The worst part about having a mental illness is people expect you to behave as if you don't

- Joker 2019

I or we have dissociative identity disorder, species dysphoria, as well as autism and depression across many a spectrum. Just a volatile cocktail of fun!

My birth name in Brazil was Luiz, my adopted name is Joshua, but I prefer to be called Jay.

I've been a vegetarian for over a decade. I'm not picky and I'll eat pretty much anything as long as it never had a heart-beat. I like really spicy stuffs and I despise overly sweet stuffs.

My favorite mammals are cats(more specifically- caracals), favorite reptiles are tortoises, favorite amphibians are caecilians, favorite birds are jays and cardinals, favorite fish are sharks, favorite invertebrates are jumping spiders because they are so damn adorable but also octopodes because they are awesome.

My ten favorite movies are 1. JOKER, 2. The Breadwinner, 3. Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind, 4. Alita Battle Angel, 5. Zootopia, 6. Spirit, Stallion of the Cimarron, 7. Spirited Away, 8. Sonic the Hedgehog, 9. Ratatouille, and 10. Avatar, in that order.

My favorite music genre is anything but rap. Alternative rock is what I listen to most but I'm also cool with a good ol' country jam. My alltime favorite song is Awoken by Wooden Toaster and h8_seed.

My favorite colors are green, purple or gray depending on my current persona.

My favorite Warriors book is easily Eclipse. It was the first time we really got to see Jaypaw at his best. A close second would be The Darkest Hour since the battle with BloodClan was sweeeet, even if barely any Clan cats died. (The greatest threat the Clans have ever faced, HA! DEAD MEME!)

I am openly asexual which means I am not attracted to anyone or anything, though for some strange odd reason, other people have been attracted to me!

I am a practicing agnostic. I'm not saying I know there is no God, but there simply isn't enough evidence for me to believe that there is. I believe everyone is free to believe in whatever or whoever they wish. However, if there is a God, I know I'm burning in Hell for some of the things I've done and things I'm going to do.

I suck at making (and keeping) friends.

So that's me. I'll leave you with some of our quotes.

Some people go through life. Others watch themselves go through life. -Typholius (the sagacious)

It pains me when any creature is victimized for being born the way God/Mother Nature intended it. My dream is a world where humanity and all their furred, scaled, and many-legged brothers and sisters can coexist peacefully. -Aurora (the empathetic)

When you let your fury blind and numb you to reality, you free yourself from the petty bonds of suffering. -Haranyc (the baleful)

I learned from my father that insanity leads to bliss, while my mother taught me that love leads to pain. -Night (the fervid)

Have you ever wanted to just put yourself in the ground and bury yourself? -Pholius (the apathetic)

Happiness means you enjoy your life. Peace means you accept your life for what it is. -Pendar (the sanguine)

*My Stories!*

Jayfeather's Conclusion (active)

Read this in place of the rubbish Erin Hunter is making these days :3 This is a remake of a popular story I started back in 2011. The old version actually became the most favorited and most followed Jayfeather story on all of fanfiction before I took it down with a couple hundred of both favorites and follows. This newer version changes quite a few things and greatly increases the quality of the writing. Sometimes I read bits of the old stuff and cringe at how mediocre it was.

Bone Survived (deleted.)

I've taken down this story am now working on its successor with much more blood, drama, and character development. I started this old story in 2012, finished it in 2017, and it was desperately in need or a remastering. If you want to read the original version, send me your email and I'll send it over.

Bone's Resurgence (desperately need reviews to stay active)

Bone deserves a better story than what Erin Hunter gave him, and he deserves a better story than what I gave him years ago before I was any good at writing. This story will show off just how dark, bloody, and hostile BloodClan is and what Bone does with it when he survives the first battle against the forest Clans and becomes the new BloodClan leader. Based loosely on my old story, Bone Survived.

Warrior Jaypaw: Power of Three (I might continue this sometime soon)

I'm taking certain chapters from Power of Three and converting them into a Jaypaw-becomes-a-warrior story. It's a different style of writing for me because it's not a continuous story, but jumps around the books to certain parts of different chapters. A lot of it will be author's notes explaining what happens between the gaps since Jaypaw's storyline isn't the only thing that would be altered.

Before I met Scourge (possible story in development)

What was Bone like before he ran into that tiny black kitten who changed his life? How did he end up on the streets and meet Brick? This story would take place long before The Rise of Scourge and exists in the same universe as Bone's Resurgence. A maybe idea that I'm dabbling with and not sure if I'll commit to a full story... perhaps...

Ultimate Medicine Cat (complete)

A parody series of chapters that involve medicine cats alive and dead. Not the same serious format that I usually use, but if you like wacky randomness, this is for you.

OneShot: Jay Saves Holly (complete)

Jayfeather saves his sister's life in The Last Hope. This is my first serious Jayfeather oneshot.

Nine Lives of Bramblestar (complete)

Well that's depressing. It appears it was already done in the Ultimate Guide. Now I'm sad. Oh well. myversionisbetter.

Jayfeather Gets all the Girls (complete)

A human warrior cats series of short chapters involving a variety of girls trying to impress Jayfeather in various ways. It's not going to be gross like some other nasty fanfics out there, don't worry. Nolemons.

Seekers and Warriors (complete)

What if? Not anything too serious but use it for inspiration in your own writing.

Vengeance of the Three (complete)

Something silly. I really don't like Firestar, Leafpool, or Squirrelflight. ihopetheyallgeteatenbyatwolegmonster. Was just one of my old goofy stories I never planned to add more to.

Hollyleaf's StarClan (discontinued)

This one was going to be super fun, but I had to give it up. I'm just not that interested in Hollyleaf, sorry. This story follows the same fannon as Nine Lives of Bramblestar and Jayfeather's Conclusion and does not follow Erin Hunter's cannon.

Jaypaw: Power of Three (discontinued)

I'm taking certain chapters from Power of Three and converting them into a Jaypaw-becomes-a-warrior story. It's a different style of writing for me because it's not a continuous story, but jumps around the books to certain parts of different chapters. A lot of it will be author's notes explaining what happens between the gaps since Jaypaw's storyline isn't the only thing that would be altered.

Jayfeather Reads: A Vision of Shadows(discontinued)

Ultimate Medicine Cat levels of comedy. I had my mind blown reading the first book in the arc... and not in a good way. Oddly enough, the next book, Thunder and Shadow is actually really really good! But Shattered Sky went back to the awful again. I will not be reading any of Ering Hunter's other books after that unless there is one where Jayfeather if the main character again.

Jayfeather as a Warrior (discontinued)

Painfully large project that was deleted when one of my computer's crashed. Now all I have left is a single chapter and a few snipits of writing. Pshhh. Cloudtail would have been such a better mentor than dumb Brightheart.

Jayfeather CAN Fight (discontinued)

The only chapter to survive from an old series of mine which was going to be a full story but my computer ate my other chapters.

Bramblestar's War (discontinued)

What would happen if Tigerstar's spirit possessed Bramblestar and used him to take over the forest? Now that Erin destroyed Tiger and Hawk as ghosts, only super-cheese can bring them back from the dead-dead. HA!!! Erin Hunter has run out of ideas so she's using this story for inspiration, ROFLMEOW!!! I made this soooo many years ago.

*Favorite Cats from the Cannon* (In a particular order. Guess I have to clarify that.)

1. Bone

Deputy to the biggest and most fearsome Clan ever, Bone did most of the work in making BloodClan as powerful as it was. His bulk and brutality was unmatched, and his loyalty to Scourge was incredible for a cat who didn't even follow a Warrior Code. It is such a pity that this cat will always only exist in the shadow of his leader. (figuratively speaking. literally it was the other way around) The Bone from my story is super cool and represents a character that got shortchanged in the cannon but bloomed in the fannon.

"I'll make sure every BloodClan kit remembers you as being the first cat I ripped apart in my conquest over over the forest."

2. Jayfeather

Clever, grumpy, but ultimately a fantastic team player, Jayfeather reminds me a lot of myself. He can be abrasive and sarcastic but deep in his heart he is good. Though to be honest, I love the Jayfeather from my stories way more than the one from Erin Hunter's books. There was soooo much missed opportunity with a blind protagonist. And I'm not touching anything from the new crappy series- so my cannon Jayfeather is the one from my stories. I will make Jayfeather great again!

StarClan is wrong if they think any cat shouldn't be allowed to love. It's a cruel rule meant to deter the rarest hardships at the cost of the harshest of heartbreaks.

3 Blackstar
Blackstar has been doing evil things since he was made deputy, like stealing kittens, and killing half-Clans. It is incredible that this cat is still leader of ShadowClan. The fact that he was an older cat in the first series, was deputy to the two nastiest cats in the Clans, and is still around, is proof of Blackstar's incredible might. He is still an amazing leader, and all around, he is awesome. I'm sure Erin is gunna give him an epic death... NO?! DAMN IT!!!!!!

"Why do the Clans worship cats in the stars if they are just as flawed as the cats down here in the forest?"

4. Brokenstar

Evil incarnate, no cat, not even Tigerstar or Scourge, can compete with him. Everything about Brokenstar was twisted and foul. He trained kits to fight before they were weened off their mother's milk, he drove off WindClan and took over their territory, killed his own father, and in death, he continued to wage war against the living. He may not have been the biggest or strongest, but he had a heart cold enough to freeze the lake over for moons.

"Let all cats old enough to kill their own enemies gather here!"

5. Hollyleaf

This clever cat was the voice of reason many times when her siblings were in distress. Though she had flaws herself, like being overly compelled by the Warrior Code, she proved to be just as courageous and helpful as her brothers. I envy Hollyleaf for her intelligence and determination, but I can't be upset that she tried to leave her life behind to the caves.

"There's more to life than what us dead cats tell you. Life is a wonderful journey but sometimes you have to wander off the beaten path to appreciate it fully."

6. Briarlight

Though inherently there is very little special about Briarlight, she suffered from a fate that would render her only half a cat for the rest of her life. I have to admire her will to continue when she has very little left in life to look forward to. Thank you, Jayfeather for your efforts in keeping this cat on her paws.

"Something horrible could happen again, and if one of us died, we'd wished we spent more quality time together while we still had the chance."

7. Sol

Not evil from the start, the only thing wrong with Sol was he tried too hard. All he wanted to do was become a member of SkyClan, but he made a terrible mistake and was banished. He vowed to take revenge on any Clan he met, and he almost did when he found the four other Clans by the lake. Sol is clever and manipulative, and uses simple words to bend other cats to his will. Any cat that can totally confuse Blackstar deserves some respect.

"Darkness is coming."

8. Needletail

Possibly the only character from the Vision of Shadows arc that I can relate with. She is a rebel and longs for the days when ShadowClan was strong and feared by the other Clans. I miss those days too and it looks like with this feisty cat's help, we might be returning to our bloody pasts.

"I’m sick of living in a Clan that only cares about peace."

9. Leopardstar

Leopardstar was very vocal and confident about her abilities and those of her Clan. Probably the most reasonable and effective Clan leaders of her time, her one weakness was her ego. This is what nearly ripped her Clan apart when she made that dark alliance with Tigerstar- but you have to love the stubborn cats.

"I am a great leader. I make tough decisions and stick to them."

10. Skywatcher

When you think about it, this old geezer had to be around 30 to 40 years old in human years at the time of his death. Since his mother was born into SkyClan, but SkyClan separated from the Clans story arch earlier than half way through the timeline. According to Erin, the Clans have been around for about 60 years so the math adds up. His will and longevity are stuff of legend, and that is one of the reason I honor him. (plus, he delivered the Power of Three prophecy)

"In the seasons to come, remember me."

Honorable Mention 1. Deadfoot

The WindClan deputy with a mangled paw who I thought was super neat in the first series. I'm always a sucker for under-cats who overcome their natural limits and aspire to be something great. Just imagine if Tallstar had died while he was alive, he would have been Deadstar! Tell me that isn't a sick leader's name. I wish we got more of him in the first series. I know he was in a few of the super editions but I prefered him as deputy.

"I see it’s not just Fireheart who needs a lesson in respect!"

Honorable Mention 2. Bramblestar

I used to think Brambleclaw was a super cool cat, fighting hard as an apprentice even though his mentor was afraid of him, overcoming his dark family line, replacing the lame Graystripe as deputy, and eventually taking over after Firestar. But the current cannon Bramblestar is pretty meh. He used to be much higher up on my list of fav cats, but the Bramblestar from Bramblestar's Storm and beyond is really average. I'll keep him here as an honorable mention since he used to be a really awesome cat.

"Join you? After everything you've done? I'd rather die!"

*Least Favorite Cats from the Cannon* (Also in a particular order.)

1. Leafpool

Daughter of *throws up on the floor* Firestar, Leafpool was fine before she had Jayfeather and his siblings. The fact that she lied to every cat, and then forced Jaypaw into being a medicine cat, just makes me sick. I was glad when she was no longer medicine cat and was shamed in front of all the Clans. Me heartless? Maybe. And as of Bramblestar's Storm, I hate her even more cause she is now a full medicine cat again placed HIGHER than Jaybae in the allegiances. Jayfeather shouldn't need her help- he is awesome!

"Durrr, uh Jayfeather durrrr, I'm a traitor to the warrior code but, durrrr I'm still going to boss you around as if I am important, durrrrrrr."

2. Alderheart

*attempts to light self on fire* Yeah, he's easily my least favorite protagonist to read about of any of the series- even more than Firestar and Squirrelflight. He is such a loooooser, and I hate hate hate hate hate HATE cats forced to do things just because StarClan say so. Just !@#$ off StarClan and let the cats be warriors if they want to! Never before have I been forced to read about such a cringe-worthy cat like this pathetic waste of space. Also for some stupid reason, everyone illustrates him gigantic even though he is never described as large... heh, imagine a cat that big and powerful who has never been able to catch a single piece of fresh-kill in his life. That's just extra sad.

"For a magical reason, I suck at everything that all cats should be good at. There is no explanation why, but you are stuck with me for the next 5, maybe 10, books."

3. Firestar

I'm sorry, but if there ever was a cat who was absolutely perfect and loved by all*gag* it would be Firestar. Always the last cat to suggest a battle, always the one mentioned in the prophecies, always the one to take charge when everything goes to shipoopy. Bleaghh!! I can't stand it. Also, he killed Scourge AND Tigerstar, which makes him overpowered. I could badmouth Firestar all day, but it would fill up my entire profile page.

"I am cat-Jesus."

4. Darktail

Because he is a lame villain. At least Sol, Tigerstar, Brokenstar, Hawkfrost and Scourge were cool, but this character is just Erin Hunter's desperate attempt at giving the Clans a hard time even though they have faced vastly more dangerous threats in the past. If he hadn't been a bland overused trope and a bad OC, I might have enjoyed the books he was in more. BTW, flip to any random page of Shattered Sky, and I bet you it will say Darktail somewhere on that page. (also, he killed Needletail, the only interesting cat in the new series)

"I am cat-Hitler."

5. Yellowfang

Old, crotchety, smelly... The fact that she was a pest to Jayfeather over and over again bugged me so much. Also the fact that she killed my fourth favorite character TWICE got me so pissed. There is very little special about her, but she somehow has turned into a respected cat. I am glad Firestar let her die and saved Bramblekit instead during the fire. CURSE YOU YELLOWFANG FOR MAGICALLY KILLING THE 2ND AWESOMEST LEADER TO EVER WALK THE FOREST!!!!

"I smell bad. I look hideous. I'm always grumpy and annoying. You were very happy when I died slow and painfully in the first series."

6. Brightheart

Gah, just realized that SHE is the reason Jayfeather didn't become a warrior. If she had tried harder or not made him clean up cat poop all day, he may have had more of a drive to stay a warrior's apprentice. Also, she didn't spent a single second training him to fight, NOT EVEN ONE MEASLY SOLITARY SECOND. Gah, why couldn't Erin Hunter have made it Cloudtail his mentor? Pshh, he was Cinderpaw's mentor at the time? Pshhhhh!

"I only like white men."

7. Darkstripe

Just a loser all around, Darkstripe failed at everything. He was owned by Graystripe who was a whole lot younger than he was, he was about to lose to Stonefur before Blackfoot showed up, and then he lost to Graystripe two more times. This weakling's only source of power was being a supporter of Tigerstar, but then he failed again when he actually tried to attack Firestar when he should have been avenging Tigerstar's death by attacking Scourge. Just... fail.

"The only cat you could argue who is worse than me at everything is Alderheart."

8. Onestar

I didn't like him when he was Firestar's friend, I didn't like him when he attacked ThunderClan. I'm not sure what it is, but I feel like he was a Mary Sue who just turned dumb and angry. Bramblestar and Blackstar should totally join forces and eat WindClan. (also he f*ed a kittypet and created Darktail. Talk about a horrible family tree)

"I can't make up my mind if I'm gay for Firestar or not."

9. Rowanstar

There is absolutely nothing special about this cat and it makes me so mad that this boring cat is who replaced the great and mighty Blackstar. I'm glad he got exiled from his own Clan in Thunder and Shadow. And no, he didn't deserve to be leader again.

"Now that I think about it, maybe I should have taken over all the Clans instead of being a pathetic pansy."

10. Sparkpelt

Uggh, I hate her. Cats that are just good at everything just because they are good at everything piss me off. She never had to earn or work hard to get her talents, she just *POOF* had them as soon as she was born. I can't relate to her character at all and hope she dies young.

"I was born perfect."

Dishonorable Mention 1. All of SkyClan

The story arc that nobody wanted or cared about yet kept shoving itself down our throats. I was like whatevs when I read about them in Firestar's Quest, and I kinda got bored when Leafstar got her own super addition, but I really am done with them. The fact that their Clan is getting completely destroyed FOR A THIRD TIME NOW is just so blatantly overused that I can't believe Erin Hunter went in that direction again. There is nothing new or interesting about them and I wish them all to die and be forgotten forever.

"You'd think after getting wiped out for the third time that we were just destined to die. Not really worth another story arc for."

Dishonorable Mention 2. Every new cat introduced in The Broken Code and beyond

The series needs to end. It really does. When I was reading these books at the age of 11, I had no idea Erin Hunter would still be writing more of these when I was in my 20s. The same plots are now being repeated over and over again and they aren't interesting anymore. Spending a whole page to describe the shape of a cloud isn't good literature if it's just filling up space in a barren trope-y story. I love this series, but I hate the direction it is going. (Not to mention that Erin Hunter stole my BAD idea for a story where Brambelstar is possessed by a cat-ghost that makes his body do bad stuff. Look at the date for my story, Bramblestar's War. And I had that story idea in my head for years before putting it up on fanfiction."

*Past Poll Results*

If Tigerstar had a second chance, who would win in a fight?

Lionblaze: 14 votes: 35%

Scourge: 13 votes: 33%

Jayfeather(lol): 9 votes: 23%

Tigerstar: 3 votes: 7%

Total voters: 23

How large do you picture Jayfeather?

Shorter than the average male cat, same size as average female: 12 votes: 44%

Average height male cat but skinnier: 8 votes: 29%

Average sized male cat: 3 votes: 11%

Shorter than the average female cat: 3 votes: 11%

Really tiny, as small as Scourge, maybe smaller: 1 vote (shame on you. you know who you are)

Total voters: 27

If you have any questions or just want to chat, feel free to send me a PM.