. If not simply blow up.

"I am of the same opinion. I had this discussion with her when we first spoke two weeks ago. I'm surprised that she didn't bring it up when you came up with the idea." Tsunade looked skeptically at the girls.

"We did. And I agree with you for the most part. My chakra's healing capabilities are primarily founded in yin chakra, healing the body, not the mind. However Hinata-san reminded me that an abundance of Yin chakra tends to have stabilizing traits. I doubt my chakra can do anything by itself, and I don't have nearly enough compared to my cousins' reserves, but if my chakra is guided by someone with precise chakra control…"

"You're suggesting Hinata essentially weld's Naruto's chakra together using yours as a solder," the Hokage deadpanned.

"More of a catalyst," Hinata quickly defended herself. "Like Kyubi-sama said, Naruto's innate ability to harmonize with other chakras is nothing short of miraculous."

"I called it revolting," Kurama corrected.

Hinata ignored him, like anyone that hung out with Naruto. "And since Karin-san is also an Uzumaki…"

"It would reduce the effort needed for her chakra to act as a catalyst." Tsunade finished Hinata's thoughts. "I take it you only intended to focus on the most critical parts of Naruto's system."

"Mmm. With how much chakra he supposedly has now, it is for the best that we make the most with small changes to prevent any issues." Hinata explained her reasoning. "I wouldn't recommend such a risky endeavor normally, but, well…"

"You've stalked and tended to Naruto so much over the years, that you can probably trace his chakra system better than the Kyubi," the Hokage deadpanned, prompting those that didn't know Hinata well to doubletake.

"Maybe." The accused had the decency to avoid eye contact with everyone in the hallway.

"Fine control is a human issue, not a Biju's," Kurama brushed off the comparison effortlessly. The biju were like Naruto, macro scale manipulation specialists, not micro.

"I think that's his way of agreeing with you," Roshi chuckled.

Tsunade shook her head. "You know what? Fine. Go ahead. Knowing Naruto's absurd luck, it'll work the more I'd try to argue otherwise. Far be it for me to keep putting up a front when the Fox of all people is giving you the ok."

"Hokage-sama…" One of the ANBU turned her, unsure of what to make of her sudden decision.

She waved the soldier off carelessly. "Let them through. It's not like you weren't going to do it in the first place. I'm sure everyone knows what happened the first time you lot tried to keep Hinata away from the idiot."

Yes. Yes they did know what happened. And they would never speak of it again. They knew better.

"Oi. Hold on. Wait a sec. When I agreed to help out, I did not consent to walk into a freaking Biju's den!" Karin shouted clearly terrified out of her mind.

"Calm yourself Uzumaki. The rules in this space do not follow conventional logic. So long as you don't do anything stupid, you will not see nor sense me once you step inside."

"It's not that bad." Shion smiled faintly as she stepped forward. "I went in once before. It's a bit disorienting, but otherwise harmless in there."

Seeing that her courage was being outplayed by a civilian of all people, Karin relented. "Ugh. Fine! I'll go! But so help me if that fox tries to kill me I'm throwing you two in front of me as bait!"

"Don't tempt me. I have a big enough grudge against Uzumaki women as it is." As if he was some aquatic animal, Kurama seemed to flow out of sight of the door, leaving its opening occupied with white once more.

"Creepy." Karin shivered.

"You get used to it." Hinata smiled. "Eventually."

"Not anytime soon unfortunately." Shion added. She had fared the encounter better than Karin, but not by much. "Come on. It's easier after the first few steps."

It was almost entertaining to see Karin edge towards Naruto's room. It reminded them of seeing a child get to the edge of a pond or the deep end of a pool for the first time.

And then Hinata shoved Karin in, causing the latter to scream profusely as she disappeared into the white, followed shortly by her assailant and a nervously laughing Shion.

"Humph. Children." Onoki shook his head before glancing at Tsunade. "So. Another Uzumaki. And one from Kusa judging from her gear."

Karin's immigration to Konoha was not finalized, but the girl had already ditched her headband. "She's a recent addition that arrived in Konoha before we knew of your mess, believe it or not. A student of Sleeper Kuma's."

"Kuma. Bah. Another name I could have gone without hearing again." The Tsuchikage grumbled, remembering how many times the counter intelligence specialist had screwed him over during the third war. "The timing was poor for her though. Sooner or later that noble brat will spread word of her to your capital."

"She's staying at the Hyuuga compound for now, and is protected by a squad of ANBU outside. As is the priestess," Tsunade stated firmly. It didn't take much to figure out that many would try to use Karin to get to Naruto in the future. The sooner the girl made connections in high places, the better. Hiashi and Hinata didn't need an explanation, once the Hokage requested that they house Naruto's distant relative. They knew what games were being played.

The old man's eyes sharpened. "The Nobles are getting restless though. Brazenly trying to get to Uzumaki's room like that. And with an armed guard no less. Someone's already let the situation get to them."

Whether or not the emissary intended anything vile with this stunt was beyond the point. Clearly something had motivated him to do something reckless, and it wouldn't surprise anyone if one of his "loyal guards" had goals or intentions that were different from his charges'.

Tsunade shook her head. "We validated the first X ranked shinobi in nearly twenty years, and the first one willing to stay in a major hidden village in forty. I'm willing to bet the majority of the capital's elites had no idea what that entailed until someone found a forgotten set of rules buried under dust and read it out loud for everyone to hear."

The balance of power in the world was shifting dramatically and Konoha was at the center of it all. It would be foolish to think that nobody would do something stupid during this time when Naruto was supposedly at his most vulnerable.

"If you keep putting things off for much longer, it won't be the incompetents you'll have to worry about." Onoki warned. "You've met that idiot Raikage. You know how impulsive he can be if he thinks things aren't going his way."

Impulsive was one way of putting it. She distinctively remembered finding the messages and unsubtle threats of war with Konoha if her teacher didn't grant the third Raikage's, the fourth's father, a posthumous classification of X rank.

A was not going to be pleased once he finally got word of Naruto's increase in notoriety.

Tsunade had a feeling that alone was a big motivation of Onoki's to actually help out with this madness. The old geezer always did have a certain sadistic yearning for pissing off the other Kage via petty means when it suited him.

"The Raikage can complain all he wants during the summit." Tsunade held her ground. "We both know that it will hold little weight once the real discussions start."

"But will he listen?" The old man frowned.

"You did."

"I had little choice."

"Don't lie, Fence Sitter. You were the one pestering me once the painkillers started to wear off. You didn't even pretend not to believe me when I was done explaining everything."

Of course he would ask that. He was a crippled Kage that had been teleported to a foreign village. What did she take him for?

"Don't brush off the Raikage's impulsive nature and ignorance Tsunade. We've both seen what the old titans of Konoha were capable of. We know the weight of that label. The Raikage, for all his bluster and strength, is pathetically uninformed about such things."

"Easy now. Calm down, the both of you. No need to agitate the patient, eh?" Roshi laughed nervously as the two Kage stared one another down before losing interest.

Onoki huffed deeply before wincing. No matter what his injuries he had sustained, his damned back would always be the bane of his existence. "Between the Nobles, that meathead Raikage, and the boy, I don't envy you Tsunade. This mess has landed entirely on your feet, and it will take a miracle for you to put out all these fires and come out unscathed. It's ironic, but for once, Konohagakure is in dire straits because of Iwagakure, and I don't like it one bit."

Tsunade smiled bitterly, but held her ground with confidence. "You have my thanks, Tsuchikage, however you are mistaken about something. I have no intention of putting out the fires around me just yet."

Her statement caught both the ANBU and the shinobi from Iwa by surprise.

"Hokage-sama?" The agent closest to her spoke up warily.

"Wasting our time trying to stamp out the fires around us is just what our enemies expect us to do. Akatsuki is still out there, and so is Danzo. No doubt they will be keeping close attention to what is going on and escalate tensions. So, why not give them what they want?" The Hokage began to laugh maliciously, a deep snarl of sadism making its way to her face.

"You're actually going to make things worse for yourselves? With the Nobles?" Roshi had to take a second look at his sake jar to make sure that he hadn't downed enough alcohol to hallucinate.

"Gentlemen. Ladies. You have forgotten that for the past five years, we have hosted the Oogakari family. For the past five years, Konoha has been exposed to perpetual insane gimmicks after maddening fiascos without rest. For five years, we have not only adapted to this constant bullshit, but dare I say, learned from it."

The hospital shook momentarily. No. It didn't shake at all. It just felt like the building did as a subtle wave of chakra and space rolled over and past them.

The sky breathed. The wind blew. The Heavens turned.

It didn't take a genius to tell where the epicenter was.

Unlike everyone else in the hallway, in the hospital, in Konoha, Tsunade wasn't unfettered in the slightest.

"From past experiences, I've found that the best way to catch a fire starter that enjoys watching their work up close, is to spread the flames faster than they expected. Faster than they planned. Faster than they can run."

She had called it the moment she walked inside the building. Today was going to give her one hell of a headache. So much so that she couldn't stop smiling, even if she tried.

There was nothing that got a fire going faster than a good wind.

o. o. o.

Omake:

The Oogakari all stood in a circle around a vat of boiling oil and interdimensional demon feces.

Hoisted above it was Crypt's scythe, dangling helplessly above it.

It knew what it did.

o. o. o.

A/N:

Thanks Kagaseo for betaing.

Holy shit it's actually been a year. I uh… Yeah I got nothing. Totally my bad. Did not think it would take me this long to get back to this story.

Anyways, the story lives! It continues! It is going to be… something! Not sure what yet! Probably something hilarious, awesome, and mind scarring!

… Not much else to say on that part! This was a cooldown interlude slash montage chapter!

That said, I will turn things on a more serious note for a sec.

Ok. To all my fans and readers in the U.S. right now. There's a lot of shit going down. I'm not going to lecture you on what to stand up for or what to believe in. If I was my normal self and ran my mouth, I guarantee you that I'd have people on both sides after my blood before I got to the point, so I'm just going to spare you the self-righteous bullshit that most people spew and just leave you with this:

Don't be stupid.

Whatever you're doing. Whatever cause you are standing for. Whatever stance you hold. I will not tell you one way or another if it's the right thing to do or not. That is your decision to make. All I ask is you don't be an idiot about it. Your life, and your future take priority right now. There's a fucking pandemic going around for crying out loud. The government is calling in borderline mercenaries to serve as riot police to take out peaceful protests, normal police are getting pushed to the brink trying to deal with the actual riots protected by retarded politicians, and the ACTUAL minority asshole police that were responsible for pissing everyone off in the first place are doing fuck knows what they normally do, because the unions that protect them are useless in all the ways that matter the worst.

So before you step out to try and make the world a better place, think about what you are doing, where you are going, and what will most likely happen if you go there. Be you cop or civie, whatever you are, and whatever you're doing, just don't be stupid about it. Ok? That's all I'm asking.

… Bleh. I don't even feel like ranting anymore. Might as well get this chapter out already.

SO REVIEW! WORSHIP THE LOG! BEING STUPID MY JOB YOU ASSHOLES! AND REVIEW AGAIN