Hey people! I am very bored at the moment and my sister is getting irritated because I'm listening to little kid songs like "There was an old lady" and "Apples and Bananas" on Youtube while she's reading some book called Banished by Sophie Littlefield I think. Apparently it's at a very dramatic part and I'm being "very rude by playing such dumb songs right now." So yep! Anyways, I don't know why I'm writing this 'cause I'm pretty sure no one is actually reading this, but if you are, then here's a cookie O.

Um, I guess I'll write some things about myself. My Bff, who also just happens to be my cousin, is kittyallstars. You should check out some of her stories! She's a great writer :) And if you're reading this right now, Hannah, here's a cookie O.

Here's a link to her page (Yes, she has tons of stuff on her profile like me, but you don't have to read it all if you don't want to; just skip to the stories!) : http://www.fanfiction.ws/u/2469823/

Oh and my sister just made an account (actually, I kind of signed her up, but that's not important) and she reads tons of stories but refuses to write any. And then she has the nerve to come tell me her ideas and tries to get me to write them! *sigh* If anyone knows how to force- I mean convince- someone to write a story, please let me know! :)

I also would like to say that I'm a person. Yep, that's right! I'm not a robot, or an alien, or whatever else I could possibly be. Anyway, my favorite color is green and my favorite singer is Taylor Swift (I

My favorite books include pretty much every book I've ever read, so I can't really put them all up here, but some of them include the Percy Jackson series, Ranger's Apprentice, Mortal Instruments, and I was super obsessed with Twilight for a while, and though I'm not crazy about it anymore, I still like it.

And let the randomness begin! Or continue, I guess, since I've definitely been random so far. :)

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar o f Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere)
On a hair straightener: "Do not use in water." (Yes, because I always straighten my hair when I'm taking a bath.)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity copy and paste this into your profile! XD

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This is this cat. This is is cat. This is how cat. This is to cat. This is keep cat. This is a cat. This is idiot cat. This is busy cat. This is for cat. This is forty cat. This is seconds cat. Now go back and read the third word in each sentence from the top. Pass it on.

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9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their but to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually. 3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
5. When people say while watching a film, "did ya see that?" No Loser, I paid 12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor!
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do thats longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here??

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The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Post this on your profile if you hate racism!

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Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it?

Jesus had no servants, yet they called him Master...

He had no degree, yet they called him Teacher...

He had no medicine, yet they called him Healer...

He had no army, yet kings feared him...

He won no military battles, yet he conquered the world...

He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him...

He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today

Feel honoured to serve such a leader who loves us...

If you believe in the tiune God, Father, Son, and Holy Ghost

then copy and paste this in your profile

If you ignore him, in the Holy Bible, Jesus says...

"If you deny me before man, I will deny you before my Father in Heaven..."

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Edward vs Normal guys.

A normal guy would say: “I love you Baby!”
Edward Cullen would say: “You are my life now.”

Normal Guy would say: “I think I am falling for you.”
Edward Cullen would say: “The Lion fell in Love with the Lamb”

Normal Guy would say: “You hair looks like a haystack; go brush it!”
Edward Cullen would say: “Your hair looks like a haystack but I like it.”

A normal guy would pick a random song from a random artist and dedicate it to you.
Edward Cullen would sing you a song he wrote for you while playing the piano.

If you die, a normal guy would find another.
If you die, Edward would kill himself cause life without you isn’t worth living.

As you leave the house, a normal guy would say: “Bye, see ya!”
As you leave the house Edward Cullen would say: “Come back to me, love.”

As you come back to the house, a normal guy would be watching TV and wouldn’t even notice.
As you come back to the house, Edward Cullen would be welcoming you by playing the piano with a song just for you.

A normal guy would wait for you to make him breakfast.
Edward Cullen would make you breakfast everyday.

While you are both out for dinner, a normal guy wouldn’t keep his eyes off the sexy waitress.
Edward Cullen wouldn’t even notice the waitress was a female.

A normal guy, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and one hand on the radio.
Edward Cullen, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and the other attached to yours.

While far apart in different places, a normal guy would say: “I miss you.”
While far apart in different places, Edward Cullen would say: “It’s like you’ve taken half myself with you”

A normal guy wouldn’t care or notice if you had nightmares.
Edward Cullen would sing until your nightmares went away.
“Do you want me to sing to you? I’ll sing all night if it will keep the bad dreams away.”

A normal guy buys you flowers and chocolates.
Edward Cullen buys you a car.

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10 Ways To Annoy Edward Cullen

10. Buy him a Team Jacob t-shirt.

9. Picture yourself naked.

8. Buy him a dog named Jacob.

7. Paint his room pink.

6. Sing "Barbie Girl" in your head over and over.

5. Invite him to go cliff diving in La Push, then say, "Oh, I forgot. You're not allowed in La Push. Oh, well. Come on, Bella."

4. Tell him Bella told you that she likes her men buff and then point out that Jacob is buffer than him.

3. Get all the werewolves to wear his clothes, then put them back so when he goes to put on his clothes, they all smell like werewolves.

2. Think about the time Bella made out with Jacob.

1. Ride motorcycles with Bella, then when he stops you, say, "But Jacob would have let us ride them." Then point out the double meaning in those words you just said.

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10 Ways To Annoy Jacob Black

10. Remind him that Bella picked Edward.

9. Remind him what Bella and Edward did on their honeymoon.

8. Tell him how Renesmee was conceived in full detail.

7. Buy him a Team Edward t-shirt.

6. Tell him that when Bella kissed him, she was intoxicated by Edward's presence so she didn't know what she was doing.

5. Tell him Bella likes her men pale and cold.

4. When he does something wrong, roll up a newspaper and say, "Bad dog!"

3. Pick up a stick, throw it, and yell, "Fetch!"

2. If he fetches the stick, pet his head and say, "Good doggie!" If he doesn't, smack his nose with the rolled up newspaper and say, "Bad doggie!"

1. Give him a pooperscooper for his birthday.

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A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle

Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!

Guy: No, this is fun.

Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: I love you, now slow down!

Guy: Now give me a big hug.

She gives him a big hug

Guy:Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.

In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died. Copy this onto your profile if you would do the same thing for someone you love.

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ABORTION SUCKS!

Month one

Mommy
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommy
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

Mommy
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

If you're against abortion, re-post this and if you almost cryed post this in your profile

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Two women friends had
gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and loving
wives,
however, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.

Incredibly drunk and
walking home, they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.
One
of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off
her panties
and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair
of
panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat
down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she
decided to
wipe with that. After the girls did their business, they proceeded
to go
home.
The next day one of the
woman's husband was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent
wife was
still in bed hung over, so he
phoned the other husband and said:
"These
girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst.
My wife came home with no panties!!"
"That's nothing" said
the other husband "Mind came back with a card stuck to her ass that
said... .. ... ... ... ...
"From all of us at the
Fire Station. We'll never forget
you." (HAHAHAHAHA!)

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I believe:

That everyone has special gifts from God, and that we need to honor and respect everyone equally.

That Jesus is my personal Lord and Savior and that He came and died on the cross to take away my sins.

That we all need to pick our friends wisely, but to not shun other people away just because they don't fit the status quo.

That we all need to realize the effects of what we say and do. We have no idea what is going to happen when we say something and its taken the wrong way. Please be careful of what you say and do, because the effects might end up costing more than one life, especially if you are being offensive or insulting.

That in whatever we do, God is there. All the time. Just call on His name. He's there

That homosexuality is wrong. 'nuff said.

That there is too much negativity in this world. Surround yourself with positive messages.

COPY AND PASTE IT YA'LL!

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If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile

92 percent of American teens would die if Abercombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your face off.

If you have ever gotten so sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember what you were talking about in the first place, copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever spelled your name wrong, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever fallen up the stairs, CAPTIYP

if you have ever laughed in a silent room because of something you heard yesterday CAPTIYP

if you have ever ran into a tree while running CAPTIYP

if you have ever ran into a door CAPTIYP

if you have ever asked a random obvious question CAPTIYP

if you want those stupid annoying voices in your head to just SHUT UP already CATIYP

if you are against abortion CAPTIYP

if someone has ever told you your wierd and you reply "what was your first clue" CAPTIYP

if you have ever tripped over air CAPTIYP

Even if you can't see him GOD is there! If you believe in GOD CAPTIYP

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know what to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, so weird is good. If you're weird and proud of it, CAPTIYP

98 of teenage population does or had tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 who hasn't CAPTIYP

If you have ever said something that had nothing to do with your current conversation, CAPTIYP

If you have ever had the Edward/Jacob argument with someone, copy this to your profile.

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Girls

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys don't want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

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I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool! If you could read that, put it in your profile!

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly stupid, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever forgotten how old you are when someone asked you, copy and paste this onto your profile.

Put this in your profile if you didn't know the Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the same tune.

If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy this into your profile.

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If your close friends are really funny, copy and paste.

If you're a loser and you're proud of it, copy this into your profile!

Okay, so who likes tacos? If you like tacos, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ARE a true friend, copy this into your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway, copy and paste this is your profile.

If you are random and don't care, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile.

If, for any particular reason, you have laughed during a movie that wasn't funny, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever accidentally screamed out loud for no particular reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever been standing straight up and suddenly fell down for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

Excuse me... have you seen my sanity... I think I lost it.

Why is Donkey Kong called “DONKEY” Kong if he’s an ape?

If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?

364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from
strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever (almost) taken over the world, but were distracted by something shiny, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to slap someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you ever HAVE slapped someone, copy and paste this into your profile.

My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it’s gone.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

Life isn’t passing me by, it’s trying to run me over.

If you believe every child deserves a chance to grow up and go to school, copy and paste this into your profile

If you want world peace, a brighter future, and more chocolate, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you want the actors and celebrities of Hollywood to be smarter and better role models, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think Michael Jackson should've left his face alone, copy this into your profile.

Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.

Did you know Sarcasm is your body’s natural defense against stupidity?

The pen may be mightier than the sword, but my keyboard can crush your crummy pen!

If you have strange dreams that never, ever make any sense whatsoever, put this into your profile.

If you like stuff that everybody else hates and don't care who thinks you suck because of it, copy this into your profile.

I smile because I have no idea what's going on!

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.

One day we will look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

Slinky Escalator = Endless fun!

One out of four people is insane. Look at three of your friends. If it's not them, it's you

"What you're looking for is always in the last place you look" (Me: Well, DUH, smart one! After you find it, you stop looking!)

If you are against child abuse, copy and paste this into your profile.

I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world.

Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question.

Some minds are like concrete; thoroughly mixed and permanently set.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you are a chocoholic, copy this into your profile.

If you like/love copying and pasting stuff into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile.

If you're quiet a lot but you're ALSO really loud, copt this into your profile

If you're weird, copy this into your profile.If you have too many of these copy and paste things in your profile and don't care who dislikes it, copy and paste this into your profile

If you love these copy and paste things, even though they aren't that cool to begin with, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever burned any sort of food in the microwave, oven, toaster, or on the stove, copy this into your profile.

Don't you ever wonder what that liquid that Chuck squirted Spencer (on iCarly) with was? Yep

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Things to do on an Elevator

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"

2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.

4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5) MEOW occasionally.

6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly

7) SAY -DING at each floor.

8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.

9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."

11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."

14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.

17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"

18) DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"

19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.

21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.

22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.

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100 WAYS TO GET KICKED OUT OF WALMART!

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.

5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.

11. Get several of those frogs (that croak when somebody walks by) from the Garden Dept. and place in strategic locations throughout store.

12. Play with the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long," etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk, anyway?"

15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.

16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a test drive.

17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.

18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"

20. Put M&M's on layaway.

21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.

24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,"I'm Batman. Come, Robin, to the Batcave!"

26. TP as much of the store as possible.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down. Once accomplished, move on to a harder word

29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

30. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"

31. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

32. Take bets on the battle described above.

33. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

34. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."

35. Walk through the store and start talking to yourself loud enough for everybody to hear; "I'll bet they have better prices at TARGET!"

36. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.

37. Try on bras over top of your clothes.

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags, against their will.

40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"

41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

42. Two words: "Marco Polo."

43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.

44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics, while headbanging & playing air guitar to Willie Nelson demos. (Bonus: Braid hair & tie bandanna around head).

45. Make a trail of lemon aid on the ground, leading to the restrooms.

46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"

49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

51. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.

52. Turn on toys that make noise or talk at random intervals, and leave them in strategic locations.

53. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.

54. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

55. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"

56. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

57. Set up another battlefield with GI Joes vs. Barbies. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!)

58. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

59. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room.

60. Ask everyone in "Electronics" "Do you know what CD this song is on? I don't know the name but it goes like this:". Then sing loudly, and don't stop until somebody throws you out.

61. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.

62. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.

63. Beg the greeter for those happy-face stickers. Stick them on your face, then stand next to him and copy whatever he says when customers walk in.

64. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.

65. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good bessie."

66. Try on every pair of shoes in the shoe department. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.

67. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

68. If you're female: Take some men's clothes to the mens fitting room and ask to try them on. Act shocked and insist But I AM a man if the attendant says anything. If you're a man, vice versa.

69. With friends, form a line that leads to nothing. Act like you're all excited about something. See how many people who walk by will come stand in it, too. (Note - This really works)

70. Lurk in the cosmetics department and spray people with a bottle of strong perfume as they walk by. Lean in and sniff them, then wave your hand in front of your nose and saying "P-eeew! That perfume stinks!"

71. Plastic fake-vomit and fake-dog doo can be utilized effectively here.

72. Go outside to the payphones, call the store and ask them to page customer "Hugh G'butt"

73. Stand in front of the Preparation H. Ask everyone who walks by which hemmorhoid remedy they prefer, then launch into a detailed description of your own problem.

74. While you're doing that, have white-out & markers handy. Modify the boxes of "Anusol" by covering up the "OL" on the logo.

75. Crawl around on the ground and pretend that your a cat. Meow when people walk by, rub up against their legs, etc.

76. Take a chair to Electronics, tune in all the TV's to Young & the Restless, and watch while sobbing loudly.

77. Chase your friends up and down aisles with those electric cars. Make sure to tell your friends to act like they don't know you.

78. Ride the little rides for toddlers. Fit the character; if on a horse, act like a cowboy, etc. If a little kid comes over wanting to use it, start crying.

79. Take fishing rods & a fishing hat from Sporting Goods to the Pet Department. Pretend to fish in the goldfish tanks.

80. Excesively use anything thing that says "Try Me".

81. Start pocketing any and all free samples.

82. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins.

82. Walk up to the customer service and say "Hello, I'll have a Quarter Pounder with cheese, large fries and a diet coke." Then go to Mc Donald's and try to return a toaster.

83. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people asking where the rash cream and lice remedies are.

84. When alone, have loud conversations with your "multiple personalities".

85. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10".

86. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the store.

87. Act suspicious and stick your arm in your jacket when leaving store. As you're walking through the doors act like you're expecting the alarms to go off. Then quickly look around you to see who's watching and run away as fast as your can.

88. Balance EVERYTHING you see on the tips of your finger, your nose, your forehead, and the top of your head while singing the circus song.

89. Put jockstraps in the lingerie department.

90. Put lingerie in the men's department.

91. Put super sexy women’s lingerie in old men's carts when they turn around.

92. Stand in the sock aisle, and give each package a stern lecture.

93. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light and say "blink" each time it blinks. Don't look away, just stay mesmerized.

94. Bark while trying on dog collars. Have a friend lead you around on a leash. Better yet, whinny while trying on horse tack and a friend holds the reins.

95. In the Garden Dept., skip through the flowers while holding your arms out and "buzzing".

96. With friends, stage a "sit-in" in all the bean-bag chairs in Furniture Dept.

97. Walk up to a guy and say "It's YOU!! I haven't seen you in so long!!" and kiss him, then say "Why didn't you ever call me?" and walk away.

98. Stand next to a mannequin and pretend to be a mannequin too. Try to hold the same position for as long as possible.

99. Start singing oldies songs in the megaphone.

100. If you are a girl; Loudly preform the following skit with another friend who is also a girl. Remember to talk loudly and in girly voices;

Girl 1: OMG! So ashley here how did it go with bob here last night? I mean you... him... all alone in that big big house... WHAT HAPPENED! I absolutly HAVE to know!

Girl 2: WE DID IT! I mean it took a bit of persuasion but WE DID IT! I finally got him to play checkers with me! He was really good to!

Girl 1: OMG Seriously? EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Best friends are the people that know all about and still put up with you!

I dream of a better tomorrow--when chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned.

You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

I dont have a short attention span, I just...oh look, a kitty!

I ran with scissors, and lived

I live in my own little world, but it's ok, everyone knows me here :)

I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.

A piece of cheese could come up with a plan more cunning than that.

I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

If you have ever read a 250 pg book in less than one day, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you actually know what a semi-colon is, copy and paste this into your profile.

Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?

Why is it that some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?

Muffins are just ugly cupcakes...but we love them anyways

It is wise to walk a mile in a man's shoes before judging him... That way you're a mile away and you have his shoes.

"Never hire a colorblind electrician."

"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"

"Sometimes you're the windshield, but sometimes you gotta be the bug."

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

Asking a writer what he thinks about criticism is like asking a lamppost what it thinks about dogs.

I'm not ALWAYS late. Sometimes i just don't show up.

Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Don't follow in my footsteps; I tend to walk into walls.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive. (My room is actually neat, but I saw this on someone's profile and thought it was funny.)

Ooooo...a life. Where can I download one?

"Sometimes I wonder 'why is the Frisbee getting bigger?' then I get hit in the face."

When Obama tells his children to clean their rooms, he ends with, "I'm Barack Obama and I approve this message!"

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Friends vs best friends

Friend: Will help me find my way when I'm lost

Best Friend: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions

Friend: Will help me learn to drive

Best Friend: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance

Friend: Will watch my pets when I go away

Best Friend: Won't let me go away

Friend: Will help me up when I fall down

Best Friend: Will point and laugh because she tripped me

Friend: Will go to a concert with me

Best Friend: Will kidnap the band with me

Friend: Calls my parents "Mr." or "Mrs."

Best Friend: Calls my parents "Mom" or "Dad"

Friend: Asks me for my number

Best friend: Asks me for her number

Friend: Hides me from the cops

Best Friend: is probably the reason they are after me in the first place

Friend: lets me make an idiot of myself in public

Best Friend: Is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.

BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much?"

FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.

BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.

BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"

FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.

BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.

BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.

FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.

BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"

FRIENDS: Will help you move.

BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we messed up!

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.

BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!

Friends: won't post this

Best friends: will re-post this