“Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow someone else's path unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path. By all means, you should follow that." Ellen DeGeneres

“In the beginning there was nothing. God said, ‘Let there be light!’ And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better." Ellen DeGeneres

“Harry Potter is all about confronting fears, finding inner strength, and doing what is right in the face of adversity. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend.” Stephen King

"For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn't that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now you're average - hey, let's get a pizza!" Jay Leno

"I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?" Jay Leno

"When I see professional clowns, mimes, or people who make balloon animals, I think of their relatives and how disappointed they must be." Jimmy Fallon

"There's always someone in every group of friends that nobody likes." Dane Cook

"The meal is not over when I'm full. The meal is over when I hate myself." Louis C.K.

"I'd like to name my kid a whole phrase, you know, something like 'Ladies and Gentlemen'. That'll be a cool name for a kid. "This is my son, Ladies and Gentlemen"... Then when he gets out of hand I get to go 'Ladies and Gentlemen, please!'" Louis C.K.

I don't understand the sizes anymore. There's a size zero, which I didn't even know that they had. It must stand for: "Oh my God, you're thin." Ellen DeGeneres

So, this girl asks me, “Well, why does a guy make more an hour to do the exact same job?” I go “I’ll tell you why. Because in the unlikely event that we’re both on the Titanic and it starts to sink, for some reason, you get to leave with the kids, and I have to stay. That’s why I get a dollar more an hour." Bill Burr

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know what to call someone. Weird is the same as different which is the same as unique, so weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your pro If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this to your profile.

If you get way too excited for books to come out, copy this into your profile.

If you think rock paper scissors solves everything then copy and paste this in your profile.

If the first thing that enters your mind when I say fudge is fudge then copy and paste this in your profile.

If you are someone who begs to differ from the crowd, copy this and paste it into your profile.

If you have ever said a number, but held up the wrong amount of fingers, copy and paste this into your profile

If you ever wished you could talk to animals or be an animal, copy and paste this into your profile.

Many writers don't know the difference between 'your' and 'you're.' If you happen to understand this mundanely ridiculous fact, copy and paste this into your profile.