April 2019

Ten years later, I am amazingly not quite dead yet. Felt like it some days, definitely, but still kicking. For a while there, I wasn't exactly sure. Soooo, for those of you fortunate enough to be healthy, I'm going to let you in on something I hope you never have to experience. When you have nerve damage, they put you on a lot of medication trying to figure out what combination will work on you. So you get to play guinea pig while you experiment with different combinations and doses until you settle on one that makes the pain livable without making you an old-timey, shambling zombie. One of the things that happens with my "blend" is that my concentration is shot and my memory is- not the best. Short term moreso than long term, but still not the best. I remember the most random things, but I have to put everything in my calendar and set bunches of alarms just to be on the safe side. For those of you old enough to remember Saya (my best friend), she's been an angel worthy of a thousand expletives. Although the meds scared her to death for a while since we'd be talking and she tells me I would just suddenly stop in the middle of a sentence and when she got me to focus back on her, I didn't remember we were talking at all. Fortunately, I passed that part of it. -_-

The thing that was the most depressing for me, I couldn't concentrate and it killed my creativity. Before I got hurt, I could sit down and spend an entire day doing nothing but writing or drawing. It was a really crushing blow to realize my own head was betraying me just as much as my body. Additionally, I found out someone I *thought* was a great friend was using me because she thought I would come into money and she'd soak up the kickbacks. I wrote a more detailed account of that mess on LJ before it was sold and fandom fled like the whole thing was on fire, so if you're morbidly curious, knock yourself out. The tl;dr version is she was a sociopath who was peaches and cream when I had something she wanted. After she emptied my bank account of the little bit of settlement I had and my disability money because she felt like I OWED it to her (yeah, you read that right), the true colors came out in all their ugly glory. It was so many layers of WTF and such a betrayal of trust, it really shook Saya and I up something fierce when we realized the person we thought we knew we just a well-constructed lie she created. It took time to cut that necrosis off our lives, but at least now it's gone for good.

Now the -probably- unbelievable part.

I still think about this story because it brought a lot of good things into my life. I seem to have a better time writing if I go pen to paper and stop thinking about it beyond whatever scenario I have in mind. It's upsetting to me to have it sitting here unfinished, and especially when I have bits and pieces scattered around in notebooks. Now it's a matter of remembering where I put things, being able to put it together, and finally giving this thing a finish line. It weighs me down a lot that I haven't been CAPABLE of finishing it even when I wanted to. But when you're in severe chronic pain, it screws up every single thing in your life because you can't get away from it. No matter what you take, what you drink, how you sit, or what you do. It's just there. Every moment of every day. If you've never been in pain you couldn't stop for a prolonged period, you can't imagine it because it's a foreign concept. Everyone's pain is the most intense to them because we can't feel someone else's actual pain the way they feel it. Life would be LOADS easier if we could because I wouldn't have spent the past decade and a half listening to old jerks tell me I'm "too young for this."

Long story short... coming to grips with permanent disability, learning to live with chronic pain, still fighting to get treatment, and someone unbelievably toxic much closer than I suspected. That's been the last ten years.

And cats.

I went from never owning a cat before I moved in with Saya to being a huge advocate for cats because humans can be terrible creatures. Whereas cats have been an enormous source of comfort and sanity for me. Turns out, you can be disabled and still volunteer to help with socializing, TNR, fostering, and just spreading the word about legit organizations in need of help. It's really healing to be able to do some good for them after kitties wound up doing so much for me (whether they meant to or not). I even trained the three cats living in the house now to do tricks! Which... sounds really random, now that I look over this. Ah well, I've been worse things than random in the course of my life. And it really is adorable. Especially since the youngest kitty will stand up and frantically wave at me if I have something he knows he likes and wants me to give it to him. But it usually gets him a treat because it's so cute, so the jokes on me, I guess?

(Previously...)

June 2009

It occurs to me I should probably put up some sort of update since my last one was a while ago. Unfortunately, things haven't changed a whole lot. Still fighting with Worker's Comp trying to get treatment, but on a plus side, I'm on a lot better medication for pain management. That definitely helps an enormous amount, but it's still not a real fix. Granted, I've gotten tired of waiting for them to actually approve of any of my PT, so with the help of some amazing friends, I've been trying to put together some stuff on my own. So here's hoping that it makes a difference! :D

On the writing side, the info in my last announcement is all still pretty accurate. I'm still slowly but surely working to archive everything at the lemon_grove LJ community, and there's a few things that are likely going to be Lemon_Grove exclusive posts. Gifts, parodies, etc etc. But that comes after I finish doing what I have to do: making calls to try and get my adjuster, going to my appointments, doing my PT, and just general "gotta get done" stuff. Then I've been doing more convention work too, writing web content and even a couple articles. It's hard, it wipes me out like crazy, and my back usually hates me by the time I'm done, but I still really love doing it.

That's pretty much all that's going on without rambling into mass details and making a bother of myself, so I'll leave it at that. I'll just say thanks to all of you for reading and for your reviews and comments. I really love hearing your thoughts about what I have posted and I appreciate all the well-wishes for what I'm dealing with right now. I haven't forgotten about my fanfics, but they're absolutely on the back burner until things get back on track.

So here's hoping your luck and health are WAY better than mine!

December 2006

An update for those who still come wandering past this spot.

The court side of the injury is over with less than ideal results, however, it has gotten me in to start seeing doctors again. I’ve started treatments with my new specialist, and had my first surgery a couple weeks ago. Depending on how everything takes, I'll either be continuing these procedures indefinitely, or moving to something new. I have follow-up appointments this month, so I may have a better idea on my outlook soon.

My unfinished stories will still eventually be finished, but I can’t give a timeline. I have many other things occupying my time that take priority over a hobby at the moment, but the end will come. In the meantime, if I post a drabble or a parody once in a while here or at Mediaminer, I would still appreciate it if you could refrain from reviewing with questions about when I’m updating my other work. The answer will always be the same. It will be updated when it’s updated.

Just like readers are under no obligation to review a story just because it exists, no one is obligated to read what I’ve written. And just because I decided to post a story, that doesn’t automatically obligate me to entertain you on demand. Those of you who feel I should be personally catering to your every whim and desire just because you have access to the internet and can write a review or an email, I would rather you find a different author.

As “Guilty Pleasures” has shut down, I'm going to be archiving my work on the LJ community: Lemon_Grove. Turnabout is Fair Play will be posted there in its entirety, as will my other works. If you don't see it up yet, please be patient. It's going to take me time to get everything uploaded. It’s still impractical for me to email individual chapters. I’m sorry, but no amount of asking will get me to do so.

Thank you for the patience and support from those of you who’ve been understanding and even sent me sweet emails. I may not reply to them all, but I do appreciate them. I can say I’ve gotten a bit more apathetic to the nasty emails. Not to say I enjoy them, but they’re easier to brush off when you have more important things taking your energy. Also, before you decide to email me accusing me of plagiarizing a story, I suggest you check your dates before you stick your foot in your mouth. But thanks for pointing me toward a few things that needed to come down. I understand a lot of my ideas have been “reinterpreted” over the years, but I still don’t much tolerate the brazen rips from people who haven’t asked permission.

Turnabout will be completed some time in the future. Grey Eyes IS complete, but I’m revising little things to smooth it out when I have spare time. The one-shots are one-shots. CSC is a gift for Devin and will also be completed, but posted in its entirety elsewhere due to content. The Naruto stories are gifts to Saro, Porcelain, and Sintari that are not to be taken seriously.

Thank you again for understanding that I have much more serious things going on in my life than fanfiction.