A Bizarre Interview with the Author: (inspired by Mr. Bob Ong—you’re the best!)

.--. Do you know me?

KH Um…Sean Connery?

.--. I’m from Bob Ong’s book (A.P.A.N.H.), idiot!

KH Ooops, sorry! I remember now…

.--. As usual, can I ask you something?

KH AM I DEAD?!

.--. I’m the one who asked if I can ask you something.

KH Sorry again…

.--. Do you remember the emails you’ve gotten from your reviewers asking you about yourself?

KH Ah, yes. Why?

.--. Can I ask you again?

KH For what…?

.--. So you won’t answer again and again the questions for you.

KH Great. Ok, shoot!

.--. How old are you?

KH I’m as old as the Methuselah.

.--. Seriously.

KH Let’s just say I’m of legal age. smiles innocently

.--. What is your nationality?

KH Japanese-Filipino-Martian…whatever you want me to be.

.--. Why are you so good in English?

KH I’m still not good, considering the countless typos. But my school will thank you for that kind of compliment, ‘cause it’s an English school.

.--. Why did you write your works?

KH Because…um, they were not written before…?

.--. Do you have any rituals when you write?

KH I need to have background music always. If I write without any music, you have to take me to the hospital.

.--. When are you writing?

KH Wait, are you Big Brother?

.--. When are you writing?

KH I write when I want to, or when I’m free from my schedule. You see, I’m very busy fu—uh, I’m very busy furnishing my study habits…you know. Yeah, you should know.

.--. Speaking of habits, do you have bad habits when you are writing?

KH I’m still in search of the place where I can buy the good habits.

.--. What do you do when you have a writer’s block?

KH I don’t write.

.--. What do you do when you’re not writing?

KH Sometimes I eat. But oftentimes I eat.

.--. Why do you write your stories in English? Why not in Japanese?

KH Because many people here in know English. If I write in Japanese, many would miss my…ahem…incredible talent. Ahem, ahem.

.--. How do you know when you’re finished with your story?

KH It’s the same when I know I’m finished with the toilet.

.--. Do you have any disappointments when you’re writing?

KH Yeah. I can’t always add cool Japanese words, because they freak the readers out most of the time.

.--. What is the hardest aspect of being “Horiyama Koharu”?

KH It’s when people push me to be Horiyama Koharu that they formed in their imaginations—totally not ME. Because I passed their personal interest, I have to always say what they want me to say. I have to be always cool, liberal, and weird…even when it becomes cool, liberal and weird, and what I’m saying right now is nonsense.

.--. Here’s the mirror, if you can see yourself.

KH HUH?!

.--. Uh…ok, change subject. What do you think about the other fanfiction writers that are in the same category and anime as you?

KH They’re really great!! Compared to them, I’m just a novice. But they are my source of inspiration, and I don’t really think of them as my “enemy” or “rival” and such… I think of them more like Black Forest Cakes, because…um…they’re yummy?

.--. What about your reviewers?

KH Blueberry Cheesecakes! Uh, what I meant is…the reviewers are the people I love and so much cherish! Without them, what more of these stories? It’s the same with the celebrities. Without fans, what are they? I’m really thankful that they still have the time to read and drop a review for my stories. Let’s drink sake to that!! cheers!

.--. We don’t have any alcoholic drinks up here.

KH Oh. Well then, let’s drink tomato juices!

.--. How come you don’t want your reviewers to see your picture?

KH Nah. They might get scared…scared that they’ll leave their sweethearts for ME!!! Hahaha!

.--. How come you always have two author notes in one chapter?

KH It’s chic, baby.

Ja ne~

Koharu-chan