FRIENDS: Will help me find my way when I'm lost. BEST FRIENDS: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions.

FRIENDS: Hide me from the cops. BEST FRIENDS: Are probably the reason they’re after me in the first place.

A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

Boys are like slinkies, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

slinky escalator = endless fun

You know it's a bad day when you roll off the bed...and miss the floor.

Flying is very simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

It's you and me against the world...we attack at dawn.

People who say "nothing's impossible" have never tried slamming a revolving door.

You know you're obsessed with Anime when...

1. You own a shiny metal object of doom.

2. You know your favorite character’s birthday; favorite color food and animal, blood type, and you cant even remember your sibling’s birthday.

4. You almost die if you miss an episode of your favorite anime, or can't buy the newest manga.

5. You have a picture of your favorite character in your wallet or purse.

6. You write a story about your favorite character for English class.

7. You have pictures of anime all over your walls.

8. You want to learn Japanese for no apparent reason, even though you have never been to Japan and probably never will.

9. Your knowledge of Japanese only extends to "hello" and "I will kill you".

10. You begin to learn Japanese through watching subs.

11. You use Japanese when in a conversation with any random person, and don’t realize you did until you see them looking at you funny. (my teacher, sorry Ms. O'Brien)

12. You can't speak Japanese, can't understand Japanese yet you can sing along to the theme song of every anime movie you own.

13. You accidentally call a very unintelligent person Kuwabara by mistake.

14. You have a crush on someone you know if they look like an anime character.

15. You prefer anime over real life.

16. You continually buy and eat ramen, even if you don’t like it that much.

17. You suddenly decide to study a random martial art.

18. When you get a crush on an anime character.

19. If you are obsessive with all of your anime stuff ('if someone else touches it they die' obsessive) copy this into your profile

We’re not retreating! We’re advancing in a different direction!

Man: Where have you been all my life?

Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

Sarcasm is one more service we offer.

I ran with scissors, and lived!

When god gave brains, Where the hell were you!?

On a package of peanuts: open package, eat nuts. (What were you supposed to do? Throw them at the people sitting near you?)

On a child's Superman costume: Warning: Wearing this garment does not enable you to fly. (I blame the parents for that one)

Everything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening. (:D)

Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright.

Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history.

My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(And that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure?)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(But no peas?) or (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(Somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. (or genitals)
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

Frisbee: Warning: May Contain Small Parts
(Um... How? I always thought frisbees were just one little disc...)

Hair Coloring: Warning: Do not use as an ice cream topping
(Yummy! Hair dye!)

Puzzle: Warning: Some Assembly Required
(Well darn, I was planning on just enchanting the picture!)

42 Things to do in an Elevator

1. CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"

2. STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

3. WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.

4. GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5. MEOW occasionally.

6. STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly

7. SAY -DING at each floor.

8. SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.

9. MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

10. STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."

11. WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12. TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13. DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."

14. WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15. PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

16. ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.

17. HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"

18. DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"

19. BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20. PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.

21. SWAT at flies that don't exist.

22. CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.

23. MAKE car race noises when someone gets on or off.

24. CONGRATULATE all for being in the same lift with you.

25. GRIMACE painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"

26. WALK on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

27. WHILE the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.

28. LET your cell phone ring - don't answer it.

29. WALK into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."

30. TAKE shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.

31. ASK people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.

32. ALSO in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.

33. ASK, "Did you feel that?"

34. TELL people that you can see their aura.

35. WHEN the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."

36. ANNOUNCE in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

37. DRESS up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time…"

38. START breathing heavily and grab your chest when someone walks in. Then stumble out gasping for air

39. WHEN someone comes in ask them to press 5 or 6 different floors

40. GET in and don't press any buttons. Wait for the elevator to be called somewhere and repeat 39.

41. IF you are the only one in the elevator, press all of the buttons and stand, staring at the door, waiting for someone to come.

42. LAUGH maniacally whenever anyone looks at you and say you're here for the mental health convention.

I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear,in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY." There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16 My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me. "

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you".

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe,why do they call the airport the terminal?

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys don't want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

Pandemonium: We have 100 monsters. Fairy Tail: We have Erza. MPF: We have one of the 10 Wizard Saints. Fairy Tail: We have Cana. Raven Tail: We have illusions and Ivan and five elite members and YOU CANNOT ESCAPE YOU'RE BOUND TO LOSE. Fairy Tail:We have Laxus.

If Justin Bieber shaved his head bald, 95% of girls would cry. Copy and paste this if you are the 5% running up and down the street screaming YES!!!!!!!!!!!!

98% of Girls would cry if Justin Bieber dissapeared off the face of the Earth. Post this on your page if you are one of the 2% that would run around the house screaming: "Yay! I'll never have to hear his irritating voice ever again!"

98% of the girls in the world would die if Robert Pattinson was kidnapped. 1.9% of them would be laughing their socks off. 0.1% of them would be snickering and poking their new hostage with a stick. Repost this if you agree!

92 percent of American teens would die if Abercombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breath. Copy this into your profile if you would be in the 8 percent laughing their butts off at the others.

PMS: Every woman's legal right to be a bitch

If aliens are looking for intelligent life, why the hell are you scared?!

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line

Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.

Boys are like trees, they take 50 years to grow up.

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic...(this is what scares me)

God created man-THEN had a better idea!

Some people say they are big readers. That they're so into books it's not funny. However the only way to tell is if they 1) Suddenly gasp when something exciting happens in the book. 2) Start talking to the book because that's not how they want the book to go. 3) Hurl the book across the room when one of their favorite characters dies. 4) When you find out when the next book is coming out, you pre-order it... Even if the release date is next year. Copy and paste this if you are one of these people I do all four...

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: Danyan, Avatarwolf, Shifter-youkai, AkatsukiFan, Chocolate Chan, Staring.out.my.flooded.window, Sasura, The One And Only51, xia0 wenz, BeHiNd ThY HaZeL OrBs, KashinoXIchigo4ever,AnimeOtaku897, xxSixelaxx,girlsforNaLu,Lily daughter of Hades, Ghost-fairy girl

Month one

Mommy I am only 8 inches long but I have all my organs. I love the sound of your voice. Every time I hear it I wave my arms and legs. The sound of your heart beat is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy today I learned how to suck my thumb. If you could see me you could definitely tell that I am a baby. I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though. It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy I'm a boy!! I hope that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy. I don't like it when you cry. You sound so sad. It makes me sad too and I cry with you even though you can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommy my hair is starting to grow. It is very short and fine but I will have a lot of it. I spend a lot of my time exercising. I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes and stretch my arms and legs. I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today. Mommy, he lied to you. He said that I'm not a baby. I am a baby Mommy, your baby. I think and feel. Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again. I don't like him. He seems cold and heartless. Something is intruding my home. The doctor called it a needle. Mommy what is it? It burns! Please make him stop! I can't get away from it! Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

Mommy I am okay. I am in Jesus's arms. He is holding me. He told me about abortion. Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped. Two more eyes that will never see. Two more hands that will never touch. Two more legs that will never run. One more mouth that will never speak.

If this breaks your heart, and you're pro-life, post this on your profile.

There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line

I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a Cashier hand this little boy some money back."The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old. The Cashier said, "I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll."

Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''

The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''

Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.

"It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas.

She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her."

I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry.

But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there."

His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''

My heart nearly stopped.

The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall."

Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me "I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me."

"I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister."

Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.

I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''

"OK" he said, "I hope I do have enough." I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.

The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!"

Then he looked at me and added, "I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!''

"I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''

"My mommy loves white roses."

A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.

Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl.

The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma.

Was this the family of the little boy?

Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away.

I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.

She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.

I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever.. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine.

And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.

Now you have 2 choices:

1) Repost this message, or

2) Ignore it as if it never touched your heart

Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you like me?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you want me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you cry if I left?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you live for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you do anything for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Choose--me or your life

Boy: My life

Girl runs away in shock and pain and Boy runs after her and says...

The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.

The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.

The reason I don't want you is because I need you.

The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.

The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.

The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.

The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.

This is super sweet. Really... If you read it and think that it's sweet, copy and paste it into your profile!