You really tend to get a new perspective in life when the beautiful, smart, and charming-when-she-wants-to-be girl sitting behind you in class drags you off somewhere dark, dank, and dirty. Now before that train of thought spirals into the gutter, you do have to put into mind that that girl just might be God. And despite the obvious desire to try to see how soft the skirt covered bottom in front of you is as you crawled down on hands and knees into the depths of God (in this case, the girl crawling ahead of me)-knows-where, one does have to put the new perspective in life into mind.

Simply put, the skirt covered bottom in front of me might just be a metaphor of how life is going to be.

For the moment, life is looking good.

Now, I’ll let that train of thought spiral into the gutter. Despite all her god-like capabilities, the girl in front of me has no psychic abilities what-so-ever… or so I hope.

Bad, Kyon.

“What did you say?”

I blink as Haruhi looks back and shines the flashlight directly into my eyes.

“Do you know that if your eyes become accustomed to low light, shining a light directly at them can cause some pain?”

“Of course,” Haruhi said with some derision as she waves the flashlight some more, each pass of the light flooding my eyes causing a slight build-up in the headache I’m feeling. “Pain builds character.” She turns back forward.

No wonder some people think God’s a sadist.

You do know that if faced with imminent doom, you’re the second person that I would like to be stuck with? I’d prefer to have the ever-dependable Nagato Yuki with me.

“I would have loved to bring Yuki instead of you, but I can’t find her. I think the Computer Club abducted her!” Haruhi retorted.

Don’t tell me we’re crawling underneath the Computer Club President’s apartment building in an insane attempt at a rescue?!

“Of course not! We’re doing a scouting mission for our next mystery search! They say that there’s a dead person somewhere here!”

Oh my God - not you Haruhi! The crazy girl is going to bring me into a dead person’s home! Is this where you get all those stuff you keep filling the club room with?!

Before she could answer my question, the tunnel suddenly came to a large cavern. Haruhi waved her flashlight around, the tiny light was like a light saber in the overwhelming darkness. I don’t know why, but I had a sudden urge to get closer to Haruhi. If she thinks that ‘Won’t it be fun if a tentacled monster comes out of the darkness and jumps us?’ - then surely one tentacled monster will come out. And there’s only one sure bet on who the monster will attack. I wonder how Haruhi will explain that to my Mom – ‘I’m sorry Kyon-mama, but Kyon got eaten while we were searching an underground cavern…’. Poor Mama, though I have the nagging feeling she’ll forgive Haruhi.

The tiny beam of light finally settled on a huge heap of cobwebbed turtle shells that for some odd reason reminded me of ancient cairns - burial mound made of stone. From the heap, a hand - grimy with built up layers of dust and cobwebs - was sticking out. A yellowing piece of paper was grasped in its fingers.

“Here, keep the light on it,” Haruhi said as she handed me the flashlight. She leaned forward to pluck the piece of paper from the hand. I took her other hand to anchor her. When she finally got the piece of paper, I pulled her back, and I swear I wasn’t thinking any perverted thoughts as I held her warm body to me.

“Shine the light over here!” Haruhi exclaimed, as excited as a kid in a candy store as she unrolled the piece of paper.

I AIN’T DEAD

Haruhi blinked as she read the big bold letters.

“What does that mean?”

I can’t answer.

Maybe because my heart was in my throat.

I had finally noticed that from within the heap of turtleshells, a pair of eyes were staring at us.

Disclaimer:

Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuutsu is owned by Tanigawa Nagaru and used without permission. I don't like SI fics so I made an SI Bio. This Bio is rated K (a rare thing for me).

Plot Bunnies - I really hate having them running around my brain like rabid… er, bunnies. As per usual, updates are sporadic.

Mangling the English Language since… 3.09.2001