Buried Emotions

Disclaimer - Ok, this is my New Year's Resolution...Don't be sarcastic. Be patient. Own the Thunderbirds...

Damn. I broke all my resolutions already.

Chapter One

Christmas. It was a time for family, a time of peace...

A time for wrapping up paperwork.

Kate Tracy looked up as her husband entered the small office they shared in their home. Running along behind him was a giggling Jason, her firstborn son. And in his arms was a bundle of fuss...

Standing, Kate held her arms out for her four month old son. Scott hastily transferred the baby to his wife.

"There you go, Mama's boy," Scott sighed in relief. "He doesn't do this if you're off the Island, you know. But the kid knows when you're here."

"Of course he does," Kate cooed. "You are a clever boy, aren't you, DJ?"

"I know when Mama is here," Jason pouted.

"Yes, sweetie," Kate laughed. "And you know how to call me at the office. But next time, don't use your grandfather's override code to ask me if you can have a cookie after lunch when I am in a board meeting."

"Didn't think you'd mind," Jason said, looking at his feet. "Uncle Gordy doesn't like to be bored so I thought I would call you so you wouldn't be."

Kate raised an eyebrow and took her oldest by the hand. "C'mon, Champ, let's see if Onaha has any of those oatmeal peanut butter cookies for you. And Scott – what have I said about which of your siblings to allow baby-sitting?"

Scott sighed, knowing he was caught. He really wished Chanukah had fallen closer to Christmas this year like it had last year. Then maybe Kate would be too busy trying to coordinate getting the boys to visit her family over the Jewish holiday before having Christmas here on the Island. But nope. This year Chanukah had come two weeks ago and Christmas was next week.

"Really, Kate! Jason should have been taking his nap. How was I to know he'd wake up?"

"Sweetie," Kate cheerfully asked her oldest as they skirted around the fenced in upper pool, "last time Uncle Gordy baby-sat you, how long a nap did you take?"

Gordon was sitting by the pool, re-working a diagram for a Tracy Industries project and heard his sister-in-law's question. He froze, hoping that like the prey of a T-Rex, if he stayed still, Kate would walk right past him.

But nope – there was Kate's "if looks could kill" glare as her son happily answered.

"I didn't take one. Uncle Gordy says naps are for babies!"

Kate knelt beside her oldest, letting DJ rest against her shoulder. "Jason Alan Tracy – you are not even five and if I say you still need a nap, you do. And someday, when you are President, you can look back and say you owe your success to not doing what your uncle said."

"Hey!" Gordon protested only to fall silent again when Kate glared at him.

Scott chuckled only to freeze when Kate glared at him as well. "But Kate, I needed to adjust something on One and…"

A plane overhead interrupted him and Jason squealed in delight, running into the main house. "Lizbeth! Michael! Unca Alan is home, Unca Alan is home!"

Soon the three children, Michael a bit slower than his cousins, were hurrying down the path that led to the hangers. With a sigh, Kate stood, pulling her husband aside just in time to avoid being run over by Sarah, her red-hair flying as she scooped up her son on the fly. Virgil was quickly following, calling out to Sarah to "remember the baby" even as he grabbed his niece and nephew to join his wife.

"She does know that she's pregnant, right?" Kate sighed.

Scott raised an eyebrow at Kate before grinning. "Beat ya down to the hangers!"

Kate's long legs soon had her matching her spouse stride per stride, laughing all the way.

Gordon stood up, a frown on his face. Whenever Alan came home, their household seemed to turn itself upside down, with comments of "being a family again". What was he – chopped liver? Except for when Alan was home, his brothers tended to focus on the families they were creating with their wives. Seriously...Gordon loved his sisters-in-law, his niece and nephews and God knew he loved Allie...

Pushing any negative thoughts to the side, Gordon began to jog down to the hangers. Might as well join the crowd.

It was a little less lonely.

Alan Tracy smiled as he stood, stretching, holding out his hand to his girlfriend, Tin-Tin Kyrano. "Home again," he whispered, kissing her softly.

Before Tin-Tin could respond, Jeff came from the back of the plane, yawning. "No, no, no…I thought we agreed. There are some things I never have to see."

As Tin-Tin giggled, Alan rolled his eyes. "Dad, you live in the same compound as your other sons, three who are married. You aren't going to tell me that you never see anything with them, are you?"

Jeff sighed. "I see way too much sometimes. There are things a father doesn't want to know is happening."

Now Alan laughed. "Dad I have a niece, three nephews and another one on the way. You can't tell me you don't know your sons are, well, busy?"

"There is a big difference between knowing and knowing, Alan." Jeff glanced at the purity rings the two twenty-one year olds still wore and gave a small smile. He knew those rings were going to be replaced by wedding rings one day soon but it might be easier to pretend that they had just changed styles. Yeah, he could pull that off…

At least until Alan presented him with a grandchild as well.

The three Tracys hadn't even made it all the way off of Tracy One when the thundering herd that was their family came rushing into the cavernous hanger, Tin-Tin's parents coming in more sedately from the elevators leading directly from the main house. Soon Alan was being passed from each family member, hugged and kissed (well, by his sisters-in-law) while Onaha and Kyrano quietly fussed over their only child.

"Geesh!" Gordon groaned. "You would think he's been to war and we haven't seen him in years instead of him being home for Thanksgiving."

Alan just laughed. "Thanks for the attempted reprieve, Fish-face, but you know the elders like to fuss."

"I don' wanna fuss, Unca Allie," Jason piped up. "I wanna play."

"I want to play, Jason," Kate gently corrected her eldest.

"Unca Gordy says you and Daddy play way too much, Mama," Jason responded. "And that's why we gots DJ."

"Gordon Cooper Tracy," Kate growled, turning on her red-headed brother in law who had gone suddenly pale.

Showing an amazing in-tune sense of self-preservation, Gordon fled from the hanger, Kate on his trail.

Alan continued to laugh. "The Hasty Pudding had nothing on this," he chuckled as he lifted Elizabeth and set her on one hip before balancing Jason on the other.

Tin-Tin was cuddling DJ – who had gone to her from his mother moments before Gordon made his ill-timed remark – and shook her head. "Just remember who had pictures of you from the ceremony."

Sarah grinned. "Why Alan…did you participate in the Hasty Pudding Award this year?"

Lowering his head, Alan sighed. "I was a last-minute, completely un-credited fill-in for one of my classmates. Out there less than thirty seconds and guess who decided to stop by?"

Putting her arm around Sarah, Tin-Tin whispered, "I'll show the other girls and you the pictures. No way are the boys seeing them. But my man has great legs, got it?"

The women left laughing, Onaha following along while the brothers and Kyrano grabbed the college students' luggage, Jeff getting his own.

Virgil hefted Alan's messenger bag over his shoulder. "Too bad you had to wait until today to come home," he said as they headed towards the elevator – easier to get the luggage back to the main house – "The Hackenbackers headed up to Five yesterday."

"I called Fermat before he left," Alan assured them. "And we'll be giving him a ride back to Cal-Sci after the break."

"I still don't know what was so important that you had to be in New York," Scott said. "I mean, we could have picked you up in Boston two days ago when Harvard got out."

"And MIT got out yesterday," Alan reminded his oldest brother. "Tin only met up with us last night. And being in New York yesterday gave Dad and I a chance to finish our Christmas shopping. Or did you forget Dad couldn't leave until after his meeting this morning?"

Scott looked mutinous. "I still could have gotten you yesterday in Tracy Two."

Jason looked confused. "Unca Alan? Daddy does know yous a grown-up now, right?"

Alan gave his nephew a peck on the head even as he adjusted the boy's weight on his right hip. "Not in this life-time, Champ. Not in this life-time."

Alan was helping set the table as Onaha and Tin-Tin finished up the dinner preparations (with Tin-Tin mainly talking while her mother smiled and exchanged humorous glances with Alan).

"That was a lovely picture of the two of you from the dance at Harvard, Alan," Onaha said when Tin-Tin stopped to take a breath.

Smiling, Alan nodded. "It was actually a fundraiser for a homeless shelter in Boston. They do great work. I'm helping the head of the shelter with paperwork for the Tracy Charitable Trust but figured it would help to have something sooner. Nice thing about a lot of Harvard people – they are always up for a party." Alan's face went cynical before he sighed.

"And it wasn't that hard to line up support as soon as I said the name Tracy. I don't mind too much, it was for a good cause. But it would be better if people were willing to listen to Alan, the student who was trying to help, and not just Billionaire Jeff Tracy's son."

"I always prefer "business man Jeff Tracy"," Jeff said as he entered, Scott and Virgil – with their wives and children – followed on his heels.

"I'm used to "Jeff Tracy, ex-astronaut"," Scott murmured as he snitched a slice of tomato from the salad before Onaha could swat his hand.

"How about "living legend Jeff Tracy"?" Virgil asked as he tickled Michael long enough to make the three year old giggle and relax so that Sarah could get him in his new booster seat.

"How about Dad?" Gordon said as he entered with Kyrano following him, the two bringing the extension needed to allow the entire family to sit at the table.

Alan looked pensive. "I don't know, Gordy. I don't think I'd like a bunch of people in Boston calling our father Dad. Especially any who are older than me. And definitely not anyone older than Scott."

"Yeah, that would be weird," Kate said as she gratefully took a bottle from Tin-Tin and began to feed DJ.

"Hey Donnie boy," Gordon tickled his nephew's toe even as the baby spit out the nipple and began to fuss.

"Gordon!" Scott hissed. "How many times do we have to tell you – don't call him that!"

Gordon sighed as he sat back in his chair. "I don't know why not. His name is Donald Jefferson."

"And he doesn't like it," Kate snapped as she calmed her baby down.

"Alan was like that," Jeff murmured as he pulled the tea and water jugs from the refrigerator.

Frowning, Alan looked at his father. "Huh? I like my name. Even when I was younger and you called me Allie."

"Alan wasn't my first choice," Jeff sighed. "It was your mother's. You were all named for Mercury Seven Astronauts."

The Tracy kids (birth and marriage) all nodded – they knew that.

"Well, when Alan was born, there were two left – Alan Sheppard and Walter Schirra."

"That's right," Alan snapped his fingers. "And you wanted to name me Walter. How did Mom win that one?"

Jeff took a sip of tea and grimaced. "I tried calling you Walter and you screamed your head off until I agreed we would call you Alan. Then you calmed right down and began cooing like crazy."

The family looked at each other and soon was laughing.

Sarah shook her head. "That's our Allie – strong willed since birth."

"Should I set a place for John and Emily?" Alan asked as he got his breath back.

"They said they would be back for dinner," Scott said as he poured milk for the three older grandchildren.

"Should we wait?" Onaha asked even as she began to set plates on the table.

Jeff shook his head. "They should be here soon. And I don't know about everyone else, but I am starved."

The other Tracy men (this included Jason and Michael) nodded in agreement making the women roll their eyes. A Tracy man not hungry? Reserve a bed in the infirmary.

Soon everyone was seated at the table, passing plates and bowls of food around and all seeming to talk at once. Alan was especially busy, talking about happenings at college or his work at the local Tracy office, while Jason seemed determined to talk his favorite uncle (a fact that Kate laughingly chalked up to Alan was the first face the kid ever saw since the then seventeen year old had delivered the baby) about what Alan had missed in the last four weeks.

Gordon spoke to Alan in what he thought was a soft tone.

"Al – I need to talk to you after dinner."

"What Gordon?" Alan responded only to have Gordon answer in a louder voice that should have blended with the others.

"I need to talk to you after dinner."

Unfortunately, he spoke just as a rare moment of silence had occurred.

Alan looked confused.

"What about?" When Gordon remained silent, Alan sighed. "Whatever it is, Gordo – speak now. I don't have the energy for any pranks right now so if it is that, forget it."

Several people looked concerned at Alan's confession of being tired but Gordon continued.

"I just think this is something private," Gordon insisted.

"We don't keep secrets like that in this family," Jeff said smoothly seeing Alan becoming annoyed.

"And before you say anything," Alan said, seeing Gordon's eyes flicker to the section of the table were the Kyranos all sat. It had been hard for Alan and Jeff to convince the family to eat with the Tracys and he wasn't going to have Gordon say anything to upset his future in-laws. "I consider the Kyranos family. So if it is that big a deal, spill."

"Fine," Gordon said, angrily putting down his glass. "I just thought I could spare Tin-Tin the knowledge of Annabeth Roberts."

"How do you know about Annabeth?" Tin-Tin asked, surprised only that Gordon knew. A quick glance at Alan assured her he had not said anything to his brother.

"You knew Alan had cheated on you?" Gordon gasped.

"Cheated on?" Alan laughed, shaking his head before frowning. "Wait – how did you even know that name?"

Gordon looked mutinous. "A little bird told me you were seen coming and going from her house. And that it has been going on for at least a year."

"Actually," Emily said calmly as she entered the room, "I think it has been more like three years, hasn't it Alan?"

Alan nodded even as he stood to receive hugs from Emily and John before they sat down at the table and began to fill their plates, and fuss with Elizabeth.

"January of my Freshman year," Alan mused. "Although I don't call on her as often as I had been."

"That's very healthy, right?" Tin-Tin asked Emily who smiled at Alan and then Jeff, nodding.

"Yes," Emily agreed. "Just so long as you know, if you ever need to talk, she will still be there."

Alan smiled before frowning at Gordon.

"Since you seemed so determined to rat me out for my supposed sin, I'll tell you everything, Gordon. Annabeth Roberts in a psychiatrist. Her office is in her brownstone on Beacon Hill and there is no sign outside because many of her patients are high profile – athletes, celebrities or politicians. In addition to counseling, she makes sure her services are discreet. Can you imagine the headlines of "Jeff Tracy's son goes bonkers?" That would be a story Ana Nevada would love to sink her claws into."

Several understanding looks or hand squeezes met Alan's statement but Gordon was undeterred.

"What did you need a shrink for?" Gordon demanded.

Alan slammed down his glass and glared at his brother.

"Gee – let's do a head count. Just while I was in high school, I was taken hostage three times, caught in two bomb blasts – one with the avalanche and another making me blind temporarily – was shot at, poisoned, and let's not by-pass the whole thing with the Hood. Oh, yeah. And please recall why I was sent to Wharton's in the first place? Professor Pervert? The one who got away with it for years because no one listened to me?"

Alan felt a moment of guilt seeing the distress that caused the rest of the family but he pushed on.

"And then there was Tomo. My best friend and practically another brother to me. He died, Gordon. Died partially as a result of injuries he had gotten trying to protect me. I had to live with that. So I managed to "stay strong and carry on" as Lady P would say."

Drawing a deep breath, he felt Tin-Tin's calming presence and smiled at her briefly before continuing.

"But when I went back to school after Christmas that year, I felt…lost. And I had begun to have panic attacks. And nightmares. Emily saw the circles under my eyes and flew out to talk to me. I had my first session within forty-eight hours of her landing in Boston."

Standing up, Alan tossed down his napkin. "Sorry, Dad – I can't eat. And before anyone says anything, I will eat later, I promise."

Alan got up and walked away, Tin-Tin quickly following him. But before anyone could say anything to Gordon, Jason seemed to sum everything up when he threw a biscuit at his uncle.

"Bad Unca Gordy!"

A/N - OK, so Happy New Year! I hope everyone had a great holiday season. Mine was pretty good. Time may not heal all wounds, but it does make things not hurt as much. Now...

Alan - You're back, huh?

CC - Yep. Proverbial bad apple.

Alan - Gordon still have issues.

CC - Gordy still has issues.

Alan - Why not let him, um...

CC - Get busy? Oh, he has been. He just needs to fall in love.

Alan - So...I finally cracked, huh?

CC - No, you just needed someone to tell you life isn't trying to make you miserable.

Alan - Yeah, just you.

CC - It's my purpose in life. Hot chocolate and cake?

Alan - Might as well.

CC - Laters. And keep warm folks. Because up here in New England, it's been a wee bit chilly.